Savage Collision: A Hawke Family Novel (The Hawke Family Book 1) (30 page)

My eyes lock on his. I brush aside what my heart is begging me to do, and decide it’s time to listen to my head for once. “Then, I need to go.”

He flinches, but otherwise doesn’t move, and doesn’t respond. “I don’t know what is going on with you. I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this, but if you told me we couldn’t have sex because of something that happened with the accident, that would be okay. It wouldn’t be a deal breaker…because I love you. I don’t need…that…but this, this isn’t physical Savage, and you won’t fucking talk to me, so how the hell can we ever fix it? You not talking to me…that
is
a deal breaker.”

His vacant stare never wavers and I turn to the bathroom, confident I’m doing what I need to do, while, at the same time, sure I am making the biggest mistake of my life. I feel his eyes on me, but I don’t look back.

Looking back would break me further, and what is happening isn’t healthy for either of us.

Why the hell did I ever let myself fall in love with him?

I close the door behind me and slide down it until the cold tile of the floor hits my naked skin. I drop my face into my hands and give in to the relentless agony of what I’ve done.

I watch her disappear in the bathroom and hear her fall apart the second the door clicks shut. The sound of the latch falling into place might as well be a gun firing, because I’m pretty confident I just killed the best thing that ever happened to me. Even though my heart is no longer racing like I ran a marathon, my body continues to shake and I scrub my hands over my face to try to clear my head.

Fuck.

I can’t be here when she comes out. I can’t face her after that, after I completely fell apart in front of her, after I literally withered in her hand.

Getting out now is my only concern. I dress quickly in sweatpants and a t-shirt and grab Princess, who is waiting at the closed bedroom door. I cross the hall and pound on Gabe’s door. I know better than to open it without knocking, even though I know it’s unlocked. I have inadvertently walked in and seen his naked ass riding whatever girl came home with him that night. I love the guy, but love only goes so far.

He doesn’t answer so I pound on the door again, anxious to get gone before Danika tries to leave the condo. Finally, the door opens, and a very haggard looking Gabe glares at me.

“What the fuck dude? It’s 3:30 in the morning.”

“I know,” I say, handing Princess to him, “but I need you to come to the gym with me.”

He pets her and lets her lick his face before he gives me an annoyed look. “The gym? Now?”

“Yes, right now. Go get changed and let’s get out of here. Leave Princess at your place. You don’t have someone here with you, do you?”

He rolls his eyes and sets her down. I follow him into his place. “No, she left an hour ago. Want to tell me what’s going on? You look like shit.”

Fuck no, I don’t want to tell you what’s going on. That’s the last thing I need right now, my best friend knowing I’m a fucking failure in bed.

“No, please, just go change.”

He throws up his hands in resignation and disappears down the hall, Princess following closely at his heels. I know she’ll settle in, probably in the middle of his feather bed, and sleep until we get back.

At least that’s one female I know I can please.

Fuck.

I run my hands back through my hair and squeeze my eyes closed, trying to shut out the vivid image of the look on Dani’s face when she told me she loves me…and that it’s over.

It doesn’t help, but maybe banging the weights or hitting the bag will.

Gabe reappears, looking just as annoyed as he did a minute ago, and grabs his gym bag and the keys.

We ride down in the elevator in silence. I know he’s dying to ask me what’s going on, but he keeps his mouth shut, probably sensing he would lose his head if he asks again. I pull myself into the passenger seat and he puts my chair in the trunk before we set out in continued silence.

Halfway through the ride to the gym, I finally can’t take him glancing over at me anymore.

“She told me she loves me.”

He jerks and swings his head to look at me, then quickly returns to looking at the road. “What? Well, that’s great, isn’t it? Why are you so upset?”

I pause before answering, trying to figure out how much to tell him. “Because I blew it.”

“Shit. How? What did you do? What did you say?”

I release a deep sigh and slouch down, resting my temple against the cool glass of the window. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” The surprise in his voice is more than evident, and I can only imagine what is running through his head right now. “What the fuck, Savage?”

“I know. I fucked up everything.” An unfamiliar tightening in my chest has me reaching up and rubbing it.

What if I can’t fix this? What if it’s too late?

We pull into the parking lot of the gym and Gabe throws the car in park, turning to look at me. “Do you love her?”

My head snaps around to face him. “Of course I do. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Then why didn’t you tell her that?”

The million dollar question. Why didn’t I tell her anything? Why, in that moment when the only thing keeping me here, keeping me together was her, couldn’t I tell her? “Because, I’m so fucked up, Gabe. I don’t know what to do.”

“What happened?”

My mind races through the evening, how much fun we had at the gallery, despite the run-in with Andrew and Becca. The car ride home, my fingers buried in her heat when all I wanted there was my throbbing dick. The way she tasted when she came against my mouth, screaming my name. The almost-painful throb of my cock as she pressed her wet pussy against it and started to slip it inside. Then, the pain and tightness in my chest, suffocating me while my mind spun out of control.

“I panicked.”

His brow furrows. “You panicked when she said ‘I love you?’”

“No,” I say, closing my eyes against the memory and shaking my head, “I panicked when she tried to have sex with me.”

I chance a glance at him. I can practically see the cogs of his brain spinning. “What? I don’t understand. You two have been together for like three or four months…”

The greatest months in my entire fucking life.

“Yeah, we have. We just haven’t been ‘together’ together.”

He drops back against his seat, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Is this because of the accident? Can you not…you know?”

I groan. “No, that’s the fucking point. I have no problem getting hard when I’m with her, or when I am alone for that matter, but I haven’t been able to ‘seal the deal,’ so to speak. It has never been this bad though, the panicked feeling. Today, I completely lost my shit.”

“What did she say?”

Dropping my head back against the headrest, I stare at the ceiling of the car, wishing this morning was just a bad dream instead of a very real-life nightmare. “That’s when she told me she loved me, and I just laid there, and said nothing. It was like I was completely numb and mute, I couldn’t say anything.”

He sighs and turns off the car. “You know you need to get your shit figured out so you can fix this, right? Danika is fucking perfect for you. You belong together.”

“Like I don’t know that,” I snap, glaring at him.

“Hey, man, I’m your best friend. It’s my job to call it like I see it.”

“Yeah, well, right now, I need you to be my best friend who shuts his trap and helps me burn off all this crap I have built up right now, all right?”

He nods his agreement, shaking his head in disbelief shortly thereafter. “Hope you’re ready to get your ass kicked.” The door slams and he moves around the back of the car.

An ass-kicking sounds good right now.

“I deserve it.”

My phone rings just as I stumble into my apartment, grocery bags hanging off my arms. Who am I kidding? I might as well call them liquor bags, since all I bought was three bottles of Prosecco and two of Stranahan’s Colorado Whiskey.

Thankfully, Caroline is on her way over. Otherwise, I might feel like an alcoholic.

I set the bags on the counter and scramble for my phone, digging in my purse until I find it. I groan when I see the caller ID.

Why did I give Skye my number?

Because Savage thought maybe there was a chance to smooth things over that has never come.

She’s the last person I want to talk to right now. Well, that’s not true. Savage probably is. How can I want to hear from him so badly, yet dread it so completely?

Maybe because we the way we left things yesterday felt so cold and final. When I managed to drag myself up off the bathroom floor and take a quick shower, I returned to find the bedroom, and the condo, empty. Even Princess was MIA, and I still haven’t heard from Savage.

The ringing stops and I let out a sigh of relief, setting my phone on the counter to unpack my bags and get the Prosecco chilled. No sooner do I close the door to the fridge when the shrill ringing starts again.

She’ll just keep calling.

“Hey, Skye.” I try to put some cheer in my voice, but it sounds fake, even to my own ears.

“Danika, what the hell is going on?”

Crap. What did Savage tell her? Time to play dumb
. “What do you mean?”

“Savage says he’s not coming to family dinner tonight. He sounded off, but not sick. Something is going on and Gabe is keeping his mouth shut. I figured you’re the only one I can get the truth out of.”

The truth? The truth is not something I want to discuss with Savage’s nosy little sister. “Everything’s fine. Savage is fine. He’s probably just tired.”

She sighs loudly. “Whatever. I know you are all keeping something from me. Savage never misses Sunday dinner. I’ll figure it out sooner or later. Thanks for nothing.”

Click.

I look down at my phone. Her abruptness and attitude shouldn’t surprise me. Not after that family dinner and her warning.

A knock at the door startles me. I almost drop the bottle in my hand.

Geez, I’m jumpy.

“It’s open,” I yell, popping open the bottle of Stranahan’s. Caroline makes her way to the kitchen. When she sees the bottles on the counter, she frowns. She hasn’t even seen the ones in the fridge. Maybe I shouldn’t mention the Prosecco. She doesn’t say a word, just walks to the fridge, opens it, sighs, and closes it. She turns to face me.

“Did you have to buy the whole store?”

Pouring myself a double, I nod. “Yes.”

“Better pour me one, then,” she replies, making her way into the living room and dropping down onto the couch. “So, you going to tell me what happened? You were very vague earlier.”

I had been intentionally vague. How the hell do I tell her Savage and I have never had sex? How do I tell her I confessed my love for him and he just laid there, silent? She’s my best friend, but that doesn’t mean she’ll understand. In fact, her knowing me so well makes me think she won’t understand this, not at all.

I pour her a drink and drop down into the opposite end of the couch, facing her, with my knees pulled up to my chest. Taking a long sip of my whiskey, I savor the burn and sweetness as it slides down my throat.