Secret Girlfriend (11 page)

“I’d really like to talk about some things first.” I hopped
out and waited for him to follow, wondering where all this newfound feistiness
was coming from.

He got out and came around the car, looking me up and down,
making some type of guy-
dar
judgment call.

“Cheryl and I… broke up.”

My heart stopped. No, it leapt. “You broke up with her?”

He paused for a second before taking the last step toward
me. My mind went a little numb as he reached for me, sliding a hand around my
waist and pulling me toward him.

“Yeah.
Of course I did. Babe,
you’ve been really good working with the team and you know the guys really like
you. It’s been great.” He rested his chin on top of my head. “I was thinking I
probably got that captain’s spot. I mean, we need to wait to really date until
I know for sure, but…”

He pulled back and looked at me, waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting.

And then it dawned on me that I was perhaps the stupidest
girl on the entire planet.

“Oh?” I asked as innocently as possible.
“So
you know, when that’s all taken care of, we can date and do things like go to
the Homecoming dance?”

He blinked before answering, “Of course.”

I leaned into him, tucking myself under his chin where I
could hide what I was really thinking.

“Oh, good,” I said. “I mean, I know Coach wants to talk to
me about that Monday before the scrimmage, but you know
,
I’ll be glad when it’s done.”

His hand moved slowly down my arm and back up again. Up and
down. Up and down.

“So Coach is going to run numbers with you and stuff Monday
night?”

“Yup.
I mean, I’m really glad he
gave us tonight and the rest of the weekend to just chill out. You guys have
been working so hard and all, but I think I’ll try to pull everything together
before the game Monday.”

“What do you think you’re going to tell him?”

I sighed, deep and loud. “Oh, you know. I’ll tell him who I
think the best guy for the job is.”

I leaned away, gave him my biggest smile and watched his
face relax.

“Good girl.” He brushed his mouth over mine again.

I had never known I had it in me.
“It”
being the ability to play the game.
I was going to play this one out a
little and see where it went. Let him wonder.

“So, what happened with Cheryl?” If he hadn’t had his arms
around me, I wouldn’t have felt him stiffen.

“You know she was never the girl for me.”

Um, yeah.
Right.
Who was?

“Well, I better go in.” I pulled from his embrace and
stepped away. “Have a great weekend.”

“Wait. Wait a minute.” He reached for me again. “I thought
we could hang out tonight. You know, just the two of us.”

“Sorry. I can’t. I have plans.”

His eyes narrowed and he clenched his fist at his side
before shaking it out.
“With Parker?”

“Chris, I thought we weren’t doing that. I thought you could
do what you had to and I’d do my thing. I mean, you never asked me to hang out
before. You didn’t care what I did.”

In a little spot tucked behind my heart, a part of me wanted
Chris to be the guy I always thought he was and say the exact right thing. To
convince me I was wrong and to make it all right.

“It is Parker, isn’t it? You don’t even care that he has a
girlfriend he never told you about, do you?”

I couldn’t help myself. I goaded him. “I knew about Katie
just like I knew about Cheryl. And I don’t think you really cared anything
about me. I was good for your ego and good for your rush to make team captain.
But you aren’t good for me. And you know what? I’m done with that. Go find some
other ego-
stroker
.”

I strode toward the front door, proud of my big exit when
his hand caught me about the elbow.

“Amy,” he said low in my ear. “I’m sorry.”

My name, coupled with the low, unsteady way he said it
stopped me.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have used Cheryl like that and I
shouldn’t have been so not-with-it with you. Let’s hang out.
Just
the two of us.”

So much of me wanted to say yes—except for my new inner
It-girl. She was kind of reveling in staying strong during our first fight.

“Sorry, Chris.
I do have plans
tonight. Maybe we can get together later this weekend.”

I went up on tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek before
going inside.

When I threw the lock, my mind drifted not to the boy on the
other side of the door, but the one on the other side of town.
The one out with his girlfriend.
My heart did a weird little
drop, like it was breaking a little at the thought.

It had finally gotten back in its place behind my ribcage
when my text pinged.

Sorry.

And there it went again… breaking into even smaller pieces.

Chapter
15

The next morning, before the sun filled my room with its own
brand of cheerfulness, Dad’s car drove away leaving the cottage as deserted as usual.
I didn’t know what to do, how to keep those promises I made my mom six years
ago. But, since she’d left us, Dad had become all work all the time.

Twenty minutes later, the rumble of an engine returned and I
thought maybe he’d reconsidered spending my last weekend before school started
with me. I formulated father-daughter plans for us, hoping he’d recognize me
when he saw me, until the doorbell rang.

My heart slowed to a dull thump-thump, just like it did
every time I let myself think my dad was reaching out… and then didn’t.

Crawling out of bed, I straightened my PJ tank top straps
and made my way downstairs. I pulled my hair back in a sloppy bun as I went and
hoped whatever misguided sales guy awaited me would be easily deterred by my
less-than-attractive a.m. appearance.

Every one of my senses jolted at finding Luke standing
there, iced tea in hand. I did what any reasonable seventeen-year-old girl
would do. I slammed the door in his face.

I
propped
my back against it. A
little voice that sounded suspiciously like Rachel’s sprinted through my head,
pounding on every brain-to-heart connector I had. The voice shouted the world’s
lamest pep talk. Chris is a user. Luke is perfect. Go with the good guy.

To which I responded to my imaginary pep-coach: Be rational.
Chris is just confused like every other teen male in existence and Luke is not
perfect. He’s stubborn and pushy and just a
tad
bit judgmental.

And yeah, perfect.

Whoa. Okay, maybe Rational Me wasn’t so rational either.

Who knew boys could turn your brain off and cause sleepless
nights without even trying?

A knock sounded through the heavy wood and I doubted he was
going to go away.

See?
Stubborn.

“Hi,” I said, pulling my hair out of its bun and trying to
look cute as he eyed my Hello Kitty pajama bottoms.

“Can I come in?” He held out one of the teas and waited,
hand braced against the edge of the open door.

“Actually, I was just going to go for a run and then you
know… lots to do.
Busy, busy.”

His eyebrows disappeared under the flop of dark hair before
he tried a different tactic. “Okay. Can we talk for a second?”

“Sure.” I leaned against the frame. “Go ahead.”

He scowled down at his tea and then drew in a deep breath.

“It isn’t what you think with Katie. She drove six hours to
get here and I really don’t get why she did it and I tried to be honest with
her and you were taking off with Chris and I couldn’t think straight because I
was worried about what crap he was pulling on you and—I mean really—what type
of girl drives six hours to see a guy who broke up with her?”

He sucked in a deep breath. I felt my shoulders drop as I
shook my head.

“The type that doesn’t realize you broke up with her, Luke.”
I felt stuck. I was saying no to both guys as I was trying to figure out if I
should say yes to either. I may have entered the land of Deny, Deny, Deny. “You
know, Chris might not be perfect, but he’s working on it and—”

“You’re comparing me to him?” The shocked disgust in his
voice said it all.

I stood there in my doorway, knowing that one guy might not
be good for me, but that this guy—the one with the girlfriend at his parents’
house right now, the one who could wrap my heart in a tight knot—could be very,
very bad.

“I’m just saying—” I started before he could cut me off.

“What? What are you just saying, Amy?”

“I’m saying that if you’re my friend, you’ll not judge me
for the guy I like.”

It wasn’t a lie. I may not have shared the recent
earth-halting shift in which guy that might be, so sue me.
Self-preservation
by omission.
I needed a little time to get clear on that point for
myself first.

Luke’s hand dropped away from the door and he stepped back.
“I see.”

I’m glad he did, because that made one of us. Part of me—a
small amoeba-sized piece—still held onto the dream of Chris I’d had for years. In
my head I heard his voice as he apologized the night before and knew I had to
see if the summer-
him
was coming back.
Which guy he really was.

Oh, and yeah. Katie.

One guy had broken up with his girlfriend and one had just
gotten his back. Which guy was safer?

No.
Really.
Which one was safer?
The back of my mind ground to a halt as I tried to figure out the answer to my
own Dear Abby moment.

“Okay, then. I have to head back. Katie’s parents are coming
to get her tomorrow. So, you
know,
manners and all. No
keeping a guest waiting.” He pivoted toward his truck and shouted over his
shoulder, “See you at the scrimmage Monday.”

Chapter
16

I stood in the front hall, listening to the quiet.
Listening to another guy leave.
Was it too much to want
people to stay? I thought of my heart jumping that moment before I’d opened the
door—the moment I’d hoped it was my dad.

But, of course, it wasn’t him. I’d been losing my dad since
the day we lost my mom.

They say there is nothing quieter than death. That day,
after the funeral, our house had sunk into silence.

# # #

I’d eased myself down the stairs, looking for my dad. He’d
been so quiet since Mom died. Like part of him wanted to go with her. I knew
just how he felt, but I needed him—all of him—with me.

I peeked around the corner into the living room. My dad sat
in the overstuffed chair by the fire.
Mom’s chair.
She’d taught me to read in that chair. Knit my scarves and mittens. Held me and
told me stories.

“Dad?”

He didn’t look up, just stared into the fire burning really
low in the grate.

“Dad?”

“Not now.”

I stepped back, surprised by the bite in his voice. I waited
for him to call me in, to pull me close. To remember we only had each other
now.

I took one step, maybe two little ones, into the room.
“Dad?”

He looked like he didn’t want to answer me. Like if he
ignored me I might not be there.

“Can I come in and sit with you?”

“Damn it, Amy. Can’t I get a moment to myself?”

I could feel my chin quivering, my hands—my whole
body—shaking. He couldn’t mean that.

“I just thought—”

“Can we do this later?”

Maybe he was tired too. Tired of the people who kept telling
us how sorry they were. Maybe he just needed a night with the quiet.

But I couldn’t take the quiet any more. Even if I could’ve
gotten a hug before bed, that would have been enough. I took one more step into
the living room.

“Did you hear me? Get out.”

I did. I ran. I ran to my room and shut the door and stayed
there waiting for him to come in and call me Amy-girl and pull me into his arms
and tell me he was sorry and tell me everything would be okay one day because
we still had each other.

I’d waited a long time. And then I’d fallen asleep.

Chapter
17

“You’ve reached the middle of nowhere. Leave a message after
the beep.”

BEEP.

“Where are you? I’m dying here.” I paced across the room,
passing the front door I’d thrown shut behind Luke. “My life is falling apart.
I have teen angst. Like the
angsty
kind that I don’t
know what to do with, not the real bad life kind that is easily
compartmentalized and stored away for therapy later. And I have these boys and—
Wait,
someone’s knocking on my door.”

I threw it
open,
afraid it would be
Luke again. Afraid it would be Chris. Afraid it would be just about anyone I
know.

“Oh
my gosh
!
You’re
at my door!” I hung the phone up with a click and threw my
arms around Rachel.

I have never been so happy to see anyone in my life. My arms
wrapped around Rachel and I shouted into her shoulder, “Where have you been?”

She patted me on the back, a little awkwardly I must say for
a best friend who had been gone for so long. “When did you become a hugger?”

I thought about it and realized that ever since that
warm-mom-hug, I’d been craving them like a slight decline on a long run.

“Luke’s mom hugs.”

“Sweet.”
Rachel carried the newspaper
into the house and dropped it on the front table. “Who’s Luke?”

I had to focus on the physical movements involved in lifting
my jaw back into place.

“Luke, the guy with the truck and the
fight with Chris and the kissing and my hands.”
I lifted my palms to
show her the bandages.
“And his girlfriend Katie.
And
then there’s Cheryl but not anymore and seriously, don’t you listen to your
voicemail?”

“Oh.” She waved a hand dismissively. “One of the kids
dropped it in the lake last week. I figured I could get a new one when I got
home today.”

I tried to catch my breath. Everything had been so insane
and I’d been waiting for Rachel to come home and be the one to make it all
better. After all the craziness, she hadn’t even gotten my messages?

“Is Luke the guy in the old truck?”

“Yes! Wait, how did you know?”

“Because he was pulling out of your lane and he looked
really ticked off. I figured only you could find the new hot guy at school and
alienate him that quickly.”

I dropped down onto the stairs and slumped forward, bracing
my elbows on my knees.

“It’s a mess. I have no idea what I’m doing and I just keep
making everything worse.”

Rachel lowered herself to the step beside me.

“Why don’t you shower and get dressed. I’ll hang out while you
get presentable. Then we’ll go to
Jovi’s
and grab a
slice. I will listen patiently. You will explain how you created chaos in this
small community of ours. And then I will sit back and enjoy the moment you
produced more drama than I could have ever dreamed up, let alone instigated.”

I nodded, annoyed and relieved at the same time, and headed
upstairs. Halfway up
I
turned to scowl at her
laughter. “Laugh all you want now. Once you hear everything, you’re going to be
tempted to have me put away.”