Sanctum: A Motorcycle Club Romance Novel (10 page)

“I
’
m
serious!
”
said Julie. She took a drag and came up from it
coughing hard, which only made the two of them laugh harder. She waved smoke
out of her face and passed the joint back to Maggie.
“
He
was basically staring at you the entire time we were talking.
”

“He
’
s
my bodyguard,”
said Maggie, shaking her head.
“It
’
s
his job to stare at me.
”

“Yeah, I
’
m
sure he hates it, too,
”
laughed Julie.

Maggie smiled and took another drag. She
blew out the smoke without a cough.
“He
’
s
not the only one.
”

“
Oh, come off it,
”
said Julie as she snatched the joint.
“
How
could you hate having that handsome strapping beast around you all the time?
”

Maggie made an exaggerated groaning sound
and fell to the floor with a laugh. Julie took a hit and laughed along with
her. She joined Maggie on the floor one knee at a time and passed the joint.

“Let
’
s
not talk about Jase, he might overhear us and his ego doesn’t need the meal,
”
said Maggie after she took a hard hit and exhaled.

“Okay,”
said Julie.
“
Do
you want to talk about where you’ve been for the last eight months?
”

Maggie didn’t
.
She really, really didn’t. But she looked up and saw Julie
’
s
earnest expression, and knew it was the right thing to do.
“
Yeah,
I guess we can do that.
”

“
I tried calling you,
Maggie. I guess I feel like
…
like
maybe I failed you as a friend. I wanted to help you up, I couldn’t get you to
take my hand,
”
said Julie. She handed
the joint to Maggie and adjusted to sit cross-legged on the carpet, her back
leaning against the bed.
“
Jordan kept
telling me there was nothing I could do, but I just couldn’t accept that.
”
She giggled a little to herself.
“
Obviously
—
how
else would I be here right now?  I could never just give up on you, you know?
”

Shame tore through Maggie
’
s
mind and heart. She let the joint
’
s
embers burn out as she held it between her fingers.
“
Jordan
wasn’t wrong. I saw you calling me, Julie
…
I
found the note you left in my mailbox. I was just too afraid to respond to any
of it. I didn’t
want
…”
Maggie
had to take a deep breath.
“
I
didn’t want you to see what I had become.
”

“
Oh honey. We all have our
dark times. You know I watched my older sister go through her alcoholism. I
know it
’
s not apples to
apples, but well
…
.I just mean I
care about you anyway, even if you don’t care about you.
”

“
Part of me wishes I had
called you,
”
said Maggie.
“
But
part of me could never live with involving you with dangerous people.
”
She felt a strange sensation that Henry had told her
those exact words at some point in years passed. And like Henry had with her,
Maggie kept Julie at the perimeter of her life.

Julie nodded sadly.
“I
’
m
sure none of your decisions were easy ones at that point.
”

Maggie cleared her throat.
“
No,
they weren’t. Neither was the one to cut loose and make a run for home. But
things got out of my control. Evan had soothed some need in me for that first
little while, and then suddenly it felt like I was sliding down a muddy hill
with no way to stop myself.
”

“
Everything seemed to be
going so well before you met him,
”
said
Julie.
“
You
didn’t seem unhappy. I
’
m
surprised there was something missing that he somehow filled. You seemed like a
whole person.
”

Maggie had replayed those transitionary
months so many times in her mind, but she had no answers for either Julie or
herself.
“
I was, in a lot of ways.
But I just
…
there
’
s
something inside me that isn’t right, Julie. It
’
s
been there since I can remember; since I was a little girl. It won’t settle or
shut up, no matter what I do. It
’
s
like a big black ocean that lives inside my chest, and it
’
s
always sloshing around, always storming. I can never find a way to keep it
still
…
at least not for very long.
”

Julie’
s
eyes welled up with sympathetic tears.
“
Oh
Maggie. You feel that way all the time?
”

“
Not all the time,
”
said Maggie before she could stop herself.
“
I
mean, sometimes it
’
s…
sometimes
it’s still. Sometimes it
’
s
calm.
”

“
Like when?
”

Before Maggie could answer, two stern
knocks came on the bedroom door. Jase stuck his head inside the bedroom and
looked at Maggie.

Like now.

“Jesus,”
said Jase as his
face scrunched up.
“
First night in a
new house, and you decide to hot box the place?
”
He
waved his hand and watched the collected smoke from the joint swirl in the
sunlight.

Both Maggie and Julie started to giggle.
Maggie took advantage of the distraction and hoped Julie would forget about the
question she had asked. She re-lit the joint, took a puff, and offered it up to
Jase.
“Don’t
be jealous, we wouldn’t leave you out.
”

Whatever humor had been on Jase
’
s
face died the second she said the word
‘jealous
’
.
She got no pleasure out of seeing the stricken look behind his eyes, too subtle
and far away for Julie to pick up on. But neither did she want him around her
after what he had done last night.

She expected anger, but instead she saw
only exhaustion pass over his face.

Julie must have missed it.
“
Yeah,
Jase, why don’t you come have a seat and join us? I’ve heard so much about you!
”
She gave Maggie a very obvious grin that Maggie
returned with a stern, bitchy look, pulled tight to hide her embarrassment.

Red flushed across Jase
’
s
face. His eyes widened just a bit.
“
Is
that so?
”

“
Oh, yeah, Maggie could
never shut up about you!
”
It
wasn’t the truth
—
in fact, it had
taken many months before Maggie trusted Julie enough to even mention his name
—
but
truth wasn’t
Julie’
s
goal. This was more of a mini-seduction into conversation.

Jase looked over to Maggie, as if to
verify whether Julie was honest. Maggie could only look at him for a second or
two before the discomfort became too much. She realized that probably made her
look guilty of Julie
’
s
charges, but she just took a hit and said nothing.

“
I guess I
’
m
one of those guys that
’
s
better enjoyed from a distance, then,
”
said
Jase. His flat voice made clear that he wasn’t in the mood for any cheeky
antics regarding his feelings. He pointed at the joint in Maggie
’
s
hand. “Don’t
burn the house down, alright?
”
He didn’t wait for a response before he ducked out of
the room, footsteps heavy down the hall towards the kitchen.

“
Yeesh,
”
said Julie with a little laugh. She took the joint
Maggie still had outstretched.
“
Someone
needs a nap.
”

Maggie
’
s
smile faded.
“
No, Julie, you don’t get
it. He absolutely hates me. He told me to my face he doesn’t care about me.
”

Julie seemed like she was going to crack
another joke, but she stopped when she saw the real pain on Maggie
’
s
face. “Hey, honey…”
she reached out and took Maggie
’
s
hand. “It
’
s okay. He won’t
be mad forever. I wasn’t kidding about what I said earlier
—
you
can see it all over him that he cares about you, I don’t care what he says
about it now. He’ll come around and forgive you. He
’
s
here protecting you, isn’t he? If that
’
s
not love, I don’t know what is.
”

“
His job?
”
said
Maggie.

“
You sure love to play
dumb when you don’t want to notice something. It
’
s
that jazz guitarist at our Friday night flings all over again,
”
said Julie with a grin and a quirk of her eyebrow.
“
Jase
will forgive you.
”

Maggie gave Julie a half-hearted smile. In
that moment she felt she deserved neither Jase
’
s
forgiveness, nor Julie
’
s. “
Seeing
you here today made me realize I
’
m
just a shitty person, Julie. I run and let people behind me clean up my mess,
”
said Maggie, staring at the ground.
“I
’
m
sorry I left my mess for you in Eagleton. I was scared and stupid. I didn’t
think.
”

“
Honey, the fact that you
ran back to your daddy and your lost love
—
that
are both, apparently, super-tough badass bikers, thanks for telling me
—
means
that you were running from something much bigger than a few knick-knacks in
your apartment or your old friend from work. It
’
s
really okay. I
’
m just glad you
got help, whether or not it was from me,
”
said
Julie. She had her hands on Maggie
’
s
shoulders and gave them a soothing squeeze.

Maggie couldn’t look her friend in the
eyes.
“
I
wasn’t running from danger when I left LeBeau the first time; when I left Jase.
”

Julie sighed and rubbed her arms.
“It
’
s
not too late to heal all that, Maggie. They still love you. You know that. You
’
re
their family.
”

Maggie finally looked up with teary eyes
to meet her friend
’
s
gaze. Julie gave her a hopeful smile and then pulled her into a sweet hug.