Ryan's Return (20 page)

"No."

"Yes. A man she could talk to, a man who understood her dreams, her desires."

Andrew said nothing, his back as straight and proud as one of the redwoods.

Ryan walked around him to face him. "Jonas saw them together one afternoon, and he became enraged. He told her to leave. She said she would go, but only if she could take us with her. That night after she went to bed, Jonas woke us in the middle of the night. He took us to that old cabin in the north woods."

"To get us away from the water," Andrew said, but his voice held doubt.

"To get us away from her. He left us alone there all night and the next day, too." Ryan's voice grew gruff. "When he finally came for us, he said Mom went to visit an uncle in New Orleans. A week later he told us Mom was gone for good, that she didn't love us anymore."

Ryan swallowed hard, fighting back years of accumulated pain and anger. Deep down inside he still felt like a little, lost, lonely boy, waiting for his mother to come back. It was pathetic.

Andrew took in a deep breath and let it out. "Why should I believe you?"

"Why would I lie?" Ryan countered.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I was going to, but then I saw you with Becky Lee. She told me you were getting married, remember?" Ryan asked, bitterness still evident in his voice, but he couldn't hold it back. "I had no one left to turn to, no one to share the letter with, so I left. And all these years you and Jonas acted like I committed some crime. But all I took was the letter, Andrew. You took my girl. Jonas took my mother. So tell me, why the hell am I the bad guy?"

"It wasn't like that."

"It was exactly like that."

"I was protecting Becky Lee. I was offering her a home, a family. You were offering her nothing."

"You weren't protecting her; you were protecting yourself. You're the one who wanted the home and the family. More importantly, you wanted to beat me."

"I loved her. Don't ever say that I didn't."

"You might have come to love her, but you didn't love her then. I'll never believe you did. She was just another bone between us, another competition, egged on by Jonas, no doubt."

Andrew didn't say anything for a long moment. When his words finally came, they surprised Ryan. "Jonas thought you might stay here if you wanted Becky Lee bad enough. And of course, he knew you would want her more if I wanted her, too. He played us off against each other. Just like the other times when he wanted one of us to do something for him."

"But she was a woman, Andrew, not a toy, not some pawn in a game. How could you go along with it?"

"I didn't know it then, Ryan. Jesus, what kind of person do you think I am? Hell, I think I just figured it out this second."

Ryan looked into his brother's eyes and knew Andrew was telling the truth. His eyes always gave him away, which was why Andrew had taken the blame for most of their scrapes. He couldn't tell a lie or keep a secret. The truth always won out.

Ryan looked at Andrew with new respect. At least Andrew had the guts to admit this one thing. It was more than Ryan had gotten from Jonas.

Ryan dug into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He took out an obviously worn, yellowed piece of paper. "I kept the letter from Mom. Read it. Everything is in there." Ryan paused. "Including the name of the man our mother was in love with."

Andrew took the letter reluctantly. "Who was it?"

"Harry Cox. Kara's father."

Kara set her picnic basket down on the blue-and-white checkered tablecloth just before noon. Three large tables had been pushed together in the center of Castaway Park to hold the box lunches for the auction. The money raised would be put toward buying new computer software for the high school.

Although they had rigged up temporary awnings over the picnic tables, Kara cast an anxious glance at the sky. So far the weather was holding. There were high clouds but no rain. With any luck they could get through lunch without moving everyone inside. The last thing she wanted to do was hold another event at the rec center.

Kara gave her picnic basket one last critical glance. Forgoing the usual sandwich fare, she had provided roasted chicken, three different kinds of cheese, her own home-baked rosemary rolls, a fruit salad, a bottle of California chardonnay, two wineglasses, and a chocolate truffle for dessert. She hoped it would bring a good price.

Loretta came up next to her. "Nice job, Kara. Only the best from you homemaker types."

Kara smiled, not taking offense. She liked Loretta's straight-talking, shoot-from-the-hip attitude. It was refreshing to be with someone who didn't always say the right thing. "Making a home is one of the few things I do well. It's not worth much in the real world though."

"I don't know about that," Loretta said. "I'm quite impressed with the way you pulled off the centennial. Folks have been talking it up at the bar all weekend."

"Really? What have they been saying?"

"That things are turning out great. Everybody's business has tripled, including mine. I just wish they weren't all leaving tomorrow."

"Hopefully they'll be back."

"Right." Loretta grimaced and put a hand to her stomach.

"Are you all right?"

"False labor. I'm not due for another three weeks." She let out a sigh. "That's better. You know, after I saw Dr. Appleborne last week, Beverly paid me a visit. After her usual self-righteous arguments, she left me some booklets on putting the baby up for adoption."

"You're thinking about giving it up?" Kara asked in surprise.

Loretta's face tightened with stubborn pride. "Not a chance."

"Good. Because I think you'll be a great mother."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you have so much love to give. And I think up till now, you've been giving it in the wrong places."

Loretta smiled weakly. "You can say that again." She opened the large utilitarian metal lunch box she had brought with her. "Well, here it is, such as it is. We might get a buck for it."

"What did you bring?"

"Roast beef sandwiches, potato salad, pickles, and chocolate chip cookies. Oh, and a couple of beers."

"Sounds good to me."

"Of course, no man will bid on it if he knows it's mine. Maybe I should put a scarlet A on it and get it over with."

"Don't be ridiculous. There are worse things in life than being single and pregnant."

"Like what?" Loretta asked.

"Like being married to the wrong man and being pregnant. My ex-husband gave Angel a last name, but not much more."

"So who needs a man anyway?"

Kara laughed, waving her hand at the box lunches. "Today, it looks like we all do."

"Next year, the men make lunch. Got it?"

"Got it."

Loretta whistled lightly. "Look who's here. Mr. Hunk himself. Maybe Ryan will bid on my lunch. I wouldn't mind sharing a picnic with him."

Kara followed Loretta's gaze, watching as Ryan made his way through the group, shaking hands, kissing cheeks, allowing an elderly woman to tweak his cheek. He was good with people, fun, friendly, outgoing. Besides Loretta, half the women in town were hoping he would buy their lunches. In fact, Kara wouldn't put it past some of them to whisper a few choice words in his ear about which box to choose.

"Did you two ever -- date?" Kara asked, trying to sound casual, when in fact she was more than a little bothered by the thought of Loretta and Ryan together. Not that it would surprise her. They had both played fast and wild through their teenage years.

Loretta smiled. "Date? That's a cute word. What does it mean?"

"You know, dinner, movie, necking on River Road."

"Does one out of three count?"

"Depends on which one."

Loretta tilted her head thoughtfully. "You're awfully interested."

"Just curious. It's no big deal." Kara fiddled with the edge of her picnic basket, looking away from Loretta's perceptive eyes.

"Ryan is an excellent kisser." Loretta paused as Kara looked up. "But Andrew is better. You should stay with him."

"You -- you've kissed Andrew?"

"Well, it wasn't like it was yesterday or anything...." Loretta turned away. "I have to go."

Kara crossed her arms in front of her chest, completely irritated at the thought that Loretta had kissed both Hunter men. Okay, so she had done the same thing. But that was different. Totally different.

"Kara?"

Mayor Hewitt waved to her from his position in front of the microphone. His expression was more worried than excited. Her heart sank. Something else was wrong.

"I spoke to Dirk Anders this morning," the mayor said when she joined him. "He wants us to get folks sandbagging this afternoon along the lower spots. He was thinking maybe we could turn it into a centennial event, keep things low-key so people don't take off before the big parade tomorrow afternoon."

Sandbag? Kara's stomach turned over at the thought.

"Is it that bad?"

"Not yet, but there's more rain expected tomorrow and another storm loading up out over the Pacific that should be here by midweek."

Kara looked around the park. They had set up seats auditorium style, and most of them were full. The mood was upbeat, cheerful. Folks were ready to picnic, not fill sandbags and worry about their homes.

Josephine walked up to Kara wearing one of her ridiculous hats, this one made of straw with a blue jay sitting amidst a pile of flowers.

"What's the holdup?" Josephine asked.

"Dirk wants to start sandbagging today," Kara replied.

"Oh, dear."

"Maybe we can work it into the historical tour this afternoon. We were planning on hitting the high spots, talking about how Serenity Springs developed from an early logging town to what it is today. I guess at some point we could discuss the possibility of flooding and give everyone a chance to fill sandbags." It was off the top of her head but not bad, Kara decided.

"That might work," Josephine said. "In the meantime, why don't we get the auction started? Folks are hungry."

The mayor nodded and stepped up to the microphone. Kara and Josephine retreated to the sidelines as the crowd settled down.

Angel slipped into the seat next to Ryan. "Hi," she said.

"Hi." Ryan nudged her arm. "Which one of those boxes is yours, Angel-face?"

Angel rolled her eyes in response.

"You didn't make one?" Ryan asked in mock surprise.

"No. I can't cook. In fact, I don't want to cook."

"Why not? You like to eat, don't you?"

"Cooking is not worth anything. I want to do something important, like fly to the moon."

Ryan ruffled her hair as he smiled. "Big dreams, huh?"

"Why not? My mom says girls can do anything."

"Your mom is right." Ryan glanced around at the crowd. "Looks like they're about ready to get this show on the road."

"Whatever you do, don't bid on the picnic basket with the chicken and the wine," Angel said. "I think my mom wants Andrew to buy it."

"Oh, yeah?" Ryan folded his arms in front of his chest, years of competing with his brother automatically kicking into gear. He looked up as Billy joined them. "Hello, Billy. I've been wanting to talk to you."

"Uh, well, okay," Billy said, not looking at all pleased to see him. "But I -- I have to go in a minute. I -- I'm looking for my -- my dad."

Angel put a hand on Billy's arm, obviously concerned about her friend. "It's okay, Billy. Why don't you sit down?" She scooted over next to Ryan, making room for Billy on the edge of her chair.

Billy sat down. He stared straight ahead, obviously uncomfortable with the situation. Ryan wondered what Andrew had told Billy about him. Probably more lies, he decided, if Billy's nervous stammering was any indication.

"Are you going to bid on any of those lunches, Billy?" Ryan asked, trying to put the boy at ease.

Billy shook his head.

"We're going to have a picnic down by the river," Angel volunteered. "I'm hoping to see the lady again. Billy doesn't really believe there is a river ghost."

"I'm sure if anyone can convince him, you can."

They sat quietly for a moment as the auction began. Once in a while Ryan would glance over at Billy, struck by the similarity of this boy to Becky Lee -- the same long face, the pert nose, the freckles. There wasn't much of Andrew in this boy. Even his eyes were hazel, almost a light green. But then Becky Lee's eyes had been hazel; they could have come from her. Or -- from himself.

No, Becky Lee would have told him. And Andrew couldn't have lived out a lie all these years, not without cracking. He didn't have it in him to hoard such a secret. Billy belonged to Andrew and Becky Lee. That's all there was to it.

Although -- Ryan's mind drifted back to the past. He had made love to Becky Lee many times. She had been a passionate, loving girl, no inhibitions, no restraint. But she had never been particularly promiscuous, at least as far as he knew. To think that she had slept with both Andrew and himself at the same time seemed impossible to believe.

Ryan tilted his head to one side and realized Billy was staring at him, too. They both looked away at the same time. Some things were just too damn scary to face head-on.

"Billy, I see your dad," Angel said, pointing toward the far end of the park.

Ryan turned his head, watching as Andrew got out of his truck and walked slowly over to the edge of the group. He seemed to have aged in the last hour. Which meant he had read the letter. Andrew finally knew the truth, at least what there was of it to know. The rest was locked inside his father's head, and inside his mother's heart, wherever she might be.

Ryan should have felt a sense of relief, of vindication, but in truth he just felt tired. All these years he had held on to blame like a shield protecting him from more pain. Now not even the blame could stop him from feeling again. He had grown up without a mother, and so had Andrew.

They both knew why she had left, but they still didn't know why she had never come back. Maybe they never would.

Andrew saw Kara standing with her aunt Josephine. He knew he should join her, find out which basket was hers and bid on it so they could have lunch together. But he couldn't make his feet move.

Her father's name still rang through his head.

Harry Cox.

The man his mother had fallen in love with. Kara must have known, just as Ryan had known. Andrew was the only one in the dark. They had kept it from him, forcing him outside their circle.

Andrew had never felt a part of any group at school, never been fully accepted by anyone. He was still considered Jonas's son, Billy's father, but not himself, nothing in his own right.

He felt a wave of anger at Ryan and Kara and his father. It peaked when he thought of his mother, when he thought of her betrayal. He hated her for leaving. Knowing that she had also been unfaithful didn't make it easier to bear. Excusing the fact that Jonas had probably trapped her in his life still didn't make it right for her to leave her children. He couldn't forgive her for that.

And even if Jonas had forced her to leave, why hadn't she ever come back? She couldn't have been that afraid. So many years had passed. Hadn't she ever wanted to see them? Hadn't she ever wanted to see her grandchild? The pain of rejection hit him so hard, he thought he might keel over.

The only thing holding him upright was his son. He could see Billy across the park, and he knew that at least Billy loved him. But when he looked beyond Billy, he saw Ryan. His son, his brother, both with dark hair and eyes that...

Andrew suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Putting a hand to his mouth, he turned to leave. Loretta stood in front of him.

"What's wrong?" she asked, concern filling her warm brown eyes.

"I have to get out of here," Andrew replied with a sense of desperation.

"You can't leave yet. Kara's basket is coming up."

"I can't talk to her right now."

"Then bid on the silver lunch box, Andrew. I promise I won't ask questions. You can sit and brood if you want."

His tension eased at the understanding in her eyes. "God, where have you been all my life, Loretta?"

She smiled somewhat wistfully. "I've been right here."

"I never thought you liked me very much."

"I didn't, because you always looked down on me, like I was something to be ashamed of. A girl to kiss in a dark closet, but not one to bring to the church social."

"That's not true." But it was true. He couldn't have dated Loretta without getting heat from his father, so he had avoided her.

"I guess it still wouldn't be right," she continued. "After all, now I'm not just fast, I'm pregnant too, proclaiming to the world that I've had sex, as if everyone else in this town was the Virgin Mary."

"Not everyone thinks that way." But Andrew knew he couldn't bid on Loretta's lunch. In the eyes of the townfolk, he and Kara were a couple. To bid on anyone else's lunch would be unacceptable.

But the thought of eating with Kara was also unacceptable. Her father's name still echoed through his head. He didn't know if he could handle this connection between them. Her father -- his mother. It made him sick just to think about it.

"There's Andrew," Josephine said to Kara, pointing to the other side of the park.

"I saw him." And he had seen her, too, but he made no move to join her. Kara wondered why.

"Is he still mad at you for bringing Ryan home?"

"I have no idea. But I can't worry about it anymore. Your lunch looks lovely, by the way. I think the herbal tea might be a dead giveaway, though. Or is that the idea?"