Scars of the Past (5 page)

We ended the call and I just stared at the phone for a few minutes. I was so sure that they’d find him once the DNA came through, but now it felt hopeless.

I sat frozen on the couch for some time, just going over the conversation again. The front door opened and I jumped as Amanda walked in, her face flushed and her skin glistening with sweat. She smiled at me before stopping and trying to gauge my expression.

The bathroom door opened at that moment and Matthew stepped out wearing just boxer shorts. He took in the air between us and immediately walked into the living room.

“What’s wrong?”

“The Detective just called with the DNA result.” They both looked at me expectantly. “The DNA doesn’t match anyone in their system.”

“Damn it,” Matthew cursed, running his hand over his shaved head. “They’ll catch him another way.

Amanda nodded in agreement as she downed the rest of the water she had in her bottle.

I took in a deep breath and gave them a feeble smile. “Yeah, I know. I was just hoping it was now.”

Chapter Six

That night, my mom and brother dragged me out to dinner at the local steakhouse. Sydney came with us, but Amanda declined, saying she had to go take care of her mom.

We sat at the restaurant laughing at some of the stories Matthew was telling us about his life oversees. He was careful not to include anything bad in his tales, always telling ones that would almost make it seem like he was on vacation. My brother, the protector.

“And when he woke up he had the worst sunburn on his ass! He couldn’t sit for almost a week!”

The table roared with laughter as Matthew retold another one of the pranks that was played amongst his unit.

When the laughter died out my mom looked at her oldest with a smile on her lips. “I can’t believe my son was involved in half of these. And here I thought you were all grown up and mature.”

Matthew grinned broadly. “Involved? I came up with a lot of them! You have to pass the time somehow, Ma.”

I scoffed and threw a piece of bread at him. “Mom, you didn’t see half the stuff he pulled when we were kids. You remember when Mr. Samuels’ white dog somehow turned green and he assumed it was because the dog was sick?”

My mom nodded and turned to Matthew with raised eyebrows. “
You
did that?”

Matthew was laughing so hard he couldn’t answer so Sydney did for him. “We caught him on the side of the house with the kiddy pool full of food coloring. But he threatened to tell everyone we stuffed our bras if we snitched.”

Matthew’s laughing was infectious and I started laughing too. “He’s such a pain. But at 14-years-old that would have been devastating to us.”

“Having little sisters was the best part of growing up.” he leaned over the table and attempted to give me a noogie.

“Wish I could return the sentiment,” I smirked, dodging his hand.

My brother and I had always been close, and I wasn’t sure if it was because we were only two years apart, or because we had unknowingly banded together to show our united support for mom. I could always count on Matthew to be the first one to pick on me, but I could always count on him to be the first one to defend me as well.

When he decided to enlist in the Army at just 18-years-old, I was proud but devastated. He was joining in the middle of an active war, and I spent nights trying to convince him otherwise. I told him about different college degrees he would be great at, and at some point I even tried to guilt him into staying, telling him he couldn’t leave mom and me alone.  He would just hug me tight and tell me that he was born to help other people, and that the thought of a desk job made him want to die of boredom.

The first time he deployed I spent a lot of time online, reading the news and making sure he wasn’t hurt. Any time I’d hear something negative from oversees, I’d panic and worry until we found out details. We breathed easier when he came back, but the second tour showed up sooner than anyone would like. By the third tour I considered myself an old hat with the Army life, and although I still worried about him every second of every day, I understood why he made the choices he did, and I was so very proud of him.

We finished eating and I stood up in search of the restroom. Grinning to myself as I walked across the restaurant, I realized that I’d smiled more tonight than I had all week.

When I walked out of the restroom I ran right into someone who was walking out of the men’s room.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention.” I grimaced and took a step back to give him some space.

My breath caught in my throat as he turned, and when he recognized me a smile ghosted his lips.

“Madelyn.”

I couldn’t help the grin that stretched across my face. “Hi Josh.”

“You look good,” Josh said, as he looked me over. “Are you here with the girls?”

I looked at him too. How anyone could look so good in a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt was beyond me. I cleared my throat and looked back up as his face. The ghost of a smile had transformed into an actual smile as he caught me checking him out.

“Just one of them. My brother is on temporary leave for a couple of days and so Sydney and I joined him and my mom for dinner.”

“Ah,” he said, running his hand through his hair. “Where are you sitting? Mind if I say hi?”

I inclined my head in the direction of our table. “No, not at all. We’re over here. Are you here with someone?”

A shadow fell over his face, and his smile disappeared as he dipped his head. “Yes, she had to step out to take a phone call really quick.”

Disappointment lodged in my throat. “Well, come say a quick hello before you have to get back.”

I led him to our table and Matthew immediately stood up, shaking his hand and then pulling him into a man-hug. They talked to each other quietly for a few moments before they separated and Matthew gave Josh a pat on the back.

My mom stood, greeting Josh like a long lost son, and pulled him a tight squeeze. I couldn’t hear what she was murmuring to him, but when they broke apart she had tears in her eyes as she whispered, “Thank you.”

Sydney stayed seated, but had a smirk on her face when Josh turned to her. “Hey geek,” she said by way of greeting.

He let out a low laugh and leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Hey crazy.”

He straightened up and gave a smile to the group. “I need to get back to my seat, but I just saw Madelyn and I wanted to say ‘hi’ to everyone.” His eyes settled on me, and he opened his mouth to say something. But right at that moment a tall, beautiful brunette slipped her arm through his.

“Ugh! I’m sorry, Josh! But, you know, when Paris calls you have to answer!” She looked expectantly at the table. “Who are your friends?”

Josh cleared his throat and gestured towards us. “This is my friend, Madelyn, her brother Matt, her mother Linda, and her best friend Sydney. Guys, this is Elizabeth.”

We all murmured our ‘hellos’ and Elizabeth gave a sultry smile, zeroing her eyes in on me.

“Oh, the famous Madelyn! It’s so good to put a face to the name.” Her fake smile said it was anything but good, and Sydney’s death glare told me she didn’t believe it either.

“I’m sorry to pull him away, but Josh and I have a show we need to get to. Lovely to meet everyone!”

Josh held up a hand, and before he could say anything Elizabeth was practically dragging him from the table.

When they were out of sight, Matthew let out a low whistle. “She’s not who I pictured Josh with.” His eyes flickered to me for a split second before he looked back to where Josh had been.

“She seems… nice.” Sydney said sarcastically, and Matthew spit soda out of his mouth as he laughed.

Mom and Sydney joined in on the laughter, and as I grinned at my family I tried to squash the jealousy that had fully bloomed in my chest.

Mom and Matthew left the restaurant together since Matthew was going to be staying with her. He had always said that when he left the Army he would get his own place, so when he wasn’t oversees he’d just stay with mom in his old bedroom.

Sydney drove us back to the apartment, prattling on about a guy she had hooked up with the two nights before. I smiled and made the appropriate noises of acknowledgements, but I wasn’t really listening.

As we walked through the front door, Amanda was sitting on the couch reading, but her head shot up when she saw us. As I followed Sydney in, I noticed a flash of disappointment on her face when I shut the door behind me. It was gone as soon as it came though, and she put down her book and smiled.

“How was dinner?”

“It was fun. We missed you though. How’s your mom?” I kicked my sneakers off and plopped myself down on the opposite end of the couch.

She didn’t answer right away, just gave a small shrug. “She’s okay. She still recognizes me about eighty-five percent of the time, so I’m thankful for that at least.”

She turned and put her feet on the couch so she was facing me. “So, how long is Matt’s leave?”

“Three sad little days,” I pouted, letting her change the subject without objection. “He has to leave Tuesday so he can be back by Wednesday. But he should be home by Christmas.”

Sydney walked into the living room holding a beer and Amanda moved her feet so she could sit between us.

“Oh Manders. You are crushing on him big-time.”

Amanda blushed, and gave Sydney a playful shove. “I am not. He’s just fun to have around. And to look at.”

“I can definitely agree he’s fun to have around. Although I don’t know how you guys can think that gangly snot is hot.”

Sydney laughed mid-swallow and started half-laughing, half-coughing. Amanda gave her two thumps on her back and she shot me an amused look.

“You say that because he’s your brother and you’ll always see him as that awkward teenager. “

I couldn’t disagree with her, I knew my brother was hot, but he’d forever be that pain in my ass who tried his hardest to make my teenage years suck.

“So, Josh’s girlfriend was a peach,” Sydney said, casually as she played with the label on her bottle. Her nonchalant attitude didn’t fool me; I knew she had been bursting to talk about what had happened in the restaurant.

“Wait, who? When did you see Josh?” Amanda lifted her legs so they were settled in Sydney’s lap.

“At the restaurant with some over-dressed tart,” Sydney replied, giving me a sideways look. “It took all I had not to throw my plate at her when she started talking about Paris. She’s not the kind of girl you’d picture Josh with at all.” Sydney gave Amanda the play-by-play, and I excused myself to go shower, not wanting to talk about Josh or his date anymore.

I was taking my time washing my hair when Amanda appeared on the other side of the shower curtain and started brushing her teeth.  When she was finished she sat on the counter, and cleared her throat.

“Melissa called while you guys were at dinner. They need waitresses for parties on both Friday and Saturday nights this upcoming weekend and the weekend after.”

“Okay, did you tell her yes?”

“Yeah, I didn’t know if you had any parties you wanted to actually attend, but I sort of assumed you didn’t…” She trailed off, sounding unsure.

I turned off the shower and Amanda handed me my robe. Wrapping myself up, I stepped out and grabbed a towel to dry my hair.

“Yeah, no partying for me.  But thank you, I need the hours. I’ve barely worked this month and my savings account from all the hours we worked over the summer is taking the hit.”

She nodded in understanding, said goodnight, and headed off towards her bedroom.

I stood in the bathroom, trying to look at my bare back. The wounds were healing nicely, and although they still looked pretty disgusting, there was definite improvement. I rubbed some ointment on best I could, and decided to leave it uncovered for now. I put on my nightshirt, and brushed my hair before sitting in bed with my phone.

I opened up my text messages and sat frozen with my finger over the ‘Reply’ button on the message Josh had sent me a week ago. I had no idea what I wanted to say, or why I even wanted to text him, but about five minutes later I locked my phone without ever working up the courage. I set it on the nightstand by my bed, and laid down on my stomach against my pillows. I let out a huge sigh, pulled the blanket up, and closed my eyes.

–––

For what felt like the hundredth time, I woke up suddenly, and tried to will away the smell of stale beer and cigarettes. I could tell without looking at the clock that it was still early, and the clock confirmed it was barely past three.

I hugged the pillow to my chest until my heart rate returned to normal, and then I tiptoed into the kitchen for some water.

I sat on the kitchen counter sipping on my third glass as I stared at the pictures we had stuck to the fridge. There were pictures of Amanda, Sydney, and me all in different aspects- 13-years-old in our bathing suits in a backyard, 18-years-old in our gowns and caps, smiling with our diplomas, Sydney holding a friend’s newborn baby, Amanda with her ex-boyfriend, me with my brother the day he deployed the second time, and there in the corner was one of Josh and me, laughing about something. 

We were both looking at the camera with giant smiles on our faces. His arm was around me, tucking me into him, and I had both of my arms around his waist, my head against his chest. That picture had been taken in my mom’s back yard during his graduation party, and the Josh in the picture looked so much happier and carefree than the Josh I had seen recently. Physically, he still looked the same- with dark brown curls on top of his head, light brown eyes that seemed to see through you, his body just as fit as it had been in college, and although he hadn’t gotten any taller, he still had about five inches on me. There was something missing from him now, though, almost as if a light had gone out.

Before his graduation, we had spent most of the year together, as friends, but together in some sort of capacity. He had started tutoring me in the middle of the fall semester when it was fairly obvious I was going to fail without help. I had known him in passing before then, but who hadn’t? He was a hot-shot basketball player most his college career, and that coupled with his friendly persona had made him the one person everyone wanted to be friends with.

When I went into the Learning Center and found out he had been assigned to me, I was surprised that he even had the time to volunteer. He turned out to be a great help, and after the fall semester ended he stayed on as my unofficial tutor for spring. He and Matthew had met at my mom’s house, when I had thrown Amanda’s 20
th
birthday party. Matthew had been between tours at the time, and they had befriended each other almost instantly. It seemed my whole family had been smitten with Josh. Even my mom always subtly asked if anything was going on between us, and mentioned what a great son-in-law he’d make to someone someday.

As the semester came to an end, there were times when I thought something more might be possible between Josh and me. We were spending all of our free time together doing everything and anything. He had become a permanent fixture in my life, and on the night of his graduation party, I kissed him. 

It had been just hours after that picture was taken, when the last guest had gone home. We were lying flat on our backs on the old trampoline my mom kept in the backyard, talking about the different places he had put in job applications to. It was pitch black outside, the only light coming from the kitchen window. 

As we talked, his fingers brushed against mine several times until we finally entwined them together. We continued the conversation normally, but I was sure he could hear my heart pounding in my chest.

“Josh, why don’t you call me Maddie like everyone else?” I whispered quietly, my hand still in his.

“Because Madelyn suits you so much more than Maddie,” he replied simply. He turned his head to look at me for a moment before staring back up at the sky.

“You’re Maddie for everyone, and Maddie is sweet, caring, funny, and cute. But when it’s just the two of us you’re Madelyn, and Madelyn is sassy, beautiful, smart, and irresistible. Besides, I like being the only one who calls you that.”

My breathing caught in my throat, and after a few minutes of silence, I propped myself up on my side. As he turned to look at me, I moved in close and kissed him. For a couple of heartbeats he didn’t react, but then suddenly he kissed me back.