Second Round Cowboy (Second Chance Series) (21 page)

Stryker and Tessa stared.

Seconds ticked into misery until finally Tessa nervously smiled. “I guess I should be off. You two probably have lots to talk about.” She slid her feet into the black flats by the couch where she’d been sitting.

“No, you two go ahead and continue whatever it was I interrupted. I’m going to take my bag upstairs and call it a night. It’s been a long one. Enjoy your wine.” She caught Stryker’s look of confusion in her peripheral vision.

Leslie was past the point of caring
. She certainly didn’t want to jump to conclusions. What she’d seen could have been innocent. So what that her fiancé was having a drink with his female friend. It didn’t mean a thing. Of course not.

She left the room and headed up the stairs, dragging her suitcase along behind her,
not having the energy to lift it and hoping she didn’t wake Lilly.

Inside her room, she closed the door and leaned against the heavy wood. She was a car on a roller coaster, spinning on a loop, and the ride wasn’t slowing down. She held on for dear life.

Exhaustion blanketed her mind. No logical reasoning could happen when she could barely see straight.

Taking
clothes from her bag, she went into the adjoining bathroom and dragged the moist clothes off her body. The dry T-shirt felt heavenly on her chilled skin. Stepping back into the bedroom and, although it was quiet, she knew she wasn’t alone. She searched the shadows and found Stryker standing by the dresser. Going to the nightstand, she turned on the light. She saw his agitation in tight jaw and narrowed gaze.

“Tessa left,” he said.

“Sorry that I interrupted.”

“You didn’t interfere with anything except two people having a discussion about a child. I wish you would have stayed and visited.”

“I’m afraid I would have felt like a third wheel.”
Why hold back?

He took a step forward. “You’re not a third wheel.”

There came a point when she couldn’t take his ignorance any longer, not if they were planning a future together. “Stryker, maybe it’s time we discussed the truth? Are you ready to hear it?”

He pushed his hands into his front pockets and shift
ed his boots. “You bet I am.”

“Do you not see that Tessa is crazy about you? I mean, it’s not like she’s hiding her feelings.
”

“No, I think you’re wrong.”

“Then you just don’t want to see the facts. I’m not accusing you of anything, but you see her more than you do me.” She was heading down a path of no return but she couldn’t stop.

“Is that my fault? You come and go. I never know when you’ll show up. The wedding is in two weeks and you and I haven’t even finalized the details. I didn’t know I was going to have to rope you just to keep you here long enough to figure things out.”

“That’s not fair!” She
pushed her fingers through her hair. “I have a job. I drive here as often as I can. I thought you and I would share some of the traveling time.”

“And have you forgotten that I also have a ranch to run? A child to raise? Not to
mention that she has special needs right now.”

She rubbed her
fingers across her tired eyes. “I understand, that’s why I haven’t said much, but I’m doing my best. But when I come here and see you and Tessa cuddling up on the couch, I guess it bothered me.”

“There’s no reason for you to worry about her
.”

Pacing the floor, she stopped in front of him and cro
ssed her arms. “That’s easy for you to say when you are the one sitting on the better side of the fence.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”
His gaze widened.

“Isn’t it obvious just h
ow magnificent you have things right now?” She took a step back and inhaled deeply, hoping her nerves would mend. “Let’s just forget this. I’m tired.” She threw her hands up in the air.

He stepped closer, his booted feet scraping a
gainst the hardwood. “No, we won’t forget it. This sounds like something that needs settled before it explodes.”

“We can talk tomorrow.” She sta
rted for the safety of the bed. He grabbed her elbow and she looked back at him and the reservoir broke. “Okay, you want this worked out tonight, then fine! I’m saying that you have it nice and cozy. You have two women who are here, helping you out. When I’m at Mason, I satisfy you in bed. I’m gone and Tessa, the woman who looks at you as if she wants to lap you up, is the perfect ear to listen and the kind caretaker for Lilly. That’s pretty snug if you ask me, but that’s right, you didn’t!”

“Tessa and I are friends. If she has feelings for me I haven’t done anything to encourage them.”

She wanted to scream. “You haven’t? Popping a pizza, frozen or not, into the oven on a late evening doesn’t have an underlying meaning attached? A glass of wine and beer by the fire isn’t romantic? If I hadn’t walked in, I wonder what other innocent signals you would have sent her or what subtle hints she would have sent you.”

“
You’re being ridiculous—”

“Am I really or am I only being truthful?”
She rolled her fingers over her temples.
“It’s possible I’m coming unglued a bit, but I’m not hallucinating or delusional. I’m not begrudging the wonderful friendship you, or Lilly, have with Tessa. I wouldn’t want that to end, but in all actuality, I can’t get if you’re in a relationship with me or her. Most evenings, it’s Tessa who lends a comforting shoulder and tucks Lilly into bed.”

“You make it seem like I’m using you, and Tessa
, for that matter.” His gaze darkened. “If that’s what you think of me then you certainly can’t care for me.” His gruff voice bounced off the walls.

“I do care for you.” She loved him, but how did they
overcome the evils of the past because they haunted her and she knew they must haunt him.

“What else is going
on here? If the tables were turned, what would your thoughts be in this same circumstance?”

“I’d have to trust you, and I do,” he said.

“This isn’t about trust. I’m not being outrageous here. And this isn’t about Tessa, not really. It’s about us, the way we dance around the past and our fears…our regrets

His steely gaze caught her. “I think you’re just
jealous.”

His words ripped through her. It took her a good ten seconds to gain control of her voice as her palm ached to slap his face. “What you just said is
ludicrous and manipulative. Of course you refuse to see this the way I do because if you believed for one second that there’s some truth in my words then you’d have to fix it. But why would you fix anything when it’s working so well for you.”

“I’m a faithful man.
Are you accusing me of cheating? You must know better.”

“Infidelity isn’t just
the act of sex, Stryker. It seems that you and Tessa have an emotional connection that seems a little like betrayal. Oh hell, who am I kidding? It is betrayal. I wish I could say that I despise the woman because it would make it a lot easier to be pissed. Instead, I’m standing here feeling guilty. Why should I feel guilty? ”

“I’ll put a stop to this “emotional connection” with her.” A dark cloud crawled over them and Leslie expected the lightening
to strike the ceiling any moment. “Would that help?”

“You’re missing the point. Can you honestly say that you’ve forgiven me for leaving?” The words were like acid as they rolled off her tongue.

He hesitated. Several expressions flitted across his tired features until a blank one surfaced. “I don’t think so, but that doesn’t change the fact that I—”

“I understand and it’s not a surprise. If you were completely dedicated to this, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I wouldn’t be bombarded with doubt and guilt.”

“I’m not sure why you feel guilty,” he said.

“Because I’ve never been enough for you and Tessa fits all that you would ever need.”

“It turns out you don’t know me at all.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “You’re just tired—”

“That’s what
I’ve been saying, but you wanted to hear this so don’t back pedal now. I’m just curious why you didn’t ask Tessa to marry you. She would have jumped at the chance.” The path was dangerous but she couldn’t turn back.

“We’ve been through this.”

“We’ve touched the subject, but wouldn’t she make the perfect wife and mother for Lilly? After all, that’s why you and I are getting married.”

“I don’t want to
listen to this bullshit! You don’t know what you’re saying.” He turned and marched to the door, grabbed the knob, but didn’t move.

“Bullshit?
Why stop at one woman when you can have two? Hell, who would blame you? Tessa’s a beautiful woman who looks at you in awe. And you and I, we heat the sheets up, no doubt.”

If a match would have been lit, the room would have detonated.

“Are you sleeping here? The guest bedroom?” His words scraped across her sensitive emotions.

“That’s best. I’m too tired to fulfill my wifely duties tonight.”

“We’ll talk tomorrow.” He pulled open the door and stomped out.

Leslie dropped to the edge of the bed and buried her face into her palms. How had things become such a mess?
How could she still drown in her own insecurities and doubts?

Jealousy didn’t spark her fear.
Something else ran far deeper and she couldn’t seem to wipe it away. She had a rare form of love for Stryker, one that lived beyond the separation and dodged time’s harsh hands, but why couldn’t she tell him this? Lilly meant the world to her and the love only grew. The emotion had embedded inside of her.

Stryker and Lilly made her want to be a better person, to make them happy—not lessening her as an individual, but lifting her, giving her courage.

Did he feel the same? Leslie wasn’t sure. A man left with the care of a young child, his obligation could easily trump his emotions. Would he regret marrying her later? Where would that leave her, and Lilly?

Stryker wouldn’t cheat, not physically, and she knew his intentions with Tessa were clean, but what if he wasn’t in the
best spot to realize his feelings?

Tessa was everything that Leslie
wasn’t.

Leslie
had failed Stryker in many ways in her selfish youthfulness.

Of course
, she had no clue if she could be a good mom to Lilly. This was all new. Didn’t all parents have misgivings? She loved her enough to build on her capabilities.

Her wall had come down, leaving her vulnerable. That wasn’t a position she liked. She was scared of losing Stryker, not to another woman, not even to Tessa with her p
erfection. But to reasons she had no control over.

A two-visit stint with a therapist helped her realize that s
he had abandonment issues. What had she done to make her father leave? She was a child and he’d disappeared. What had made her mother withdraw? She’d been there in physical form, but emotionally she’d distanced herself from Leslie.

The
truth blared like a neon sign. Why wait for someone to walk away when she can leave without facing the pain of rejection?

She carried a lot of baggage
and it was time to take the trash out.

Stryker and Lilly deserved more than she could give now. Loving someone didn’t mean clinging to them. Sometime
s it meant letting them go to see their feelings for what they were.

Tears slipped from her closed eyes and she swiped them away with the back of her hand. Climbing
back onto the bed, she pulled the covers over her body and head, whimpering into the mask of the pillow. She didn’t try to hold back the sobs but allowed the emotions to flow until she finally fell asleep.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

STRYKER FOUND THE guest bedroom empty. Leslie was gone and so were her things.

His
heart fell into his stomach as his mouth went dry. He knew what happened…for the second time.

He tore off his hat and
slapped it against his thigh as he made another sweep of the room, hopeful that he’d only overlooked the obvious.

Then he saw it.
Something sticking out from underneath the pillow.

Stomping acro
ss the floor, his boots scuffed the wood with each step, and he grabbed up the paper.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, holding the note, his fingers trembling as he debated what he should do. He’d have to read it, but he wasn’t quite ready.

Hearing soft footsteps, he looked up as Lilly entered the room. Her blonde hair was matted to her head and her Barbie PJ’s were twisted on her tiny body. She swiped the sleep from her eyes then stared at him in curiosity. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Hesitating, she finally nodded.

“I wish you would talk, Lilly. I wish I knew what you’re thinking.” The words fell from his lips, pleading.

She only stared.