Saving Lawson (Loving Lawson Book 2) (7 page)

              “Because everyone has their own reasons. I don’t have the right to judge.” Really eager to get away after that, I glanced down at my watch. “Look, I gotta go. Thanks for telling me the truth, Matt. I’ll see you around, okay?”

              I didn’t wait for him to respond. I turned around and hurried away, shocked to find myself fighting tears on my way to the house. The pain I caused Ryker… I didn’t want to think about it. I’d been angry at him for everything he’d put me through, and I lashed out feeling justified for letting him go. But anger fades away and what’s left behind are the words that were said – and words never fade away. They become part of your past, forever following you, and forever making you wish you’d chosen different ones.

              I was in a bad mood by the time I was at the front door knocking. Mom was holding Kayden in her arms when she opened it. She didn’t say a word to me, nor did she glance more than a second at my face. She just turned around and disappeared back inside while I followed her in.

              In the living room, she carefully set Kayden down on the play mat I’d given her.

              “Was he easy today?” I asked, not bothering with normal pleasantries.

              “Babies are never easy,” she answered, looking indifferently at me before disappearing into the kitchen.

              I rolled my eyes – she was in
that
kind of mood today – and dropped down to Kayden’s level. He was freshly changed in another outfit, his hair recently washed and his skin smelling like baby soap. Despite Mom’s dislike toward me, she obviously loved her grandson to bits.

              Kayden cooed when he saw me, and he latched his tiny hand around my finger before bringing it to his mouth to suckle on. I laughed and covered his chubby face with kisses. “I missed you, little man. So, so much.” It was never easy being away from him. I thought time would help that, but it didn’t. I felt like a piece of me was missing every time I had to leave him.

              Mom returned and set the baby bag down. She hovered nearby, her shadow falling over us. The calm before the storm, I knew, and I braced myself.

Holding the formula tin, she shook it at me and said, “Kayden has a serious problem with this formula, Allie. He’s colicky, and his poo is darker than it should be. Have you even put your nose to the bottle when you’ve finished making one? It smells disgusting.”

“You’ve been feeding him this stuff for the last two weeks and haven’t said a word about the
smell
of it –”

“What’s your point?”

“Did you expect it to smell like roses?”

She glared. “I expect it to smell appropriate enough to feed my grandson.”

              I sighed for the seventy millionth time today. “What are we really talking about here, Mom?”

              “Breast milk, of course. What else? You’re giving him this crap when you should be feeding him from your own body. That’s the way a mother should raise her baby.”

              “I already told you, Mom, that when I tried feeding him, he couldn’t latch onto my breast. My nipples were inverted –”

              “You should have kept trying! Before formula was invented, you think mothers could walk away from breastfeeding their kids because their nipples were flat or inverted? No excuse. They
tried
. They didn’t have an easy way out.”

             
An easy way out
. Four little words that made me livid and sad all at once.

              “If you’d at least stuck to something for once, especially if it had something to do with your own child’s best interests, then maybe he wouldn’t have gotten sick when he was just two weeks old.”

              Wow, biggest low blow of all.

              I bit my tongue, choosing not to respond. It was pointless. I continued staring down at Kayden, hoping she’d finish her scolding and leave me alone. Breastfeeding had been a huge chore for me. I’d spent nights crying, feeling like a failure because I wasn’t producing enough to feed Kayden. In return, Kayden would scream all night long demanding food I couldn’t physically give him.

              But to say I was responsible for his cold… that was worse than every bad thing she’d ever said to me combined.

              “Now when he sleeps in his crib tonight,” she went on, satisfied by my silence, “make sure you rotate his head. The back of his head is flat, and you don’t want him to end up wearing a helmet because you were too lazy to turn his face a few times in the night.”

              “Alright,” I muttered lifelessly. Kayden didn’t have a flat spot, but what the fuck was the point in arguing? “Anything else?”

              “Nothing for now, but I’m sure there will be more to come.”

              Exhaling, I looked up at her stern face and quietly said, “You know, it wouldn’t kill if every once in a while you could do the opposite of criticising me. Like paying me a compliment, or telling me I’m doing well would be nice. Just every once in a while, you know? Not all the time or anything.”

              She pursed her lips before replying, “If the day ever comes, sure.”

              That day would never come.

              She busied herself after that, cleaning up his toys and packing the baby bag. I kept my emotions at bay, not wanting to see how much she hurt me. It was times like these I wished I’d stayed away from her.

              I settled Kayden in the stroller and layered the blankets over top of him. Mom handed me the bag on my way out. Then she leaned over the stroller and kissed Kayden’s hand, looking down at him with tender eyes I’d have killed for when I was a kid. See, this is why I couldn’t sever ties with her. It would be unfair on Kayden. He deserved to know his grandmother, especially when she treated him so wonderfully.

              “You know,” she mused reflectively, “it’s good this boy has Lawson all over him. He’s beautiful to look at. I’d hate to have seen too much Wallace in there.”

              And that right there was the reason she loathed me. She saw Dad in me, and after he took his life away, it was a bad thing to look like the man that destroyed her. She was betrayed by his suicide, and I didn’t blame her. I never knew my father was depressed and clearly she didn’t either. But in Heath’s own words: it still didn’t excuse her acting like a cunt to me.

              “What’s wrong with Wallace?” I found myself asking. “You make it seem like it’s shameful for being related to Dad.”

              Her eyes turned frosty as she looked at me. “It’s shameful that he took his life away.”

              “Clearly he had issues that he couldn’t bring to you. I don’t blame him either.”

              She pursed her lips and glared. “If you’re trying to start an argument, Allie, then you’re wasting my time. I’ve looked after Kayden and now my job is done.”

              I ignored her. After everything she’d said, why was I meant to be the one to hold my tongue? Instead, I gestured to the house and vented out, “Why should I allow Kayden to be in this house if he’ll never see a picture of his grandfather? You’ve taken all the frames down of us together, like you’re trying to wipe him from existence, but he was here, Mom, and you’re never going to change that.”

              “Don’t threaten me using your grandson, Allie,” she sharply retorted, but I could hear the pain in her voice regardless of how much she disguised her emotions.

              I sighed and shoved away the anger. What was wrong with me? I didn’t want to stoop to her level. I had to get out of here.

              “See you later, Mom,” I told her, retreating back to my niceness even if it was the last thing I wanted to do. “Hope you have a good day.”

              She didn’t reply, and her hard eyes followed me out the door until I was well out of view. When I heard the door slam shut, I quickened my pace to the bus stop. I needed to get away before memories of this shithole neighbourhood started coming at me. Fuck my mother. Fuck her indifference. It was just something I needed to come to terms with.

              I slowed down a pace when I passed the house Matt disappeared into. Out front, sitting on a porch chair, was a middle aged with greying dark hair. He smiled brightly at me, and I waved a hello, wondering if I should introduce myself. He didn’t seem like a crabby man with a smile like that, but then again, Mom was nice to everybody else but me. Maybe it was the same for Matt.

              God, some people were just dickheads, weren’t they?

Interrupting my thoughts, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I dug it out and quickly swiped the screen to read the text.

              Because I’ve had so much overtime lately, I’ve decided to take the afternoon off. I need my dose of Allison Wallace. By the way, I have a surprise. If you’re not home yet, let me know where you are and I’ll pick you up. I’m heading off in five.

              I smiled my first real smile of the day. My heart warmed. Heath took the afternoon off just to spend time with us. I was hungry for his company and bursting with excitement. I was about to respond when he sent another text immediately after that.

              By the way, if you
are
at home, I better find you in bed naked on all fours. I owe you a few orgasms.

Heath

“Can I look yet?” she asked for the tenth time, smiling widely as I led her up the steps and into the house. All the while my hands were over her eyes, knowing for sure she was the type that peeked.

              “No fucking way,” I answered. “It took me a long time to surprise you. I’m going to need a medal and an endless supply of foot massages after this.”

              “Then it better be good.”

              I chuckled and kissed her shoulder, pulling her ample ass against my front. I leaned into her ear and whispered, “Al, it’s better than good.”

              I took her in until we were in the centre of the room. I dropped my hands from her eyes and stepped back from her, halting beside Kayden asleep in his car seat on the hardwood floor.

              “You can look now,” I said.

              I didn’t see her open her eyes, but I knew when she did because her head moved from side to side, taking in the room. She looked about the empty house with furrowed brows, glancing over her shoulder at me in apparent confusion. Smiling softly, I soaked up her confusion, especially as it began to dawn on her.

              “Really?” she finally let out, turning around to face me. Those bright blue eyes stood out against her pale skin, staring at me with hope that this really was happening. She looked like a goddess to me, this sweet, beautiful woman with a heart of gold. I wanted to give her the world, but all I could manage at this moment was the house.

              “Really,” I replied. “It was the last rental on this block. When I saw it online, I jumped on it immediately. You have to be quick around here. It’s four blocks from your school, and only fifteen minutes from my work. If I speak with my boss, I can arrange to drop you off and pick you up when you need it. I’m close enough, and I’d be more comfortable with you not taking the bus as often.”

              She didn’t say anything. She stared hard at me with disbelief. For a second I thought I’d upset her. But then her eyes misted over and I knew she was happy. The apartment had been too small for us, and I didn’t want to be reminded of Ryker every fucking turn I took in it. I wanted a place that was untouched by him. One where I could make new memories with Allie and not have to think of them both together…

              I shrugged away the thoughts. They were poisonous thoughts. I relaxed my clenched fists and focused on her happiness. She explored the house, and I followed after her.

              “Three bedrooms,” she said in disbelief, stepping into the master bedroom.  “This one is huge.”

              “We’ll eventually get more furniture,” I promised. “Anything you want, it’s yours.”

              “I never knew you’d come around to wanting a place with a woman’s touch,” she teased.

              I took her hand and kissed it. “Not a woman’s touch.
Allie’s
touch.”

              Her eyes warmed. “Smooth, Heath.”

              “I’m always smooth.”

“Always.”

“And you love that.”

She nodded, her gaze meeting my mouth as she softly muttered, “I love your smart mouth and everything that comes out of it.”

I pulled her to me then and kissed along her neck and shoulder, whispering in her ear, “You love what I can do with it too.”

She trembled a little before pushing me away. That fucking smile on her face blew me away, warming me on the inside as if she’d nursed a fire in there. I watched her walk off, not ever realizing how beautifully she swayed as she went, those hips – fuller than they had ever been before – rocking from side to side, begging for me to grip them.

And I wanted to fucking grip them as I slammed into her.

I exhaled slowly and composed myself. I couldn’t tear her clothes off now. I’d have to wait at least until she finished her inspection, and I was kind of hoping she’d hurry the hell up because Kayden was only down for a short nap.

She was extra giddy about the bathroom and its double sink vanity. I didn’t even know this kind of shit was important to a girl, so I was pretty chuffed with myself for impressing her.

“Now I don’t have to wait for you to be finished,” she remarked.

“You mean no more cramped spaces and no more you bullying me for the sink.”

Allie laughed. “I won’t even deny it.”

She took it all in, the hardwood floors and freshly painted walls; she even stopped by the window and looked out into the yard. I could see her mind going a million miles an hour, probably mapping out furniture and decorative. She was going to make it into a beautiful home. She had a good foundation to start with. Overall the house was in fantastic condition; a newly renovated place in the only redeemable part of town. Living here would mean we would be away from the hard people.

              She stopped at the kitchen – dark themed but brightly lit – and turned to me. “How much did you get this for, Heath?”

             
A lot of fucking money
. “Not a lot of money, Allie. Don’t worry.”

              “Okay, but how much?”

              “You’ll freak out if I told you.”

              She frowned and crossed her arms. “I can’t have you going broke over this place.”

              The last thing I was doing was going broke.

With a sigh, I walked over to where she stood and wrapped my arms around her waist. “Allie, it’s done. I signed the lease. I’ve ended the tenancy agreement on the apartment, and we’re out of there next weekend. It’s done, and there’s nothing you can do about it. We’ve got a place we can really make a home out of. When I think of you and Kayden’s safety, being here is vital. I can rest easy at night knowing there isn’t going to be another drunken fight outside the window waking up our kid. There’s no price on a better life.”

              She considered my words before nodding slowly. “Fine. If you think we can afford it, then I’ll take your word for it. I just don’t want to see you working overtime to make ends meet, you know?”

              I wouldn’t have to work overtime soon enough. Marko and I had broken into another cash house last week. I’d told Allie I was at a fight, but that was a lie. I’d been lying to her about my whereabouts for a while now and I hated myself each time. I was doing it for a good reason. She would know about it one day, and I’d make her understand. But she couldn’t know yet.

              “I won’t work overtime to make ends meet anymore,” I promised her. I pressed a kiss against her mouth and she immediately sagged into me. I held her closely, tasting her sweet tongue while I ran my hands all over her body. She was so fucking soft.

              “Well, I love it then,” she said between kisses. “I love this very much, Heath. Thank you.”

              I stared deeply into her eyes, cradling her soft face in the palm of my hand and said, “I just want you to be happy, and to be away from those rumours. You say they don’t get to you, but I know they do. At least here people won’t recognize you.”

              “I’m used to the rumours,” she replied thoughtfully. “It’s not easy, but you have to also realize that moving won’t keep them away. People know me at school. They know about everything that’s happened and some of them made it a mission to fill everyone else on it too. Until someone else interesting comes along, I’ll continue to be the talk of the town, and for once you have to see that it’s out of your control.”

              I frowned. It wasn’t out of my control. I could shut them up. Hell, I’d enjoy it. Too many people were putting her image down. Some of the things they said were downright despicable.

              Disgusting whore.

              Allie Wallace has an itch for brothers.

              She belongs in a Jerry Springer episode.

              She’s only using Heath until the other brother gets out of jail.

              It made me rage. That wasn’t her at all, and it was so easy to convince people the opposite. She’d never been a part of any crowd before. She’d had a clean slate before we came out together as a couple. It worked against her favour because people grabbed their paintbrushes and torched that empty canvas with lies.

The thing with men is when we have problems with each other, we can sort it out with a few punches across the face. But women were something else entirely. They manipulated and worked behind the scenes, dropping drama in subtly before they stepped back and watched the destruction unfold.

              Women with loose tongues were worse than men with brawns.

              So fighting this would be tricky.

              “Stop thinking about it,” she scolded me. “I have to fight my own battles. I can’t have you terrorising people like always.”

              “I terrorised
one
guy and that’s because he tried to put his hands on you.”

              “He was trying to check the size of my shirt.”

              “He got too close.”

              “He worked at the clothing store!”

              “He felt up your breast.”

              “He was
gay
!”

              “Not at the time.”

              She smacked me across the chest, her face reddening with laughter. Ah, God, she made my heart detonate. This girl had me wrapped around her little finger. I moved in a little closer to her and rained more kisses on her face.

              “I know what you’re doing,” she murmured against my mouth.

              “Yeah, what am I doing?”

              “You’re trying to worm your way into my pants.”

              “Is that right?”

              “I’m not some slut, you know,” she teased.

              I nodded. “I know, you’re
my
slut.”

              I gripped those luscious hips and pressed myself against her. Her breaths turned to fast pants almost immediately.

              “See, you’re fucking jelly in my hands,” I remarked, grinning as I licked her lips.

              “You say that, but it’s really the other way around,” she responded.

              I pulled my face back and stared at her. There was no denying what she said. I’d go to the ends of the earth for her.

“Yeah,” I finally acknowledged. “You’re fucking right, babe. I’m jelly in your hands. You own me. You know that too, don’t you?”

She wrapped an arm around my neck and pressed her mouth harder against mine.

“I know that,” she whispered.

I pushed her against the counter and brushed my hand down the front of her body, gripping every curve I could. I rubbed her pussy as I ravaged her mouth and she moaned into me. Always those sweet sounds escaping her lips, making me hard in an instant. I slipped my hand inside the front of her jeans and cupped her. My fingers slid into her already wet folds and she tensed at the invasion, moaning again in my mouth as I felt how ready she was.

              I kissed down her neck, sucking hard every few kisses just to draw out more of those delicious sounds. “I need to fuck you,” I whispered desperately.

              I expected her to complain about Kayden sleeping in the next room, or to tell me she’d give it to me later. But her hips moved as she rubbed herself against my hand. She wanted it just as badly.

              Holy shit, I loved this side of her. She was so fucking loose.

              “Hurry,” she let out breathlessly.

              Pulling away, I hastily unbuttoned her jeans and slid them off her. I kneeled down as I removed them, kissing her smooth legs on my way. My fingers continued to brush her slick slit, and I was tempted to bury my face in between those creamy thighs, but being a parent meant moments like these were short lasting. I had to fuck her now, and fast.

              She had that dreamy look in her eyes by the time I stood back up and kissed her again. She gripped my shirt with one hand and pulled down the zipper of my jeans with the other.

              “Tell me what you want me to do,” she begged against my parted lips. “I’ll do anything for you. Do you want me to beg you to fuck me?”

             
Jesus Christ
.

See? The second Allie was turned on, there was a whole other side to her.

“No,” I muttered, sliding my tongue along her lips. “I want you to scream for it.”

              Her body shook as I swiftly turned her around and bent her over the counter. There’d be no neighbours to hear her through the thin walls this time. We could fuck like rabbits and nobody would hear my woman screaming for it. Her sounds were mine, reserved specifically for my pleasure.

              I pulled my cock out and parted her ass. Christ, this ass was bigger than it was before. Removing a condom from my pocket, I quickly slid it on. I leaned over top of her shaking body and bit at her earlobe, whispering, “I adore you, Allison.” I adored her more than she’d ever know.

              Standing up straight again, I centred my cock at her entrance and pushed in hard.
Don’t treat her like glass,
I told myself, remembering her words from before. She wanted it hard. She liked it rough. She wanted me to ravage the shit out of her. I gripped her hips with my hands and forced her against me as she held onto the counter, crying out after every deep slide inside of her.