Safety Net (48 page)

Dale stared at the ceiling,
processing this. And Lowell called himself stupid.

“Homie, truth is, it didn’t suck.
Much as I like to complain about you two freaks, you’re my closest friends. But
you’re right. It must’ve sucked for Andy.”

Lowell shifted onto his side and
propped his head on his fist. “Maybe when he comes back it’ll be different? It’s
gotta be weird over there. Maybe he’s not seeing everything clearly.”

Dale glanced at him. Could see
Lowell’s bracelet outlined in the imperfect darkness. “That’s what I tell
myself sometimes, but bro. Happy endings are for other people.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Is it? I wish I had your and Erick’s
confidence that no matter how fucked up things are, it’s going to be all right
in the end. I never have felt that way.”

“But you must’ve,” said Lowell. “While
we were playing. That’s how we won games. That’s how Erick does it.”

Dale clasped his hands behind his
head, remembering running on the natural grass field at Crocker’s football
stadium, the rush of dodging tackles and catching one of Erick’s perfect
passes. “God, I miss it sometimes,” he said.

“Me too,” Lowell said, pushing a
pillow into place and getting settled. “Tomorrow we’ll take the ball out, get
some throws in.”

“Thanks.” Dale was silent for a
moment. “I wish Erick was here.”

“Yeah,” Lowell sighed. “I know.”

-----

Dale spent five days in Portland
and was genuinely tempted not to come back. He could live with Lowell until he
found his own place; Lowell would be over the moon. Oregon was nice, vaguely
reminded him of northern California in ambience if not in weather. But the
temptation was in running away, as if hiding in Portland would keep Andy from
drifting farther away. Dale watched Portland shrinking below him as the plane
took off, trying to spot Lowell’s truck until the clouds shrouded everything.

Randall picked him up at BWI. It
was evening and Dale was starving, so they stopped for dinner. Randall asked
about the trip and Dale told him about Portland and Bean and described Lowell
vaguely as his old college roommate. Randall clearly wanted to hear more but
Dale stuck to other topics.

When they were in Randall’s car in
the parking lot Randall said, “I missed our brunch this week.” He looked at
Dale. “I missed you.” He leaned over and gave Dale a quick hard kiss, sat back
and started the car. They didn’t say anything for the rest of the drive.

They parked in front of Dale’s
building. Dale said, “Uh, Randall...”

“It’s okay,” Randall said sharply. “I
wanted to do that. To let you know. Just in case. It’s okay if you don’t feel
anything.” He wouldn’t look at him.

Dale reached for the door handle
and stopped. “I don’t know how I feel,” he said. “Lately, things have been all
over the map. Literally and figuratively.” He paused. “I like you.”

Randall finally looked at him. He
was nervous, and as soon as Dale thought Randall would kiss him again, Randall
was kissing him, slow and deep. It was a nice, sensuous kiss.

Randall drew back and said, “I like
you, too. I’m glad we’re friends. And I’m attracted to you. But if everything’s
too weird for you right now, that’s okay.”

Dale touched Randall’s neck and kissed
him gently. “I’ll call you this week. I promise.”

Randall smiled a little. “Okay.”

When Dale called Randall a few
evenings later they were on the phone for hours. Dale ended up telling him
almost everything about Andy, skirting around the Lowell component of the
story. Randall listened sympathetically.

They met for their usual brunch on
Sunday and instead of working out afterwards, they enjoyed a sunny early spring
day by taking a long walk and Randall told Dale a bunch of stuff about past
boyfriends, including his first: a college guy who’d swept him off his feet
when he was seventeen. Dale thought of Javier and wondered if he was as much of
an asshole now as he had been six years ago.

After the walk they went to a movie
and ended up back at Randall’s studio apartment. Randall kissed him tentatively
and said Dale could stay if he wanted to but they didn’t have to do anything,
or if it was too rushed and weird, Randall would drive him home. Dale kissed
him back, and they stretched out on Randall’s futon, making out slowly.

Dale woke up Monday morning with
Randall asleep beside him. Dale had slept in his clothes and was stiff from the
futon. He sat up and watched Randall sleep for a few moments before bending
down and kissing Randall’s cheek. Randall stirred and rubbed his eyes.

“I have to go to work,” Dale said
quietly.

Randall frowned and sat up. “Oh,
crap, that’s right. It’s Monday. Give me a sec. I’ll drive you home.” He
climbed out of bed, wearing a tee shirt and undershorts. He grabbed the jeans
he’d worn the day before and wandered off.

Dale rubbed his hands over his
hair. “That’s okay. I can call a cab or find a bus or something.” He checked
the bus routes on his phone.

From the bathroom Randall said, “Don’t
be ridiculous. Of course I’ll take you home.”  He came back wearing jeans
and the tee shirt he’d slept in and threw his coat on over it. He picked up his
car keys.

It was a chilly early morning. Rush
hour traffic hadn’t quite started yet. Dale said, “I’m sorry about this. I
really need to get a car.”

Randall didn’t say anything but
yawned.

Dale looked at him. Sleepy and
unshaven, he didn’t look like the kid Dale tended to see him as. He thought
about the night before. Randall was no kid.

“Randall. Last night was... It was
good. I had fun. I liked it.”

Randall glanced at him briefly. “So
did I,” he said, and smiled.

After that, they switched brunch
day to Saturday.

When Erick got back from Hawaii, he
went to visit his parents and found out Janine was engaged. The wedding was planned
for the week after the next Super Bowl. “Janine wants to make sure you can make
it,” Mama explained to him.

There was business stuff to take
care of in New Haven, then he flew down to Florida to visit Candace for a long
weekend and give her the present from Hawaii. When he returned, he started
planning the kids’ quarterback camp. Jerry Buffington had decided not to do it
this year and Erick had thought of asking Ryan Hutchinson, but Lowell had
suggested Terrence Duran. He would be perfect for it, if he’d agree, and Erick
contacted his manager about it.

Lowell called him after Dale had
visited him in Portland.

“Go see Dale. Like, now,” Lowell
said.

Erick was outside on the deck,
looking critically at his house, trying to decide whether to paint it a different
color. Lowell had made some crack about it being “morose grey.”

“Why? What’s up?”

“Sounds like Andy’s leaving him.
They’re really breaking up. Andy said they’d talk when he gets back but that’s
not until fucking July, and right now? Far as I know, Dale’s not even calling
him anymore.”

“Shit.” Erick wandered back inside.

“He doesn’t have to stay out there,”
Lowell said. “He doesn’t have to stay in that shitty job and he doesn’t have to
hang around to be dumped by Andy. He can come out here and stay with me until
he gets on his feet. Enroll in grad school or whatever. He liked it out here.
Will you talk to him?”

Erick got a beer from the fridge and
sat in the sunroom, propping his feet on the window sill. “No, I’m not going to
talk Dale into moving to Portland.” He took a sip of beer. “But I’ll tell him
you mentioned it.”

“Oh, gee, thanks for nothing,” Lowell
grumbled.

“It’s his decision. Maybe he doesn’t
want to move. Maybe he likes D.C.”

“Why would anyone stay where the
home team is--? Never mind,” Lowell muttered. “Will you call him? Go see him?”

“Yeah, of course I will,” Erick
promised. “Old woman,” he added, smiling.

“Fuck you, Texas,” Lowell said,
amused.

Erick slowly sipped his beer. “Mmm,
yeah.”

Lowell lowered his voice to a
murmur, “What are you wearing right now? Are you naked?”

Erick looked down at his old
sweatpants and Rose Bowl tee shirt. “Uh huh. I lounge around the house naked
all the time. ‘Cause it’s so balmy here in Connecticut.”

Lowell giggled.

“You know, it’s going to be
seriously strange in October,” Erick said. The NFC North rotation for the
upcoming season included the AFC West, and the New Haven Hawks were playing
Portland in October.

“Yes, it is, bro. Prepare to get
your butts kicked, by the way,” Lowell said with a menacing chuckle.

“Yeah, right. Put the W next to the
Hawks already ‘cause there’s no way we’re gonna lose.”

“Arrogant shithead,” Lowell said
lightly, and Erick grinned.

“Fucking quarterback,” he purred.

Lowell made a muffled groan and
said goodbye because he had to take Bean out.

-----

Erick’s schedule was tight, so when
he called Dale he was already on the road heading to Maryland. Dale sounded
taken aback that Erick was on his way, said he had something to tell him but
trailed off and said Erick would find out soon enough. Erick figured it was
about Andy.

He was therefore unprepared to find
Randall sitting on Dale’s sofa.

Erick stood uncertainly and looked
at Dale. “Uh...”

Randall smiled up at him, cool and
slightly sharp. “Hey, Erick. How’re you doing?”

Erick remembered fucking Randall.
How Randall had enjoyed it, but it had seemed so passionless, almost
impersonal. Afterwards Erick had tried to ease the strangeness of the situation
by telling him funny football anecdotes and ordering room service. He hadn’t
felt a true connection with Randall and had been caught off-guard when Randall
asked to visit him in New Haven. He could’ve handled the refusal better, Erick
thought uncomfortably.

“Oh, um. I’m good.” Erick waited
for Dale to bail him out.

“Well, I’ll let you two catch up,” Randall
said, rising from the sofa. “Call me later,” he said to Dale and kissed him
slowly. Randall left and Erick stood there, staring at Dale.

“Um?”

Dale winced and smiled. “Yeah. I
know. I wasn’t expecting it, either.”

“You could’ve said something over
the phone,” Erick said, sitting down. “Give a guy some warning.”

Dale dropped down into a chair and
faced him. “You called me from the road. I didn’t want to cause an accident.”

“So it’s, uh, serious?”

Dale shrugged. “I’m not sure. I
like him. He likes me. It’s been nice.”

“Oh. Uh, that’s good, right?”

Dale arched an eyebrow. “Well, it’s
not bad, Texas. But enough about me.” He made grabby motions with his hands. “Let’s
see this ring.”

“Oh.” Erick blushed and held out
his hand and Dale looked critically at the ring.

“Fuck. It’s platinum, isn’t it? Do
you know how much that thing cost?”

Erick frowned at the ring. “Not
really, no.”

Dale sat back. “Huh. You must be
making Lowell a very happy man to earn a platinum ring.”

Erick said smoothly, “I try my best
to please.”

Dale held his hand up. “Stop. Say
no more. Before you decide to overshare about your sex life, let’s grab some
chow. Then you can sneak off and text Lowell that I’m okay and not about to
jump off a bridge. Because he put you up to this, didn’t he?”

“It was his suggestion, yeah, but I
wanted to see you while I had the time,” Erick said. He hesitated. “Are you
okay? Honestly?”

“I’m getting through it,” Dale said
soberly. “I’m figuring out that not everyone gets to keep the love of his life
and maybe there’s a reason for that. Maybe my life is supposed to go in a
different direction than I thought it would.”

Erick wasn’t convinced but he didn’t
want to bring Dale down. Dale changed the topic, angling for Erick’s insider
NFL gossip while they walked to a nearby restaurant.

Over dinner Erick said, “I didn’t
book a hotel room this time. I didn’t know... Um, I’m sure I can find a place.”

“Nah, don’t bother. You can crash
with me.”

Erick poked at his pasta shells. “What
about Randall? I doubt I’m his favorite person right now.”

Dale watched him and said, “That
was our mistake, both of us. Let it go. Randall knows you’re my friend. He can
deal for a few days.”

Dale wanted to hear more about
Hawaii, saying he didn’t trust Lowell’s exaggerated account. Erick admitted he
didn’t like surfing much. “But don’t tell Lowell. Please. He loves it.”

“Your secret’s safe with me. But
what about next time? Lowell said he wants to make Hawaii your thing.”

Erick smiled.

Dale narrowed his eyes. “I know
that smile. What? What’ve you done?”

“I haven’t done it yet,” Erick
said. “And it’s going to be a surprise. I don’t want to tell you, just in case
it doesn’t work out.”

Dale’s brow furrowed. “I’m not
liking the sound of this. The last time one of you had a surprise, Lowell
showed up with a wife.”

Erick grinned. “It’s nothing like
that. Nothing bad, I promise.”

Dale didn’t look reassured and when
they got back to Dale’s place and were getting ready for bed, Dale pestered him
about it, wanting to know what Erick had planned. He finally gave up when they
were in bed together, though Erick figured Dale’s revenge was murmuring, “I
slept with Lowell when I visited him in Portland.”

Erick smirked. “Yeah, I know. He
told me.”

“Of course he did,” Dale grumbled.
He paused. “Did he tell you we fucked?”

Erick turned and stared at him.
Dale returned his look impassively.

“Liar,” Erick said.

Dale blew out a breath. “Yeah. But
damn, just once I wanted to get the jump on him.”

“Good luck with that,” Erick
chuckled, closing his eyes.

Dale prodded his ribs. “Hey, don’t
sleep on your back. It’s bad for you.”

Erick rolled onto his side. “You
sound like Lowell.”

“Hm, yeah,” Dale said, patting his
back.

Erick woke up early in the morning
and didn’t want to disturb Dale, so he relaxed in bed until Dale stirred,
shifting onto his back. “What were you thinking about?”

“Crocker,” Erick said.

“Yeah? So was I.”

Erick smiled. “I was remembering
sophomore year. When we beat Washington State. I don’t know why that game came
to mind.”

“Your first win on home turf,” Dale
said, and Erick thought back, realized he was right. Dale continued, “I was
thinking about when I told you I was gay. How scared I was you were gonna hate
me or walk away from me, but you didn’t.”

“At first I thought you were coming
on to me,” Erick said.

“Yeah. I’ll never forget your
deer-in-the-headlights look.” Dale paused. “I don’t know if I could’ve made it
through Crocker without you and Menacker.”

Erick couldn’t even imagine Crocker
without Dale and Lowell. He had a suspicion his college career would’ve crashed
and burned the first time Ryan Hutchinson got in his face.

Erick shifted to look at him. “Dale.
Don’t give up on Andy. Not yet. Maybe whatever it is he has to tell you in
person, maybe it’s not what you think. And I don’t mean, like, wanting you to
stop seeing Randall. Randall’s a nice guy, I’m glad it’s good between you. All
I mean is, you told me you love Andy. If you love him, don’t give up on him.
Not before you hear his side of things.”

Dale sighed and didn’t say anything
for a long time. When he did speak, all he said was, “Erick West.” Softly
affectionate, and Erick hoped that meant Dale had listened to him.

-----

After leaving D.C. and spending a
couple of days with his folks, Erick drove back to New Haven. He turned his
phone off so he could think about business stuff, the kids’ camp, and Hawaii.
When he pulled into his driveway and switched his phone on, there were messages
from Dale, Lowell, his manager, his lawyer, a couple of guys on the team, and a
blog reporter. With a sinking feeling in his gut, he called Lowell first.

“Erick,” Lowell said quietly, full
of concern. “What are you gonna do? What are we gonna do?”

“What is it? What’s going on?” Erick
turned on the TV but there was nothing unusual on the news. “I had my phone
turned off today.”

“Oh. Shit. Uh, well, you made the
online gossip columns,” Lowell said. He paused. “They’re saying you’re gay.”

Erick sat down on the sofa, trying
to sort through his immediate conflicting reactions. After a long silence
Lowell said, “Erick?”

“I should call Candace,” he said,
picking at a tiny frayed spot on the knee of his jeans. “What site is it on?
What happened?”

He heard Lowell exhale a deep
breath. “Crap, I should’ve told you ages ago, but I came across some comment on
a blog from someone claiming they went to Crocker and was sure you were gay
because, quote unquote, you always hung around with gay guys. But it was a
stupid comment and no one seemed to believe it and then, it was like, it didn’t
seem to go anywhere so I never told you.”

Erick frowned, still picking at the
frayed spot, which was opening up into a small hole. “Back up. You’re losing me.
This isn’t because someone saw us in Hawaii? Oh.” He paused. “They’re saying
I’m
gay. Just me.”

“Yeah. Apparently someone was talking
trash, insinuating crap because you live alone and no one’s met your
girlfriend. It was ridiculous. But then someone found that comment on that old
blog and ran with it, and someone else piped up that your roommate senior year
was gay. Like that totally proves everything. I can’t believe how stupid this
is. But the sports gossip sites picked it up. It’s not, like, headline stuff.
More like dirty snickering at your expense.”

“I should respond.”

“What does that mean?” Lowell
sounded alarmed.

“Would the truth be so bad?” Erick
asked, though he wasn’t sure if he could make enough sense of the truth to
distill it into a statement. Candace. Lowell.

“Yes,” Lowell said firmly. “Unless
you’re ready to give up your career.”

Erick rolled his eyes at Lowell’s resolute
pessimism. “You know as well as I do, we’re not the first players in the league
who sleep with, have slept with, other guys. Maybe it’s time to stop pretending
it never happens. Then everyone can see it’s no big deal. Doesn’t make any
difference how a guy plays the game.”

After a pause, Lowell said, “Just...
Listen to me, okay? Don’t do anything before talking to your manager and the
head office. Take their advice, right? They deal with this crap all the time.”

But it’s my life,
Erick
thought stubbornly. Then he thought of Candace and said, “Yeah, okay, I will.”

He wasn’t able to get a hold of
Candace before talking to his manager, whose advice was to ignore it and watch
it go away. It wasn’t being treated like big news, he said, which meant people
didn’t believe it.

“People spread lies like this all
the time,” his manager said. “It’s the price of fame.”

Erick didn’t tell him it wasn’t
completely a lie.

Dale’s reaction was harsher than
Lowell’s and put Erick in a thoroughly gloomy mood until he called Candace. She
hadn’t heard anything about the gossip and wasn’t concerned. She would support
him, no matter what.

“I’m so sorry about all this shit,”
he said, pacing around the deck. “I feel like you’ve become a target because of
me.”

“Baby,” Candace said gently, “it’s
not me they’re talking about. Don’t worry about me. Think about yourself for
once.” Which Erick thought was ironic advice since he felt like the most
selfish man in America.