Second Sight (11 page)

She peers at my file and looks up at me. “So
I take it you’d rather he’d let you cut your wrist than keep you
safe?” She might have said it like a question, but she really
doesn’t want to know anything.

“
I wasn’t going to hurt
myself!” I stand up and start walking around the room. “How many
times do I have to tell people that?”

“
He also mentioned you not
only thought he was someone else, but that that someone was an
angel.”

I whirl, my eyes immediately finding the
shading just behind her where her wings would be, and I start
laughing. “Yeah, sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it. Angels…they don’t
exist, I know.”

I step to her large window and peer out, only
to be disappointed by a view of the parking lot. How much longer do
I have to do this?

“
You seem to be really
angry. My question is what is causing that anger?” She’s so damned
calm; her pen doesn’t even twitch against the pad, and I want to
throw something.

“
I’m not angry,” I snap,
aware my tone is only bolstering her theory.

“
Elizabeth, I can’t help
you if you don’t open up.” She watches me, and I feel her blue eyes
on me just like I used to feel Lev’s, which makes me wonder if
angels ever have any other eye color. Weird. “Is it about
Lev?”

I step toward her, my fingers balling into
fists. “Why does everything come down to Lev? I don’t want to talk
about him.” I used to think I’d be glad to find another angel. Now
I know two of them, and I hate them both.

My body is shaking, and I feel that familiar
panic. It used to hit me every day right after Lev died, but as the
months passed it’s taken longer to come at me, but it’s always
there, biding its time. Waiting. It’s like living in a pressure
cooker, and I explode when I can’t breathe, which will be in about
five minutes if I don’t get out of here.

“
The key to dealing with
pain is talking about it. Holding it inside won’t help; all that
will do is let it fester until the pain and anger are all you
have.”

She moves toward me, and I hedge towards the
door. “How do you know what I feel?” I just need space, and I don’t
think I’ll be getting that here.

“
It’s not so hard to
believe you’d want Lev to be an angel, Elizabeth. It’s a way of
denying he’s really dead.”

I start laughing again and crying right about
then. Stupid, I know. Just another way of realizing my pathetic
brain can’t deal with all this crap. But now she’s trying to tell
me I’ve created angels as coping mechanisms. Right.

“
Elizabeth.” She softens
her voice and comes towards me, hands raised.

“
Just stay away from me! I
didn’t make Lev into an angel because I didn’t want to deal with
his death. He was an angel long before that.” I turn to the door
and grab the handle.

“
Where are you
going?”

“
Home. There’s no point in
wasting your time or mine.” The tears are still coming, and I can’t
stop them. My world is blurry, and part of me aches like it’s more
broken than ever. I’m clutching the wall as I try to head down the
hallway, but I can’t see anything. I rub my hand across my face,
but I can’t clear the haze.

“
Elizabeth?” A big blue
blur. Scott. He gently takes my elbows, probably trying to lead me
back to Emily.

“
Leave me alone!” I jerk
out of his grip, and this time he lets me go, free to stumble as I
will. I keep brushing the tears away, but there are always more. I
can’t seem to stop crying. But at least I can see Griffin through
the haze where he sits on a bench, reading a book. I’d call his
name, but he’s probably wearing his headphones and wouldn’t hear a
word I said, so what’s the point?

It’s only when I stand a couple of feet from
him he even looks up, realizing I’m there. “Hey? That
was…brief.”

“
Yeah, well, I’m ready.
I’ve had about all the therapy I need.”

He looks beyond me where Scott and Emily
stand, talking. Although there is a lot of noise in the gym, I can
tell by the proximity of their bodies they are purposely trying to
keep quiet. Once or twice, one of them shoots me a look, which only
makes me madder.

“
You sure they agree with
that?”

“
Doesn’t matter. I told
Jimmie I’d try therapy, and I did. It’s not my fault it didn’t
work.” I start walking toward the door, not waiting for Griffin,
but he manages to catch me before I reach the door and blocks my
path.

“
Did you really give it a
try, or are you just saying that? You weren’t in there that long.”
He frowns, and I know he’s worried. I just wish I could make him
see this isn’t the way to fix me. There’s no miracle cure waiting
around the corner to the old Lizzie.

“
You don’t get it, Griffin.
She can’t help me. No one can. It’s going to take time and space.”
Even though his hand is on the door, I thrust it open. While I know
he’s not exactly thrilled with my attitude, I don’t think he wants
to make a scene that’ll cause our ‘favorite’ cop to pin me
again.

I know he follows me, and I wait for him at
his car, wishing my world could be put back together, but I don’t
see that happening. And the longer I’m alive, the more angels I
see—not that I care. If they can’t—or won’t—lead me to Lev, there
really is no point in seeing them at all.

Chapter Eight

If I need proof that Tellico Plains is just
another version of Hauser’s Landing, my first day is it. The school
is an older building, lacking the renovation Hauser’s Landing was
giving to its school. Then again, while Hauser’s Landing was small,
this one has it beat. With under a thousand people living here, I
won’t just fade behind other students. Although I don’t see lots of
Native Americans in the mix, I do get the impression it’s not a big
deal. Rather, I am more worried that if a teacher decides to go
psycho on me, there’s no place for me to hide.

Still, I’m grateful no reputation precedes
me, and that the secretary doesn’t force an aide to give me the
grand tour, probably because she figures it’s the first day of
school and there are going to be a lot of lost students wandering
around. No point in designating me as “special.” I tend to think
I’m pretty self-sufficient. Of course, as I walk from the office to
my locker, I go through the usual fanfare of being the new girl and
all the guys paying extreme attention, probably out of boredom more
than anything else.

As I have gotten to school an extra twenty
minutes early, I have no problem checking in, finding my locker,
and slipping into my first class, English, before the first bell
rings. To me, it’s just easier sitting behind my desk, waiting for
class to begin, rather than standing awkwardly in the hall,
watching people watch me.

Once the first bell rings, students begin
drifting through the doorway, at first one or two at a time but
then a cluster of three with Sarah, the girl from the community
center, standing in their midst, still wearing her goth best
enters. Her golden hair contrasts sharply with the black, baggy
clothes with skulls and crossbones all over them, and the heavy use
of black eyeliner, black lipstick, and black nail polish give her
skin a translucent look.

Then there are the other two. The guy, all
six-foot-four of him, towers over both girls. His dark brown hair
hangs in his eyes, and he’s dressed in a yellow t-shirt and denim
shorts. He wears a braided necklace with shells on it, and as he
enters, he sees me and smiles. The other girl has long hair colored
of caramel with blond streaks running through. Her skin is also
fair, and I think she’s probably the most beautiful girl I’ve ever
seen. She, too, looks at me and smiles.

“
You were at the center,
weren’t you?” Sarah asks, taking a seat in the row next to mine.
She sets down her notebook and looks at me. “Hope you enjoyed it
more than I did.”

“
Not really.”

“
So why go, then?” she
asks, watching as the guy sits next to me, and the beautiful girl
behind him.

“
My guardian seems to think
it’s good for me.”

All three of them exchange glances. “I’ve
been going for six months,” Sarah says. “Hasn’t done a bit of good.
By the way, I’m Sarah Warren. This is Jayvee Reynard.” She points
to the other girl, who nods at me. “And this is Kane Bristow.”

Kane also nods. “Nice to see a new face. So
where are you from?” He ignores the fact that more students pour
into the room and take their seats.

“
Hauser’s Landing.
Massachusetts.”

The tardy bell rings, cutting off any further
conversation as my teacher, Ms. Monroe, begins going over her
“expectations” for this class in a low, monotone voice. Considering
how my first day at a new school went last year, I’m so not falling
asleep this time.

Although I’m not any more thrilled with Brit
Lit than anyone else, I manage to focus on what the teacher tells
me, despite feeling Kane watching me intently. His dark eyes seem
more attuned to me than getting through this class, and finally,
when Monroe turns to the board and scribbles a quote by Eleanor
Roosevelt, I look at him. He’s so tall he has to stretch his long
legs in the aisle. Of course, this makes him look like he’s
constantly slouching.

“
What are you staring
at?”

“
You.” He grins. “I figured
you knew that by now.”

Blushing, I peer back at the board, suddenly
feeling emotionally groundless. I start to jot the quote in my
notebook, but my fingers twitch, and I end up scratching it out. In
short, Kane is everything Lev wasn’t, which should make being
around him easier, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t matter that he has
dark hair and reminds me of a typical teenage guy instead of an
angel. He’s not Lev. That’s the trouble.

My shoulders stiffen, and I make another
mistake while trying to copy the quote. I scribble the quote again
and try it a third time, which works, but I know if he keeps
watching me, I’m probably going to rub holes in this paper with all
the mistakes.

“
Shouldn’t you be watching
her instead?” I nod to Ms. Monroe. Granted, she’s old enough to be
our mother, but then again, she’s giving us the grade for senior
English, not me.

“
I will. When I need to.
Right now, she isn’t telling me anything I don’t already know.” His
voice sounds amused, which matches the devious grin making me
wonder what he’s up to. A strand of his hair slips into his eyes,
and he brushes it back.

“
So what were you at the
center for?”

It’s an innocent enough question, but that
doesn’t mean I don’t react. My back stiffens, and my stomach sucks
in as though it’s been punched. He hears the sharp intake of breath
and frowns.

“
Nothing. I don’t really
want to talk about, okay?” I flip to the next page in my notebook
and keep writing. It’s better than facing him—or anyone—right now.
“Aren’t you taking notes?” It’s all I can think of to distract
him.

“
Guess I could.” He opens
his binder and begins copying the lines from the board, but even
so, he still gazes at me from time to time, his pencil stalling in
its slow scrawl.

We pass most of the hour taking notes, which
keeps Kane from asking any other difficult questions I’m not ready
to answer, and as the bell rings, I stand, ready to fly out the
room when Kane catches my arm while Sarah and Jayvee scoot around
us and head into the hall, whispering about some guy at the front
of the room.

“
Hey, I guess I kind of
touched a nerve a few minutes ago. I’m sorry. It’s none of my
business what happened, and if you want to tell me, you will.” He
slides from his desk and stands, towering over me. “I just don’t
want things to be weird between us like this: I didn’t mean to
upset you.” Around his wrist, he wears a fiber bracelet, and I am
struck by how different he really is.

“
It’s okay,” I manage.
“Just a few things I haven’t worked out yet.” I look down at my
schedule, trying to figure out where my next room is.

“
Can I see?” He points at
it, and when I nod, he takes it and reads through my class list.
“Well, it looks like we have four out of five classes together.
What a shocker.”

“
What do you
mean?”

He shrugs. “It’s the small-town thing. We all
have pretty much the same classes because this town isn’t big
enough to have more than about twenty teachers. So we all have Ag
Science or Bask Weaving 101 for electives. Now those classes are
definitely going to come in handy.”

I can’t keep from laughing as we head out
into the hall. “Sounds like you enjoy small towns as much as I
do.”

“
Hate ‘me.” He shakes his
head. “I moved here last fall, and I haven’t been able to accept
that the biggest pastime around here is watching the grass grow. Or
not. Go figure.”

He stops in front of a locker and opens it to
slip his spiral inside. “What about you?”

I chew my bottom lip and try to form a
reasonable answer. “Let’s just say my last experience in a small
town wasn’t so hot, and I’d rather be someplace like Dallas or even
Knoxville right about now.”

“
I can’t say I blame you.”
He shuts the locker, and we move on with the flow. Even though I
stare ahead, knowing I’m not graceful enough to watch where I am
going, I feel his gaze lingering on me.

“
So what do you for fun
around here?” I watch Jayzee and Sarah duck into the bathroom while
we keep going.