Secretly Yours: A Christian Valentine's Day Romance (Riverbend Romance Novella Book 1) (6 page)

He’d had a lot of gall buying that one last week. Now he just wanted to obey its direct command.

“I’m dying to know if you’re Lindsey’s secret admirer.” Madison’s eyes gleamed. “It can’t be anyone else, can it?”

“Why not?” Nick tweaked her nose. “Are you saying your sister isn’t sweet enough for more than one guy to fall for her charms? There’s probably a line down the block.”

Madison ran over to the living room window and pulled back the ancient vertical blinds before making a production of looking up and down the street. “No one there. Just your car.”

Nick took the distraction to close the distance and obey the apron with a quick kiss on Lindsey’s upturned mouth. “So, what’s the big occasion for these cupcakes?” A cooling rack with a dozen perfectly browned specimens sat beside a bowl of frothy pink frosting.

She grinned at him. “Practicing for the banquet. We’re undecided between the poufy cloud of pink frosting or something more sculpted. What do you think?”

“Hmm. I might have to taste them both to know for sure.”

Her eyes twinkled. “The taste is the same. It’s the look that’s different.”

“You can’t know that for sure,” he protested. “In fact, there’s no way to be absolutely certain that every single cupcake tastes the same. There could be a rogue.”

Madison slid back into the kitchen, nearly knocking him into Lindsey. Might not be so bad. “These are even better than Carmen’s cupcakes.”

Lindsey shook her head. “I doubt that. She’s a pro. Have you tasted her poppy seed lemons? Uh. Maze. Ing.”

Lemon cupcakes. Check.

“Well, you’re a pro, too, and I like chocolate better.” Madison tilted her head to look critically at the row of confections. “Can we make them look like tuxedoes?”

“Maybe,” said Lindsey.

Feet shuffled down the hallway and Madison’s father came into view wearing a ragged T-shirt and striped pajama pants. He stopped when he saw Nick, running a large hand across his unshaven jaw. “You here again?”

“Sure am.”

Greg’s bushy eyebrows disappeared into mussed hair. “Madison says you’re a pastor?”

“Pastor of Family and Youth over at River of Life Church.”

“And the one Madison has an all-fired crush on.” Greg glanced at Lindsey, shaking his head. “Both of them? Awkward.”

“Daddy!” Madison’s cheeks flushed.

Nick wouldn’t have guessed anything could embarrass her.
 

Lindsey shot her stepfather a piercing glare. “Enough, Greg.”

“A pastor. Sure never thought we’d see one of those here.” Greg glanced at Lindsey. “I could use some bacon and eggs, sweetheart.”

Madison rocked on her heels. “I’ll get it, Daddy.”

“I asked your sister.”

“Madison is perfectly capable, Greg.” Lindsey untied her apron and pulled it over her head. “Nick and I were just heading out for a walk. I’ll be back in a little while.”

They were?

Greg’s eyes narrowed at Nick. Yeah, a walk sounded like a great idea. It wasn’t that much colder outside than in this kitchen, after all.

Chapter 10

Lindsey didn’t resist when Nick took her mittened hand in his as they turned toward the river. At the end of the block, she blew out a puff that crystallized in the cold air.

“Nick, I don’t think this can work.”

To give him credit, he simply squeezed her hand. “Why not?”

“You saw Greg.” She let out a sharp laugh. “That’s just the kind of guy he is.”

“I’m not m… dating Greg. It’s you I care about.”

What had he nearly said? She wouldn’t let her mind go there. “He’s part of my life. And so is Madison. They are the reason I came home.” Okay, the entire reason was to buffer Madison from her father. But still. That didn’t change her reality.

“I get that,” Nick said. “But you deserve happiness, too. You can’t give up everything for your sister.”

So he’d seen right through the way of it. “A year and a half, Nick, before she graduates from high school. I-I can’t leave her with Greg.”

Nick swung her around to face him and gazed straight in her eyes. “Does he abuse her?”

Lindsey bit her lip and shook her head. “Not like that, I’m pretty sure. He’s just so selfish and… and needy. But Madison doesn’t know what’s appropriate. She really craves his love and attention.”

Nick cradled her face, his thumbs smoothing her cheeks.

He was interfering with her ability to think. Lindsey stepped back to break contact, and stared down at her boots. “It’s not just Madison.”

He tipped his head. “Are you looking for validation from Greg? I’m not sure he’s capable of delivering.”

Lindsey shook her head. “That’s not what I meant. I meant… you’re a pastor.”

He closed the gap, but Lindsey grabbed his hand and started walking again. She could cope with him beside her, maybe, but not that soulful touch that electrified her senses.

“Yes, I am.” He glanced toward her. “I was yesterday, too.”

“I-I forgot there for a bit.”

“But now it’s a problem?” He kept his voice even.

“It’s just that you’re… spiritual. And I’m really not. I forget to read my Bible half the time.” There, she’d admitted it.

“Lindsey, I’m not on a pedestal. I’m not perfect. Pastors are real people, too.” He slid his arm around her, and she let him. “I’d like to say it’s just a job, but that’s not completely true. It’s a calling. I know I’m where God wants me. I know that, through me, He can make a difference in these kids’ lives. Teens like Madison.”

“But I come from — well, you saw Greg.”

“Greg was your mom’s choice, not yours. It’s okay. Give me a chance, Lindsey? Even a pastor wants a home, a family. I’m just a red-blooded guy who’s been waiting a long time for the woman I couldn’t get out of my head. A woman I wronged years ago when I was a selfish, immature kid myself.”

Back then, she’d been better than him. Oh, that wasn’t a great way to look at it, but it was true. He’d been a jerk. But now he was practically a saint, and she was still Lindsey, still struggling with her self-esteem and no closer to sainthood than she’d ever been. Definitely not pastor’s wife material.

Nick might think he loved her, but he didn’t really know her. Didn’t know how much baggage half a lifetime of Greg could pile on a girl.

“I’m sorry, Nick. I can’t do this. I can’t be the woman you need.”

He reached for her but she stepped back, crossing her arms, closing him out. Kissing would only prolong the agony. She already had enough of those in her memory to run on instant replay for the rest of her life.
 

~*~

Nick ordered a lemon poppy seed cupcake and a latte at Carmen’s Cupcakes and Confectionery then took his purchases to a little table near the window. How could he not have seen this pothole coming on his romantic road?

He’d barely slept all night. He’d Googled engagement rings and practically planned the wedding. Debated the merits of buying a house sooner rather than later, and whether Madison would need to live with them.

He took a sip of the latte. Talk about getting ahead of himself. He broke off a piece of the cupcake and raised it to his lips. It tasted like so much cardboard after the tantalizing scent in Lindsey’s kitchen.

“Hey, bro. Mind if I join you?” Jared loomed over the table.

“Have a seat.” Nick pulled his stuff closer to make room as Jared dropped into the dainty pink chair across from him. Carmen may have been aiming for a clientele of women, but her coffee and baking were so tasty that many guys squeezed into the diminutive seats. Of course, more took take-out.

“Rumor has it you and Lindsey are an item now.” Jared nudged Nick’s plate. “That the lemon? Any good?”

“Go for it. I’m not hungry after all.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Jared shrugged, took a big bite, and nodded. “Wow. Nice.” He looked at Nick. “Love didn’t give you an appetite?”

“Uh, no. Not really.”

“Rumor has it the kissing was hot.”

Nick closed his eyes. He’d known people had to have noticed. That someone must have recognized him or Lindsey. Or both of them. “You can’t believe everything you hear.”

Jared paused, the last piece of cupcake halfway to his mouth. “What happened?”

“She forgot I was a pastor.”

“Uh… she forgot this when? Before, during, or after?”

Nick forced out a laugh. “During, I guess. She certainly remembered it this morning.”

“Oh, man. I’m sorry to hear that. You’re not giving up on her, are you?”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve been thinking about her for ten years. Praying for her. While she’s single, there’s still hope.” A bit of hope flared. He still had the secret admirer thing going for him. He’d definitely step that up, plus pray. She wasn’t immune to him; that much was obvious. Just struggling. Maybe he’d pushed her. Let his dreams get the best of him.

She’d definitely kissed him back. She’d come to love him if he gave her a bit more time.

“So, Jared, in all your vast experience with women…”

His friend wiped the last of the cupcake crumbs from around his mouth. “Uh, yeah, that’s me.”

“What’s the way to win a woman’s heart?”

“If I knew, would I be single?”

Nick grinned. “Maybe. You’re still in college. Not a bad idea to get that out of the way before marriage.”

“One more semester.”

“Before the wedding?”

Jared chuckled. “Nah, that’ll be a bit longer. As far as I know, I haven’t met
her
yet.”

“So when you meet her, how will you win her?”

“You mean besides my good looks and obvious charm?”

“Yeah, besides that.”

Jared plunked his elbows on the table and peered into Nick’s eyes. “You’re really asking, aren’t you?”

“Seems so.”

“If I really believed she was the one for me, I’d keep doing what I was doing, and I’d ask the good Lord for His help. And maybe that of a few friends.” Jared winked. “Can’t have too many friends on your side.”

Nick could think of a few ways having friends on his side could be a negative, not a positive, but he’d let that go.

“You were going to get her a ring soon?”

How had Jared known his mind had gone there already? And by already, he’d been daydreaming about it for the past month, never mind the sleep he’d lost last night. A half-smile escaped. “Been thinking on it.”

Jared slurped back half his coffee. “Buy it,” he said, putting his cup down. “Step out in faith. You want to be ready when she comes back around.”

Chapter 11

“For you!” sang out Madison, brandishing a brown package.

Lindsey’s heart hiccupped. Was another secret admirer gift a good thing or a bad thing? Maybe it hadn’t been Nick after all. But then, who? She’d watched the guys at work, and none seemed to have more than a casual friendship in mind. And besides church on Sundays, she didn’t really go anywhere else. She tugged off her boots, set them on the rack, and glanced up at her sister hanging over the rail. “What is it?”

Madison clutched the package to her chest and rolled her eyes. “I didn’t open it, silly. It’s from your secret admirer.”

Lindsey took a deep breath as she climbed the few steps and forced cheerfulness into her voice. “Well, let’s see what’s in this one.” The package felt like a book. She slid the twine off the end and slid her nail under the tape to reveal an off-white cover with raspberry lettering and gold embellishments.

Meditations for a Woman Beloved of God.

She wiped a finger over the embossed cover. Should she laugh? Cry?

“Pastor Nick has got to be your secret admirer.” Madison crossed her arms. “Even though he keeps denying it. Who else would get you something like that?”

Had he denied it? “He’s never really said. He always changes the subject.”

“Hmm.” Madison tapped her chin and narrowed her gaze at Lindsey. “Could it be?”

“Enough drama. It doesn’t matter.” She slid the book back into the paper. “Did you and your dad have supper already?”

“Dad’s on afternoon shift, remember?”

Right.

“Wasn’t there a note in this one?”

“I, uh, didn’t see one. I’ll look at it more closely later. So, are you hungry?”

“I’m not a child, Lindsey. I fixed something hours ago. Dad has been on afternoon shift before, you know.”

“Sorry.” Of course Madison was capable. She was sixteen, not six. It was just that she seemed so much younger sometimes.

“I thought we’d have more fun when you moved back home. Instead you’re always worrying about something. Even all those fun gifts don’t make you smile.”

Was her sister just begging for positive attention? Lindsey narrowed her gaze at Madison. “It’s not you pretending to be a secret admirer, is it?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Where would I get that kind of money? And why?”

Lindsey’s mind began to add up the probable cost of all the gifts. None by themselves were expensive, but two or three a week over a month must’ve added up. This wasn’t just a game. Someone was very serious about getting her attention.
 

Meditations for a Woman Beloved of God.

Nick. Why didn’t he give up? She didn’t want him in her life. She wanted… what? To be a grumpy big sister to the girl she’d given up everything to take care of? To become an old maid with a permanent bun in her hair?

“Sorry, Madison.” She reached out and snagged her sister to her side with a quick hug. “You’re right. It must be Nick. And I’m sorry for being a grouch. I have a lot on my mind, but I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. What do you want to do this evening?”

Madison’s face brightened. “I forgive you. Want to do pedicures and a chick flick?”

Not really? “Sure.” She’d take a closer look at that devotional later. There was a message there from Nick, whether a separate paper lay inside the cover or not. A woman beloved of God. Was that her problem? Did she think, somewhere deep in her subconscious, that she wasn’t good enough for Nick because she wasn’t good enough for God? What had happened to the joy in her salvation?

Like a fine coffee, it had cooled and the aroma had dissipated. Would a little book like this help her reheat it? Hopefully the allegory slipped there. A reheated coffee was never as good as freshly brewed.