Save the Last Bullet for God (32 page)

“Sir, at the first stage, you were
overloaded with too much information, and this stressed you a
little bit. You partly perceive things, and I assure you that you
will understand everything as you grow into your old abilities and
reacquire old knowledge. But in order to digest the recent stages
and move to the next one, you need to calm down and keep
quiet.”

“Who will I be in the next stage? What will
I experience?” I asked, desperately.

“You weren’t always in the world as a human,
sir. And this next experience will be very different. I’m unsure of
whether it is right to let you experience something like this after
you had such difficulty with the previous one. However, I will act
in accordance with the protocols you set. I can only advise you to
trust yourself.”

“What? I won’t be human? Tell me what I will
be. Even if I won’t remember when I experience it, at least tell me
now.”

“Trust yourself, sir. This is your program,
and I merely restart it. Are you ready?”

“No, of course not.”

“Sir?”

“Okay, okay! Start it, goddamn it!”

Subconscious

1

Do you know how long you have existed? I
think the answer is always the same: you exist from the first
moment you remember. Before that moment, it is only what is
transferred to you. For me, the first moment I remember occurred
long after my birth:

My close neighbor had just let me that he
was now ready. Having completed his preparations, he was in the
final stages of a careful creation. He provided us with the
information and said he had the necessary material and energy
stocks. Then he opened the protection wall, divided it and pulled
down the border between the two equal particles. This was the most
difficult and dangerous stage. As the protection wall partly lost
its effect, we could be harmed by pale blues, an uncontrolled
release of energy, or even grays. Although others tried to protect
him, using themselves as shields around him and standing guard, it
was still a dangerous stage.

Somehow, a storm cloud composed of pale
blues appeared above us. Although we were very carefully perceiving
the messages, we could do nothing. Little pale blue monsters rained
on us. They were hitting my shield, sometimes bouncing off,
sometimes getting stuck. As we rapidly modified the walls so as not
to have holes, throwing the stuck ones away was the only answer we
could give, at first, to the sudden attack. Unfortunately, one of
us, close to the end of the production stage, pulled down his
shield.

Having sensed the weakness, the pale blues
moved quickly to exploit the gap in the wall. Only one of them
could make it inside at a time, while the others bounced off of the
wall. Overcoming the shock of the sudden attack, we rapidly
activated the guided weapons system and defended ourselves against
the onslaught. Complete chaos and confusion spread everywhere, and
we counted many losses from those who were exposed to the cloud in
the first attack. Still we performed a successful offensive and
defensive strategy. The enemies from the cloud were brought under
control and either turned gray or remained pale blue.

We began the ordinary process of collecting
the spoils, counting the bodies, and repairing the walls. The walls
were strengthened using new materials, and the necessary
reinforcements and repairs were made.

Now that things were calm, I had the
opportunity to assist my neighbor. The first piece that was parted
was undamaged and in its natural function. The other piece didn’t
have any problem, even though a pale blue came inside.

“The pale blue is still inside, keeping its
color, but it has been inactivated,” my neighbor told me.

“You got off easy,” I said teasing him.

When the busy day and stories of the Great
War were over, everyone except for the guards in our community fell
asleep.

I began to scan around with a feeling of
unease, drifting between a sleeping and waking state. Everything
seemed fine, but somehow, the feeling of unease was increasing.

Then, I realized the change in my neighbor.
He was dying and becoming gray, but as I looked closer, I saw that
it was a balanced change from pale blue to white. He was turning
into something new.

It was an unexpected situation, and I did
what was necessary. I sent powerful emergency messages and began to
run away. My poor neighbor was now unrecognizable. He was severely
swollen, and his shields were about to explode because of the inner
pressure. Getting away as fast as I could, I was completely
panicked. I tried to increase the thickness of my shield while also
pushing whatever I had close to the surface. Suddenly, it happened:
my unlucky neighbor exploded. Yes, literally exploded. Hundreds and
thousands of little pale blues scattered around. Unlike the attack
in the day, they could now pass through all our shields whether we
were asleep or awake.

When the pale blue went inside, it
transmitted the information to the others about how to pass our
defensive walls. But being aware of this didn’t have any
significance now. Escape was the only way to survive.

It was a complete massacre. The pale blue
bastards stopped the motion of whoever they moved into. Those who
tried to run away bumped into the walls of their friends and became
the next victims. The huge colony was captured in a very short
time, and the war was over without any struggle. Dishonorably, I
ran away from the battlefield, hoping to reach an old colony that
would outnumber the countless little pale blue bastards. Staying
was stupid, as all my friends were exploding and spreading death as
soon as they were captured.

I couldn’t even tell where the goddamn
bastards came from, but I saw that one had gotten stuck in my
extra-strengthened wall and was slowly wiggling inside. I didn’t
know how to fight it, and it was terrible to know that it was the
end. Suddenly turning gray and disappearing is one thing, but
knowing that I would slowly explode…What is it like to explode? I
wondered. Is there any awareness?

No! No! I wouldn’t give up! I wasn’t ready.
I didn’t have enough energy or materials, but I didn’t have any
other way. I rapidly began the partition process. As the most
precious unit was the control and information unit, I carefully
divided it first. I placed the materials opposite them and started
the process of copying. I began to carefully copy the energy
conversion unit, the communication module, and the waste and
drainage systems. Meanwhile, the pale blue bastard had already
passed through the upper layers of the defensive shield. It was
almost inside. I felt panic, anger, and despair all at once.

Everything was over. The little bastard was
inside now. I desperately tried to stop him, throwing at it
whatever I could use. But that horrible, pale blue was moving
steadily towards the information and control unit.
Closer…closer!

I continued the process in a state of panic,
out of control. It was almost over.

The little monster was stuck on an
incomplete part of the information and control unit. I could tell
that it was rapidly configuring the interconnections in order to
have control. My movements got slower, my consciousness
weakened.

Still, I finished the partition, destroying
the part where the monster got stuck and tried to heal the damage
on the other side. As the little bastard decided what to do next, I
parted the defensive wall as fast as I could. I suddenly pulled
myself inside my chamber and recreated my shield. As the bastard
was locked in my other half, I escaped in a hurry. I went away,
leaving the pieces of me behind.

2

The universe is gargantuan—beyond
comprehension—and it hosts a tremendous number of things. We are
only little dots in this spectacular formation, and when we lose
our awareness, we fade away as if we had never existed.

My loneliness and the times I was on my own
gave me the opportunity to know myself and get to know those around
me. I wandered around from one land to another, on my own, a
traveler. I understood what was real, and the only important thing
was the energy that formed the blue light.

Small individuals like me transfer their
blue light to the next generation to keep it after partitioning.
They live together to protect their species, and they keep their
blue color. In the course of life, you can lose your blue, but you
can’t increase its intensity. However, if the small blues unite and
form a common structure, the strength of their blue doubles. There
is no limit to the strength. After uniting, some of them have the
energy to create a city or a planet. Such formations are always in
need of outside energy.

When the amount of united blue light
surpasses the limit, something enormous happens. They become stars,
and the stars spread their blue all over the galaxy.

I led the lonely life of a traveler for a
long time, but I gained a lot of power and made changes to the
information unit during the struggle with the pale blue monster
inside me. I survived an attack which would have turned me gray. I
felt stronger. Using these talents, I found myself a new colony.
Those who accepted me called me “the guest.” I wasn’t one of them,
but they respected me. I shared my talents and knowledge, and they
believed in me.

First, we were small wanderers trying to
capture the energy of those around us. However, thanks to our
ambition, determination, and irrepressible desire, we spread out,
away from our inefficient and energy-poor territory. We captured
the blue of whoever got in our way and turned it to gray. We
learned to manage the planets and used them as tools to get to the
stars. Even stars couldn’t stand against our determination and
cruelty when we captured them and sucked their energy.

The dreams of a small blue on its own were
fulfilled. Our empire invaded the entire universe and all the blue
energy was our colony.

Limbo

I suppose I regained my consciousness first.
My first perceptions were a feeling of lightness, a sweet sense of
happiness, a sense of serenity and.…

“Hey! What’s going on?” I started yelling in
my mind.

“Sir, calm down. You overreacted. I had to
stop the program immediately. You worried me.”

“Why? Did I give an unexpected response?
What was…that? Goddamn it, you turned me into a strange life form,
and I didn’t even know what I was. Was I a creature travelling in
space? Another universe, another place? Answer me!”

“No, sir. It was just your life experience
on Earth.”

“Come on. As if I didn’t know the Earth. Are
you kidding me?”

“Yersinia
Pestis
.”

“What are you talking about? What the
hell is
Yersinia Pestis
?
Wait, you mean the bacteria? Is it dysentery? No…that’s
Vibrio Cholerae
.”

“Yersinia Pestis
is the bacteria that caused the plague.”

“Yes, yes, that’s right. It was on the tip
of my tongue. But why—”

“Sir, the organisms you just saw have been
ruling the world for billions of years. They are the oldest and
most perfect beings in the universe. They believe “blue” means to
be alive. “Gray” is their way of perceiving the dead.”

“The pale blue little monster?”

“Viruses exist between the living and the
dead. They attack the cells and bacteria and go inside them. They
interfere with their genetic code and adhere to the main cell. As
you experienced, the cells explode and attack their surroundings in
numbers of hundreds and thousands.”

“Okay, I get it. I mean, I remember it. They
even cause genetic mutation. Most mutations kill the living, but
very few of them are transferred into new generations as a new
characteristic or even a superior one,” I added, not to be outdone
by a snobbish program.

“Yes, sir. As
Yersinia Pestis
lived peacefully in northern
Mongolia, it mutated in a strange way and adapted to live inside
fleas without killing them. Later, these fleas infested rodents,
especially mice, and reached mammals. They stuck in the throats of
fleas and caused them to get extremely thirsty. As a result, fleas
were driven to attack everything and suck blood from their hosts
non-stop. Finally, the disease infected people and caused the
greatest outbreak of all time. Half of the human population was
destroyed. Those people were erased from the genetic pool, making
space for others.”

“So the Plague evolved in Central Asia and
spread over Europe?”

“Conventional history says it was because of
the fleas inside the pelts sold by the hunters of the north, but
you have already experienced the entire period. Actually, the
plague came to Crimea in the wolf pelt that Cuci carried with him.
From there, it went to Europe by a Genoese commerce fleet and
spread death.”

“Why did you make me have the same
experience?”

“Sir, don’t forget: the setup is not mine.
It is yours. You wrote the program. I am only the interface. What
you witnessed was the subconscious of the disease. I mean, it was
the subconscious of a huge organism at the cellular level. It was a
‘micro-consciousness.’”

“So, will this process continue? I don’t
want it to. I am the programmer, so I’m changing the program. I
don’t want to experience the program anymore. I will be satisfied
by just being told.”

“Unfortunately, sir, your directives cannot
be followed until you attain all your abilities and become yourself
again. Are you ready to continue?”

“Now? What will happen now? At least tell me
about it. I don’t want any surprises.”

“You are going to experience life as the
over-conscious of the plague. Your journey will start at a harbor
in Crimea and continue to Medieval Europe.”