Searching for Tomorrow (Tomorrows) (30 page)

Lacey

Black, everything is black.

There is no noise, nothing.

Complete and utter silence.

What just happened? Why is everything so dark and quiet? What is happening to me? Everything is blank and I don't know if I'm alive or dead. I cannot feel anything. Confusion is all I know. I would give anything to feel something, pain even.

What if I'm dead? EVAN! I will never be able to see him again. Tell him I love him again. What is going to happen to Evan? Dear God, please don't let me be dead.

I need to get to my baby boy.
My Evan.

Caine

My heart stopped.

I know the very moment it stopped beating.

There is nothing circulating throughout these veins as I watch my future die in front of my eyes.

I can't breathe. I try to run, but my feet are glued to the ground. I'm still fighting my internal battle as I finally move, hitting the hard pavement welcoming its stings falling to my knees.

What have I done? "Lacey, oh my God! Lacey!" I shout but she doesn't move. "Please wake up. Please baby I love you." Her limbs are limp allowing me to position her body to avoid
more injuries. "HELP!" I scream at the top of my lungs. Where the hell is everyone? Someone should have called 911 by now. I look around and see a crowd of bodies encasing my better half.

"Help!" I cry waiting for someone to move. Throwing my hands in the air, I continue to yell at the crowd, "What the hell are you all doing standing there? Fucking help!" Shaking my head, I return to my girl who still takes my breath away, even now. Why did I do this? I'm liable. I was so worked up from dancing with her that I needed a release and I found the quickest way to get it. Damn she felt so fucking good; almost better than the first night I laid eyes on her. I wanted to take my beautiful girl right there on the dance floor but I knew I couldn't. We were starting over and Lacey was getting there. Were and was being the operative words. She's never going to take me back now. I run my hands through my hair trying to keep from picking her up and driving her to the hospital myself. But I can't. I know I can't move her. Lacey needs help, where's the help? Please God save her.

I gently brush my fingers along her cheek, there is blood everywhere. Scared to move my eyes over her body, I close them and pray.

"What on earth? Oh my God, Lacey. NO! Lacey!" Lane screams in hysterics. "Caine?" I know Lane is asking me what happened. "Please Caine. NO. No, no, no!" I have to turn back to Lacey, I can't face Lane right now. My fucking heart has been ripped out knowing my insecurities put her here but to witness it all unfold on Lane's face is too much. Shit, I need to hurl. Moving swiftly to the side, I lose the contents of my stomach and then some. I'm so fucking scared to lose the only person I've ever loved.

Fucking hilarious, right? I caused Lacey so much damn pain and all along I loved her so much more than I ever showed her. I knew I wasn't good enough for her and it would only be a matter of time before she left me like all the men left my mom. I'm toxic, I know. Dad told me plenty of times growing up how messed up I was. I'm fucking toxic. There is no way Lacey would've stayed with me. No fucking way. I thought it would be easier for her to hate me. I was fucking insane to
ever
think that. Every time I hurt Lacey I hated myself a little more. Why the fuck did I cheat on the one thing that could bring light into my darkness? When I found out she was carrying my child, the most gorgeous woman on the fucking planet was carrying my child, I lost it. There is no way I fucking deserve it. No way! I love her. God how I love Lacey. And all I did was fucking hurt her. I turned into my fucking mother who loves herself more than anyone else. Laying eyes on the little man we both created filled the empty crevices my dead beat dad and codependent mother left. Evan is the sun in my dark, the water to my drought, and the calm to the storm running through me. And I fucked it up. I want to change and be the person they need. I was fucking changing and then the stupid broad grabbed me on my way to the restroom. I didn't want to go but I also wanted to get rid of the fucking pulsating hard on Lacey gave me. Just thinking of her gets me hard. "I'm so sorry Lacey, so damn sorry baby. I love you so fucking much Lacey!"

Dear God, please let her live and I will never turn my back on her again. I'm such a fuck up; a sick fuck up at that. Turning back, I spot Becca walking in a daze. Oh shit, this is not going to go over well. Becca stops about ten feet from Lacey. She doesn't move, doesn't talk, shit she's not even blinking. I can't leave Lacey by herself on the ground, I run over and drop to my knees. There is so much fucking blood. Bunching the shirt I just pulled off, I gently place it under her head careful not to move her neck too much. I hear sirens - about fucking time.

"Lacey," Becca whispers. "Lacey?" She repeats her name over and over not moving from the spot I found her moments ago.

The sirens are getting louder and I know they are close.
Close.
I was so close to getting her back. Lane's still screaming but there are some girls holding her back. "Lacey baby, help is coming. Hold on please babe. I love you, hold on." I pick up her hand and kiss it, moving my fingers to her wrist looking for her life line. I need to feel it, to know everything is going to be okay. Nothing, I can't feel anything. Bending over I kiss her cheek and beg her to hold on.

"Sir," someone pulls me to my feet. "Sir, I need you to move out of the way so that we can help her." I nod not taking my eyes off Lacey. Suddenly a swarm of people rush over calling out things I cannot comprehend in my frozen state.

"Excuse me sir?" I look over to see who was spitting words out while my girl is dying. "Sir, I'm sorry. Is she okay?" The stranger looks down at the ground nervously moving a foot back and forth in front of him. "Um, I'm sorry. My phone buzzed and I was worried because I had to leave my daughter home while she was sick. I was scared she needed me." In that moment all I saw was red.

Finding my voice, "You fucking hit my wife because you were checking your fucking phone? I going to fucking kill you, you asshole!" Moving so that my fist can meet his jaw, the taxi driver beats me to it. "Get the fuck off me you sick bastard!" He rears his fist into my stomach and knocks me off balance.

Thank God for giving me the adrenaline I need at this moment so I can beat the piece of shit. "How fucking could you? You killed my wife!" I cry. My wife, beautiful wife and mother of our little boy. Thinking about Evan only makes me angrier.

"You asshole, you killed the mother of my child!" I hit him over and over. I don't know how many times I wish the mother fucker dead.

"What the hell was she doing in the middle of the fucking road dumbass? If she didn't want to get hit, she shouldn't have been in the road." His words set me off even more.

I was still throwing punches when I was pulled off of him and feeling the sting of metal on my wrists. Shit! Total fucking fuck up. Lacey needs me and I'm not there. "Why are you fucking arresting me?" I ask the officers. "I didn't kill her. This piece of shit did. He was on his fucking phone texting. His phone was more important than my wife who is on that stretcher. Please let me go, please. I need to be with her. Please! He threw the first punch. I was protecting myself." I plead looking one of the police officers straight in the eye.

Mr. Piece of Shit starts to talk, "I'm so sorry Sir," and then lunges himself into me again. "Don't you ever lay another fucking hand on me!" This guy is mental. What a stupid dipshit. I mean really.

The other officer pulls him off securing his hands behind his back and starts to read the asshole his rights. Good fucking riddance bastard. I return my eyes to Lacey watching the people working on her. By this time she has tubes coming out of fucking everywhere. One of the guys working on her, yells something and they rush to put her in the back of the ambulance. I turn to the cop, "Please, he started it. I need to be with my wife. Please, she's dying. I need to go."

The officer must understand how desperate I am. He turns to speak to the other officer and they exchange words I'm not even listening to. I'm too busy staring at the back of the ambulance. Only when I feel the handcuffs come off am I aware I'm running to jump in. I stop briefly turning to Becca and Lane. One of the other girls who was sitting with them earlier in the booth says she'll drive them straight to the hospital. I nod and climb into the ambulance praying these people can save the one and only woman who stole my heart.