Salt and Saffron (15 page)

‘Kishoo? You mean Kishwar? Lily's daughter?
Hanh,
I heard she was getting married. Who to?' While Dadi was asking the questions she was also using hand gestures to direct two of my young cousins to hand around plates and tea things and find out how much sugar everyone took in his or her tea. Sameer and I watched this with great satisfaction; not too long ago we were the two considered both old enough and young enough to have this chore placed on us.

‘Quite a catch!' Younger Starch said. ‘The oldest son of the Ali Shahs. He has the family seat in the National Assembly.'

‘Really?' Great-Aunt One-Liner sniffed. ‘Lily's daughter is marrying a Sindhi?' Great-Aunt One-Liner generally made only one comment in an evening. She usually waited until late to make it; just when she realized everyone was about to leave and she hadn't said anything memorable to leave her stamp on the occasion she'd speak, and then everyone would feel that the evening had truly come to an end. The only exceptions to her policy of delayed vocalization occurred, as now, when someone gave her an opportunity to reveal her disdain for anyone not from Dard-e-Dil or the states around it.

I glanced over at Sameer's father, whose mother was Sindhi. He winked at me.

‘They're very important people, the Ali Shahs,' Older Starch said. ‘Kishoo's parents are thrilled with the match. After all, why should the Ali Shahs have settled for a girl who isn't from a political family? They won't get any mileage from the match. And yet, they're conscious of lineage, they understand these things matter, so they're welcoming her with open arms.'

‘In fact –' and here both the sisters looked at me – ‘the Ali Shahs have a younger son. Unmarried. Very intelligent, very ambitious. They say he won't remain in the shadows long. In fact, some say, if democracy survives, future prime minister. And he's looking for a girl from a good family. He'll be in Karachi for the wedding. Aliya, you should come with us to all the functions. We've been invited to everything – even the really small
dholkis.'

I opened my mouth and Sameer shoved a sandwich in it. Cheese and tomato. Too much butter.

Great-Aunt One-Liner leant forward and, shockingly, spoke again. ‘Have they expressed an interest? In Aliya.'

‘My granddaughter is not a confectionery item,' Dadi said. ‘And in any case, she's got two years of university ahead of her.' I felt the urge to stand up and cheer.

A bachelor uncle shook his head. ‘She'll be twenty-four then. Her “best before” date will nearly have passed.'

Aba turned to him. ‘I have a stone aimed at your glass house. Should I throw it?'

‘The lemon tarts are really wonderful,' Ami said. ‘For years they were too sweet, but this is how I remember them from my childhood.' She put a hand on Sameer's mother's wrist. ‘Zainab, remember how your mother
always used to have two lemon tarts waiting for us, by the side of the pool, when we finished our fifty laps at the Club? When is your mother arriving?'

‘Don't have the exact date yet. You know what she's like. Loves the element of surprise. For all we know she could be in the air right now, halfway between Greece and here.'

The bachelor uncle returned the conversation to its earlier topic. ‘Aren't the Ali Shahs related to that Jahangir? The one whose lands Mariam was on when she … What's the preferred family euphemism? … Disappeared.'

I had the desperate urge to yank off his toupee.

‘Oh, everyone is related to everyone,' my mother laughed. ‘And you have ketchup on your silk shirt. I think it'll stain.'

‘Well, I think this is as good a time as any to say it,' Older Starch said. ‘My children, as you all know, have both, Allah
ka shukar,
been admitted to Karachi Grammar School and Maliha will be joining the Senior School. You know what kids are like at that age. Anything to tease about they'll tease about. So I've said it plain to them, if anyone mentions Mariam they're to say she is no relation to them. She was an imposter. And I'm not just saying this for my children's sake, because of course you have to teach them to speak the truth. I truly believe it and why no one else has thought of it already I don't know.'

I had been about to pick up the lemon tart on my plate, but drew my hand back when I heard the word ‘imposter'. Anything I ate now would taste like ashes.

‘Thought of what?' Ami said, and now she wasn't even pretending to keep her voice cordial.

‘Ayeshoo, this is no reflection on you, sweetie.' If there's one thing my mother dislikes more than being called
‘sweetie' it's being called ‘Ayeshoo'. ‘We were all taken in by her, and no one has anything but praise for the hospitality you showed her, but what proof did we ever have that she was one of the Dard-e-Dils?'

‘She looked just like her father,' Great-Aunt One-Liner said. She was having a wild, wild day. ‘Didn't she, Abida?'

‘Just like him,' Dadi said. ‘Right down to her smile.'

What a smile it was. I had taken with me to college the one picture in the world which captured it and Celeste, remarking on it, said, ‘Looks like she's seeing angels beckon in the camera lens.'

‘Well, Booby looks like Orson Welles,' Bachelor Uncle said, pointing at his stocky cousin. ‘That doesn't mean he should be getting percentages from video rentals of
Citizen Kane.'

Older Starch leapt upon that with alacrity. ‘Exactly! I'm not saying she wasn't clever, probably looked around to find a family she could fit into and, let's face it, we're prominent. Pictures in the papers all the time. Social pages. Business pages. Art pages. Front pages. My theory is this …' She leant forward, and I tried to determine the trajectory of my lemon tart if I were to get so engrossed in her theory that my hand pressed down with all its weight on the edge of my plate. I shifted the plate slightly. But I couldn't help listening. ‘I'm not saying Mariam was some
dehati
who'd never seen a big city before. Clearly she had learnt social graces somewhere. But we've all heard the stories of girls from good families who go bad and are disowned. Usually because of some man. So what if Mariam was disowned. Because of some man. Probably lower class. And then he didn't want her because it was only her money he was after. And maybe somehow she'd heard the
story of our family. It's no secret. And she saw pictures and saw her features repeated in those pictures. So she wrote a letter, sent it to Nasser and Ayesha. The address is in the phone book, always has been. Then she arrived. But she couldn't speak because speaking would mean answering questions which would mean revealing the truth. So she remained quiet. Except about food because she knew if she developed one eccentric trait it would shield her. Then if she ever did something odd, something out of keeping with the way our family behaves, we would just say, “Oh, that's just Mariam. She lives by her own rules.” And we did. We said it often.'

You bitch, I thought. You absolute stupid bitch.

‘And what about Masood?' Bachelor Uncle asked.

Younger Starch raised a hand for attention. ‘That letter which announced she was arriving, we've all read it, we all agree it's strange. Clearly not written by someone like us. So what if this man – the one who waltzed her up the garden path – what if she made believe, to herself, that he was the one writing the letter. To make herself feel better about him not wanting her. She imagined she was the one choosing to leave and he was the one writing the letter. So she wrote it the way she imagined he would write it. That tells us what kind of man he was. Lower class. Definitely. So from him to Masood was no big leap. For some reason she's just attracted to that type.'

‘She had no birth certificate, it's true,' Bachelor Uncle said. ‘Remember all those strings I pulled to have a passport and ID card made for her? Broke the law, but anything for family, I said. But there's no way of knowing if that's what she really was.'

Around the room I saw people nodding their heads,
murmuring to each other. Great-Aunt One-Liner seemed to be crying; Aba had gone red; Ami had gone white; Sameer's mother was trying to restrain her husband from attacking the Starched Aunts, though it might have been the other way round.

The oldest of the relatives, a woman who had doted on Mariam Apa said, ‘Perhaps it is best to say just that. For the sake of our grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Family reputation is the most precious jewel in a young bride's
jahez.'
She sighed. ‘There was a time we were so close to the heavens no stigma could reach us. But what we were we no longer are.'

I could almost hear the scissors snipping away the strings which bound Mariam Apa to our lives. Here, now, the story was shaping; the one that would be repeated, passed down, seducing us all with its symmetry. In parentheses the storytellers would add, ‘There are still those who say she really was a Dard-e-Dil, but a new identity was fabricated for her by those who felt she blemished the family name.' Would she hear the story one day, wherever she was, whatever she was doing? Was her life so separate now from ours that even the wind carrying our lies would never play with her hair, swirl it away from her ears and make all hearing possible?

Or did she know us better than we knew ourselves?

Who starred her name and mine on the family tree?

If Mariam Apa were ever to send me a message it would be wordless. A strain of music pushing open my window and creeping through; a fistful of saffron sprinkling over my eyelids while I slept; a shell yielding to my cochlea the whisper of waves allied to the sound of footsteps running away from the rushing tide. These were the signs I waited for. But how could I forget the stars?

Mariam Apa used to point out constellations to me; she'd show me the clusters of light as a lesson, not in astronomy but in our lives. No star, except the brightest, has meaning on its own. During nights at the beach she'd sweep her arm in the direction of the sky, showing me this star and that and the other one there, and we could not discern the difference between them. But when we saw the middle of Orion's belt or the handle of the Big Dipper, then the stars ceased to be interchangeable, one no different to the other. Mariam would point out a star and make a shadow picture of a bear against the wall of the beach hut. Her hand would reach out as though to extinguish that star and as she did so the shadow picture would disappear. Without that star, there's no Ursa Minor. Without Ursa Minor the sky is less than it can be. Somehow Ursa Minor became our favourite and we'd talk (so to speak) of buying a boat and sailing for ever within sight of that constellation as the seasons shifted and the bear moved away from us.

She had starred the family tree. She wanted me to know we were bound together, she and I and all of us. I had to buy that boat. I had to find out where she had gone. Maybe the only way of doing so was to find out where she had come from.

‘It could be true,' I heard. It was a mousy cousin speaking. ‘It could be true that she's not a relative. But if I ever see her again I'll put my arms around her and I'll hold her so close. And there's no one else in this room about whom I can say the same.'

Dadi rang the bell to have the tea things cleared away. ‘She is Taimur's daughter. If she wasn't, don't you think I would know?'

The next morning, reclining on the sofa in Mariam Apa's old room, I thought that the only thing shocking about the Starched Aunts' version of Mariam's life was that it took them four years to come up with it. Still, after four years you'd expect them to do better than the psychobabble of ‘she imagined she was the one choosing to leave and he was the one writing the letter'. Not to mention ‘she knew if she developed one eccentric trait it would shield her'. Honestly. That made about as much sense as the theory my cousin, Usman, had propounded when he was little more than a toddler: ‘Maybe she doesn't know any words that aren't about food.'

It wasn't just toddlers, of course. Virtually everyone in the family had a favourite theory about Mariam's silence, long before she became our official black sheep. My father's theory was among the most succinct. ‘She's taking the notion of a woman's traditional role a little too literally,' he had said after one of his attempts to get her to talk about her early life. Mariam Apa had smiled and walked towards the kitchen, from where I heard
‘biryani'
just before the door swung closed.

But my mother had laughed at my father's explanation, and reminded me of Mariam Apa's encounter with Dr Tahir.

I was very young when that happened. It was winter, and Karachi's social elite were feverishly getting married and throwing parties before the hot weather and riots and curfew returned and impeded social activity. (Mariam Apa was, incidentally, extremely popular in the social milieu, praised for being discreet, a good listener and never interrupting anyone's flow of loquaciousness.)

My parents and Mariam Apa were at a party, the last of their social stops for the evening. Mariam Apa was draped in a sari that was covered in intricate sequinned designs. As she and my mother wandered to the buffet table, a liveried bearer tripped on the uneven ground and sent a dozen glasses of pomegranate juice crashing to the floor, splattering Mariam Apa's sari with red blots.

‘Oh, too bad,' a male voice exclaimed, and she turned to see Dr Tahir – the man infamous for diagnosing mosquito bites as measles bumps – standing behind her. ‘Well, you'll never wear that again,' he said cheerfully. ‘That's the problem with these fancy sequinned clothes. Can't wash them. I always say that if you want proof that men are more practical than women you should go compare their clothes.'

Mariam Apa did not sleep that night. She sat in the TV room and unstitched every single sequin in the area around the stained section of the sari. When I woke up to get ready for school she was in the bathroom handwashing the sari. And when I returned home that afternoon she had just finished stitching back every sequin in its original place. That night she did the unthinkable and rewore the sari to a dinner where she knew she would see Dr Tahir.