Saraband for Two Sisters (48 page)

I could hear Cherry’s voice: ‘He took a pleasure in torturing and killing animals … and later he wanted to do the same to human beings.’

He is dead, I reminded myself.

But such an incident was bound to have its affect on anyone as nervous as I had become, and the feeling of being watched persisted. I gave up going to the Castle Room. It was a climb up the stairs and I was getting unwieldy, I told myself. But it was not really that. The place seemed so isolated and I was fearful of being alone.

Then one night I was sure.

Bersaba had brought in my milk. I dozed and then fell into a disturbed sleep. I dreamed that a figure came into my room, stopped by my bed, slipped something into my milk and then went swiftly and quietly from the room.

I awoke with a start and my hair really did stand up on my head, for as I opened my eyes I saw the door closing.

I called out sharply: ‘Who’s that?’

The door shut. I distinctly heard it. I got out of bed, went to the door and opened it, but there was no one in the corridor.

I returned to my bed and looked at the milk. I could see that something had been put into it because it had not yet completely dissolved.

I sat on the edge of my bed and thought: Someone is trying to harm me. It is not my imagination.

I lay on my bed, fighting the impulse to go in to Bersaba.

I had told her how uneasy I felt and she had brushed that aside. ‘It’s your condition,’ she had said. ‘And you were always inclined to be nervous.’

She would say that I had dreamed it.

I picked up the milk and smelt it. There was no odour.

For some time I looked at it and then threw it out of the window.

I had made up my mind that the next time someone came into my room I was going to be awake and speak to whoever came to tamper with my milk and ask why they wanted to harm me and my child.

It seemed to me that I had lost contact with Bersaba. She was preoccupied. Sometimes she talked about Richard; she wanted to know about our relationship and that was something I found difficult to discuss with her. There were other times when she did not want to speak of him.

We were all of us nervous. ‘I reckon this war’s doing something to us all,’ said Meg. ‘You never know when soldiers are going to come running over the grass.’ Then she clapped her hand to her mouth. ‘Oh, it won’t happen, my lady. It couldn’t here. They wouldn’t dare … not in the General’s house.’

I knew that she had been warned not to alarm me.

I wasn’t sleeping very well. I never drank the milk which was put by my bed, but I did not stop it. I wanted to catch the one whom I suspected of putting something in it. I thought with alarm that if there was no milk they might try some other method. Of course I was wasting milk. We had two cows which Cherry milked each day, so there was plenty of fresh milk at that time, but we did not know when the countryside was going to be laid waste and what we should do for food then.

Then I moved into a phase when I told myself that nothing of this was happening. I had not seen the door close. I had dreamed the whole thing. If I told anyone, they would smile and soothingly say I must take care.

Then I began to think about the house and the strangeness of things here, and how different people were from what one had believed them to be. I thought particularly of Mrs Cherry who had seemed so rotund and contented when all the time she had had a son who was a dangerous lunatic, who had broken free from his madhouse and come to Far Flamstead and tried to burn down the place. I had discovered that that had happened more than fifteen years ago, and all that time the Cherrys had been watchful lest he should escape again and return.

I began to wonder about the door in the kitchen and whether it was really just an ordinary cupboard in there. It had somehow not looked like one. I was surprised at Bersaba’s attitude. She had always been so adventurous, but when once more I tentatively mentioned the cupboard, she changed the subject and showed quite clearly that she didn’t want to talk about it.

I began to be obsessed by the thought of the cupboard in the kitchen and asked myself why there were always coats hung over the door as though to hide it. It became clear to me that I would go on thinking of it until I had seen inside. I thought too about the Cherry’s son and what would have happened if he had come into the house. It would have been a good idea to put the children in that cupboard. I almost mentioned this to Bersaba, but she had been so impatient when I talked of it that I had stopped speaking of it.

Why shouldn’t I explore my own kitchen! She had said that to me. Well, why shouldn’t I?

It was late afternoon. I had come in for a short walk round the grounds, for I did not go far now, and in any case the weather was getting cold, for we had come into December and snow was threatened. As I came through the hall I noticed how quiet the house was, and as I passed the kitchen I looked in.

There was no one there.

The impulse came suddenly. I went in and, crossing to the cupboard, pushed aside the garments which hung there. The heavy key was in the door and I opened it. It looked just as it had that night when Bersaba and I had explored. I pushed aside the coats. I needed all my strength to draw back the heavy bolt. A rush of cold air caught me and I stepped into what was certainly more than an inner cupboard. It was dark and I could see nothing, so I went back into the kitchen and took a candle. I lighted this and went through the cupboard.

It was a carefully-made corridor—with an arched ceiling some seven feet high—and the walls were of stone. I went through it for what seemed quite a long way and finally I came to another door. This also was locked by a heavy bolt.

I pulled it and the door swung open. I was in a courtyard and I understood immediately where I was, for towering above me was the castle.

I was tremendously excited and afraid. I was not to approach the castle, Richard had said. It was unsafe.

I knew I should not stay, yet I seemed to be fascinated, unable to move. And as I stood there I heard someone shout at me.

‘Who’s that?’

A man came out of the castle. He was tall with very broad shoulders and a pale face, on which was a birthmark so vivid that it was the first thing I noticed about him. Something seemed to click in my mind. I had seen him before. He was Strawberry John.

‘Get back,’ he shouted.

‘W … why?’ I stammered.

Then I heard strange sounds and something else lumbered into the courtyard. It was a man yet somehow different from any other man; its arms hung to its knees and it walked with a shuffle … coming towards me. It was a human yet not human. My limbs were stiff with terror and would not move. I thought at once of the man I had seen on the lawn.

Strawberry John had leaped on the creature. He had thrown his arms about him and was holding him firmly.

‘It’s all right, boy,’ he said in a strangely gentle voice. ‘We’re all right. It’s nothing, boy, nothing at all.’

The creature was smiling at Strawberry John, who had taken one of its hands. It no longer looked menacing.

Strawberry John waved his arms at me, implying I was to disappear the way I had come, and I stumbled back into the corridor.

With fumbling fingers I drew the bolt. I had dropped my candle in the courtyard and was now in darkness, but I knew where I must go, so I felt my way along those stone walls until I stumbled into the cupboard.

When I came out the first person I saw was Mrs Cherry. She was standing there, her face ashen.

‘You’ve been in the tunnel. You’ve been to the castle,’ she cried.

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I’ve seen who is there and I want to know what it means.’

‘It’s for the General to tell you,’ she said; and she sat down at the table and put her head in her hands. She remained thus for a few seconds and then she stood up and came to me.

‘In your condition,’ she said, ‘this could have caused harm.’

I said: ‘Who is that in there? Who is that … boy … man …? Who is he?’

‘It’s not for me to say,’ she stammered.

‘But you know, Mrs Cherry.’

‘Oh, my lady. It’s our secret … it’s what we have to keep.’ Her eyes lit up suddenly as she said: ‘I can’t keep it no longer. How can I when you’ve seen? We’ve looked after him all these years … all of us here, and specially Cherry and me and Strawberry John. It’s his son, my lady—the General’s son.’

‘No,’ I cried. ‘Magdalen … bore that!’

‘There,’ said Mrs Cherry. ‘I’ve told. No one can blame me. I could do no other … not after you’d seen. Here, you’re all shook up. Let me get you to your room. I’ll call your sister.’

Yes, I must talk to Bersaba. I had to share this terrible secret with someone. I would never forget the sight of that vapid face.

She led me to my room. ‘You mustn’t be frightened, my lady,’ she said. ‘It would be bad for the child. He’s quiet most of the time. Just has violent fits now and then. He’s not a bad boy. Plays some games. Strawberry John’s good with him. He loves him, Strawberry John does. He thinks he’ll make something of him one day.’

‘Bring my sister to me,’ I said. And she went away.

Half an hour passed and Bersaba did not come. Then there was a knock on my door. It was Mrs Cherry again. She had a goblet in her hand.

‘I’m so worried about you, my lady. You shouldn’t have gone there. I’ve brought you this. It’ll soothe you. A little vervain because you trembled so, and pimpernel to cheer you, and my dear herb-twopence which is good for everything. Drink it up.’

‘I couldn’t drink anything, Mrs Cherry. Leave it there.’ She set it down and said, ‘I couldn’t find Mistress Longridge. She’s out in the gardens with the children. She had said something about gathering holly and ivy for Christmas. Oh, my lady, ’tis terrible to see you so put out.’

‘And Strawberry John has always looked after that … child?’

‘He’s a strange man. Some say he’s a bit short and some say he has too much. He has a way with animals and the sick. He’s always looked after the boy and good to him he’s been. The boy would die for him and he for the boy. ’Tas been a great sadness for the General. We knew soon after he was born. And then the castle seemed the place and he was put there, for the General couldn’t bear to look at him. He’d wanted a child … what man doesn’t? … and it was only natural that he should get to wondering what was wrong with him that he should have such as that.’

‘So he shut him away and wouldn’t see him.’

‘He knew he were safe with Strawberry John.’

‘And that night when the noise in the kitchen awakened us?’

‘That was the boy. The door had been left open and he got through. He was only playful like. He was throwing the pots and pans about. It was like a game to him. He’s gentle most times, Strawberry John says. Strawberry John tells me that one day he could be better. He’s getting better … he doesn’t have the violent turns like he did. He’ll always be different from others … but one day he might be able to live in a nice house like the son of a gentleman.’

She paused and then her brow wrinkled. ‘Didn’t he tell you?’ she said. ‘There was that night when he broke in … Didn’t he tell you then?’

‘He’s never told me that he had a son living.’

‘The General took it bad. We reckoned that he wouldn’t marry again because he was afraid of himself … afraid there might be some taint in him like. He used to shut himself in the library and go through all that had happened to his family … We all knew because Jesson saw the papers when he put them away. Then he brought you here … and it seemed as if he might have another son. But when you had that miscarriage …’ She stopped.

‘That was because I had a fright in the Castle Room. You all said it was a nightmare. Of course I did really see the lights and the face.’

‘It was the General’s order, my lady. We dursen’t go against that.’ She came close to me and laid her hand on my shoulder. ‘I hope this hasn’t upset you, my lady. I hope it’s not going to bring on something …’

‘I feel all right …’

‘And now you’ve seen …You don’t think … you don’t want …’

‘What do you mean, Mrs Cherry?’

‘I was wondering whether you’d feel you wanted to get rid of it.’

I stared at her in horror.

‘Oh, forgive me, my lady. I shouldn’t have said that. But if you was to have another like that …’

‘Stop, Mrs Cherry. Stop.’

‘Yes, my lady. Drink this. It’ll soothe you. I tell you, it’ll make you sleep and when you’ve slept you’ll begin to see what all this means. You’ll begin to make plans and …’

‘I don’t want to sleep. I want to think about this.’

‘Yes, you want to think. There are ways … If you was to want to … If you was to feel that you couldn’t go on with this …’

‘Mrs Cherry, please, I don’t want to hear any more. Please go now.’

‘Drink up this posset, my lady. I’d like to see you drink that before I go.’

‘No, later. Not now. I don’t want to sleep. I want to think and think …’

She went out and I lay on my bed, staring wild-eyed at the ceiling.

Bersaba came in. I was so relieved to see her.

‘What on earth has happened?’ she cried.

I told her that I had been through the tunnel into the castle and that I had seen Richard’s son. ‘He’s an idiot,’ I said. ‘That’s the secret of the castle. That’s why we are not to go there.’

‘Yes,’ she said.

‘You knew?’

‘Yes, I knew.’

‘How did you know?’

‘Richard told me.’

‘He told you, but not me!’

‘He was afraid that it would upset you, that you would be worried about having children.’

‘He was right. I am …’

‘You must not think of it,’ she said. ‘It does not mean that because one was born like that … others will be.’

‘Why should a child be born like that?’

‘Something goes wrong …’

‘But it could be something in the parents.’

‘Why should it necessarily be in Richard? It might have been some fault in his wife.’

‘Yet he kept it a secret. How could he have done that to his own son!’

‘How can you judge what other people should do? How could he have that boy in this house? He did the next best thing. He put him in the castle, built the wall and gave him a good guardian. What else could he do?’