Secrets for Secondary School Teachers (17 page)

•   The addicted student is strung out on drugs or alcohol. Her attention is, at best, fleeting. She sits in the back of the room with a glassy-eyed stare.

•   The overly social student is always flirting or disturbing others around him. You stop him a dozen times, but he doesn’t seem to respond to the corrections.

•   The class clown may be motivated by either the need to express her sense of humor or something more perverse.
Regardless of his intentions, he is constantly the center of attention, drawing the other students’ focus away from what you’re trying to teach.

We could go on
a lot
longer with our list. In fact, competitions among teachers as to who has the most annoying, disruptive, difficult students are a frequent topic of conversation in some lunch groups. We don’t mean to frighten you with the idea that you will encounter so many kids who are uncooperative and difficult to deal with. We just want you to be realistic in your expectations of what you can do with the time, resources, and training that is available to you. Then, there are the family, peer, and neighborhood environments to which these students return after they leave school, environments whose influence is out of your control.
Chapter 12
explores further the issue of dealing with difficult students.

You may not be able to help everyone in your classes. You probably won’t make a significant difference in the lives of most of your students. However, there will likely be some who will thank you immediately. Others will return years later to tell you what a difference you made when you were not even aware of it. But in every class, there will be a few who will be profoundly influenced by what you do and who you are. That is what will sustain you.

  11  

Communicating With Parents

S
ilence. That was what I (Ellen) heard on the other end of the telephone. Complete stillness except for soft breathing. I had just called a parent to say what a pleasure it was to have her child in my class, how attentive she was, and what good grades she was getting.

“Yes,” the parent responded expectantly, “and what’s your point?”

“That’s all,” I replied, a bit confused. Here I was telling her what a pleasure her daughter was to work with, how attentive she was in class, that she turned her homework in on time, was making steady progress, and the mother seemed almost defensive.

“Oh,” she finally said. “I was waiting for the bad news.” She laughed, then said, as if to confirm there was no other reason for the call, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” I said, not at all sure if the mother believed me yet. “I hope she continues to do well in the future.”

“Well,” the parent said with relief. “Thank you so much for calling! It’s so nice to have a teacher call with a good report. You just made my day! I appreciate your taking the time to call.”

As I hung up the phone, I’m sure we both had smiles on our faces.

Parents enjoy hearing about their children’s positive experiences, both academic and social. They don’t get to see how a child interacts with, and responds to, the variety of people and experiences in the school environment. Much of what they hear is filtered through the often limited reports from the children: “How was school today?” the parent asks. “Fine. What’s there to eat?” You provide parents with a “window” into their child’s world. In ideal circumstances, your conversations with parents about their children should include a balance of both supportive as well as constructive reports.

T
HE
I
MPORTANCE OF
P
ARENT
I
NVOLVEMENT

It’s extremely important to establish communication with parents/guardians early in the year and maintain it until the end.

The National Parent Teacher Association (PTA) reports from their research that when parents are involved in their child’s education, the child does better academically, regardless of the socioeconomic status or ethnic/cultural background of the family, and regardless of the age of the child. Not only that, but there is increased likelihood of the child displaying cooperative behavior, positive attitudes, and completing and submitting homework on time. With parental involvement, students are more likely to have regular attendance, to graduate, and to go on to some form of postsecondary education.

The National PTA has six National Standards for Parent/Family Involvement Programs. The topics include: (1) improving communication between parents and schools,
(2) providing programs to improve parenting skills, (3) increasing parent involvement in student learning, (4) providing more opportunities for parent volunteering, (5) increasing participation of parents in school decision making and advocacy, and (6) closer collaboration between teachers and other community organizations. We will take a look at how to develop the initial rapport with parents.

B
UILDING
P
ARENT
R
ELATIONSHIPS

At the beginning of each semester, most schools now require that the teacher send home a course syllabus or class expectancy sheet. At the bottom of the page, you can include a place for the parent or guardian to sign, indicating that he or she has read the paper and is aware of the objectives, grading policy, and content of the class.

The written communication does not have to stop there. You can send a more personal letter home, introducing yourself to the parents at the beginning of the school year. Share a little bit about your background, your interests, your educational philosophy, what the course will entail for the students, and how parents can help. Periodically, or on a regular basis, you can send a general note home informing the parents of class activities, upcoming field trips, events or projects, or asking for volunteer time or the donation of objects that would be useful in the classroom. Email can also be a useful way to communicate with parents to solicit their input as well as to provide reports of student progress.

Many parents will welcome the opportunity to be involved. Some have other commitments and are only available on a short-term basis. These parents might chaperone a field trip. Or they will bake for a special occasion if it is permitted. They will donate products or supplies from home. They would be willing to visit the class to be part of an audience for a performance or judge a presentation. Many have an area of expertise they would be happy to share. They just need
to be informed of what is needed, when, and where. Some will be available on a regular basis; others, not at all, due to family and work schedules. Even if they cannot be included or involved, they will benefit from the information you provide about what is happening during the school day in the student’s classes—not only for their own knowledge but as tools to begin conversations with their children.

Within an aboriginal community in Australia, one school principal decided to reshape the whole concept of a school to be more culturally relevant and responsive to parents. He gathered together as many parents as he could, calling and visiting the others who could not make it to the scheduled meetings. In his presentation, he made it clear that the school was an extension of their homes. As such, they were invited to visit as often as they like, just as they would drop in to see neighbors and friends. Although this might seem a bit chaotic and inappropriate in many North American settings, the whole idea of this plan was to make parents more active partners in the educational process.

I (Jeffrey) have noticed a similar pattern in other indigenous cultures in which I have worked. While preparing primarily native Hawaiian teachers in some of the outer islands, it was very common for their families to visit at any time throughout the day. The students’ parents would come and bring food to share, often sitting in on the classes so they could see what was going on. The students themselves would bring their own infant or preschool children, and everyone in the class would take turns caring for the children.

These two examples illustrate the breaking down of traditional boundaries between school and home, in order to work more collaboratively and cooperatively with families. You can take a huge step in this direction simply by letting parents know that you value their input and contributions.

Another way to build rapport with parents is to attend the programs when they come to watch their children, whether on the ball field, in the theater, or at an academic competition. Yet another option is to invite families to come before or after
school, or in the evening to view a “gallery” or “museum” of student work. With this invitation, you not only display students’ work and give recognition for their accomplishments, but also provide a venue for parents to interact with you in a more informal way. Hopefully, using the above suggestions, you will meet and get to know the parents in person before graduation day.

C
ONTACTING
P
ARENTS

Schools send out grades on a regular basis and most, if not all schools also send out notices midway through the cardmarking period to alert parents if their children are displaying socially unacceptable behavior and/or are making unsatisfactory progress (sometimes called “unsats”) or are failing one or more classes. Parents are generally made aware of the mailing dates of these notices. Most schools have a form you can use at any time to send the information home.

Although we wish that all contacts home involved reporting good news—whether by telephone, email, or mailing a letter/postcard home—it is far more likely that we contact parents/guardians by phone because their child is being noncompliant or difficult socially, academically, or both.

When you are making such contacts, be as sensitive and noncritical as possible so that parents don’t become unduly threatened and uncooperative themselves (obviously, they will not be thrilled to hear negative reports about their child). Emphasize that you share values with the parent regarding the student’s welfare. Acknowledge, if appropriate, that this can be a difficult time between parents and children. Try to stay neutral, calm, and supportive.

If you are verbally attacked, or it is obvious the parent isn’t listening, then disengage as best you can without making matters worse. Schedule a parent conference with the principal or another administrator present, or refer the parent to the counselor, dean, or assistant principal.

Basically, in these reports to parents, you are simply informing them of what you have observed. Provide specific examples of what has occurred. Mention a few of the student’s strengths as well as weaknesses. Then, ask for the parents’ help with
your
problem (and it really is your concern).

One such conversation might begin like this: “Hello Mrs. Tran. I am calling to talk to you about your daughter. As you know, she is a young woman who is very spirited, enthusiastic, and energetic. She is a lot of fun to be around and I can count on her to help enliven class when things become a little dull.” (This is a diplomatic way of saying that she has attention deficit problems, is sometimes disruptive and unruly, and is difficult to control. Of course, Mrs. Tran will already know this.)

“I do have some challenges, however, helping her to stay on task as she has a lot of different interests.” (She is all over the place and does not concentrate well or stay focused for long). “For instance, the other day, everyone was working quietly on an assignment and Tina kept throwing paper clips at a few of her friends across the aisle—I’m sure you are aware that she has quite a few friends.” (Again, the behavior problems are framed within a more balanced, positive context).

“I was wondering if we might put our heads together and figure out some ways that we could help Tina to improve her concentration, and at the same time, to improve her schoolwork, which is nowhere near her potential. I think we both agree that she is a bright girl who, with a little guidance, could improve significantly.” (With the conversation set up in this way, Mrs. Tran is more than willing to be helpful. She also does not feel a “loss of face.”)

Teachers often call home when there is trouble brewing. The student is being a pest in class, or is not turning in work, or might even be failing. The parents of many students have even become conditioned over time to associate bad news with teacher calls home, and they may have become understandably defensive. It is as if we are criticizing their parental competence, as if we’re saying their kids have turned out
the way they have because the parents don’t know what they’re doing.

Actually, we do think that, on occasion. Many of the students we see come from homes with very unhealthy living situations: poverty, unemployment, physical or sexual abuse, neglect, excessive alcohol consumption, drug abuse, little supervision, little help with homework, angry, even violent behavior among the adults, inconsistent or minimal discipline, and absolutely no support for excellence in school. Students in such situations experience hopelessness and despair and a lack of positive role models. No wonder some students struggle so much.

Still, parents are the keys to any lasting change efforts we might wish to promote. They can be our best friends or our worst enemies. If they are unsupportive, they can easily sabotage any potential their children have to succeed in school or in life. Often, what we are doing seems threatening to them, or at least incomprehensible. Even if their kids wanted to do their homework or prepare for class, they may be teased or scorned mercilessly by their siblings, parents, and friends. That is why it is so crucial that we connect not only with our students but also their parents, in order to build positive relationships.

One easy way for you to begin is to find a reason, almost
any
reason, to call parents, email them, or write them a note when their children do something that is positive, or at least a step in the right direction. Here are some examples of positive calls home you might make: