Seasons of Sugarcreek 03. Autumn's Promise (8 page)

Their time spent together made him feel younger. Made him feel things he’d thought had died when Grace had taken her last breath.

All day long, he’d found himself smiling—as he recalled the flash of pleasure in her eyes when she’d first spied him at her restaurant that morning; and as he remembered getting lost in the corn maze with her. But then, when he recalled their kiss, his smile would fade.

It had been a foolhardy thing to do, to kiss her. But for the life of him, he couldn’t regret it. He’d been married. He’d enjoyed a loving relationship with Grace. And if he was honest with himself, he missed affection. He missed that spark of awareness that had burned brightly whenever he and Grace had been together.

Of course now, he had no idea what he should do. Continue to see Lilly? But to what end? She wasn’t Amish, and sure didn’t seem interested in being that way. But if she never became Amish, then he would have to leave his order.

And that might mean leaving everything he’d always held dear.

When the front door chimed, it was a welcome relief from his thoughts. “Hello, Frank. Do you need something?”

“I hope so,” Frank Graber said. “I need to order a hope chest for Judith.”

“Does she have a beau?”

“No, but she’s looking around at all the boys in the area something fierce now that Gretta and Joshua are married and in a family way.” With a teasing smile, Frank added, “Careful you don’t get caught in her clutches.”

Frank was chuckling, so Robert did, too, though a thousand questions were forming in his head. Was their age difference really not much of a worry for her parents?

What would Frank think if he’d seen him out with Lilly?

What would he think about two such different folks courting? If, of course, that was even what they were doing?

Frank snapped his fingers. “Ah, Robert? You all right?”

“
Jah.
Sorry, my mind went drifting.” He pulled out a pencil and paper. “Do you have time to go over designs and dimensions?”

Frank pulled out a paper of his own. “I did one better. I asked Elsa to help me with our order.”

Robert took the paper with relief. The way his thoughts were flying around, he doubted he’d be able to make much sense of anything. “I’ll figure out the costs and will let you know by the end of the week.”

“I’ll stop by on Friday, then,” Frank said. He turned away, but two beats later, looked at Robert again. “Are you all right,
freind
?”

“Of course. I just have a lot on my mind today, and a lot to do.”

Instead of taking the hint, Frank sat down. “You know, I heard from more than one person that you were walking with my neighbor at the market on Saturday.”

“Yes, I took Lilly to the farmer’s market.”

“Some people are wondering why you are spending time with a girl who’s English. And younger than you…”

With a sinking heart, Robert prepared to be judged. “I’d be surprised if everyone didn’t talk. It seems people do enjoy worrying about things that are not their business.”

“Sometimes it seems that way, I guess.” Slowly Frank added, “Though we both know that the interest comes from caring. People want each other to be happy.”

“Perhaps,” Robert allowed, though he kind of doubted it. Not all gossip was from the best of intentions. Still stung from his cousins’ veiled accusations and obvious disapproval, Robert braced himself for a lecture. “What do you have to say?”

He raised his hands in mock surrender. “Not a thing.”

“Truly?”

“Of course.” Frank looked a bit put out to be doubted. “Truth be told, I was just going to tell you that I am fairly well acquainted with Lilly. I know her parents as well. They are good neighbors.”

Robert waited for the other shoe to drop. “And?”

“And nothing.”

Robert shook his head. “I’m sorry, Frank. I’m a bit sensitive about Lilly, and I don’t know why. No, that’s not true. I know why,” he said in a horrible, rambling rush. “I’m touchy because I know she’s the last person I should be thinking about. But I can’t seem to stop.”

“She’s a pretty thing.”

“She’s more than that. There’s a depth to her that I admire. And a joy that comes from her, too. I’ve sorely missed that.”

“You’ve had a difficult time.”

Difficult didn’t begin to describe it. Watching a spouse slowly fade away through a blanket of uncertainty and pain wasn’t something he’d wish on anyone. “I loved Grace…but she’s gone.”

“Where do you see things going with Lilly Allen?”

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe you should? You know what I mean, Robert.” Looking almost amused, Frank folded his arms over his chest. “I’m old, but I’ve still got my wits about me. People are talking, and they’re talking loud enough for me to hear what’s said between the lines. There’s something going on.”

Stung, Robert retreated more into himself. He was tired of being judged. Tired of men stopping by and offering unsolicited advice. “Lilly, she’s my friend. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Unable to help himself, he murmured, “She’s
gut
friends with Joshua, I know.”

“She is, but there’s more between you two than just friendship.”

Robert bit back a sharp retort. It didn’t matter that Frank was right. He still didn’t like being the subject of community gossip. And he sure didn’t want to be forced into thinking about what was happening between himself and Lilly. “I don’t know what the Lord has planned for me and Lilly Allen,” he said. Giving away a bit more of his private thoughts than he’d intended. “Once more, I don’t know why it is of your concern. I’m not a child, Frank.”

“You’re right. You’ve been married and have known great trials. But for all that, taking advice from friends isn’t a bad thing.”

“As long as it’s just advice…”

Frank didn’t even flinch. “Perhaps it is. But since I’m already saying too much, I’m gonna offer you some more wisdom…Robert, you should do some thinking about your interest in Lilly Allen. She’s young, she’s English, and she became pregnant out of wedlock.”

“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know. And let’s not cast stones.”

“I don’t want to do that. I’m not saying that her pregnancy is something to be scorned.” He swallowed. “However, it is something to weigh and balance.”

“Ah, and is that what you’re doing?”

“You know, it may surprise you to find out that I don’t necessarily think she is the wrong person for you.”

Robert snapped his head up. “Truly?”

Frank shrugged. “This has been a most unusual year. Things have happened I never imagined. I’ve kind of thought it was our Lord’s way of reminding me that I can’t always be in charge. He is, you know?”

“I know.”

“Perhaps the thing to do would be to pray a bit and ask Him for guidance.”

“That is good advice.”

“I thought so.” With two slaps to the top of the desk, Frank stood up. “I’ll see you on Friday. Judith will be pleased with this gift, I’m sure.”

His mind far away once again, Robert barely waved him goodbye.

Lilly heard her mother groan when she passed by her parents’ room in the hall.

When a bout of coughing followed, and then the flush of a toilet, Lilly frowned in sympathy. Her mother was suffering from morning sickness.

Though she hadn’t suffered that malady too much, Lilly had had it enough to be in complete understanding. Some mornings, her symptoms had been bad enough to make everything in the world seem green. Her body had felt weak and her hands had shook. Her skin had felt hot and flushed. Only the comfort of a can of soda, a handful of crackers, and the welcome relief of an ice cold washcloth on the back of her neck had enabled her to continue her day.

And here, her mom had been going through the same thing in silence.

When she heard the telltale sound of her brushing her teeth, Lilly knocked quietly. “Mom? Are you all right?”

The faucet turned off. “Of course, honey.” She cleared her throat. “Did…did you need something?”

Instead of answering, Lilly asked a question herself. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.”

Though their house still felt new, her parents’ bedroom and bath still seemed the same as always. She’d know her father’s cologne everywhere. On his bedside table was a pile of change from his pockets and a few business cards.

On her mother’s side lay two books and her reading glasses. On their dresser was a ceramic vase Charlie had made for them in fourth grade, as well as a family photo, taken when Lilly was just fourteen.

Memories and familiarity hugged her hard as she walked into the brightly lit bathroom. Her mother sat on the edge of the bathtub, both hands braced on her knees. “I’ll be out in a minute. I’m just trying to get my bearings.”

“Mom, how about a cold washcloth?”

For a moment, Lilly thought her mom was going to refuse the offer, but a grateful smile lit her face. “Thanks. That sounds heavenly.”

Lilly ran out to the linen closet, picked up a clean washcloth, then, back in the bathroom, placed it under the faucet. A few wrings and two folds later, she placed it on the back of her mother’s neck.

She smiled weakly. “I don’t know why this feels so good, but it does. Thanks, honey.” She closed her eyes and sighed.

Lilly sat down beside her.

As they sat together in silence, Lilly knew it was time to stop avoiding her mom. It was time to grow up a little more and think about someone else’s needs. “Do you need anything else? A Coke or something?”

She slipped the washcloth off her neck. “No, honey. This did the trick.” Their eyes met in the mirror’s reflection. “Did
you
need something?”

“No. I just heard you and got worried…” Lilly’s voice drifted off as she realized how lame she sounded. She shouldn’t have waited so long to reach out.

Ever since she’d blown up at her parents, Lilly had done everything she could to have as little to do with them as possible. She’d left the house early for work and come home only after she could find nothing else to do. On Sunday, she’d even driven Ty to his friend’s birthday party so she wouldn’t have to spend time with her mom.

While her mom never said a word about her absence, her father had. His voice had been stern as he’d cautioned her to stop feeling so sorry for herself.

But even that talking-to hadn’t encouraged her to change her ways. Actually, if anything, it had only increased her desire to avoid her mom. Obviously they didn’t understand how hard it was for her to watch her mother plan for a baby.

Her mother, on the other hand, had been doing everything but avoid her. She’d tried to talk to Lilly about her life. About her job at the Sugarcreek Inn. Even about how Charlie was doing at Bowling Green. Never once did she talk about how she was feeling. No, she’d continued to put Lilly’s needs first. In addition, her mom had been doing her best to hide everything about the pregnancy so Lilly wouldn’t be hurt.

But Lilly had hardly bent at all. No, she’d done her best just to stay away and ignore her feelings, to talk about everything but what was most important to her mother.

Funny how pretending nothing was wrong was continuing to be a family trait. Her parents had been champions at doing that when Lilly had been pregnant. And here, she’d done her best to act the same way during the last few weeks.

“I bet your stomach will settle down soon,” Lilly ventured. “All the books say it does.”

“I hope you’re right. The doctor said I need to gain a little bit of weight.” She shook her head wryly. “Imagine that! After all those years on Weight Watchers, now I’m supposed to be gaining weight! It’s hard to wrap my head around.”

“I bet.” Lilly leaned against the gray marbled counter and watched her mom brush and curl her hair. Her mom had worn the same hairstyle for ages.

So much was different…but still the same, too. When their eyes met again in the mirror, her mom inquired, “You okay?”

“Oh, sure. I was, uh, just thinking how nice everything looks in here.”

Smiling, her mom ran a finger along the wall. “I like it, too. I thought I’d never get all that dust out of the carpet, but now that everything’s back to normal, I think it was worth the mess.”

Her parents had recently finished sprucing up their master bath. Boring eggshell white walls were now painted a deep grayish-blue. Shiny bright hardware had been switched to a burnished silver. Gray and blue and ivory towels hung from hooks and towel rods.

And a beautiful watercolor of lilies hung above the bathtub.

“Did I tell you that Cassidy came out here the other day?”

Turning, her mother faced her in surprise. “No. What brought her?”

“Me. She got tired of me not answering her phone calls.”

“I wish you could have encouraged her to stay for dinner. I always liked Cassidy.”

“Actually, she stopped by the inn. I was working, and she had to get back, so her coming over wouldn’t have been possible.” Lilly didn’t even know how to admit that she had been less than friendly, anyway.

“Oh.”

“I think I might go see her soon,” she blurted, wondering where in the world that had come from. “When we started talking, I realized that I should have called her or emailed her or something. We used to be really good friends.”

“You know what? I think you’re right. It might do you some good to take a few days and go see all your friends. You deserve some days off.”

“You wouldn’t mind if I went to go see her? Really?”

“Of course not, dear. Lilly, I think we both know that the days of me telling you what to do are over,” she said dryly. As she bent down to close two drawers, her mom winced a bit. “I tell you what, I’ve got cramps on top of cramps!”

Immediately, concern for her mother’s health overrode everything else. “Mom, you should go lay down. I had cramps right before I lost—”

Before she could say anything more, her mom enfolded her in a hug. “Oh, no, honey. They’re in the muscles in my stomach—and everywhere else. It’s called being forty-four and pregnant.”

Pure relief filled her. As did embarrassment. “Oh. Sorry.”

“Please don’t be sorry for caring.” Her arm still around Lilly’s shoulders, her mother walked her into the master bedroom. “I appreciate it.”

“I care. I’ve just been having a hard time.”

“I know you have. I promise, we’ll get through this.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t tried to help you more.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad we’re talking. I told your dad I was afraid you were going to be mad at me for six more months.”

“I haven’t been mad at you. More like stunned.”

“You and me both, honey.”

“Can I make you something to eat?”

Her mother grimaced. “I don’t think I can stomach food right now. But do think about planning a trip to see Cassidy. Spending time with friends would do you good. You spend too much time working, I think.”

“I think I will.” Before she lost her nerve, she blurted, “On Saturday, when I went to the farmer’s market and got the kitten…I went with somebody.”

“Actually, I heard something about that. You went with a man, didn’t you?”

“Yes. He’s just a friend, though,” she said quickly. “His name’s Robert.”

“And did you have a good time?”

“We did.” Lilly’s mouth went dry as she recalled their time in the corn maze. Kissing him, being in his arms—even for a few minutes…It had been very good.

Then she noticed that her mom wasn’t acting all that surprised. “Hey, Mom, how did you know?”

A secretive smile played on her lips. “Elsa told me. She heard all about it from Gretta.”

“Not Joshua?”

“She said Gretta, but it could have been both of them, I suppose. I guess you saw them at the market?”

“I did. Um…actually, Josh didn’t act real thrilled to see me there with Robert.”

“Why was that?”

“Because Robert’s Amish.”

“I heard that, too.”

Again, her mother didn’t seem all that shocked by any of what Lilly was revealing. Lilly wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. She so wanted to be able to talk to someone about everything she was feeling…but she sure hadn’t expected it to be her mom.

Could their relationship be finally mending…? “Robert is older than I, but not that old. He’s twenty-four.”

“Still pretty young. And you’re eighteen.”

“Nineteen now,” Lilly corrected. “I just had a birthday, remember? Anyway, Robert has been through a lot. He’s a widower.”

“Well, you’ve had your share of difficulties. It’s nice to know you made a new friend.” She paused significantly.

“Is that what you are? Just friends?”

“Maybe. Maybe more…I don’t know.”

With a tender smile, her mother murmured, “Don’t worry, Lilly. I’m not going to lecture you. I’ll just say that I hope you won’t get hurt.”

She knew what her mother meant. Alec had said he’d loved her, but he obviously hadn’t. When he’d rejected her, and her pregnancy, it had been especially painful. “I don’t think he’s like Alec. I don’t think he would ever say something and not mean it. But we’re not anywhere like that,” she said in a rush. “All I know is that I like his company.”

“He must like yours, too, if he bought you that little kitten that’s been scratching up our couch…and cuddling on my lap.”

“So, Elsa told you that he bought me the kitten, too?”

“I’m afraid if you go to the farmer’s market with Robert, you’re not going to return with many secrets.”

She hoped her mom was wrong. Having everyone know about the kitten was one thing. But if anyone ever guessed that she’d kissed him, Lilly knew people even as sweet as Elsa Graber wouldn’t be so kind. They walked into the kitchen. “As I said, I, for one, am glad you’re making some friends. That’s important. Just take care that you’re choosing good ones, right? You deserve to be around people who will be nice to you.”

“Robert is.”

“Good. And that’s probably another reason that you should go back to Cleveland. You need to be around some more kids your age and have some fun. I can’t expect you to only go to Amish farmer’s markets!”

Her mom was right. Suddenly, Lilly felt silly. Had she really been thinking that spending her weekends at a farmer’s market was something she wanted to make a habit of? “I better get ready for work.”

“Me too.” Her mom hugged her again, and said, “I’m so glad we talked, honey. Everything’s going to be just fine for all of us. I know it.”

“I bet you’re right.” Lilly smiled as she turned away and walked to her room.

She was so glad things were ironed out between her and her mom.

But now, all she could think about was a twenty-four-year-old man with a light brown beard and icy blue eyes. A man who was kind and nice. And who could kiss like a dream.

A man who made her think that being in a relationship again might be just what she needed.