SEAL Of My Heart (10 page)

“You’re a sweetheart, Kate. The guy must be crazy for you. And crazy out of his mind at the thought of losing you. Give him a chance. Go make up and have a nice life.” He pulled her away from him and tipped her chin up with his thumb and forefinger.

Oh Jesus, those lips!
What was he going to do? Oh yes, he was going to be the warrior he’d been trained to be. Do the right thing.

He was going to walk away. Forever.

But he still hoped in a week or two maybe he’d get a letter.

‡

K
ate spent the
day trying to dodge her sister’s questions. She dialed Randy’s number several times and didn’t get an answer but left the same message, saying she was sorry she had hurt him, and to please understand her indecision. She begged for time. She begged for patience.

She knew he was avoiding her call. And just what was she going to tell him? Her decision not to go forward with the wedding was still unchanged. And as difficult as it was to bear, she was still glad Tyler hadn’t inserted himself. He was right. He didn’t belong there. Not now. Maybe not ever.

She called her mother.

“Oh, my God, Kate, you’d think the winery had gone up in flames, the way those people—” Kate could always tell when her mother was upset with the future in-laws because she started to call them
those people—
“have been acting. Like I’m supposed to fly up there and knock some sense into you.”

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

“So, I gotta ask you. What the hell is going on? And couldn’t you wait to tell Randy in person if you had questions? Call a family pow-wow?”

“That’s just it, they’d try to talk me out of it.”

“Well, yes, because that’s what we do for people we love, Kate. You’re out of your head if you think we don’t want you to marry Randy. He’s perfect for you.”

But I don’t love him, Mom.

“Did he say something, honey? Did he offend you? Give me some kind of clue here, please. I’m drowning in questions.”

Kate watched her sister walk into the room, drying a bowl. Just the fact that Gretchen had appeared gave her the support she needed. “Mom, I’m not sure I love him. I’m not sure he’s the right one for me.”

“Oh, Lord save us. You gotta be kidding me, Kate.”

“I’d give anything if—”

“When did this happen? When did you first start feeling this way?”

“It just came on me fast, Mom. I guess getting away from everyone, up here where I could think—”

“Gretchen isn’t doing one of her anti-male talks again, is she? I’ll wring her little neck—”

“No! Mom, listen.” She glanced at her sister’s worried face. “No one has said anything to me.”

Gretchen rolled her eyes, knowing their mother had made a comment about her. She shook her head disgustedly.

Kate’s mother was speaking urgently and fast. And she was getting angry. Finally Kate had to interrupt.

“I. Don’t. Love. Him.”

Her mother sputtered and erupted in a spate of words Kate couldn’t understand, but eventually calmed down.

“That’s enough of that talk, young lady. You get your butt back down here to California. You tell your sister to put you on the next plane available.”

“I can do that myself, Mom. I’m a big girl.”

“You’ve done quite enough already. Kate, what were you thinking? I don’t understand what could have made you change your mind.”

“He’s just not the right one. I care for him, Mom. But I don’t want to
marry
him. Haven’t you ever had second thoughts?”

There was a pause that disturbed Kate. “I never had any second thoughts about your dad. Not one.”

“Well there, you see? I do, and I need time to sort those doubts out. Randy won’t even return any of my calls. I’ve tried all morning.”

“I think he’s trying to arrange a plane to come get you.”

“Great. I’ll be a hostage. At my own wedding.”

“It’s not like that, Kate.”

“No? Well then, what would you call it?”

“You have the wedding jitters. You’re confused. They want to help.”

“No, Mom. They want to pressure me. Don’t let them do this.”

“I’m sorry, honey. I can’t control those people any more than you can.”

“And you want your daughter to marry their son anyway. Why is that, I wonder?”

After a brief hesitation, her mother sighed and said, “Yes, honey, I do, because it’s what’s best for you.”

“I’m not going to do it. You know me. The more they push, the more I’ll resist.”

She knew her mother wouldn’t be able to disagree. Kate was legendary for her stubbornness.

“Okay, I’ve got Marsha calling on the other line. Can I at least tell her you’re coming home and will discuss this with Randy in the next day or two? Can I tell her that?”

“Yes. I don’t want any private planes coming up here to fetch me. I’ll take the next commercial flight out I can. Probably tomorrow.”

Her mother sighed. “Okay. I’ll tell her. Call me back later tonight, okay?”

“Will do.”

Kate slumped into a chair and began to bawl her eyes out. Gretchen was at her side.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie. God, I wish I could be of help here, but just know I feel for what you’re going through.” She rubbed Kate’s neck and shoulder, and then dropped to her knees and gave her a hug. “You’ll do the right thing, kid. You always do.”

“Except this time I’ve really botched it up.”

“No, Kate. Really messing up would be marrying the wrong guy. Trust me, I know a lot about that.”

Randy did return
her call later that evening, but she was in the shower. She played back the message and was grateful she hadn’t been able to catch his call live. What he said made her blood boil.

“Kate. What you’re doing is a big mistake. A big fuckin’ mistake. We have treated you with respect, and you show none in return. My family has welcomed you into the fold. You have to understand this is a huge inconvenience for everyone. The functions they turned down so they could have everything ready for us—that’s real dollars and cents, Kate, not some fantasy.”

He paused, then continued his rant. “You live in some kind of fairyland where everything has to be perfect, and that’s not the way life is. Do you think I’m one hundred percent happy with everything about our relationship? I’m not. But do you think I let these doubts or thoughts interfere with the planning, or the fact that I’m committed to you? Yes, I’m committed to you. Or at least I
was
until you pulled this little fiasco.

“Now I don’t know who you are, Kate. You’re not the woman I thought you were. I just never thought you’d pull this kind of stunt.”

The rest of the call droned on until he’d used up all the message time. Kate was furious.

She sat at the desk in front of the window and pretended she could see through the dark to the Columbia River winding slowly past. She felt cold. She was in shock. As she twisted in the chair, Tyler’s letter, which she’d forgotten, fell out of her pocket.

Her heart was racing as she carefully unfolded the binder paper and read his letter. And then she knew what she had to do.

She couldn’t wait for morning.

‡

A
fter dinner, Tyler
checked in with his LPO, Kyle Lansdowne, double-checking orders and making sure there were no changes to their deployment.

“We’re good. They’re saying prepare for six but we might be home in four,” Kyle said. “How’s it hanging up there in Portland?”

“Good. Mom’s got a gallery function tomorrow night. Kenny’s batshit as hell. Thinking I should bring him down there and give him some time with Cooper.”

“You don’t want to do that, Tyler.”

“Why the hell not? The rain up here is melting his brain. No sunshine.”

“Cooper’s got the little one now. And he’s about as sleep-starved as he was during BUD/S. Libby’s cool and just as fine as ever, but Cooper. Oh. My. God. You’d think this baby was made out of porcelain the way he’s so careful. Won’t let any of us hold the little sucker, either.”

That was good news. “Glad the baby came before we deploy.”

“Roger that, Tyler.”

“Shit, Lanny, I’m sorry.” Tyler was referring to the fact that Kyle’s wife, Christy, was going to deliver their second while he was on deployment. It wasn’t certain he’d be given leave to come home for it, since it depended on what they found when they got overseas.

“No worries. She understands. Sucks, but she understands. But as for Cooper and having his first, I’m not sure we could have gotten him to go otherwise.”

“Bet the girls are loving the baby though.” Tyler noticed his voice faded as he spoke.

“You okay?” Lansdowne asked.

“Yeah.” Kyle knew all the members of SEAL Team 3 like they were blood brothers, which in a very real sense, they were, since they’d spilled blood together. Even the wives stuck close together. The babies would play together. The community would close ranks around the new mom and child and try to fill the void left by Kyle’s absence. Tyler wondered how they did it.

“You gettin’ laid?”

Kyle always wanted to know if his guys were regular.

“Shit, Kyle, I just got here.”

“So that’s a big fuckin’ no, then.”

“As a matter of fact I met a girl.”

“Fuck’s sake, Tyler. What are you waiting for, a marriage proposal?”

That comment stung more than it would have before yesterday. Before Kate and those couple of kisses in the donut shop and the one today at her sister’s. God, he wished he’d met her before that Randy dude had. He dismissed that thought as unhelpful. “She’s engaged.”

“Well then, you’re wasting your time. Or am I getting something wrong here?”

“She’s confused.”

“Of course she’s confused. She met you, and now she’s weak at the knees in love with her SEAL fantasy man. Get out of Dodge, Tyler. Leave her alone and get some real booty that won’t make you feel all guilty. We don’t want any of that coming up next week, you understand?”

“Of course I understand.”

“Okay, I gotta go.”

“Tell Christy hi for me.”

“Will do.” After a brief pause, Kyle added, “And Tyler?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Go get fuckin’ laid.”

It had never
seemed like such a burden before, but he didn’t want to just run out and find a girl to have sex with. This change surprised him a little. All he could think about was Kate. Darn it all. He was going to have to wait at least two weeks for the military mail to catch up to him, since he knew wasn’t going to stop by her sister’s house anymore. Not that he wouldn’t look out the window and try to find it. He’d already discovered he couldn’t see the house from his mother’s, but he’d tried all afternoon just the same and always came up with the same result.

He also prepared himself for the real possibility she wouldn’t write back.

Whatever.
It was out of his hands. She was probably out of his league anyway, he thought.

He fingered the notebook he’d started in high school and the unfinished letter to Karen. He wondered what happened to her. He did a search on Facebook and couldn’t find a listing, which probably meant she had a married name now, not the one he knew in high school. He wasn’t allowed to have a Facebook page because of what he did, but he’d set up the persona of a twenty-year-old college student and used that account to surf the internet.

He searched the winery where Kate worked. The pictures were lush with views of golden rows of grapes and large oak barrels. There was a family photo of the Hellers and Kate wasn’t in the picture, which Tyler thought very odd. They had three boys. Handsome ones. He didn’t know which one was the fiancé but he secretly hoped it was the middle one, who was a little chubby.

Now why are you thinking that way?
He understood he felt more than just a little competitive with the guy who’d gotten there first and now was blowing it, in Tyler’s opinion. But then perhaps he’d feel the same way if the roles were reversed. Women confused him, mostly because he didn’t want to hurt them, so didn’t engage fully. He’d never found that right one, like he’d told Kate on the plane yesterday. Was that just yesterday? Wow.

Something in the way she looked at him just melted the crust he’d formed. Somehow she had gotten inside that veneer, and he’d just jumped right in. Was stupid, but kind of satisfying, in a way. No, not satisfying. Exciting. Whatever she could give him, no matter if she wrote him every six months, he’d take what she’d give, and he’d not ask for anything more. And he wasn’t going to do anything more until she made up her mind.