Rush Into You (17 page)

Alexa’s sudden cheering snapped me out of my blatant staring and brought me back to the softball game that started a moment ago in front of us. I looked just in time to see Ashley throwing the ball as hard as she could to the little boy playing first base—it landed just a few short feet in front of him. The parents on both sides of the field proudly yelled and whistled for their kids. The tall girl who had hit the ball was still standing by home plate, confused by what to do next as her coach tried to coax her to first base. The little boy at first base ran after the ball and managed to get to first base before the runner, earning the first out of the game. Ashley’s excited squeals were musical, and my smile widened seeing Ryker congratulate Ashley with a high five.

I always knew he was special from the first day I’d met him over a year ago, but seeing this man who appeared so badass at the races the other night now running and jumping around on the softball field, giving everyone a high five and laughing with them…
exceptional
.

“Wow,” I breathed, barely audible to my own ears.

Alexa turned her focus on me, a knowing glint in her eyes. “He’s something, right?”

I could only nod, mouth agape in wonder. As the innings went on, I noticed nobody was keeping score and that everyone was playing for fun. Ryker kept my attention, always doing something to keep a smile on the kid’s faces. He cheered for both teams, radiating positive energy to everyone in the area. He looked over at me between the fourth and fifth inning, and winked as he blew a kiss. A blush crept up my neck and warmed my ears, even in the middle of all these children and families. As much as I was enjoying the game, I was also eager to get him alone and perhaps reenact what we had done the other night.

Ryker Rosse had been surprising me one way or another whenever I’d spent time with him. A year and a half ago, he was the only one who spoke to me in the bar. Then, he brought me for ice cream after a race with the excitement of a little boy. Now, he’d picked me up from school and brought me to meet his family and shared this personal part of his life with me. He’s protective of his family and trusted me with them, even though he was somewhat aware of my unpleasant past.

We’d never really spoke about the first time we met, but I knew Ryker saw the raw track marks covering my arms and hands. He knew something horrible had happened that I was responsible for, and he knew everyone hated me. If he ever straight out asked me what happened…I didn’t know what I would say. I wanted to avoid my past as much as possible. My life was better now, but the demons still resided in my mind. It would never truly be in the past since it was always skirting the edge of everything I did. Even now at a family softball game, my mind traveled back to the darkness of my life. I loved spending time with him, and I didn’t want that to change, but there would always be something that would prevent us from getting too close. Ryker might have been able to look past the slutty drug addict he’d met that night…but I didn’t think he’d be able to overlook the fact that I’d killed people.

Ryker’s grin from across the field made my insides warm, and I smiled back—it was impossible not to. I’d just have to handle this thing between us one day at a time as I’d done with so many other things in my life.

“WHAT DID YOU think?” Ryker asked after we’d said our goodbyes to Alexa and Ashley. He was leaning against his motorcycle, his hands shoved deep into the front pockets of his jeans, arms straight and shoulders tensed. His grin was unsure, seeming nervous.

I rested my hand flat on his chest over his heart, feeling his heartbeat faster than usual. I looked into his eyes and smiled reassuringly, “Ashley is amazing, Ryker. She’s the sweetest girl, and a damn good softball player.”

His breath exhaled in a long rush as if he had held it in for a while. He visibly relaxed, elbows bending slightly and shoulders dropping with relief. He looked at me, the worry in his eyes now replaced with pride. He chuckled. “Did you see that awesome catch she made? And that throw to first?”

“Of course, you didn’t hear me screaming for her?” I laughed with him.

Ryker pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. “Thank you.”

I didn’t need to ask what he was thankful for. I nodded and kissed the exposed skin of his chest, just above the collar to his white tee.

“Do your parents ever come to her games?”

He stilled, his arms wrapped around me. “No, my parents aren’t around.” He cleared his throat. “My mother died of lung cancer when I was eighteen. I was always close with Alexa, but that was when I really started taking care of her. She’s only a year younger than me, but she got pregnant, and the father was a douchebag. She needed me.”

Ryker sighed. “I never met my own father. My mom talked about him like he was a king. He was a loser, though. He’s been in and out of jail for a bunch of different shit. He got killed when he was in Rikers Island while he was waiting to be transferred. Happened before I was born. My mom decided to honor him in some fucked up way by naming me Ryker.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that. Nothing I said would change what happened or make it better. I tightened my arms around his waist and placed another gentle kiss on his chest. Ryker exhaled heavily and pulled me even closer to him.

Eventually, he released me and we both put our helmets on and mounted the bike. I squeezed my arms around his waist, letting him know I was ready to go. It didn’t matter where we went as long as we were together.

My feelings for Ryker scared me, and I didn’t know where this thing between us was going. I’d never been in a romantic relationship with a man before, and although nothing has been said about us being exclusive…I liked him a lot. The thought of falling in love made me want to run fast in the other direction, but my gut told me he would be worth it, and that I would never regret him.

I was worried Ryker would leave because he couldn’t deal with the true craziness that I kept carefully hidden from people, and I was afraid to let myself dive deeper into this thing with him.

Afraid I’d slowly let my guard down and wouldn’t be able to keep everything hidden from him.

Afraid I’d eventually trust him enough to tell him everything, and it would be too much for him to handle.

Afraid.

Everything between us was still new, even if it felt as if I’d known him forever. But I planned on making the most of each moment I spent with him.

My eyes were closed the entire time we were riding, enjoying the peace of the wind against my face and the feel of Ryker’s strong middle under my hands. I could feel each groove of his well defined abs beneath his cotton tee, and fantasized about the other night when I got to touch them, thinking about the things we had done and everything I still wanted to do.

I was snapped from my daydreams when we rolled to a stop, and the roar of the Harley pipes were cut off. It took my eyes a moment to register where we were. I removed my helmet and slid off the bike, standing next to it. I didn’t want to appear clingy and whiney because he’d brought me home, but I wanted to hang out with him. I’d had fun at his niece’s softball game, but I hadn’t spent that time with Ryker.

“You want to come up?” I tried to sound nonchalant, not wanting him to sense my disappointment if he said no.

He lifted his black helmet, resting it on the top of his head. The sun seemed to reflect the gold of his eyes, the yellow sparkling against the blue. A deep V formed between his eyebrows and his usually wide eyes narrowed. He shook his head and looked down at his hands resting on the bike as if the answer to my question laid there. When he looked back up at me, he was smiling.

“Yes, I want to come up.” He raised his hand in the air, signaling me to stop. I closed my mouth, holding the reply that was on the tip of my tongue back. “But before you say anything, I can’t.”

There was no masking the disappointment that settled over me. I knew he saw the slight sag of my shoulders and the lift of my eyebrows before I could school my features. I didn’t need to be with him every second by any means, but I enjoyed his company and didn’t want our time together to end so soon.

“Oh.”

A twitch touched the corner of his lips, and he almost looked amused at my reaction.

“You see, I can’t come up right now because I plan on knocking on your door in a couple hours. I can’t do that if I’m already here.”

I eyed him suspiciously, completely clueless. My left eyebrow lifted while my right drew down, and I cocked my head to the side in question.

“I want to take you out on a proper date. Pick you up at your front door like a gentleman, and bring you somewhere that will be worthy of your presence and try my best to charm you.” He smirked. “When the night’s over, I’m going to walk you back to your door and kiss you goodnight.”

I didn’t know when I’d stopped breathing, but I had to remind myself to take my next breath.

I’d always dreamed of being in love. As screwed up and scared as I was, I was human and craved someone to love me. Even if I wouldn’t admit it to anyone but myself. I didn’t run around looking for it, I actually tried to avoid it, but I did think about it sometimes. With Ryker in my life, I think about it even more.

I wanted the kind of love that was hardcore. I wanted the all or nothing kind of love that I could feel all the way down to my toes. Where every inch of my being knew that the guy was mine forever. That I was
his
forever. I wanted to be in a relationship where we’d run to each other first with any kind of news, good or bad. A person who knew just the right thing to do at just the right time, and who knew the right thing to say, or when to say nothing.

I wanted unconditional love. I didn’t want my man to run when things got tough, but to stay strong throughout it all. I wanted to be loved for the real me, my past and all. I wanted to find someone who I felt comfortable enough with to tell my secrets. Someone who I
wanted
to share my secrets with, and someone who would still love me after I told them.

I wanted a love that had the power to shake me to my core. That when we fought, because we would fight, it would only make our love for each other grow stronger. It would make
us
grow stronger. It would make us realize how much we really did love one another. When we were apart, we’d miss each other…but we’d trust each other, too. He wouldn’t try to keep me away from my friends, but encourage me to spend time with them.

I wanted a love that would completely rock me in every way. Someone who knew what I wanted, and who wasn’t afraid to tell me what he wanted. Someone who wouldn’t be afraid to let go and really make love to me…both hard and slow. Someone who would
know
if I needed it hard or slow.

I wanted a love that was honest and wasn’t tainted by lies. I wanted my man to see through my lies and call me out on them. I wanted someone who wouldn’t back down from my shit, but gave me shit right back. Someone who would make me a better person. I wanted a guy who wouldn’t let me stay inside my head for too long, but would recognize when I needed my space and gave it to me. I wanted someone to support my decisions, and not be afraid to offer their opinions — I’d like some advice. I wanted a love that was real, someone who got me…someone who would let me get them.

I wanted someone who was fucking real…his imperfections would make him perfect, his scars would tell a story, and his eyes would tell the truth. I wanted a soul shaking, toe curling, mind blowing love.

I wanted to be his first choice.

I didn’t want a second rate love. I wanted true love.

“I’ve never been on a date,” I told him quietly, suddenly feeling shy.

The smile that lit up Ryker’s face just about brought me to my knees. “Well, looks as if we’re going to change that tonight.” His arm reached out and wrapped it around my waist, pulling me against him. He angled his face up and pushed his lips out. I leaned down, pressing my mouth against his.

“Looks like it,” I said against his lips. I straightened and turned on my heel, walking up the short and narrow driveway to my house. I looked over my shoulder when I got to the front door. “What time will you be by?”