Sanders 01 - Silent Run (26 page)

She lifted her head and gazed into his eyes. “I'm sorry, Jake."

“The memories aren't there. I don't know why I thought they would be."

She hated causing him more pain. “It was still great."

“It was sex."

“It was more than that. You know it was."

“I don't know anything.” Moving abruptly, Jake rolled her out of his arms and stood up. He dragged on his jeans and his shirt, seemingly determined to put as much physical space between them as possible. His regret over what had just happened was evident in every tight line in his face.

“I wanted to remember,” she said quietly, despair overwhelming her as she watched him withdraw from her.

“Is that why you said yes?” he challenged. “Was it some kind of experiment?"

She met his gaze and turned the question around. “Is that why you decided to make love to me -- as some kind of experiment?"

Hands on his hips, he stared at her for a long moment and then shrugged. “Maybe,” he admitted. “Actually, that's not true, and I'm not going to lie about it. There have been too many lies between us already."

“Then what is true?” she asked, wrapping the bedspread around her naked body.

“I wanted you, Sarah. I've always wanted you. I can't seem to get you out of my system. You treated me like shit, and I still want you. How ridiculous is that?"

“I wanted you, too, in this moment, in the present, regardless of what happened before."

“It's easy to say the past doesn't matter when you don't remember it. But the memories of you and me together are burned into my brain."

“Jake --"

“Don't say anything. There's nothing you can say. I've got to get out of here.” He grabbed his keys off the table.

“Where are you going?” she asked in alarm. She wrapped the bedspread around her body as she sat up.

“I need some air. I need to get out of here. I need to get the hell away from you, Sarah."

“Jake, this isn't the time to walk away from me."

“Do you realize we didn't use any protection?” He paused by the door. “I could have just made you pregnant again. Unless you're on the pill?"

She stared at him, shocked by his words. What a fool she was. She'd been so caught up in the moment, in the desperate need to remember Jake, that she hadn't even considered protection.

“Yeah, I didn't think so,” he said, not giving her a chance to answer. “Don't worry, Sarah; I'll be back. You and I aren't done yet. Although I wish to God we were.”

“What are you doing here?” Shane Hollis couldn't believe Victor Pennington and Rick Adams were standing in his motel room, wearing their Armani suits and Ferragamo shoes and sporting their two-hundred-dollar haircuts. They were supposed to be in Chicago, waiting for his call. Their presence could mean only one thing: They were unhappy with his performance. He'd always been the weak link in their group, the scholarship student, the one who didn't really belong, the one they wouldn't tolerate at all if he didn't do their dirty work for them. He felt a trail of sweat slip down his spine under their intense stares.

Victor was the self-proclaimed leader of their group and had been since college. The son of a Russian actress and the stepson of an American millionaire, he was a mix of raw evil and charming sophistication. Rick Adams was Victor's right-hand man, another rich kid who boasted more brawn than brain and was built like a tight end. Both men had led charmed lives for a while, graduating from Harvard, running several businesses, making huge amounts of money, and moving more than just art through their gallery. Then all hell had broken loose when the woman Victor was sleeping with betrayed them all -- the woman Shane should have killed long before this.

Eight months ago Victor and Rick had been in prison. They would be there now if their rich parents hadn't convinced the parole board to let them go on good behavior. Now they wanted revenge, especially Victor.

“She's supposed to be dead,” Rick said. He had an annoying habit of stating the obvious.

Shane glanced at Victor and saw the rage burning in his dark brown eyes. There was something wrong with Victor. There always had been. He loved a good kill -- more than sex, more than money, more than anything. Not many people knew that about him, but Shane did, because he'd always been the one to carry out his orders.

“I'm working on it,” Shane said. “I need a little more time."

“Your time is up,” Victor said.

“Look, she has someone watching her all the time. It's not going to be that easy to get to her right now. We might have to back off for a while."

“I've waited eight years to see her die; that's enough,” Victor said.

“A few more days, a week -- she'll let her guard down,” Shane said. “You've only been out of the pen a few months -- do you want to go back?"

“That won't happen,” Victor said, nothing but confidence in his voice.

“The police are involved. If something happens to her it won't be that difficult to trace her back to you -- not me,” Shane added.

Dark storm clouds gathered in Victor's eyes. He hated when anyone questioned his actions. Shane should have kept his fucking mouth shut. But it was too late now.

“Do you think I'm stupid?” Victor asked.

“Of course not. The truth is, I don't know where she is right now,” Shane said hastily, trying to defuse the situation. “They slipped away after the fire."

Victor stared back at him. “And you're not smart enough to figure out how to get her out in the open?"

Before he could answer, Rick said, “The kid, dude, that's the ticket."

“I don't know where the kid is."

“You didn't know there was a kid,” Victor said angrily. “You should have been more thorough."

Shane should have known about the kid. He'd traced her to the apartment, but he'd never thought she was living with anyone but herself. “She doesn't know where the kid is. She has amnesia.” The last thing Shane wanted to do was take out a baby. He'd fallen a long way from the kind of man he thought he'd be, but that was just too damn far. His life was not supposed to go down this way.

“There are only two people who could have the child,” Victor said. “I now know where both of them live."

“Do you want to tell me?"

“Actually, I don't,” Victor said. “You're of no use to me anymore. You've become a liability. You can't get the job done, and you know too much."

Before Shane could move, Rick pulled out his gun.

“Whoa, what are you doing?” Shane asked, putting up his hands. “We're friends. We've been together a long time; I've done everything you wanted."

“Until now,” Victor said.

“Let me try again,” Shane said, acutely aware of the barrel of the gun facing him. “We're partners. We're fucking partners. Just give me one more chance.” But even as he said the words, he knew it was too late.

* * *

While Jake was gone, Sarah got dressed again and straightened the bed. She suspected that any reminder of what had happened between them would not be a good idea. Once that was done, she went to the window and peeked through the curtain. It was dark, but she could see rain streaming down in the glare of the parking lot lights. Another storm. For some reason the rain set her nerves on edge. The last time it had rained she'd almost lost her life.

Letting the curtain drop back into place, she paced around the small room, restless, frustrated, confused, and worried. She shouldn't have let Jake go. She should have found a way to make him stay. If only she hadn't spoken so quickly. Maybe she could have prolonged the inevitable truth, but in the end it would have come out, and she couldn't change the facts: She couldn't remember their history together. That fact brought Jake pain each and every time. And the last thing she wanted to do was keep hurting him.

Wrapping her arms around her waist, she felt chilled. An hour ago she and Jake had been so close she hadn't known where she ended and he began, but now they were as far apart as they'd ever been, not just physically but emotionally as well. Why couldn't she remember him? If it had been as good between them as he'd said, why was her brain trying to protect her from those memories? Her mind had already released a bit of her childhood. Why couldn't she get to the rest of it? What was she afraid of?

Weary of asking herself questions she couldn't answer, she sat down on the bed, knowing she wouldn't be able to relax until Jake returned safe and sound. She couldn't bear to think of something happening to him. He'd already dodged death at her apartment building. He could have been shot through the heart when he'd stepped in front of her. But he hadn't been thinking about himself. His first thought had been to protect her. According to him, keeping her alive was the key to finding Caitlyn, but she'd spent enough time with Jake in the past few days to know that his caring instincts also extended to her. Although she couldn't see how she deserved his care or his protection.

Reaching over the side of the bed, she grabbed the duffel bag and pulled out Caitlyn's baby blanket and bear. She ran the satin edges of the blanket through her fingers and closed her eyes. She imagined the crib and pictured Caitlyn's sweet face. The image brought her warmth and made her smile.

But then something changed.

The room was different. There was pink wallpaper with big A-B-C letters. Lacy white curtains fluttered at the windows. Someone came into the room. She turned and saw Jake. He was wearing a suit and tie. On the floor in the doorway was his suitcase.

He walked over and kissed her, a sweet, tender kiss on the lips.

“I can't believe I have to leave my girls for two weeks,” he said. “How will I live without you both?"

“It will be hard for all of us,” she said, her gaze lingering on his face. For some reason she wanted to memorize his features. She felt as if it were desperately important to do so. People always disappeared from her life. Things changed in an instant, and the good never lasted. She didn't want to forget him. Not ever.

“You'll marry me when I come back,” Jake said decisively. “It's way past time for us to become an official family. No more excuses. Say yes."

He made it sound so easy, when saying “yes” was anything but easy. “When you come back we'll make plans."

But as he walked out the room, she wondered if she could really go through with it. There was so much he didn't know.

Sarah's eyes flew open as she realized that she'd finally seen Jake in her mind in the time when they'd been together. It must have been the day Jake had left for his business trip, perhaps the last time she'd seen him before she ran away. He'd left town believing she would marry him when he got back.

Her heart thumped against her chest. How her departure must have hurt him. When he'd returned home with high hopes for their future together, he'd found an empty apartment stripped of all trace of Caitlyn and herself, and no explanation. Even after all this time she still couldn't give him a reason.

She wanted to scream in frustration.

How could she have ruined such a terrific relationship?

She lifted the baby blanket to her face and inhaled deeply. Caitlyn's sweet scent still clung to the fabric, a mix of baby powder and baby. She would make everything right. She would find Caitlyn. She would get her memory back, and she would tell Jake why she'd left him, why she'd betrayed him.

Then what? Would he forgive her? Would they all live happily ever after?

Somehow she didn't think so. She'd never believed in fairy tales.

* * *

Dylan stretched his arms over his head as he waited for his latest search screen to pop up. He'd been on the Internet for hours, but he was still no closer to locating Andy Hart. He suspected that if Andy were a computer genius, as Catherine had stated earlier, then he'd probably found ways to protect his personal information from appearing on the Internet. As for Teresa Meyers, he'd found a half dozen women with the name, but none of his follow-up calls had produced a likely candidate in terms of the right age or background.

Catherine hadn't offered much help, although she'd made him a delicious vegetarian pasta dish that he was sure had quadrupled his vegetable intake for the week, maybe the month. Since then she'd been puttering around the house, cleaning the kitchen, looking through the artwork done by her students, talking to her cats and her bird. Fortunately the bird didn't seem inclined to talk back. He'd always thought talking birds were a little creepy. One woman he'd dated had a talking parrot who'd called him shithead every time he walked in the room. It hadn't exactly set the mood.

A flash of lightning lit up the room, followed shortly thereafter by a crack of thunder that rocked the house. The storm was loud, rain pounding the back deck, gale-force winds shaking the windows, waves crashing on the beach. The wild night did nothing to ease the mounting tension in his body. It frustrated the hell out of him to be stuck here while Jake and Sarah were running for their lives, but if he could find Andy Hart, then they'd be one step closer to locating Caitlyn.

Glancing away from the window, he saw Catherine watching him from the kitchen. He was struck again by how pretty she was in a natural way. She didn't have a speck of makeup on her face, but her features were beautifully set in her face, and long lashes framed her mysterious dark blue eyes. He wondered what her story was -- how she'd come to live in this remote location with only her pets for company. She had a story to tell. As a journalist he had a nose for stories, and he had a feeling hers would be very interesting, but this wasn't the time to get into her life. Right now it was Sarah's secrets he needed to reveal.

“You're staring at me,” Catherine said.