Saven Defiance (The Saven Series Book 4) (27 page)

I take a step to move away when Haydn replies.

“I don’t. I was mistaken.”

My foot cements itself to the ground. Not that Haydn’s response matters, because I’ve only ever loved Logan, but his fervent denial still hurts. I dig my nails into the fleshy part of my palm.

“I don’t think you were. We’re both different now. We’ve gleaned a conscience because of our love for her. Don’t deny that. And she cares about you, so much. She
misses
you. And you’re hurting her, man, and I won’t stand by and let you do that anymore.”

“I want to tell him,”
Logan says in my mind, and I practically keel over, inwardly cussing. Of course, Logan would know I was eavesdropping. There’s little I can hide from him these days.

“Okay.”

“I’m not going to be caught unawares again,” Haydn argues. “Loving her made me weak. Foolish. And it was totally pointless anyway, because she has only ever loved you.”

“She loves you as a friend, Haydn. And love isn’t weak, no matter what guise it comes in. Her love keeps me going, especially on days when the pressure is unbearable. She makes me want to be a better person, to be someone worthy of her.”

Haydn snorts. “Only gullible, lovesick fools spout that mushy crap.” Thank the stars that his tone is teasing, because I can sense Logan’s patience waning.

“When you find the right girl, I’m so going to make you eat your words. And I’m going to thoroughly enjoy rubbing your nose in it.”

“Not in my lifetime. In case you haven’t been listening, knucklehead, I’m not going anywhere. This is me recommitting to my duty. I temporarily lost my way, but it won’t happen again. You have my loyal support for life, Logan. If you can forgive me.”

I hear the sound of a back being slapped. “I know that. Make your peace with Sadie, please, and don’t make any hard and fast decisions yet. When everything settles, things are going to change. Sadie and I are going to make sure of that.”

An obstinate silence fills the air as conflict returns to their conversation. Mention of me elicits some trigger in Haydn, some less than favorable reaction. He clicks his tongue. “Don’t kill me for saying this, Logan, because it needs to be said. I don’t think you can trust Sadie. She spent years with them. With
him
. How can your relationship compare or even come close to what she’s shared with him?”

I want to get up and slap him. Maybe fling him off the balcony into the lake. The last thing I need is him sowing any seeds of doubt in Logan’s mind.

“And I don’t trust him, at all,” he continues. “That’s why I’m watching him like a hawk. You didn’t hear the way he spoke about her when they first showed up. The way he touched her like she was his personal property. And she didn’t exactly push him away, either.”

“It wasn’t like that, Logan!”
That’s it! I’m seconds away from going raging-ninja on Haydn’s butt.

“Don’t you dare come over here! He can’t know you are listening. Relax, nothing anyone says will ever change my mind. I know you, Sadie, and I know you love me completely. So calm down. Please.”

“Axton is
obsessed
with Sadie,” Haydn continues, “and he isn’t going to let her go that easily. And how do you know she doesn’t feel that way too?”

I don’t need the active connection to feel Logan’s jealousy and frustration, his red-hot anger. I know he trusts me, but that doesn’t mean any of this stuff is easy for him to hear. I could kill Haydn, I really could. This kind of crap is the last thing Logan should be dealing with right now. I’m sorely tempted to intervene, but I’ve already breached his privacy enough, and he has told me point-blank to butt out.

“I’m not disagreeing with you on Axton,” Logan says. “I don’t trust him either, but there are things you don’t understand. Things I can’t tell you, because I promised Sadie I would keep them secret. But she doesn’t love him. She doesn’t even
remember
him. She feels responsible for him, for his safety, and I’m not going to argue with her on it. If that’s what she wants, then I’ll support her.”

“Stars, Logan. You are so far gone it isn’t even funny. And that is what concerns me the most. She’s tricking you, like she tricked me. Her love isn’t real.”

I have a hard time swallowing the thorny ball of emotion wedged in my throat. Angry tears prick my eyes. Haydn may be filled with self-loathing, but his obvious distrust of me outshines any compassion I may have started to feel toward him.

And it hurts. An awful lot. To think that he believes I’m lying, toying with Logan, with all of them, that I’ve some kind of secret agenda with Ax. While a part of me
can
understand it, and it
is
part of his job to be overly cautious and suspicious, he is totally dismissive of all the stuff we’ve shared. I’ve told him personal things about myself. Private things I haven’t told others. Things I haven’t yet had the time to confide in Logan.

In this moment, I regret it all.

In this moment, I know that Haydn and I will never again be friends.

In this moment, I want to punch him in the face until he bleeds.

Logan’s unflappable devotion is the only thing stopping me.

“You are wrong about her, Haydn. And I know it for a fact, because I am in her head and her heart, like she is in mine. I feel what she feels, and I hear her thoughts, and she is inherently good. There isn’t a malicious bone in her body.”

“But—”

“I’m not done,” Logan interjects, and his voice is barely restrained. “I’m trying very hard to be patient here. I know your heart is in the right place and that you’re trying to make amends. I appreciate that, I do, but you are sorely mistaken about Sadie. We have already Eterno bonded, Haydn. Our souls are interlinked.”

Haydn emits a shocked gasp.

“She couldn’t lie to me even if she wanted to. I’ve experienced every part of Sadie, and she is my equal in every respect. If you mean what you say—that you want to remain as my bodyguard—then you’ll have to find a way to forgive her. Because Sadie will be my queen one day soon. If you cannot show her the same respect you show me, then there is no future for you by my side. And more than that. I won’t let you speak to her like you did in there. That was way out of line, and you hurt her. If you ever speak to her like that again, in public
or
in private, then we are done. Our friendship will be over.”

Logan leaves Haydn stewing in his own steam. When he emerges from the hidden alcove, he wordlessly clasps my hand and pulls me out into the empty corridor.

We walk in silence back to our suite.

Logan stalks to the minibar and pours himself a stiff drink. I raise a brow. “Would you like one?”

Sure, why the heck not?
I nod. Perhaps it’ll anesthetize me.

If I’m lucky.

He flings his jacket onto the back of a chair as he fixes my drink.

Kicking off my shoes, I pull my legs up under me on the couch. My dress floats around me like a black shroud. “Thanks,” I say as he hands me a drink and drops down beside me.

“I’m sorry you heard all that.” He lifts the glass to his lips and takes a healthy sip.

“Well, you know what they say about eavesdropping and not liking what you hear. I’m the one who should be saying sorry.”

He gives me a casual shrug. “I thought I could talk some sense into him, but I was mistaken.” He takes another large glug.

“It’s not your fault that our friendship is ruined.” I toy with the hem on my dress.

He stops mid-swallow. “Don’t say that. I know how important you are to one another. He’ll come around.”

I take a quick swig of the punchy, spicy liquid, relishing the burn at the back of my throat. “It won’t matter. The damage is already done.”

His earnest eyes meet mine. “I’m sorry.”

I prop my face in my hands. “This situation is hardly your fault.”

Our conversation dries up after that. Both drained, in more ways than one, we finish our drinks in amicable silence and retreat to bed.

“You were wrong, you know,” I say, slipping in under the covers. “I’m not inherently good.” Shunting on my side, I look him squarely in the face. “I’ve made terrible decisions that have hurt those I love. In all honesty, a part of me actually agrees with Haydn.”

“Don’t say that. It’s not true.” Logan hauls me into his loving embrace. “You’ve done the best you could in difficult circumstances, and you never intentionally set out to hurt anyone. Haydn will see that in time.”

Logan’s gentle snores reverberate around the room. This time, I’m fighting sleep, not battling with a bout of insomnia. I’m actually glad I overheard the earlier conversation, because it’s solved another little problem for me.

Or it’s about to.

I ease carefully out of the bed so as not to disturb Logan. He can’t know what I’m up to.

I dress quickly and quietly and let myself out of the room. Down in the lobby, I have no trouble convincing the girl on duty to give up Haydn’s room number. Riding the elevator to the twentieth floor, I tread purposefully to his room, gently rapping on the door a couple of times.

The sound of cussing and giggling greets my ears, and I rear back in surprise as the door is opened. Haydn grimaces the minute he sees me. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

I lodge my foot in the doorframe so he can’t close it on me. “Tough. I need to speak to you, and you
are
going to listen.” I push past him into the room and slam to a halt. A pretty girl with long raven-colored hair is sitting up in his bed, clutching sheets around her naked shoulders.

I blush scarlet. “I’m so sorry!” Though my every instinct screams at me to haul ass out of here, I’m not leaving until I’ve arranged what I came here to do. “I need to speak to Haydn for two minutes, and I’ll leave you alone then.” I send her an apologetic smile, and she looks between Haydn and me with a confused look on her face.

“In here,” Haydn growls, wrenching me by the arm into the bathroom. He shuts the door. “This better be good.”

I tuck my hair behind my ears. “I need to ask you to do something.” His scowl thickens. “It’s to protect Logan!” I stammer before he kicks me out. Folding his arms across his bare chest, he pins me with a look. “I don’t know if Griselda can still get into my mind and control me, but if she does I need you to promise that you’ll knock me out or incapacitate me in some way before I can do any damage.”

He stares at me, but it’s hard to gauge his reaction.

“Please, Haydn.” I beseech him with my eyes. “I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”

A flash of emotion sparkles behind his eyes, and they soften, but it’s so fleeting that I’m not even sure if I read it correctly. “Okay,” he concedes. “I’ll do it. Knock you out if I spot anything suspicious.”

“Thank you. I knew
you
would have no trouble agreeing to this.”

He growls as he grabs my elbow. “You think I’m happy about any of this? You may be my least favorite person right now, but that doesn’t mean I’d enjoy hurting you. It’s my job to agree to this. To keep him safe.” He rubs his neck, looking sheepish. “To keep you safe.”

Color me surprised. I open my mouth to speak, but he cuts me off. “Don’t go reading anything into that. Nothing has changed between us.”

Tears prick my eyes, but I push them away. “I understand. Thank you.” I turn to leave.

“Sadie?”

When I turn back around, the look on his face is softer. “It’s probably best if we keep this between us.”

“Agreed.”

“Okay, then.” His eyes flit over my head, and his whole demeanor changes, lightens. It’s a good look on him.

“Who’s the girl?” I blurt out, instantly ruining the atmosphere.

“None of your business, that’s who she is,” he hisses.

I wrench the bathroom door open and race toward the main exit without looking at the girl waiting in Haydn’s bed. At the last minute, I turn back around. Haydn is standing right behind me, and I almost slam into him. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I hurt you. Sorry I ruined our friendship.” Despite my best intentions, tears pool in my eyes. “I miss you,” I whisper.

His face contorts, and it’s obvious he’s hugely conflicted. Expectation is palpable in the air. I silently plead for some peace offering, some indication that things might be salvageable.

“I miss you, too.” His voice is raw, gruff, his look full of remorse, pain, and so many differing emotions. I move toward him but he holds up his palm to halt me. “But it changes nothing, Sadie. I’m sorry.”

Tears glide down my cheeks as I flee the room.

I’m too traumatized to return to our suite, and I need to get my emotions in check in case Logan wakes up and senses my inner turmoil. I can’t have him searching my mind and discovering the truth of my agreement with Haydn. If he finds out, he’s going to go off on one.

There is a small partially covered courtyard at the rear of the hotel that I gravitate toward. Soft couches are grouped around low tables, faintly illuminated by the glow of multicolored candles that litter the space. Lilting music plays softly in the background.

I sink into a couch, tossing my sneakers to the ground. Hugging my knees to my chest, I focus on taking innate breaths in an effort to calibrate my wayward emotions.