Saraband for Two Sisters (39 page)

There were days when the rain fell continuously and the house seemed gloomy. Hallowe’en came and we talked of Carlotta and wondered how she was faring now. I remembered how I had hated her and wanted to kill her—or someone else to kill her for me—and how at the last minute I had saved her. That showed me that I who thought I knew so much about other people did not even know myself.

I remember the last day in October very well. Perhaps I felt restless because there was so much mist in the air and it blotted out that landscape, so that even I accepted the fact that it would be unwise to go out riding.

In the afternoon I went to the bedchamber and looked at the bed and in a moment of folly I lay on it, after having pulled the bedcurtains. I thought then of the night I had spent there and tried to relive every minute of it again and to recall what he had said, and what I had replied. We had spoken little. There had been no need for words and I had to bear constantly in mind that I was supposed to be my sister.

And then suddenly I heard a movement outside the curtains. The slight click of the door, a soft footstep. Someone was in the room.

The first thought which flashed into my mind was: He has come back.

He would find me lying on this bed and he would know then what he had suspected … for suspect he must have.

But there was no escape. If someone was in this room, and that someone pulled aside the bedcurtains, I must be seen.

I could hear my heartbeats. I lay there waiting … and then the curtains were pulled back and Angelet was looking down on me.

‘Bersaba! What
are
you doing?’

I sat up on one elbow.

‘Oh, I was just wondering what it was like to … to sleep here.’

‘Whatever for?’

‘Well, you sleep here … sometimes, don’t you?’

‘Well, naturally I do.’

‘I just wanted to see, that’s all.’

‘I knew someone was here,’ she said. ‘For a moment I thought …’

‘That Richard had come back?’ I asked.

‘Y … yes.’

‘You look relieved.’

‘Bersaba, what a thing to say!’

‘Well, it’s true, isn’t it?’

I was laughing now—I felt like an observer outside the scene. This was typical of us. I was caught in an awkward situation and I turned the tables promptly and placed my sister in it.

‘You’ve guessed, I know, that I don’t like—’ she waved her hands—‘all that … I know it goes with marriage and has to be accepted.’

I jumped off the bed.

‘Well, now I know what it’s like to sleep there. Cheer up, Angelet. The Blue Room is very nice … and peaceful, and I am in the next room.’

She turned to me and hugged me.

‘I’m so glad you’re here, Bersaba.’

‘So am I,’ I answered.

And arm-in-arm we went out of the room.

This helped to placate my conscience a little. All I had done was save Angelet from what she disliked and in doing so I had pleased myself and Richard. I had flown in the face of convention; I had committed sins and forced Richard to do the same … very well, that was admitted; but it had not brought ill to everyone.

I wasn’t easy in my mind, of course. I knew what I had done and it was no use my advising others to face the truth if I didn’t face it myself.

That night when I had said goodnight to my sister and lay in my bed I could not sleep, because I kept going over that moment when Angelet had found me on the bed; and from there my thoughts went to Carlotta and how I had tried to stir up people against her. There was no doubt that I was a very sinful person. Then I wondered what Luke Longridge would say if I ever told him of all the sins I had committed. He would despise me of course and probably forbid me to enter his farmhouse where I might contaminate his sister. I think I should have enjoyed luring him on to some indiscretion to prove that none of us was as good as we thought ourselves to be and that those who wore the cloak of virtue so ostentatiously might well be the ones who had most to hide.

I don’t know why I thought about Luke Longridge. There was only one man who interested me. I wanted to be with him so much; I wanted to make him admit that he knew that I had come to him at night; I wanted him to scheme with me as I used to scheme with Bastian. I wanted to hear his voice saying impatiently ‘When, when, where?’ as Bastian used to.

And yet I could still think of Luke Longridge.

As I lay there sleepless I fancied I heard strange noises in the house.

Boards creak, I told myself. It is nothing.

Suddenly there was a violent noise as though a great cauldron had been thrown across the room. I fancied it was coming from the direction of the kitchen. I got out of bed and wrapped a robe around me.

I went to the stairs and listened. That was a sound of scuffling … Someone was in the kitchen. Undoubtedly something was going on down there.

Angelet had come out of her room. She gave a cry of relief when she saw me.

‘What is it, Bersaba? I heard … noises …’

‘Something is happening down there,’ I said. ‘Let’s go and see.’

I called out: ‘Who’s there? What is it?’

Mrs Cherry appeared. She looked distraught. ‘Oh, it’s nothing at all, mistress. It’s just some of the pots as had not been put up right.’

I said: ‘It sounded like a cauldron being thrown across the floor.’

‘These things make a terrible noise.’

She stood facing us on the stairs, almost as though she were barring our way.

‘It’s all right now,’ she went on, looking at Angelet. ‘Cherry’s putting them up again. Secure this time. One of the men … you know … Put up anyhow … then we gets this scare in the night.’

Cherry appeared. His face was pale and his eyes looked shifty, I thought. ‘Begging your pardon, me ladies,’ he said, ‘I am that sorry. It was one of them … as didn’t put the things up right. Mr Jesson will have something to say about this in the morning.’

There was Mr Jesson and behind him Meg and Grace.

I had the odd impression that they were banding together to stop our advance. It was a stupid notion which had come to me because of all those mock battles. The military tradition was strong in this house.

‘I should go back to bed if I were you, my ladies,’ said Mrs Cherry. ‘I’m right down sorry you was disturbed.’

Angelet said, ‘It’s all right now then, is it, Mrs Cherry? They won’t fall again?’

‘As right as rain,’ said Mrs Cherry cheerfully.

‘I’ll have something to say to somebody in the morning, I promise you,’ said Jesson.

I turned to Angelet: ‘On that promise,’ I said lightly, ‘I think we should go back to our beds.’

‘Good night, me ladies.’ There was almost jubilation in the cry.

‘Good night,’ we said.

We went back to the Blue Room first.

‘Oh dear,’ said Angelet, ‘I was just getting off.’

‘Only just? My dear sister, don’t you sleep well?’

‘I haven’t lately. I wish I could. I hate lying awake at night.’

‘You slept very well on Mrs Cherry’s special cure for toothache,’ I said.

‘Oh that … yes, for hours and hours.’

‘You had such good sleeps then that must have been very refreshing. You know what it was, don’t you? The juice of the poppy.’

‘I wish I could sleep like that every night.’

‘You would if you took the cure.’

‘One shouldn’t though, should one? It’s all right when you have a raging toothache, but you shouldn’t take it just because you can’t sleep.’

‘I’m not troubled with sleeplessness. I might if I were, perhaps, just now and then when I wanted to be certain of a good night’s sleep.’

‘If it were here now I’d have a dose.’

‘Shall I ask Mrs Cherry for it?’

‘She’s gone to bed now.’

‘She won’t be asleep. I’m sure she would be delighted. She has a bit of conscience about the noise. They all have. Did you notice how uneasy they were?’

‘They were worried about waking us.’

‘I’ll ask Mrs Cherry in the morning … if you can get through the night.’

‘Of course. I’ll sleep in time.’

‘Mind you,’ I said, ‘you will have to be cautious with this stuff. It won’t do to take it often. Only at certain times. I’ll be your doctor and prescribe when you need it.’

‘Oh Bersaba, it
is
good to have you here.’

‘I hope you won’t change your mind.’

‘Change my mind. What do you mean?’

‘About having me here. I’m really the bad girl of the family. I’m not like you, Angelet.’

I interrupted her as she started on the old story of how I had saved Phoebe’s life and Carlotta from the witch hunters. I said: ‘It’s time we were in bed. Try to forget all this excitement and sleep. I’ll do the same.’

I kissed her lightly and she clung to me for a moment. Then firmly I released myself and went into my Lavender Room.

I lay awake for a long time thinking how easy it would be to send Angelet to sleep while I took her place in the marriage bed.

Then I dreamed that Richard came home and that I gave Angelet the dose, and when I was on my way to Richard, Mrs Cherry and Cherry, with Jesson and Meg and Grace, stood on the stairs barring my way.

It was a dream at which I could laugh when I awoke from it because I saw exactly how it had been evolved.

The next afternoon I went down to the kitchen to speak to Mrs Cherry about her cure. I wanted to make sure that it was safe in small doses.

When I arrived in the kitchen there was no one there. The great fire was burning and there was a smell of baking coming from the oven. A piece of meat was turning on the spit in its early stages of cooking so that it did not yet need attention.

I looked around and my eyes fell on the cauldron whose fall to the ground had awakened us all in the night. And as I looked, I noticed what I had never noticed before, and that was a door which was not shut. Above this door hung aprons and cloths used for cooking, and the reason why I had never noticed it before was because it was always hidden. There were things still hung there to hide it, but because the door itself was slightly open the fact of its existence was betrayed. I went to it. There was a lock on it but that lock had been broken. Quickly I opened the door. Inside was a cupboard in which heavy garments were hanging. Some instinct told me that this was no ordinary cupboard and I drew the coats aside. I was right! A door faced me. The lock on this had been broken but there was a bolt which had been drawn across.

I thought I heard footsteps so I hastily stepped back into the kitchen and shut the cupboard door.

Mrs Cherry came in.

‘I thought I heard someone here,’ she said.

‘I came to have a word with you, Mrs Cherry.’

She was fearful, I could see, and I noticed how her eyes went to the door I had discovered. She would notice that it was not properly shut and that close scrutiny would betray this fact. I wondered why it was important.

She brought up a chair for me and I sat down.

‘Your mistress is not sleeping very well.’ I said, ‘and I am becoming worried about her.’

Apprehension disappeared from Mrs Cherry’s face, which fell into an expression of concern.

‘Do you remember when she had a toothache she took some of your special cure?’

‘I do indeed, mistress, and she remarked to me that it had stopped the pain.’

‘It did. You are very clever with your herbs, Mrs Cherry.’

She dimpled. ‘Oh it’s what you might call a lifelong practice, Mistress Bersaba.’

‘That’s why I’ve come to you for your help.’

‘If there’s anything I can do …’

‘There is. I want to ask you if she might have some of the cure to keep in her room so that when she finds it difficult to sleep she might take a dose. Would that be harmful?’

‘Well, Mistress Bersaba, as long as she didn’t take too much. These things shouldn’t be took regular. A little now and then can’t do no one no harm. I always say God put them there for our use and it’s up to us to make the best of them.’

‘And people like you who make a study of these things are doing a very useful job for us all.’

‘Well, mistress, it’s my pleasure. I love my little herb garden, and if I can find anything new or learn any new recipe … well, there’s no one happier than Emmy Cherry.’

Emmy Cherry! I thought. It suited her—so rotund, so eager to serve, and yet with a glint of something in her eyes which made her of interest to me.

‘So,’ I said, ‘you will let me have the cure?’

‘I’ve been thinking, Mistress Bersaba. The cure is for toothache. You don’t need a cure for toothache when you ain’t got it, now do you? I’ve got a little something here which is made mostly of poppy juice and fresh green leaves to give it taste and a spot of juniper to give it a tang … That’s not all. But a little nip of this would ensure a good night’s rest, I reckon, and do no harm. I’ll give it to you.’

She went to a cupboard and I followed her. It was like a small room, that cupboard, and I imagined it was an almost exact replica of the one which contained the coats.

This cupboard was lined with shelves and in it was an array of bottles neatly labelled. There was no extra door.

She took one of the bottles and gave it to me.

‘Here you are, Mistress Bersaba. She’ll sleep well on this. Just the one dose will do it. But don’t let her take too much. There’s always a fear that you’ll take a dose, get sleepy and take another without knowing it. It’s been done more than once. Now that’s something I wouldn’t like to speak for.’

‘You can trust me, Mrs Cherry,’ I said. ‘I shall see that she only takes it when it is absolutely necessary and I’ll keep it in my room.’

I took the bottle into my room and put it into a cupboard. When I saw Angelet I told her what I had done.

‘Where is it?’ she asked.

‘I’m keeping it,’ I told her. ‘When I think you really need to be put off to sleep, I shall use Mrs Cherry’s Soother …’

‘Let me have it, Bersaba.’

‘No,’ I said firmly; and she laughed and was happy in my care for her.

I couldn’t wait to explore that part of the grounds around the kitchens, for I wanted to discover if there was a door there which could be the one in the cupboard.

It was dusk and there was no one about when I strolled out in my cloak, for it was chilly, and made my way round the house.