Seacrets (12 page)

"I went and got our breakfast and let Godsey know ya had a rough night of it. That you'll be takin' the day off.” As he winked at her.

She just about screeched bloody hell upon him. "You did what! Oh please tell me that ya are jokin' Captain. Ya really didn't let on about our lovemakin' ta Godsey, I'll ne'er be able ta look him in the eye!" 

Daniel sat staring at her clutching her blanket to her as she continued her tirade, wanting desperately to relieve her of it.
"Are ya completely daft, woman! O’ course I didna tell him that. I meant that ya was feelin' poorly and needed ta stay in bed for the day." He stated with a smirk that
she
desperately wanted to slap off of his face.

"Oh my
goodness! He knows what we did in here last eventide! That does it I canna work with the man ever again. Why, he's like my father, he is, and I would die first than have my father know that I succumbed to the ways of a wanton. I won't I tell ya I won't!" She slammed herself down into the dinning chair, clutching the wool blanket to herself, with a pout and tears welling up in her eyes. "Oh why did I give into ya. This is God's way o' punishin' me for my sins of the flesh."

Damn it if she wasn't the sweetest female that he'd ever laid his kiss upon. He leaned back into his chair, slapping his hands to his thighs. "What are ya all fired up about. Don't ya think that Godsey maybe has caught on ta what the rest o' the world is already onta. Passions between a man a
nd a woman have been goin' on since the dawn o' time, love. I think he would o' figured it out in time, lass. Besides keepin' his Captain happy has saved his sorry hide from the lash, and your virginity is still intact, girl. I have left ya with your most prize possession." "So ya see, love, 'tis all good."

When Maura
at last lifted her eyes to his they were that deep fiery emerald color that told Daniel she was furious with something he'd said, but couldn't figure out what it could be. I mean everyone was in a win win situation, to his mind. Godsey did not have to face the lash, he got to make love to a beautiful woman and she still has her virginity intact. What could possibly be wrong with that?

Through clenched teeth Maura spoke to Daniel in a contemptuous tone that he immediately could recognize as hurtful anger.
"What do you mean, sir, that my virginity is still intact? Her steely look was cutting him in half. "I gave myself ta ya freely. Ya may not have penetrated me with your manhood, sir, but ya casual accountin' of our lovemakin’ surely has pierced my heart all the same." The tears were there, but she fought them back.

"I am not a plaything for ya ta take out and use when the urge suits ya. I came upon this ship with the sole purpose of gettin' safe passage ta New England and I agreed ta work and work is what I'll be doin' sir. I'll not be lyin' about servicin' ya basic animal urges for my passage. Get my meanin'? She poked Daniel hard in his chest with her long slender index finger.

"Now if ya don't mind I'll be havin' ya turn ya back so that I might get dressed for my day’s work, Captain Hargendon." She turned her nose up at him and stiffened her back in an attempt to stand her ground.

While his back was turned to the great bay window over his bunk, he tried to plead with her to listen to him. "Maura, ya are not realizin’ it now, girl, but I've done ya a great favor. Sure I could o’ taken ya fully last night but then, one day, when ya meet the right man, lass, ya can truthfully say ya virginity is still intact. I didna want ta take from ya your most prize possession, darlin'
…I just wanted ya ta feel the passions some women never get ta feel their whole life and still keep ya vanity, that's all, lass. I never meant ta hurt ya feelin's, girl."

"Oh your a fine one ya are. Doin' me a big favor, are ya? You used me for ya own pleasure and didna
take
my virginity because ya are ta be wed back in New England and don't want anyone's wee bairn ta havta claim as ya own. Isn't that the real way of it?" She fired back at him. “And one more thing I should like ta take ya ta task for. Today I am relegated back ta the rank o’
girl
and
lass
, is it now? Whereas last eventide I was emulated ta woman status while ya were havin’ ya way with me. Well let me make this perfectly clear
Captain
I am not a girl but a full grown woman and ‘tis high time I started actin’ like one and not just when in the lustful throws of a man’s passionate embrace!”

"Look here, Maura, I never gave words of promise to ya, woman, and I won't be caught up in the trappin’s of any female, not even the one that I am betrothed to."
He stormed past her and left the cabin, slamming the portal door behind him.

Maura threw herself onto the bunk that, just the night before, she had been in heavenly bliss. She sobbed heavily into her pillow. "When I meet the right man, indeed. I gave myself to him because I thought that he
was
the right man.” She sat up on the side of the bunk, wiped the tears from her eyes, donned her cap, rubbed some soot to her nose and cheeks and left the cabin for the upper deck to begin her day’s work.

§

The next few days were tenuous, between Daniel and Maura. She made certain to keep as busy as possible so as not to have to talk with him at all, unless necessary. She worked hard, sun up to sun down. Then she fell into her bunk every night, exhausted. But before she drifted off to sleep, each night, she could not get him out of her thoughts, no matter how hard she tried.

It had been one week since they had made love, but Maura could still feel his warm mouth upon her neck and lips and his masculine hands over her body. She longed for his touch, again, and wanted to give in to him. To go to him and beg him to take her. She felt prideless, at this point, as she realized she was hopelessly in love with this man and could not help herself.

How she hated these feelings of weakness.

It was somewhere along the fifth morning, when she had awakened, and was greatly relieved Daniel had already left the cabin and was up on deck.  She could collect her thoughts and get her cabin chores done in peace, without wondering what he might be thinking.
She had been stripping the bed of its linens and was getting ready to take them to the wash barrel, when a knock came upon the cabin door. Without giving too much thought she opened the cabin door thinking it was Godsey, come to fetch her for the day’s work up on deck.

Shocked to see that it was Kilern standing on the other side, she stepped back and tried to slam the door in his face, but his foot held the door open. "What do you want! The Captain will be returnin' any minute, now!" Trying to sound brave and convincing.

Kilern forced his way into the cabin and shut the door behind him. "Now that's not too hospitable of ya lass. Didna ya pa teach ya no mannas?" He cackled in his most disgusting tone.

"I'm just checkin' on my pot O' gold, ‘tis all." Running his fingers across his dry, cracked and encrusted lips.
"Cap'n's gonna be busy for a while. Might be this is my chance ta have a taste o' ya, girl.” Kilern moved a bit closer as Maura retreated. "You ain't told him that I'm knowin' ya to be a lass or I’d have known it by now. Tell me Maura why haven't ya told him? Why then ya would be protected from me, ‘cause for sure he'd have my hide for touchin' ya." He moved even closer to Maura. She continued to back away from him.

"Unlike you, Mr. Kilern, I have a heart and a conscience. I don't want anyone's blood on my hands." She leaned back against the table with one hand.

"Oh that be a shame, cause ya see Maura I couldna care less about havin' a conscience. I'm only thinkin' 'bout never havin' ta sail, again, these black cold waters and livin' an uncomfortable life, child, and you're gonna help me ta achieve that end." He leaned in closer and grabbed her face, with one hand, and forced a hard, wet kiss upon her mouth. He forced her mouth open wide to take in his tongue way into the back of her mouth, while his other hand had found it's way down into the front of her trouser’s, where he immediately found her warm, soft, private spot and slipped his fingers into her. "Oh Girl, ya are gonna taste so good ta me.

Don't fight me now, and it'll go easier on ya. I ain't gonna take ya fully, I just want a small taste of ya honey pot, darlin', ‘tis all.”

Maura knew there was no getting out of this fix. If she screamed it would surely bring upon, Kilern, the wrath of her Captain, which he deserved, but after the way she had behaved with Daniel, the week before, he'd never believe she did not bring this onto herself. She felt such shame for giving herself to Daniel so freely and with such wanton behavior.

She closed her eyes tightly so as to be able to endure Kilern's rape of her body
. He groped and prodded with his hands and mouth, as he pushed her onto the table and had his way with her.

Finally and with brute force he turned her to face the table and pushed her down upon it, slamming the side of her face against the cold hard mahogany. Then he ripped her trousers from her waist.

It seemed like hours had passed in his sudden silence. He stopped his effrontery of her briefly to further torment her with his comments regarding her bare bottom that was now in full view of his prying eyes. “My God girl ya are truly beautiful. Ya body is like that of an angel, so pure, so chaste. Seems almost a shame ta sully ya like this.  But my male urges willna let me stop."

Maura felt him run his rough palm over her bare buttocks, as he made a searing noise between his teeth, as if he'd been burnt with a hot iron for touching her skin.

Maura was terrified to move. Her breathing was rapid and shallow in its quality and she felt nauseated from the smell of him. She stayed perfectly still, though, for as long as he was talking he was not assaulting her. But that reprieve proved too short for he began his denigration of her body, once again. He had hold of her around her waist with one hand and was working loose the ties of his trousers with the other. Finally with both hands holding her firmly in place, he began to push up against the outside of her bare bottom with his hard bulbous mass. He wrapped his arm around her waist, placing his large rough hand on her slender, soft hip and with the other he fondled her breasts. She was praying it would soon be over. She kept her eyes shut tight and was thinking about being back home, where it was safe.

Kilern lick
ed the back of her neck and moan with unashamed pleasure. At last, he let out a deep groan and she could feel her backside was wet from his release. He let go of her and leaned back away from her.

She could hear him fumbling with his trousers and then heard him speak. 

“C’mon now girl, dress yaself. I mean I know ya are lookin’ for more but I've not the time nor the energy, hehe," as he slapped her on her bare buttocks. He bent and pulled her trousers up to her waist instructing her to fasten them.

Maura did as she was told. She couldn't fight. She was numb. All the reasons her father wanted her to leave home for had happened to her, here, on this ship. God only knows what else was awaiting her in New England. 

Kilern went on and on but she did not hear a word of it.

"I don't know what the Cap’n's been teachin' ya but it's obvious he ain't touched ya yet. Why ya were as pure as the drivin’ snow, lass. That's fine by me, love. I'll be more than willin' ta teach ya what a man will be lookin’ ta purchase ya wares for, hehe, no problem."

He was finally dressed and ready to leave the cabin. He grabbed her one last time, before departing, held her close to him and kissed her full on the mouth then ran his tongue down the length of her throat, to the swell of her breast. "Next time I'll teach ya how to take care of a man proper. There are many ways of satisfyin' a man, while preservin' ya virginity. I've sailed to the orient, many times and the things I've learned will be makin' me a rich man back in New England, once I've taught ya the ways." He grabbed her buttocks one last time and squeezed it gently. "Oh yes, I'm gonna have a grand time teachin' ya." He winked at her and then left the cabin.

Maura went immediately to the wash stand and began to scrub every inch of herself until her skin was beginning to peel and was actually bleeding in some areas. She scraped her tongue many times with the rough wash cloth, but nothing could take away the taste of his mouth or the smell of his breath. She was terrified Daniel would be able to smell him on her if he got too close to her. She planned to stay as far away from him as possible, for the rest of the voyage.

She had no feelings left at all. Kilern had stolen them all from her. If this is what women were put upon this earth for then she should learn how to survive it or she would surely die in this new world she was headed for.

Once dressed for the deck, she headed out the door. But took a moment and turned to look back inside, at what she once thought was a safe place, and realized there was no safe place for her...anymore. Her innocence had been robbed from her by two men
. One she thought she loved, a few days earlier, and the other she hated. Now she felt she hated both, if not all men. She turned and closed the portal door, forever changed.

Ӝ

Chapter
Nine

The days turned to weeks and Maura survived each day to the best of her ability. She tried desperately to remain positive about her future in  America. She managed to steer clear of Kilern for the rest of the voyage by sticking to Godsey's side and never letting herself be alone too long  and to not open her cabin door unless she was certain it was Godsey or Daniel on the other side. Maura could tell by the looks she was receiving from Kilern he was not happy. But all that mattered right now was getting the rest of the way to America without being raped again. If she could just get to the Turlington's, she'd be safe from harm. They must surely have received her dowry money by now and would take her in. She could start a new life and try to put the unfortunate circumstances of her journey behind her for good. These thoughts allowed her to get through each day and allowed her to focus on the positive.

The morning was bright with sunshine that seemed to be catching every breaker. The tips of each wave looked as though they were sparkling like tiny diamonds.

The air smelled fresh, up on deck, and she was grateful for the feel of the warm sunshine on her face.

Daniel
stood with with his back to the ships wheel, leaning up against it, watching Maura enjoying the sun on her face. He observed her leaning up against the outer balustrade, face tilted upward towards the sky and he couldn't help but remember how beautiful she really was, underneath that boys attire. He had been careful not to tempt himself with her sensual innocence since that night, many weeks earlier. The memories of that night were driving him mad with desire for her, but he knew he had confused and hurt her and didn't want to do that to her again. He had his obligations to attend to when he arrived back in New England and no amount of wishing it were not so would change things. He was a man of his word and he made a deal with the Gilmores to wed their daughter and he must keep true to his word. He thought for a fleeting moment perhaps he could set Maura up in a flat, in Boston. But he knew that would never satisfy a woman like her. She wanted love, children... a life. He could not take that from her. He would have to let her go.

Daniel walked over to stand beside Maura. His elbow brushed up against hers and it caused a startle
he was not quite prepared for.

The second Maura felt a presence near her she flung her eyes wide and jumped several feet away from him. "Don't ya dare come any closer or I'll...", then she realized that it was Daniel. She reaclimated herself to her surroundings and apologized for her rudeness
.

“
Captain Hargendon, I'm terribly sorry, sir, I spoke ta ya in an insubordinate manner. Please, sir, forgive me.” As she turned to face the ocean once again.

Daniel was taken aback by her obvious fear of his nearness to her and began to probe her with questions.
“I should have made my presence clear ta ya. I meant not ta make ya afeared of me lass, only ta talk with ya, is all. I've been near ya plenty since our, ahem, night together, many weeks ago, and ya've not been fearful of me. Why now are ya so frightened?" Daniel pressed her for an answer.

“
I, I canna say. I was just startled. I was not expectin’ anyone ta be suddenly so close ta me.” Her eyes cast downward, fumbling with her fingers, anything not to have to make eye contact with him.

“
No I think it be somethin’ more than that, woman. I'll not be havin' ya keepin' things from me. Come now lass, out with it! Why are ya so frightened o’ me, all of a sudden?” He continued pressing her. “We're alone in my cabin every day and night and ya are not behavin' this way." He grabbed her by her arm and forced her to face him.

Maura was no longer frightened, but furious. Her hazel eyes turned to a fiery emerald
.  Daniel had not seen this look for a while. She shrugged his hand from her arm and stepped back away from him. She kept her voice low so as not to draw attention, but there was no mistaking, on Daniel's part, she was angry none the less. “How dare ya order me ta tell ya anything. I am but your cabin boy. I do my work for a fair wage. I owe ya no explanation for a blessed thing, Captain. Leave me be, I say, Leave me be.”

Maura left the upper deck
for the solitude of the cabins below. When she was in the safety of her cabin she threw herself onto her bunk and wept like a baby. "Why, Lord, must ya keep testin' my will? How many more days until we see shoreline, that I might put these awful experiences behind me and begin my new life?" She finally fell off to sleep from the sheer exhaustion of her weeping and nagging thoughts.

Daniel was left standing on deck bewildered and confused. He felt sure she was not fearful of him, but could not figure out what had her so fired up. He looked around at all the deck hands and saw that not one of them seemed to be aware a female was on board. Godsey would never hurt her, so what else could it be? He decided to go below deck and confront her. He could not stand that any female would be frightened of him. He had never been abusive to any woman.

In truth, it was his own guilt that was getting to him. This was a new experience for him, as well. He'd never given much thought to any female once bedding her. But this woman has him thinking of her night and day. Was it because he was forced to endure her presence on a nightly basis, whereas the others he'd never see again? He would get to the bottom of this,  of that he assured himself. When he entered the cabin he immediately scanned the room for Maura. He laid eyes upon her over in the corner, lying on her stomach on her own bunk.

The minute
she heard the cabin door creak, she jumped up and turned to face the intruder, reaching up inside her pillow casing, for the dagger she had hidden there ever since the night Kilern had raped her. She would not let it happen again, by God, or he would surely die. The moment she realized it was Daniel, she let go of the handle and left the dagger in its hiding place. Nervous she began to babble on... "I know I should be up on deck working Captain, but I was feelin’ poorly and then I just fell asleep. I assure ya that I'm not a shirker and I'll make up my time by workin’ later into the night, if I have ta, Sir."

"Maura I care not about whether ya make up ya time. Relax, woman. I can't stand that ya are insistin' on workin at all. I respect that ya want ta be doin' ya share. You can do cabin chores and then when ya feel like ya need ta feel the sun on your beautiful face, ya can just come up on deck, dressed as a boy, of course."

He no sooner got the last word out and Maura broke down into an ocean of tears. She was sobbing openly, now. She had no pride to conceal her feelings.

Daniel bent to his knees in front of her and took her into his arms.

"What's the matter with ya Lass? Tell me. Mayhap I can help?" She felt so good in his arms. This was a very natural feeling, he thought. He never gave it a moments thought not to go to her and give comfort.

"Daniel I miss my home terribly, and my father. What of him? Is he still alive? I have not a clue as to how he's feelin' without me at his side. I should have been more forceful and refused ta leave." She buried her face in his chest and sobbed a while longer until she felt heavy in his arms. Then he knew she'd cried herself to sleep again. She needed rest. He laid her back onto her bunk and curled up against her backside, pulled the wool blanket up over both of them and cuddled her until he too was fast asleep.

When Daniel awoke
he could see the first twinkling of the twilight hour over the horizon, through the panes of the great bay window. He knew he'd only been asleep a short time. Maura was still safely wrapped in his arms and sleeping.

Thoughts began to run through his mind of Maura, starting with his first encounter on deck when he had to help her bring his trunks below deck. What a dolt he was not to have caught on for so long to her secret. He remembers, though, a thought or two had crossed his mind when he felt his
cabin boy
was beginning to have a strange hold over him. He drew a smile to his lips and rested his forearm on his brow. The way she fought beside him, on deck, without the least bit of regard for her own safety, only his. Making sure his pistols were reloaded and ready for use. She fought as bravely as any young seafarer.

He was beginning to realize she was a very special woman. Nothing like the
other women he has known. She was brave, strong, smart, caring, beautiful, warmhearted, sincere, funny, the list was endless in his mind. He respected her and that’s a notion he'd never expected to come to know in his lifetime...that he could respect a woman. He'd ravished them, loved them, protected them, but until now, had not respected one.

Daniel ran his fingers along her outer arm, as he
recalled their night of passion.  He so desperately wanted to revisit that night. He could feel his desire for her beginning to mount.

Maura innocently turned to face him, but was still half asleep. Her arms instinctively wrapped around his waist and she cuddled down
into his chest. Daniel wrapped her into his arms even tighter now, and kissed her on her forehead. He felt contentment for the first time in his life. He was falling in love. He drifted back off to sleep.

In the morning they both awoke to the sound of Godsey pounding on the cabin door. "Captain! Captain! Shoreline can be seen, sir! We're just about home! Another two or three hours, sir, and we'll be anchorin' down to the docks o' the Shawmut!" Godsey was always upbeat and excited when he knew he was almost home.

Daniel wiped the sleep from his eyes and shouted through the door, "Alright Man! I'm not deaf ya know. Prepare ta dock, mister Godsey." He jumped up onto the window seat, over his bunk and got a look at the shoreline. Oh what a beautiful sight to behold. This would be his last voyage for a while so it was bitter sweet for him. He turned to Maura and called for her to join him up on the window seat.

Maura climbed up to look out of the panes of the great bay window and she was elated to be able to see something other than water. She could see land. Oh she had dreamed many times over the past three months of how she would kiss the very earth she would trod upon, once she got to the shores of New England.
Now she was almost there. It was also bitter sweet for her as well, for she knew she'd never see Daniel again, nor her father, and that saddened her.

Daniel was having the very same thoughts. How was he ever going to let her go? He had thoughts of just grabbing her and running away with her, never to be seen again. In his heart he knew that would be wrong and dismissed the
idea immediately.

He
cleared his throat, looked away slightly and spoke in a matter of fact tone.

"Alright, lass, there's still plenty o’ chores ta be done ta get ready for dockin’. Go up topside with Godsey and he'll show ya what ya need ta be doin' ta get ready."

Maura slowly eased down from the window seat and began to dress in her deck clothes, not speaking a word to Daniel. Many moments of silence passed between them.

Daniel could tell Maura was regretting their journey together was ending. Without even thinking about it he reached for her and turned her to face him. He pulled her to him and kissed her long and deep, and could feel a single tear run down his cheek. When he pulled away from her to look into her eyes, she had tears streaming down her face.

Then choking back more tears she spoke..."I will ne’er forget you Daniel. You will live inside my heart, always and forever." She stood on tip toes and hugged him tight about the neck, then turned to rush out of the cabin before she let the river of her passion jump it's banks, and would never be able to let him go. She knew this was the right thing to do, no matter what her heart was telling her. He belonged to another and she had no rights to him.
Time will heal my heart
, were her last thoughts.

Ӝ

Chapter Ten

Word had ripped through Stonehurst Manor Daniel's ship was approaching shore. Everyone was excited, for this usually meant a great homecoming gathering would surely take place. Up in her bedroom, Mallory Gilmore was having the last few curls of her fashionable coiffeur set in place by her maid, Charlotte.

Mallory had been told earlier that morning Daniel's ship was approaching and she wanted to be absolutely perfect for him when he arrived. This was it, she thought to herself. "Soon I will be Mrs. Daniel Hargendon. All that man ...and all that money!" Mallory had been anything but chaste, while Daniel was away, but she was certain he'd not been faithful, either. She looked upon her trysts as nothing more than preparing herself to be a better lover to her future husband. She fully expected he would continue having affairs, as all men did, but she would never have to worry about being destitute. Her
Daddy
had seen to that. Mallory had decided a long time ago the only man she ever felt she could count on was her father.

"Come Charlotte! Step lively, now! Danny will be here by sundown and I want this house to be perfect. Food, wine, anything his heart desires." She gave Charlotte a sly little wink.

Mallory placed both hands upon her hips, pursed her lips, as if to kiss herself and then with one last perusal of her feminine stature, she pushed her breasts together so they would swell well above her bodice of gold and green satin, and remarked, “Charlotte, he will not know what hit him, when I’m through with him tonight! Maybe I'll get myself with his bairn and trap him good this time!”