Running Dry (32 page)

              Again, I feel glad for Regina's wise guidance.  "Talking's not really his strength but maybe I could try to get him to spend some time writing."

              "Good idea, sweetie," she says.  "Now, would you like to show me where the greenhouses are?  I'm anxious to start moving on and learning something new myself."

              "That sounds like a great idea," I say. 

Regina and I find Mara when we get to the garden and have a really good day together learning about the different plants and how to prepare some dishes with each one.  When we get back to the house we have a much better grasp on what we're doing as we begin prepping some of the root vegetables we were given. 

Zane returns in a surprisingly good mood and I'm beginning to think maybe things can finally start going well for us.

"I really like John.  He kind of reminds me of Fulton.  He's the one I was telling you about who was Zander's friend.  The one who invited me to be part of the Resistance meetings."

"Oh, right.  That's great!" I say.  "Are you enjoying the work?"  I'm curious about his

new found interest in the water station.  It's not like him at all.

"Not really," he says flatly, trying out a sample of the food I've cut.  "But John was saying

that they've been looking for someone to be a school teacher.  I guess right now the kids are all taught at home, by their parents, which, for John and his wife anyhow, isn't going that well.  So, I was helping out his eight year old son today and John said he thought I'd be a great teacher."

"Now that sounds like a perfect job for you," Regina says, beaming at him.

"I'm so happy for you!" I say, excited by the prospect.  I kiss him on the cheek because it's a little strange with his mom right there, but I'm really hoping to finally get some alone time with him later tonight, especially now that he seems to be coming back around to his normal self. 

"It's getting late.  Where's Frankie?” he says.

"She went fishing again, but I thought she'd be back by now," I say.

All of the softness that was on his face a minute ago melts away and I see anxiety creep back into his eyes as he begins to pace the dining area.

"I'm sure she'll be here soon," I say, trying to calm him back down.  "Besides, she can take care of herself.  We all know that."

"Hmm..." I hear him say, looking out the window. "Maybe I should walk down to Red's house and take a look."

"Zane, you're not Frankie's keeper," I say.  "She isn't going to like that.  I'm sure she is just enjoying getting to know the group of fishermen and women. I saw some of them hanging around the boats this morning during my run.  There was a whole crew of people so she's not alone and even if she was, Red seems like a very nice guy."

"Fine.  I'll give her a little longer."

I eye Regina, hoping she'll help me out, but she stays quiet. 

We eat in deathly silence.  Zane keeps checking his watch and I see him coming more and more unravelled as the sun goes down out the kitchen window.  After we're finished, Regina retreats to the front room without saying anything.  I try to get Zane to take a walk on the beach with me but he decides to join his mother, where she is sitting on a couch and he continues his pacing.  I sit on a chair and watch him, trying to come up with a way to stop him from imploding.

              "I knew this was a bad idea," he says.  After a few more paces he stops and turns toward us.  "We should pack up and head out right now."

              "What are you talking about?" I say standing up to meet his crazed look.  "And just leave Frankie?"

              I touch his shoulder but it doesn't change the expression on his face, the rage I can see building behind his eyes.  He's past the point of no return.  Even louder this time, he says, "We need to keep going!  I've been thinking about it... I want to go north."

              "Zane, I didn't want to tell you this, but I think Frankie is sort of interested in Red.  That's all this is, I'm sure.  She's just having some fun with him."

              He sits down on the couch next to his mom and processes what I said.  "All the more reason to get her out of here," he says sternly.

              Now I lose my temper and yell at him.  "Why?  You should be happy for her!  Besides, we've been here several days now and we've found nothing strange going on.  You said it yourself... you like John.  I've met lots of people and nobody's tried to kidnap or kill me.  They've been nothing but gracious.  Let's be rational.  You have a good opportunity to help teach kids, which I think you'd be really good at.  I really think we should stay!"

              He jumps up and storms at me.  I've never seen fury in him like this.  I pull back all the way to the wall, but he gets right into my face and roars, "No! We're leaving!  I've made up my mind.  That's it!"

              "Zane!" Regina's voice booms over our shouting levels.  We both go immediately quiet and look at her.  "I'm sick."  This time her voice is so soft I can barely hear her when she finally gets the rest out. "No, that's not true.  I'm dying.  I have cancer.  I can't keep going."

              "What?" He turns to face her. "You have what?"  He starts backing away from me. 

"Cancer.  They caught it late.  It had already begun to spread." 

The word reminds me of what Ann was telling me on our run, how there aren't great doctors here.  For the first time I wonder if maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe we do need to leave, find someplace we can get help for Zane's mother. 

"Ann told me they don't have great medical facilities here," I say. 

"It doesn't matter," Regina says. "The doctors in Sacto did everything they could for me.  There's no treatment.  It's terminal.”

"How long have you known?" Zane says faintly.

              "For awhile now.  They told me I had a few months at best."  She swallows.  "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but everything happened so fast and I just wanted what time I had left with you…" She looks up at me, "and Bekka.  I didn't want it to be strained with the knowledge."

              "Maybe Bekka's right...maybe there are better doctors somewhere down the coast…"

              "Zane, I want to stay here and enjoy the time I have left," she says.

              He nods.

              "Oh, Gina!" I say, getting up to hug her.  As I do, Frankie comes through the door with Red. 

              "Hi!  What's going on?" she says.

Chapter 44

Zane

It's all just too much and there's no way I can sit through my mother breaking the same news all over again to Frankie, so I excuse myself and go out to the sand and sit down.  The moon is reflecting off the water and if my mom hadn't just told me she's dying, I might think it was a perfect night. 

It only takes a minute for Bekka to appear next to me. 

"Hey.  I'm sorry," she says softly.

I sniffle and wipe my nose.  "I guess you get your wish.  We're staying."

"You don't have to be a jerk.  I came here to comfort you."

I'm angry and don't hold back.  "I just got my dad back and lost him, and now I'm going to lose my mom too."

"At least you got to have them at all!" she snaps back.  She starts to cry.  "You know what?  Losing your mom is going to be hard for me too.  She's probably been more of a parent to me than anyone else in my life."  I feel too numb to respond.

Bekka gets up.  "I can put up with your self pity, but you've been downright nasty lately and it's scaring me.  This isn't you.  This isn't the Zane I know and love.  Until he comes back, I'm done." 

She starts to walk away and I'm stunned out of my daze by the blow she's given me.  I process everything she's said and realize she's right.  I've become the one thing I never wanted to become.  I let the hate get to me and now I'm just like them-- the people I grew up resenting the most.  Those horrible warmongers finally broke me.  I feel sick.  Bekka is leaving, walking away from me, before we even got a chance to really get started and it's all my fault.

I get up and start running toward her.  I yell, "Stop, Bekka.  Please."

She does, but she doesn't turn toward me.  I can just see her silhouette against the sand.  She's stiff and her arms are folded around her midsection.

"I'm sorry," I say, talking to her back.  "You're right.  I've been scared, Bek, and I let it get the best of me.  I don't want to go through this alone, please.  Give me one more chance."

She stands still for a minute as she contemplates.  I watch the moon's shadow bob on the ripples of the waves hoping it's not too late to turn things around.

"You should start writing again," she says.

It's not an answer, but I think I know what's she getting at.  I remember what I told little Thomas today about how writing can help when you're mad or upset.  "I will.  Absolutely."  I swallow hard. "Besides, I have a letter to finish writing."

"Oh yeah?  For who?"

"You."

"What does it say?"  She turns toward me now.

"It says that I'd be nothing without you and that I'd do anything to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Really?" she whispers.

"And that I know I can be an idiot but if you'll love me the way I love you I'll be the happiest man alive."

"Even if it means staying in Oceanside?"

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.  "Yes."

"Well, I'll look forward to reading that letter," she says.  Then she laughs softly and moves toward me, taking my hand.  We walk together barefoot in the moonlight feeling the cool water splash around our toes, listening to the sounds of the waves pushing and pulling as they come in and go back out to the sea.  I let the damp sand absorb each step and then give just enough so I can pull my feet from its grip as it fills with water, erasing any trace of my existence in that moment.  I continue to move forward, making more tracks in the sand as I go.    

The End