Authors: Joan Jonker
Sadie weighed up her father with sadness in her heart. She could remember when she was little how she’d adored him. He’d been such a handsome man then, with a mane of black hair and flashing brown eyes. Now, at
thirty-seven,
he had a beer belly hanging over his trousers and a bloated face. His heavy drinking was taking its toll. But it wasn’t his changed appearance that had killed Sadie’s love. At thirty-seven he was still a young man, but for years she’d thought of him as a dirty old man. She would never forget the Friday nights she’d trembled with fear when he would offer to bath her in the zinc bath in front of the fire. He’d always make an excuse to get her mother out of the house – send her to the corner shop for ciggies or the
Echo
. And while she was gone he would pretend to be playful, splashing water over his daughter and laughing into her face. But all the time he was touching her in what she called her private parts. At the age of six she was frightened of him; at the age of ten she hated him.
‘No, Dad, I
won’t
do as me mam tells me! When I was younger than our Dot and Ellen, I was made to help in the house, so why can’t they? In fact, why can’t me mam do the work herself? She’s got all day to do it in, the kids are all at school except for the baby. I’ve been workin’ all day, like yerself, and I don’t see why I should come home to all this. If you feel sorry for me mam, then you start tidying up because I’m not.’
Sadie was staring him out and George was flummoxed. The belt was no threat to her now, he could see that. He could also see something else in her eyes, something he thought she’d long since forgotten. Better tread carefully with her or she’d cause trouble. But he had to exercise his authority so he turned on the other children who’d been watching and listening intently. ‘Ellen, Jimmy, get that table cleared and start washing the dishes. Les, you amuse the baby an’ stop her from makin’ that bleedin’ racket.’
‘The baby doesn’t want amusing,’ Sadie said calmly, crossing her shapely legs. ‘She wants something to eat – she’s starving.’
George turned to his wife. ‘Make the baby’s feed for God’s sake, and shut her up.’
‘Are yer goin’ to let this cheeky madam get away with it? Sittin’ there like Lady Muck, tellin’ us what she will do
an’
what she won’t do? What she needs is a smacked backside.’
‘Oh, yer can forget that, Mam!’ Sadie said with bitterness. ‘The days of me dad touchin’ my backside are long gone.’
George was beginning to get agitated. If this carried on there’d be a lot of things coming out that were best left forgotten. ‘Look, Lily, just see to the baby, for Christ’s sake. I’ll be glad to get down to the pub for a bit of peace and quiet.’
Sadie gazed down at her scruffy shoes, bought second-hand from the market. They were the only pair she possessed and the soles were coming apart on both of them. Her stockings were full of ladders, and the dress she was wearing had to do her for work and for going out. Yet her father could go to the pub every night, and most nights her mother went with him. They didn’t seem to notice the mess the house was in, or that their children didn’t have a decent stitch on their backs. And as for getting a good meal – well, they wouldn’t know what that was. It was so long since they’d had a proper dinner, her mother had probably forgotten how to cook one.
Sadie sighed. As soon as she was old enough, and earning enough money, she’d be away from here like a shot. There had to be a better life than this.
On Saturday afternoon Sadie handed over her wage-packet and waited expectantly for her mother to open it and take out her pocket money. But Lily pushed her aside, saying curtly, ‘Yer’ll have to wait until yer dad comes in. I don’t know where he’s got to – he’s usually well in before this. I haven’t got a thing in the house for the weekend, so I’ll have to use your money until he comes home.’
‘Mam, I want me pocket money. I’m meeting me friend at a quarter to six at the Broadway. I can’t let her down.’
‘Don’t start moaning, yer’ll get yer money as soon as yer dad gets in. I need all this,’ she waved the buff-coloured packet, ‘to pay me ways. I’ve had tick from the corner shop an’ if I don’t get down there with it I’ll have her
feller
comin’ to the house banging the door down. Beside that, I’ve got to get the rest of me shoppin’ in.’
A lump was forming in Sadie’s throat. It just wasn’t fair! She’d worked all week, she was entitled to the measly shilling. ‘What happens if me dad’s not in by the time I’ve got to leave?’
But Lily wasn’t listening. She’d ripped the packet open and emptied the seven and sixpence into her hand. ‘Dot, take this five bob up to the corner shop, then come back an’ I’ll have a list ready of what I want from the Maypole and the greengrocers.’
Sadie tried again. ‘Mam, are yer sure me dad will be home in time for me to go and meet me friend? I can’t leave her standin’ outside the Broadway on her own.’
‘He’ll be in any minute, so stop yer frettin’.’
But it was four o’clock before George put in an appearance, half-drunk and looking very sheepish.
Lily rounded on him. ‘Where the bloody hell d’yer think you’ve been? Hand yer money over quick, before the ruddy shops close.’
When George fell backwards into a chair, the springs creaked in protest. With the stupid grin of a drunken man on his face, and his words slurred, he said, ‘I had a flutter on the gee-gees an’ I lost.’
Sadie’s heart sank. ‘How much did yer lose, Dad?’
‘All me bleedin’ wages.’ He hiccupped several times. ‘But I’ll win it back next week, don’t worry.’
Lily stood over him, her hands on her hips. ‘What d’yer mean, yer’ve lost all yer money on the bloody horses? How much have yer lost?’
‘Well, yer see, love – hic – this horse was supposed to be a dead cert – hic – an’ me an’ me mates put our shirts on it.’ He made a grab for her. ‘Come an’ sit on me knee an’ give me a kiss.’
‘Yer’ll get more than a kiss, George Wilson, it’s a ruddy big black eye yer’ll be gettin’. Now, stop actin’ daft and give me a shillin’ for our Sadie. I borrowed one off her.’
‘I haven’t got – hic – a shillin’, I’ve told yer. I haven’t got a penny to me name.’
Sadie had the urge to run to him and punch him in his stupid-looking face. Instead she could feel the tears starting and ran from the room. Down the yard she fled, and into the back entry. There she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. She’d never felt so miserable in her life. And how was she going to explain to Brenda? She couldn’t tell her the truth, she’d be too ashamed.
The tears were running unchecked down her cheeks but she didn’t care. She just felt like curling up and dying. Her head was so full, she didn’t hear the bike being ridden down the cobbled entry.
‘What’s up, Sadie?’
Sadie opened her eyes and saw the boy from next door through a blur. She shook her head. ‘Nothing, I’m all right.’
Harry Young leaned his bike against the wall. ‘Come on now, Sadie, yer don’t cry for nothing. Yer dad hasn’t been hittin’ yer, has he?’
Sadie rubbed the heel of her hands across her eyes. Harry was looking at her anxiously. At eighteen, he was a handsome lad with dark curly hair, strong white teeth and dimples in his cheeks. He was always pleasant with her, even though his mother barely acknowledged the whole Wilson family, whose house was an eyesore with a dirty front step and filthy curtains hanging behind windows that were seldom cleaned. It spoilt the appearance of the Youngs’ house, which was always spotlessly clean.
‘No, me dad hasn’t been hittin’ me. I wouldn’t let him.’
‘Well, why the tears? A pretty girl like you shouldn’t have anything to cry over.’
The sympathy in his voice was all Sadie needed to make her pour her heart out. ‘And me mate will be standing waiting for me … I feel terrible.’
‘You mean your father has gambled all his wages?’ Harry was shaking his head. ‘It’s a mugs’ game, bettin’ on the horses.’
‘I was going to say me dad
is
a mug, but then I’m a bigger mug than he is! Fancy working all week and not having sixpence to go to the pictures.’
Harry had long ago decided that Sadie didn’t belong to the Wilson family. She was the prettiest girl in the neighbourhood, but her clothes were always shabby and she didn’t make the most of her looks. Any other parents would have been proud of her natural beauty and helped her make the best of it, because when she smiled, it was as though the sun had suddenly begun to shine. And she was beginning to curve in all the right places. Another year or so and she’d be a stunner.
‘I’ll give you sixpence, Sadie.’
‘Oh no, Harry, I couldn’t take yer money off yer. I’ll be all right, don’t worry about me.’
‘Sell me something for sixpence then, and you won’t be in my debt.’
Sadie’s smile was weak. ‘I’ve got nothing to sell, Harry.’
‘You could sell me a kiss. I think it would be well worth the money.’
‘A tanner for a kiss? I’m not Jean Harlow, yer know!’
‘I still think it would be worth it, and it’s my tanner.’
Sadie’s mind was working overtime. Harry looked as though he meant it and it would be no heartache to kiss him ’cos he was nice and clean and he had no pimples like some of the lads in work. And his offer meant she wouldn’t have to let Brenda down. ‘Are yer sure?’
Harry nodded. ‘Very sure.’
‘Now?’
‘I don’t think this is the right place, do you?’ Harry grinned so she wouldn’t take offence at his words. ‘After all, a sixpenny kiss is a smacker, not just a peck. What time will yer be coming home from the pictures?’
‘We go to first house ’cos Brenda’s mam won’t let her stay out late. I’ll be getting off the tram about half-past eight.’
‘I’ll be waiting at the tram stop for yer – is that okay?’ When she nodded, Harry smiled. ‘I’ll find a nice shop doorway.’ He put his hand in his trouser pocket and Sadie could hear coins jingling before he pulled out a sixpenny piece. ‘Enjoy the picture, Sadie.’
Sadie gazed at the small silver coin nestling in her palm
then
turned those vivid blue eyes on him. ‘Are you sure about this, Harry? It doesn’t seem right to me. Your mam would go mad if she knew.’
‘Unless you tell her, she will never know. Not that I care – I wouldn’t care who knows. You’re a very pretty girl, Sadie, and if I want to kiss you it’s got nothing to do with anyone.’
‘It’ll be me first kiss.’ Sadie lowered her head. ‘I won’t be very good at it.’
‘I’m not exactly Rudolph Valentino meself.’ Harry began to chuckle. ‘All you have to do is pucker your lips an’ I’ll pucker mine.’
When Sadie stepped off the tram and saw Harry emerge from the shadow of a shop doorway, she was a bundle of nerves. She’d never be able to kiss like Moira Shearer had in the picture tonight, with her eyes all gooey and a soppy smile on her face. Still, she’d made a bargain and she’d keep to it. ‘Have yer been waiting long?’
‘Only five minutes,’ Harry lied. It must have been at least half an hour, if not more. ‘Did yer enjoy the picture?’
‘Yeah, it was all right but I’d rather have a comedy. It’s me mate that likes romances … she cried all the way through it.’ Sadie felt conspicuous standing by the tram stop and she looked around. ‘Can we go somewhere else? I feel daft standin’ here.’
‘There’s plenty of shop doorways, Sadie, but it’s so light everyone would see us.’ Harry cupped her elbow. ‘It’s only five minutes’ walk to the park. Shall we go there?’
‘If yer like, but I don’t want to be too late getting home. Not that anyone would worry. Me mam and dad are probably knockin’ the ale back in the pub.’ Sadie had to skip to keep up with Harry’s long strides. ‘Me dad must take me for a sucker. There’s no way he’d leave himself without his beer money.’
‘He wouldn’t do that to yer, surely?’
‘Don’t kid yerself, Harry, my mam and dad are dead mean with their children. They see to themselves first and if there’s anythin’ over then the kids might get a look in.’
Sadie
glanced sideways, thinking how smart he looked. She wished she had some decent clothes to wear, she felt a right frump in the washed-out cotton dress.
They reached the park gates before Sadie pulled him to a halt. ‘I feel terrible, takin’ a tanner off yer for a kiss. Why don’t yer let me pay yer back out of next week’s pocket money?’
‘I don’t want me tanner back, Sadie, I want a kiss. And yer don’t have to be frightened – I won’t eat yer.’
Sadie allowed herself to be propelled forwards. ‘I’m not frightened, I just think yer want yer bumps feelin’, paying for a kiss off me when yer’ve probably got lots of girlfriends.’
Harry didn’t answer as he led her to a deserted spot behind some trees and bushes. He stood in front of her, put a finger under her chin and raised her face. ‘Sadie, if yer really don’t fancy kissing me, just say so and we’ll go home and forget all about it.’
‘It’s not that, Harry. I’m just frightened I’ll make a mess of it and yer’ll be disappointed.’
‘Sadie, close your eyes and pucker yer lips.’ Harry didn’t intend to make a meal of the kiss, the kid was only fifteen, after all. But the second their lips met he felt as though he’d been struck by lightning. His arms went around her and he held her tight as the kiss lingered. When he finally broke away it was to gaze into a pair of beautiful vivid blue eyes.
‘Was I all right, Harry?’
He coughed, feeling embarrassed at the effect she’d had on him. He’d had plenty of girls, but never before had a kiss set off fireworks in his head. ‘Sadie, it was better than a tanner’s worth of chips any day.’
Sadie smiled. ‘Yer not just pullin’ me leg?’
‘Scout’s honour, it was a real hum-dinger.’
Sadie wrapped her arms across her tummy and hugged herself. ‘Me very first kiss. I feel all grown-up now.’
‘Did you enjoy it?’
She was silent for a while, then decided she’d go over it again in bed tonight and make up her mind whether she’d
enjoyed
it or not. But for now she wanted to please Harry. She didn’t want him thinking that he’d parted with a tanner for nothing. ‘Yeah! Yeah, I did!’
‘Then next time yer father does the dirty on yer, come to me. I’ve always got a spare tanner, especially for a kiss from a pretty girl like you.’