Running Blind (20 page)

L
ife had a way of going on. No matter what the challenges. No matter what the problems. It continued, one moment, one hour, one experience at a time. Jenna had lived that truth many times. First during the years she'd spent fighting cancer, then during the past month's struggle. Three weeks after returning home, Jenna's time in Mexico and in Houston seemed like a bad dream. A bad dream that had ended with Magdalena dead and her husband in jail on charges of drug trafficking and attempted murder.

Jenna sighed, grabbing her Bible and heading out the door. Church would start in less than twenty minutes, and she didn't want to be late.

The beauty of the day, the pristine blue of the sky and the crisp, cool spring air did little to lift her spirit. She'd tried hard to get back into the swing of things. She'd gone back to work and Bible study. She'd sat through church services and been at the hospital when her sister-in-law had given birth to a beautiful baby girl.

But somehow she felt as if she were merely existing rather than living. No matter what she did, no matter where she went, she felt hollow and old, used up in some indefinable way.

Because you miss Nikolai.

The truth whispered through her mind, and she couldn't deny it. She'd spoken to him every day in the first two weeks after she'd left Houston. He'd needed pins put in his arm, and
she'd spoken to him when he was groggy and fresh out of surgery. Her voice, he'd said, was the first one he'd wanted to hear. She'd believed him, believed that what had been forged in fire might actually survive.

And then the daily phone conversations had stopped. When they did speak, Nikolai sounded distracted and rushed, and Jenna had too much pride to ask him if he'd stopped caring.

She sighed, again. God was in control. He knew what was best. She had to trust in that and keep moving forward.

Even if that meant doing so alone.

Her cell phone rang as she got into her car, and her heart jumped, the hope that Nikolai might be calling swelling up and then crashing down again when she saw the number. “Hello?”

“Jenna, it's Officer Daniels. Sorry to call on a Sunday morning, but we've had a breakthrough in the case, and I wanted you to be the first to know.”

“What's that?”

“John has agreed to a plea bargain. He's going to plead guilty to drug trafficking and attempted murder. We had enough evidence to bring him to trial for his wife's murder, and he's a savvy enough lawyer to know that he probably would have been convicted. The penalty for that would have been death. The penalty for attempted murder and drug trafficking amounts to a life sentence.”

“I'm not sure how I feel about that.”

“Feel good. We
could
have gotten the murder one conviction, and we
could
have sent him to death row, but sometimes things happen during trials, and I'd rather send him away on lesser charges than have him free because of reasonable doubt.”

“I understand.”

“I know it's not what you were hoping for.”

“I wasn't hoping for anything. I just want to see justice done.”

“It will be.”

“Not if he doesn't admit that he had Magdalena murdered for her trust money.”

“He's still maintaining that she died because she got in the Panthers' way. John shipped the money the same way he'd done a half dozen times before. A quarter of a million dollars hidden in false bottoms in several of the medical supply crates. Members of the Panthers were supposed to retrieve the money and then arrange for transport of cocaine into the States.”

“But Magdalena caught them removing the money.” Jenna had heard the story before, and each time she wondered how she hadn't known what was going on in those first few days in Mexico.

“She thought they were stealing supplies and she contacted the police, and then put the supplies under heavy guard. The Panthers weren't happy to have their plans interfered with, and they meted out her punishment. Unfortunately, you got caught in the crossfire, and ended up being kidnapped with your friend.”

That much, at least, rang true with what Jenna remembered. When the door to the hotel crashed in, the men who'd entered had grabbed Magdalena. It wasn't until Jenna tried to intervene that she was thrown into the van with her friend. “I still don't know why they let me live.”

“Crazy as it seems, the Panthers do have a code of ethics. They only kill those who interfere with their organization.”

“And people they're paid to get rid of?”

“If those people are deemed a threat.”

“And, I'm sure John could easily have made it seem as if Magdalena was.”

“I agree, but it's difficult to prove.”

“I know.”

“I really am sorry, Jenna. I know you were hoping he'd be tried for murder one.”

“You've done everything you can. I know that.”

“I only wish I would have done more sooner. John had a
good reputation as a defense attorney. He knew how to keep his finances in order even as he gambled away hundreds of thousands of dollars. On the surface, he looked great. It wasn't until we started digging deeper that we realized he had serious problems with some seriously bad people. He owed money to men who were getting impatient to be paid.”

“And poor Magdalena had plenty of money in the trust her parents left her.”

“That doesn't mean he had her killed to gain access to it.”

“Maybe not, but it's very convenient that she died just when John most needed money.”

“Like I said before, I agree. The fact is, I believe that if he'd known you'd been named trustee of Benjamin's inheritance
before
Magdalena died, you never would have made it out of Mexico alive.”

The words were a chilling reminder of just how close Jenna had come to death. She shivered, cranking up the heat in the car. “Thanks. I needed a few more nightmares to add to my collection.”

“Sorry. How about I make it up to you by having you over to dinner the next time you're in town? My wife fries a mean chicken, and her pecan pie is—”

“Please don't say ‘to die for.'”

He chuckled, and Jenna relaxed for the first time since she'd answered the phone.

“I was going to say ‘the best I've ever had.'”

“In that case, I'd love to come, but I doubt I'll be back in Houston anytime soon. Since John's parents took Benjamin to their place in California, I really don't have any reason to visit there.” John's parents had had no part in their son's crimes and were devastated by his arrest. They'd left Houston soon after Jenna and were eager to build a strong relationship with her for the sake of their grandson.

“I thought you and Jansen were an item.”

So had she, but she didn't say that to Officer Daniels.
“We're friends. I hate to cut the conversation short, but I have to get to church.”

“I'll call you if things change.”

“Thanks.” She pulled onto the road, wanting to put everything behind her and go on stronger and better for what she'd been through.

Determined
to put everything behind her and go on.

She liked that word better, liked the strength of it.

God had brought her through so much, and she wasn't going sit around and mope because Nikolai had left a hole in her life.

And in her heart.

She frowned, pulling into the church parking lot and getting out of the car. Several people were walking into church ahead of her, and she held back, waiting until they entered the building. As much as she loved her church family, she was getting tired of telling her story. To everyone else, what had happened seemed terrifying and exotic and exciting. To Jenna it was a memory that haunted her dreams and her nightmares.

“Jen?” A voice called out from across the parking lot, and Jenna turned, her heart leaping as she saw a familiar figure jogging toward her.

“Nikolai?”

“Who else?” He stopped in front of her, his right arm in a sling, his face handsome and rugged and so very welcome it took Jenna's breath away.

“How did you find me here?”

“I called your brother when I got into town and asked where you'd be. He sent me here.”

“You could have called me.”

“I wanted to surprise you. Hopefully, it's a pleasant one.” He grinned, and the hollowness inside Jenna filled with joy and relief and the first sweet bloom of love.

“It's the best surprise I've had in years,” she said, wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him tight, inhaling
mint and masculinity and the subtle compelling scent that was Nikolai.

“I've got a better one.”

“What?”

“I'm renting a place just a few miles from your house. I finalized the details on Monday, packed my things and headed this way.”

Surprised, she leaned back and looked up into his face. “Is
that
why you haven't called?”

“Did you think there was some other reason?”

“I…”

“What?” He pulled her close again, burying his face in her hair, his lips finding the tender spot behind her ear.

She shivered, no longer sure what they were talking about. No longer caring.

“You feel so good. Every time I'm in your arms, I feel like I'm home,” she whispered, and he chuckled.

“Does that mean you missed me?” He looked into her face, his deep brown eyes filled with humor and warmth.

“Maybe.”

“Just maybe?”

“Okay. Definitely. But I still think you should have told me you were moving here.”

“If you're going to tell me that I shouldn't have come, don't bother.”

“Why would I?”

“Because you don't trust in what you feel for me, and you're afraid that what we have won't last.”

“Maybe I am, but I've realized you were right. I can't just sit around twiddling my thumbs while life passes me by. I need to go after what I want.”

“And what is it that you want?”

“You.” She took his hand, pressing a kiss to his palm as she looked into his eyes, saw her future written clearly there.

“Then, what are we waiting for?” he asked, twining his
fingers with hers as he started walking toward the church. “Let's get started on forever.”

At his words, Jenna's heart swelled with a love so strong and real that she couldn't deny it. “There's only one thing you forgot, Nikolai.”

“What's that?”

“This.” She pulled his head down for a kiss filled with promises of a million tomorrows spent together, a million dreams fulfilled.

He wrapped his good arm around her waist, deepening the kiss, adding his own promises to hers until there was nothing but the future spinning out in front of them, beckoning them to whatever God had planned.

Dear Reader,

 

Life isn't perfect, and being a Christian doesn't save us from going through trials. Jenna Dougherty experiences this firsthand when she is diagnosed with leukemia. After battling the disease for two years, she's finally in remission. Determined to live life to the fullest, she agrees to take part in a medical mission trip to Mexico. She expects the trip to be exciting and fulfilling. Instead, she is kidnapped and blinded. Her struggle to hold on to faith during such trying circumstances reflects the struggles many of us experience. Though we understand that God is God even in the tough times, we are often filled with worry and fear. I hope that as you read
Running Blind
, you will be challenged to trust more fully in God's power and grace, and I pray that you will always know the fullness of His love and faithfulness.

As always, I love to hear from readers. If you have time, drop me a line at [email protected].

 

Blessings,

1. Jenna Dougherty has survived cancer only to be thrown into another life-and-death struggle. Is her faith strengthened by her struggles? Or is it shaken?
   
2. As Christians, we are not immune to troubles and trials. What scripture verses do you cling to during troubling times?
   
3. Have there been times when your faith has floundered? If so, what helped buoy you up and keep you focused on the truth of God's power and faithfulness?
   
4. Nikolai's background is filled with heartache and loss. How has that shaped him as a person?
   
5. How would you describe Nikolai's faith? Do you think it is difficult or easy for him to allow God to have control of his life?
   
6. Jenna used to dream of getting married and having children. What has happened to make her believe that her dream will never come true?
   
7. Do you think that her infertility is a good reason for closing herself off to the idea of marriage, or is it simply an excuse she uses to keep from getting hurt again?
   
8. It's obvious that Jenna's dreams were not God's dreams for her life. Have there been times when you've pursued a dream only to find that God has other plans?
   
9. How does aligning our dreams with God's lead to fulfillment?
   
10. What dreams does Nikolai have for his life?
    
11. Jenna and Nikolai both have survivor's guilt. How does that impact their relationship?
    
12. How does Jenna deal with Magdalena's death? Does faith ease the sting of the loss?
    
13. What is it about Nikolai that makes Jenna want to lean on him? Why is she so determined not to?
    
14. Painful relationships can burden our hearts and keep us from enjoying all that God has planned for us. Are your past relationships hurting current ones?
    
15. What steps are important to true healing when it comes to broken relationships?
    
16. Have you been willing to forgive and move on? If so, how has that changed your life?