Savage Courage (26 page)

He held her close as she sobbed and buried her face against his chest.

“It is unfair,” he said to her, as though he had read her thoughts. “But I urge you to look at what happened in another way. Fawn has not been well for some time now, yet she lived long enough to be reunited with you, Shoshana, her daughter. And did you not hear what Two Wings said? Your mother
died with a smile on her face—a smile of happiness over having gotten to see and be with her daughter before she took her last breaths of life.”

“Yes, I know,” Shoshana sobbed out. “I know how wonderful it was that we spent time together again after having been separated for so long, but—”

“My wife, your reunion was, in itself, a miracle,” Storm said softly. “That Fawn survived when so many others died on that terrible day, that she had the will to survive until she held her daughter one last time, is a miracle. She went happily, Shoshana, peacefully in her sleep. She is in the sky even now, gazing down at you with a smile.”

“Yes, it was a blessing that we were together again, if only for a short while,” Shoshana said, wiping tears from her eyes as she gazed up at Storm. “I will bury my mother without feeling resentment or regret, without feeling cheated.”

To herself, Shoshana was thinking how glad she was that she had revealed to her mother that she was pregnant before she died. Her mother at least knew that, although she would never get the chance to hold the child in her arms.

But yes, her mother would be watching from the heavens. She would see, and Shoshana would feel her mother’s presence everywhere she went.

“I am all right now,” Shoshana murmured. She inhaled a deep, quavering breath. “I am ready to go to my mother and help prepare her for burial. I
know that your customs vary from those I have learned in the white community. Will you please teach me what is right for the burial of my mother?”

“I will teach you as I help you,” Storm said, then placed her back in her own saddle.

With Two Wings riding ahead of them, Storm and Shoshana traveled onward in silence. When they reached the stronghold, Shoshana went to her mother’s lodge and dismounted.

A young brave came and took her horse away. Then Shoshana went inside where their shaman, White Moon, was kneeling beside her mother’s bed of rich pelts and blankets.

A soft fire burned in the firepit. There was a smell of sage in the air, intermingled with other scents that Shoshana did not recognize.

When White Moon saw Shoshana standing there, he rose slowly to his feet.

He went to Shoshana and gently embraced her. “She went softly into the night,” he murmured. “She is now where there is no pain or heartache. She is with those who have gone on before her.”

He gave her one last hug, then left the tepee.

Tears streaming from her eyes, Shoshana knelt down beside her mother. She noted how peaceful she looked, and that she did have a soft smile on her lips.

Her hair had been unbraided and brushed. She
wore her loveliest doeskin dress, which displayed her own fancy beadwork.

Vermilion had been placed on her face, and her hands lay with twined fingers across her bosom.

“
Ina
, oh, Mother, I missed you so much through the years, and now I am forced to live with missing you again,” Shoshana sobbed, gently stroking her mother’s hand, which was cold to the touch. “But these past days were wonderful,
Ina
. Memories were made for me to cling to until the day I join you in the sky.”

She wiped tears from her eyes with her free hand and smiled down at her mother, whose eyes were peacefully closed. “I am so glad that I shared the news with you about the coming child,” she said softly. “I can feel in my heart and in my soul that I am with child. I need not count out the days until I see that another monthly flow has failed to come. This babe’s heart will beat within me just as mine beat in your body those long years ago.
Ina
, I shall cherish being a mother. And I will always keep you alive inside my children’s hearts and minds. I will tell them all about you so that they will actually be able to see you as if they had known you.”

Storm came into the lodge and knelt down beside Shoshana. “Are you all right?” he asked, sliding a comforting arm around her shoulders. “Is this too hard for you to bear?”

“It’s hard, but I shall make it all right,” Shoshana murmured. “
Ina
is still with me, you know.” She placed a hand over her heart. “In here, Storm. She will live on here until the day I die.”

“
Ho
, that is as it should be,” he said. “I urge you to rest before starting the task of preparing your mother for burial. I shall send for White Moon again. He can sit with her.”

“
To-dah
, I shall do it,” a voice said from behind them.

Shoshana and Storm turned. They were both surprised to see Dancing Willow standing in the entranceway. “Sister, it is you?” Storm said, rising. “How did you get here so quickly? Did you not wait to travel with the rest?”

“I dreamed, my brother, a dream that awakened me abruptly. After that I came on ahead of the others,” Dancing Willow said, entering and kneeling down beside Storm.

She looked past Storm at Shoshana. “Shoshana, I dreamed of your mother’s passing,” she murmured. “I knew that you would arrive home and find her gone. I came to be with you . . . to help you, for I am truly sorry about your mother. I am sorry for what you must be going through. I, too, lost a mother. I know the sorrow that fills the heart at such a loss.”

Shoshana was uncertain how to feel about what Dancing Willow was saying. Her sister-in-law had taken a risk, coming ahead of the others despite the
dangers of traveling alone. There was more than one panther on this mountain.

Shoshana was touched by the effort she’d made to return to the stronghold. She rose and went to Dancing Willow. She held out her arms for her.

Dancing Willow rose. They embraced.

Storm looked on, feeling good about what he was witnessing. It seemed that his sister had finally gotten past her jealousy. There was no false note in what she said today.

He believed that Dancing Willow was finally ready to be Shoshana’s friend, and a sister that Storm could again admire, be proud of, and love.

“I am so sorry about all that I have done to make you uncomfortable as my brother’s wife,” Dancing Willow murmured. “I shall never again behave unkindly toward you.”

“I believe you,” Shoshana murmured, then stepped away from her. “You said that you dreamed of my mother’s death. Dancing Willow, I ofttimes have had dreams, too, that came to pass. Sometimes I feel that it is a blessing, yet other times I don’t. Do you feel blessed to have such dreams?”

“
Ho
, I do,” Dancing Willow said, nodding. “Those of us who dream
are
blessed. It is a miracle to dream of what is yet to come.”

Shoshana turned and gazed down at her mother. “I dreamed often about finding my mother before it finally happened,” she said softly. “I shall . . .
never . . . forget those dreams, nor the eagle that was a part of them.”

“You dream of eagles, too?” Dancing Willow asked, bringing Shoshana’s eyes back to her.

“
Ho
, I have, often,” Shoshana murmured.

“Does it have large, golden eyes that seem to talk to you, and does it have large, golden talons?” Dancing Willow asked, her eyes searching Shoshana’s.

Shoshana was amazed by what Dancing Willow had just revealed to her. It did seem the same eagle visited each of their dreams.

Knowing this made Shoshana feel a sudden close bond to her husband’s sister.

Storm came to them and hugged them both. “My big sister, my wife,” he said softly. “It is good to see that you two are becoming friends.”

He held them away from him and looked at them one at a time, then smiled. “I believe you are going to be even more than friends,” he said, then took Shoshana’s hand. “Come, my wife. We must get you in your bed of blankets so that you can rest. Tomorrow is another day, and one that will be especially trying for you.”

“Do go ahead and rest,” Dancing Willow said, coming once again to embrace Shoshana. “I shall sit vigil at your mother’s side. I shall be here until you come to prepare her for burial. Then, too, I shall be here for you. I shall help you.”

“Thank you, Dancing Willow,” Shoshana said,
flinging herself into her sister-in-law’s arms. “It is so good to know this wondrously generous side of you.”

“Soon you will know all of my sides,” Dancing Willow said, laughing softly. She stepped away from Shoshana. “Little brother, see to my sister, will you?” she said, smiling at him.

Shoshana felt the closeness of having been called Dancing Willow’s “sister” like a warm embrace. She smiled a thank you to her over her shoulder as Storm whisked her away.

Shoshana took one last look at her mother before going outside with her husband.

“It will be so hard tomorrow,” she said, tears again shining in her eyes.

“Saying a final good-bye is always hard,” Storm said, taking her into their lodge. “But remember this, Shoshana: your mother died happy.”

Shoshana moved into his arms. She clung to him as she began to cry again. She would get the tears shed today so that tomorrow she could be brave and strong in Storm’s people’s eyes as she went through a day that surely would tear at her heart.

She knew this to be true, for she had already buried one mother. It would be no easier burying the other. She would cling to her memories of both, all of which were precious.

Farewell to one now silenced quiet,
Sent out of hearing, out of sight.

—Alice Meynell

The procession to the burial place of Shoshana’s mother was slow and solemn.

Once there, Shoshana found that Storm had come before her and had prepared the earth.

The burial grounds of this Apache band were not as vast as the one that Storm had taken Shoshana to, where he had placed his mother’s hair among his ancestors. It was obvious that this burial place had only been established after Storm and his people had been forced from their other home along the Piñaleno River.

The grave markings were there, made from
stones. No names appeared, for it was the Apache custom that the name of the deceased would never again be spoken among the living.

Storm had explained to Shoshana that many, many years ago, it was even considered wrong to go near the burial site. But that was before the Apache felt a need to establish a place where they could go and visit their dead.

The superstitious fear of the older generation, that the spirit of the dead might return to haunt and harm them, was long ago forgotten.

Back then, when lives were governed by such beliefs, the nearer the relationship that bound one to the deceased, the more terrible this dread seemed to be. Even if a relative kept anything that had belonged to the departed, he would fear that the ghost of the dead would come back to claim it.

Shoshana was glad that her people did not follow the rules of those long-ago ancestors, so that she could visit her mother’s grave often before the Piñaleno River Band moved on to Canada.

It was the custom of whites to place flowers on the graves of loved ones, and even to sit and speak to the dead whenever they wished.

Shoshana needed these special moments with her mother, for she had not had enough time with Fawn since she had found her.

Carrying Fawn’s beautifully wrapped body, enclosed in the whitest doeskin, Storm and several
other warriors walked solemnly, with Shoshana following behind them. Dancing Willow gave her comfort as she walked hand in hand with her.

The soft songs being sung seemed to beautifully harmonize with the bird song that filled the air this early morning.

And when a huge golden eagle swept suddenly from the sky, Shoshana’s breath was momentarily stolen. Its huge shadow fell over the body of her mother.

Shoshana felt the mystery of this moment when the eagle swept lower, its huge golden talons open, drawing gasps from everyone. For a moment Shoshana felt that the bird was going to sweep up her mother’s body and carry it away as she had seen it do so often in her dreams. Yet she was wrong. It hovered for a moment longer, turned its huge golden eyes to Shoshana, then flew away. It soared above them for a moment, then soon was lost in the shadows of the mountain peak.

Shoshana and Dancing Willow exchanged quick, knowing looks and smiled at one another. Then they continued walking until they finally came to the spot where the ground had been opened to welcome Fawn’s body into it.

Once everyone had circled around in order to witness the burial, Shoshana approached the grave and looked into it. Her eyes widened in wonder.

Then she gazed at her husband, whose eyes met
hers as he stepped back to stand with Shoshana while the other warriors began lowering Fawn’s body into the grave. All the while the singing continued, soft and sweet.

Shoshana knew that it would be disrespectful to speak at this time, but she longed to tell Storm just how much she appreciated his loving attention to her mother. He had placed in her grave many of the things that she had loved during her time with the Piñaleno River Band of Apache.

Her sewing equipment was there, as well as her second-favorite dress, for she wore her most favorite. He had included beautifully colored satin ribbons that he had traded for her through the years.

There were so many other things, yet not too many to crowd Fawn’s resting place; just enough so that she would not feel alone once her daughter and the others who loved her had to return to the duties of the living.

Before leaving for the burial, Storm had explained to Shoshana that not so long ago there was a big difference in burial ceremonies of women and warriors. The demise of a warrior provoked a lavish demonstration of woe and general sense of serious loss, whereas the death of a squaw was almost unnoticed, except by her friends and female relatives.

Today the ceremony was to be quiet and serene, but everyone would join in, not only family.

And that was how Shoshana felt it should be, for
her mother had become beloved by everyone in this band of Apache, not only a few.