Ruined (14 page)

“Oh my fuck. Knees,” I said. I realized right after I said it that it made zero sense.

As he held the second door open into the store, he looked at me and smiled.

“Precisely,” he said.

I had no idea what exactly I did to make myself adorable in his eyes at that moment. I wanted to ask, but I didn’t want to seem girlish or immature. I decided to keep to myself and just assume that I was adorable all the time, and that he was just overwhelmed. My father once gave me some good advice;
never miss a good opportunity to keep your fucking mouth shut
. This was one of those times. Walking through the door, I felt lighter. I felt like I was floating above the tile floor, like I was still suspended above the floor by his strong arms.

Ruined. Yeah, I suppose so.

I realized something in that vestibule during the kiss. I was weak for this man, and weak beyond what I have ever known to exist. My degree of being powerless for him left me open, exposed, and able to be harmed. With Erik, it wasn’t whether or not he was going to eventually leave me; it was a matter of when. At some point in time, he would leave. I walked beside him in somewhat of a trance, thinking. I knew that I could live without him, no doubt about it. But after having had him in my life, I would look at everyone else that I would ever meet as some form of substandard human being. No one, regardless of whoever I encountered in life, could measure up to the standard that he had set.

Life is interesting in many respects. I’ve spent my life trying not to become attached to anyone that I have had sex with. My initial expectations with Erik were the same. I suppose a person never knows how they are going to feel until the time comes, but I had no anticipation of this happening. Now that it had happened, I had to deal with it.  Live a life without Erik, disappointed and knowing what it was like to feel whatever it is that I feel with him, or be with Erik.

Being with Erik was impossible. He made it clear that he wasn’t interested in being in a relationship, ever. My school was to start in September, which was about six weeks away. Why, I wonder, does God remove the things from our lives that may make us live a happy, fruitful, joyous life? I never felt like it mattered so much before, but I never felt like this about someone, either. I didn’t really feel this way
about
him, as if it were a decision I had made. I felt this way in his presence. Hell, I felt this way
all the time
.

Time decides
who
we have in our lives, our hearts decide
how we feel
about them, and our actions and attitude toward them determine
how long they stay
. I thought as we walked
, I will do my best to make Erik happy, and whatever is meant to be will happen.
In that book I read, it said that you don’t give someone your love,
they take it.
If that, in fact, is true, Erik took it. I damned sure didn’t give it to him, he took it.

Here I was going again with the thinking too much. My mind racing because I wasn’t busy doing something. We were walking, and no one was talking. I needed to get a conversation going with Erik to get my mind off of him. Talking with him made me forget everything. When I talked to him, I just wanted him to be happy with me for that moment. I focused on the moment, and the topic of discussion.

“So, where are we going to go on the motorcycle?” I asked.

“We’re going east of here about twenty miles, to a small airport,” he said, turning to the left as he spoke, “it’s a small airport with a patio that you can sit and drink, eat, and just relax at. The planes fly in and out just a few feet from where you sit. There are old bi-wing planes there. It’s really quite nice and relaxing. We will have fun.”

“Sounds fun,” I said.

“Here we are,
The Buckle
,” he said, stopping in front of the store.

I looked at the front of the store as if I was lost. I didn’t realize we had walked this far, from one end of the mall to the other. I looked up at him as if to get permission to enter. He nodded and motioned toward the store entrance.

We walked into the store together, arm in arm. Something about having my arm around his, his claiming me in public, making it known we were together – made me feel special. It made me feel warm inside. There was no gift on this earth that this man could give me that would be greater than the way he made me feel. As we walked back to the display of women’s jeans, I smiled.

“What’s funny, baby girl,” he asked as he turned toward me, smiling.

Never. I would never get sick of him saying that. Baby girl. I felt rubber legged when he said it. Don’t. Stop. Calling. Me. That. Ever.

“I was just thinking. I am happy today, that’s all, no reason.”

“I am happy as well, Kelli,” he said, “It’s a gorgeous day, and I am having a great time.”

I wondered what he meant. Was he happy because of me? Because of what I did at the restaurant? Because I had an orgasm for him like a good girl? Or was it some other reason? I wanted to know but didn’t want to ruin anything by asking. I decided to take my father’s advice and keep my mouth shut.  Being quiet was the smart move.

“Here they are,” I said as I picked up the jeans.

“You sure?” he asked.

“Yes, I only wear one style from here, this is them. Do you like them?” I asked, holding them up for him to see.

“Try them on, baby girl,” Erik said. I felt as if I had no choice. His tone of voice often changed, and although it was not loud, or disrespectful, he had a ‘direct’ tone. This was it.

“Yes, sir,” I responded, walking toward the cashier.

“Excuse me; can you unlock a dressing room?” I asked the girl behind the counter.

“Five and six are unlocked,” she said as she twisted her hair in one finger, pointing to the rear of the store with the other.

“Okay,
thank you
,” I responded in a smart-ass tone.

I hated teens. I know that five years ago, I was a senior in high school, but it seemed so far away now. Now that I had completed college, the thought of being in high school seemed so distant

“Do you know her?” Erik asked.

“No, I just hate high school girls,” I said, now wondering how Erik might respond.

“So do I, baby girl, so do I.”

We walked through the aisles to the dressing rooms in the rear. As we walked past the various displays, Erik was very attentive to the clothes that they had out. He turned and looked at several, feeling the fabric or making a remark about something, and how it would look on me. When we got to the rear of the store, I looked at our reflection in the mirror. Erik looked great; tall, muscular, with very good posture. I looked like I had bird legs. After I confirmed the door handle was unlocked, I told Erik I would be right back out.

I pulled off my shoes and removed my shorts, placing them on the bench. I unfolded the jeans, and struggled to get into them. After I had them on they felt like they fit well, but getting into them was difficult. I looked for a mirror, and there wasn’t one in the room. I opened the door, and stepped out to look at them, and to show Erik.

“Do you like them?” I asked, rotating in a circle so he could see all angles of my physique.

“Love them. Where are your shoes, baby girl?”

“Oh, I left hem in the dressing room,” I said pointing in the room.

Erik walked past me, and into the dressing room. He motioned to me with his hand to come into the dressing room. I looked through the store, which was almost empty, and walked into the room.

“What are you doing?”
I whispered.

He held his index finger to his lips, giving me the symbol to be quiet, and leaned toward my face. With his finger still crossing his lips, he brushed my hair behind my ear with his other hand. I could feel his lips touching the lobe of my ear, and feel his breath on my ear and neck. His mouth moved from my ear along my neck to my shoulder, and I felt his breath on my skin as he moved. It was as if he smelled me with his mouth.

His mouth opened and wet, he began kissing along my neck to my ear, licking my skin with the tip of his tongue as his mouth moved up and down my neck. His tongue darting out and randomly licking me made goose bumps begin to rise on my arms and legs again.  He positioned his head directly in front of mine, and held his finger tightly to his lips. He raised his eyebrows as if to confirm that I understood. I nodded my head and smiled.

“Don’t say one fucking word, baby girl. Not one fucking word,”
he whispered in my ear.

I nodded again.

Using his index finger, he moved the neck of my shirt aside, and kissed and bit my clavicle. Chills ran down my spine all the way to my toes. His lips moved up my neck to my ear. His mouth opened and lightly encompassed my lower ear lobe, kissing it with his lips. He grasped my face lightly with his right hand, and turned it to meet his.

Pressing me against the corner of the dressing room, he began to kiss me. I could feel my heart beating in my throat. His hand slid from my face to my lower neck. With his palm resting on my lower neck, his thumb and fingers stretched to my collarbones. The tips of his finger began squeezing my neck. His grip alternated between lightly squeezing and a more firm grip, we continued to kiss.

I focused on his hand squeezing my neck more than I focused on the kiss, and it was making me want him to fuck me. I wanted him inside of me, right there in the dressing room. Slowly sliding his big cock inside of me - gently, quietly, deeply…as he held his hand over my mouth. I felt as if I were fading in and out of consciousness.

As we kissed, with his right hand on my throat, he reached around the lower part of my back with his left hand, grabbing my hip bone. Pulling with his left hand, he began to spin me around, my back facing him. He held my face and continued to kiss me as he turned me around. With his left hand he unbuttoned and unzipped the jeans.

As the jeans fell to the floor, my heart raced. I could feel every beat of it against his palm, which still rested on my throat. I felt his hand on my butt, struggling with my panties. I reached for my panties, and when I did, I realized my hand had been stroking him through his jeans. I have no idea how long it had been there, but one hand was against the wall, attempting to hold myself steady, while the other was reaching behind me stroking him to rock-like hardness.

I pulled the front of my panties down with my thumb, and he pulled on the rear. After they slid down my thighs, they fell to the floor. I kicked my jeans and panties to the side, and pressed my butt against him.

“Put both your hands against the wall, baby girl, and don’t say a word, understand?”
he whispered in my ear.

I nodded.

I heard his belt unbuckle, and the sound of his zipper. With both palms on the wall of the booth, I stood - naked. All I had on was my shirt. I began to shake. A chill went through my body. I wanted him inside of me desperately. I wanted to feel him become part of me. I looked between my legs, and saw his pants fall to the tops of his boots. As I was focusing on his pants, I felt the head of his hard cock press against my wetness.

His right hand grasped my neck, and I felt his mouth by my right ear.

“Not a word,”
he whispered.

I looked up at the wall, and braced myself, pressing hard against the wall.

As he began to slide inside of me, I bent my knees, and pressed my butt against his hips as hard as I could, forcing him inside of me as deeply as possible. I felt his left arm on my ribs, as his hand slid slowly down to my crotch. His finger found my clit, and he began to massage it with the tip of his finger as he squeezed my neck lightly with his other hand.

He had found a rhythm of slow, long strokes. His hips lightly slapped against my butt as he attempted to go as deep as possible. His thick long cock working its way in and out of my wetness…this was n
ot love making, we were fucking - and I loved it. He continued to rub my clit, sending miniature electric shocks throughout my body. His breath against my ear felt like steam. As I began to tingle, I bit my lower lip with my teeth, knowing I was going to have an immediate orgasm.

“Listen to me, baby girl. Listen. Cum on me. Cum all over my cock. Cum for me, baby girl. I want you to cum. Cum for me,”
he whispered into my ear as he continued to push himself deeper inside of me.

My legs began to shake. I removed one of my hands from the wall, and grabbed his hand, trying to hold it still. His finger on my clit was sending waves through my soul as I began to climax. I couldn’t remove his hand, and his finger continued to massage my clit as his swollen shaft slid in and out slowly. His chest pressed against my back, and his hips pressed against my butt, my eyes rolled back and my eyelids closed. Lost in the moment, I came, and I came, and I came. I heard him whispering in my ear, and felt his breath, but I could not comprehend what he was saying. As I continued to have orgasm after orgasm, I felt his cock swell, growing inside of me. I could feel his heart beating through it as he held it deep, pressing against me. I wanted to capture this moment, this feeling, and keep it. There was nothing I could ever do to resurrect this feeling, to make it recur.