Scene of the Crime: Deadman's Bluff (22 page)

“Oh, you know, I had to change my shirt and give myself a quick shave. Heroes have standards to uphold.”

“Looks like you shaved a little too close,” she replied. He sat in the chair next to her bed and she automatically reached out her hand for his.

He hesitated a moment before taking hers, but when her fingers curled around his, he felt the connection deep in his heart. “You scared me,” he finally said, speaking around the large lump that had formed in the back of his throat.

“I was scared for me,” she replied. “I was foolish. I opened the door to him. I just assumed he was there to visit with Samantha and Scooter and then he stuck me with a needle and I went down.”

“None of us suspected Steven. He wasn’t even on our radar. It was just dumb luck that I found you when I did.”

She finally let go of his hand and propped herself up higher in the bed. “How did you find me? What made you realize it was Steven?”

“The ostrich thing.” He explained to her how he’d figured it out and that he knew Steven would be someplace on the dunes to complete his job.

“It was his mother,” Tamara said. “He blamed his mother for not protecting him from his abusive father and he was burying her over and over again. When I was in his trunk and he was driving me to the dunes, all my memories came rushing back.”

He listened as she told him what she remembered of the night she’d spent in the animal pound and couldn’t imagine the horror of that time.

“I also thought of what has kept me from wanting to go home,” she said.

“And what’s that?”

“Grief and self-pity.” He raised an eyebrow in curiosity and she continued. “My apartment was filled with it for the past two years. I’d buried myself in loneliness, wallowed in the grief of a lost child.”

“A lost child?” He reached for her hand once again, unable not to touch her in some way as she spoke of the trauma in her past.

“Jason wasn’t particularly happy when I got pregnant after we’d been married for almost a year, but he seemed to resign himself to the fact that he was going to be a father. There were already cracks in our marriage, but like so many fools I thought maybe a baby would help, that somehow we’d be better as a family than as a couple.”

He felt the tension in her fingers as a deep sadness filled her beautiful eyes. “Something happened in my seventh month, the doctors aren’t sure what, but the little girl that I carried died. They induced labor and I gave birth to her and then picked out a casket for her to be buried in.”

Seth’s heart ached with her pain, although there was no way he could feel the depth of agony such an experience would produce. “I’m sorry, Tamara.”

For a moment her eyes shimmered with tears and then she swallowed hard and seemingly willed them away. “It was a tough time, but the worst part was that I knew deep in my heart that Jason didn’t really grieve the loss, that I thought he was more relieved than sad. I filed for divorce the very next day. I moved out of our house and into the apartment and brought all my pain, all my grief with me and I never really moved past it. That’s why I didn’t want to go home, because there’s nothing there for me.”

She looked at him expectantly, but he knew he couldn’t allow himself to get caught up in the emotion of the moment. He let go of her hand and stood, needing to distance himself before he did something they both might regret.

“Now you can go home and build a better life for yourself. You’re such a strong woman, Tamara. It’s time to let your grief, your fear and all of your baggage go and learn to live with happiness.”

Her gaze remained locked with his, and she went so still it was as if she was once again drugged. He knew what she was thinking, that there had been no offer of anything for them in his words. He took a step toward the door.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” she asked as she raised her chin.

“I don’t know,” he replied. “Tom will be in to see you and wrap up all the details. I’ll make sure he has all your things from Linda’s place. I’m not sure when I’ll leave to head back to Kansas City. Maybe it would be best if we just said our goodbyes now.” His chest hurt, as if her arms were wrapped too tightly around him.

“I don’t want to say goodbye...ever,” she said, her eyes simmering with emotion. “I’m in love with you, Seth.”

Her words were like a knife in his heart. He didn’t want to hear them. He didn’t want to know them. He definitely didn’t want to embrace them as real.

“Tamara, I care about you deeply, but I’ve never made any promises. We both knew this...us...was just a temporary thing. I’m built to travel alone and you need to go home and face whatever demons haunt you there. Find happiness, Tamara, that’s what you deserve.”

He didn’t wait for a reply, but hurried out of the room. He made it almost to the front door of the hospital before he sagged against the wall, a grief he’d never felt before washing over him. It was the grief of what might have been if they’d met at a different place, at a different time.

When she’d told him about the loss of her baby, he’d wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms, to hold her until the pain inside her stopped, but that was a heart pain that would haunt her on some level forever.

He lingered only a minute and then shoved off the wall and headed for the exit. There would be loose ends to tie up and then he could head back to Kansas City, where he belonged.

It was time for this vacation to be over and for him to somehow reclaim the life he’d left behind...a life without Tamara.

Chapter Sixteen

It had been a week since Tamara had returned to her apartment in Amarillo. Her car had been found in Steven Bradley’s garage, along with her purse containing all of her identification and credit cards.

She now sat at her kitchen table and tried not to think about the man who had consumed her thoughts since returning home.

She hadn’t seen Seth after he’d left her hospital room that last night. Sheriff Atkins had checked her out of the hospital the next morning and then had taken her into his office to get her official statement. Once that had been done he’d taken her to Linda’s house to get her things and then had driven her to get her car from the impound lot.

Just like that it was over. There wasn’t even expected to be a trial as Steven had confessed to everything, including the murders of Rebecca Cook and Vicki Smith.

The first thing Tamara had done when she’d gotten home was write a long, heartfelt note of thanks to Linda and Samantha for welcoming her into their home when she’d had no memories of where she belonged.

After that she kept busy catching up on her web work, cleaning her place with a vengeance and working past the grief of the past so she could begin to find some sort of happiness in her future.

If there was one thing her time with Seth had taught her, it was that she was capable of loving, that she was ready to have the family she’d once dreamed of. The grief of the little girl she’d called Danielle would always be in her heart, but it no longer was an obstacle working against her as she tried to move forward.

All she had to do was forget all about Seth Hawkins.

He was still too fresh in her mind to even begin to think about another man. She still tasted him, still felt his arms around her. Life would be so easy if she could repress her memories of him as easily as she had repressed her memories of Steven Bradley and the horrendous events that had happened to her at his hands.

Seth had thought her love was just gratitude. He’d believed that her love had been born solely due to the circumstances they’d found themselves in, but he’d been wrong.

She hadn’t loved him because he’d saved her life and she didn’t love him because he’d been the one person she’d trusted during the most stressful time of her life.

She’d fallen in love with his charming, sexy grin, with his sense of humor and those gray eyes of his that made her want to fall into them.

Taking a sip of her iced tea, she stared out the window where her view was of a perfect, cloudless blue sky. Seth had told her to go home and find her happiness, but he hadn’t realized that he was an important component of her happiness.

She got up from the table, dumped the last of her tea down the kitchen sink and then went down the hallway to her office. Work. It had been what had gotten her through the loss of her baby, it had taken her mind off her failed marriage and now hopefully it would snatch thoughts of Seth out of her brain.

She didn’t know how long she’d been working at the computer when a knock sounded at her door. Probably the delivery man with the new fancy backlit keyboard she’d ordered.

She opened the door and her breath caught in her chest. He leaned against the doorjamb, clad in a sinfully tight pair of jeans and a white T-shirt that showed off his biceps. As Seth smiled at her, that achingly sexy grin, she didn’t know whether to scream or cry.

He was probably here to tie up something to do with the case, a little voice whispered inside her head.
Just because he’s here doesn’t mean he’s here for you.

“What a surprise,” she said, pleased that her voice held none of the tumultuous emotions his very presence wrought inside her.

“I was in the area and thought I’d stop by. Are you going to invite me in?” He raised a dark eyebrow.

“Sure...of course.” She stepped backward to allow him entry. The scent of his familiar cologne wrapped around her and made her remember once again what it had felt like to lie in his arms, to feel so safe and warm.

“Would you like something to drink? I’ve got some iced tea in the fridge.” She led him into the kitchen.

“That sounds good.”

As she went to the refrigerator, he leaned against the doorjamb between the living room and kitchen. “Are you working a case in Amarillo?” She frowned as her hand shook when she poured the tea.

“Nah, I’m finally taking that vacation that I was going to take when I went to Amber Lake.”

“And you decided to vacation here in Amarillo?” She held out the tea and when he didn’t take it from her she set it on the table, her heart beating faster than it should. “What are you doing here, Seth?”

“When my boss told me to take a vacation I thought of all the places I’d like to be and this was it.” He jammed his hands in his pockets, looking oddly vulnerable as he stared down at the floor. “Maybe now that you’re back here things have changed. Maybe you’ve sorted out your emotions now and don’t feel the same way that you did, but I had to come here and find out.” He raised his gaze to meet hers. “Because, honestly, I can’t stop thinking about you, Tamara.”

Her heart that had been beating too fast seemed to stop in her chest as she stared at him, wanting to...needing to hear the words from him.

He pulled his hands from his pockets and shifted from one foot to the other. “I’d decided a long time ago that I wasn’t going to get married, that I didn’t need the hassle that came with love, but something crazy happened to me from the moment I saw you at the dunes so helpless and vulnerable again.”

She took a step toward him. Her heart beat once again rapidly, leaving her half-breathless with sweet anticipation. “Something crazy?” she echoed.

“I didn’t just want you to be safe. I wanted to smell the scent of your hair, taste your lips, feel your body against mine. But more than that I wanted to see your smile and hear your laughter. I wanted you to be the first person I saw each morning and the last person I saw at night. I love you, Tamara, but I understand if...”

He got no other words out of his mouth for she threw herself into his arms and covered his lips with hers. Their kiss was filled with hunger, but also with a tenderness that found any darkness that might have lingered in Tamara’s heart and lit it with fiery warmth.

“Nothing has changed,” she finally said when the kiss had ended. He tightened his arms around her. “I was hopelessly, desperately in love with you when I drove away from Amber Lake and I feel the same way right now.”

This time his mouth captured hers she tasted home and the promise of love and family and future all wrapped up in his kiss. He moved his lips from hers and blazed a trail of fire down the side of her neck.

“Now
this
is a vacation,” she whispered.

He gave a low, husky laugh. “No, this is so much more.”

She laughed, knowing that this was a vacation that was going to last a lifetime. She was finally where she belonged...with Seth, the man who had saved her from death and brought love and meaning to her life.

* * * * *

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