Ruined (19 page)

I want this with him. I want his love and his safety. I want his good. I also need him right now. I need to purge Hugo from my mind, and replace him with Alex. The need is so strong, it’s almost painful. I feel as though Alex can absolve me of my guilt. I want to wipe the slate clean and start again right now, to love him, and be with him.

I reach out and rest my hand on his chest, dragging my nails over the thin material of his shirt. My eyes never leave his as my fingers work over the buttons of his shirt slowly, releasing them one by one. I slide my hands over his shoulders, pushing his shirt down his shoulders. I bite my lip as his broad chest is exposed. Alex is built like a rugby player, with wide shoulders and a narrow waist. He’s not defined, but he’s toned and bulky. He makes me feel so fragile in comparison.

He wraps one hand around my neck, and the other around my waist. His fingers spread, covering the small of my back. His touch is warm, and makes my skin tingle. He pulls me up against him, until the bare skin of my torso is flush to his. His lips meet mine in a kiss that is both soft and hard. Teasing and claiming. His tongue dances along my bottom lip, begging for entry. My lips part of their own accord, and his tongue dives into my mouth as his fingers tighten on my neck. It’s a slow and sensual assault that has my breath coming in desperate pants.

What starts out slowly, soon becomes desperate clawing, on my part at least. I feel as though I have something to prove. To him. To myself. Who knows? I grab his belt and wrench it open. I pop the button of his jeans and pull the zip of his fly down. I drag my nails over his lower stomach as my hand dips below the waist of his boxers. I teasingly stroke my fingers over his hard cock. His head drops back as a low moan escapes his throat. I lean in and kiss the corded muscles of his throat, before grazing my teeth over his skin. I inhale the scent of his skin. Alex always smells so good, like fresh laundry and cologne.

I wrap my hand firmly around him and grip his cock in my hand, moving up and down his length slowly. He grips my waist and twists us until the backs of my knees hit the mattress. He lowers me gently, and instantly covers my lips with his, as the heat of his body covers me. My legs instantly part to accommodate his bulk. He leans on one elbow as the other cups my face. His lips are possessive and demanding. He rears back, sitting up between my legs. His muscles flex and shift as he moves. His hands skim down my sides, and over my hips, gliding over the material of my skirt. When he reaches the hem, he slides his fingers underneath and slowly moves them back up my thighs, taking the material with him. He’s about half way up my thigh, when I freeze. Shit, I have no fucking underwear on!

“Wait!” I shout.

He stills, a frown line etching between his eyebrows. “You okay?” He asks carefully.

I nod. “I smell like a brewery.” I say quickly. “I really need a shower.”

He laughs. “You do not smell like a brewery.”

“You can join me in the shower if you like.” I say with a teasing grin. His fingers, which are now gripping my thighs, twitch.

I manage to roll out from underneath his enormous frame, and jump up from the bed.

“Get naked.” I say, flashing a wry smile to try and cover the nervousness in my voice. That was close. I turn and head into my en-suite, pulling the door to, but not closing it. I turn on the shower and unzip my skirt, shoving it down my legs quickly. I manage to remove my lingerie in record speed. He would never know I wasn’t wearing underwear. God, listen to me. I’m like some dirty slut, cheating and covering it. No, this is a clean slate. I’m not that girl. I’m not the girl that strings guys along, or carelessly fucks people over. I would sooner die than hurt anyone. The thing is, if I’m really honest with myself, I don’t want to give up my friendship with Hugo, even though I know it has the ability to damage what I have with Alex. Hugo has something I need. I don’t really know what it is. I thought we were past the point of sexual possibilities. I mean, I’m attracted to him. Of course I’m attracted to him. He’s Hugo for Christ’s sake. He pretty much defines sex. He wrote the fucking book on seduction. Worse, he knows every button to push. No man has ever made me come like he can. That’s all he is though. Sex. Mind blowing, incredible sex. Alex is more. Alex is good, and honest. Alex wouldn’t fuck a whore in front of me to prove a point. Hell, Alex wouldn’t do half the shit Hugo does, and that’s why I like him. He values me, and I want to feel valued. Who doesn’t?

I thought I had a handle on my attraction to Hugo. I thought I had more restraint than that. It appears that with a little help from my dear friend vodka, I have fuck all restraint.

I brace my hand against the tiles of the shower cubicle, and lean my head back, letting the water cascade over my face.

To make matters worse, I haven’t heard from my father this morning, which probably means I’m disowned. My father loves power. He likes to keep me under his thumb, controlled. By walking out on him, I’ve essentially just given the middle finger to his control. That means he will now have to do something to remind me of that power.

I hear the shower door slide open and the cold air from outside rushes in to send goose bumps over my skin.

I feel Alex’s big body, close to my back. His skin brushes against mine, barely touching me. He places his hand against the tile, covering mine, and threading his fingers between mine. I drop my head forward, so that the water rushes down my back, covering his chest. His hand skims my waist, and I feel his lips brush just behind my ear.

“What’s wrong?” He whispers. Everything.

“Nothing.” I reply quickly.

He grabs my hips and spins me until my back is pressed against the cold tile. I gasp as my body flinches against the cold.

“Molly, I may not know you that well, but I know when you’re not okay. I want you to be able to talk to me.” And there he is, the caring, amazing guy who I’ve become so fond of.

I reach up and stroke his jaw, a small smile on my lips. “We’re not supposed to be talking.” I cock an eyebrow at him. Before he can reply, I close the space between us and kiss him. His lips part slightly, and I thrust my tongue into his mouth. His hands grip my waist as he presses his still hard cock against my stomach. His fingers tense against my skin before he lifts me, as if I weigh nothing. My thighs wrap around his waist, as his hips pin me to the wall. There’s something about having a man the size of Alex between my legs that just sends my brain into a total meltdown.

He nudges at my entrance, and slides inside me slowly. He moves just an inch and then pulls back out. He’s gentle, careful not to hurt me. I don’t want him to be gentle with me, I want him to slam deep inside me. He brings one hand up and cups my cheek as his lips tease mine. His thrusts become deeper, and I moan into his mouth. He groans and nips at my bottom lip.

I cling to his shoulders, as his deep thrusts dance the line of pleasure and pain. He’s not a small guy, and it feels like he’s touching my cervix. It’s almost uncomfortable, but at the same time, it’s so damn good. His thrusts are slow and measured, dragging over every inch of my sensitive flesh.

He incites a slow burn in me that he slowly stokes, until I’m burning up, clawing at his shoulders and gasping.

He slides a hand between our bodies and brushes my clit. His body moves against mine, thrusting and grinding in exactly the right spot, as his fingers work their magic. I cry out his name, and my vision blurs and blacks out as I explode around him. A few thrusts later and his big body tenses between my thighs before he growls into my neck.

He drops his weight forward against me. The only sound is the cascading water hitting Alex’s back, and our mingled heavy breaths. I rest my forehead against his shoulder. I feel like I need putting back together after that. My head is so fucked up at the moment. I don’t know what I’m doing. My heart, mind and soul feel torn apart and shredded.

He pulls back and strokes my face. I can feel his cock softening inside me, but he doesn’t move. “Are you alright?” He asks. I nod. Honestly, I don’t know what I am any more. I probably should have sent Alex away. I should have taken the time to pull my head together. Instead, I’m throwing myself into Alex, as though that will magically make everything better.

He lowers me to the ground, and I lean against the wall on shaky legs. He takes the shower puff, and squeezes some shower gel on it, before gently swiping it from my shoulder to my wrist. I let him take care of me, because that’s what Alex does. He rubs shampoo into my hair and then carefully washes it out, tilting my head back into the flow of the water.

I rub shower gel over his chest, getting distracted by the broad slabs of muscle covering his frame. I glance up at his face to find his eyes fixed on my face. A small, contented smile pulls at his lips.

“As much as I love spending time with you in the shower, I still want to take you out this afternoon.” He says in a husky voice. “We should get out.”

I spend the afternoon with Alex. He’s his usual attentive self. We go for a walk around Hyde park, and he buys me coffee from a little coffee shop in the park. I know I’m quiet. My guilty conscience is eating me alive. He asks me several times if I’m okay, and I blow him off.

By the time I get home that evening, I can’t get away from him quick enough.

He walks me to my door, and kisses me, before turning away and walking back to his car. I watch his broad shoulders as they twist to manoeuvre into the car.

I close the door to my flat and lean back against it, closing my eyes and blowing out a long breath.

“You look like you could do with a drink.” My eyes fly open at that seductive female lilt.

“Lilly?” I gasp. “What are you doing here?”

Her full lips pull up in a wry smile. She’s sitting on the sofa with George, a glass of wine in hand. Her red hair is loose and wild as always. She’s wearing a hoody and a pair of jeans, and yet she manages to look ridiculously hot.

“I got back this afternoon.”

She’s not due back for a few more days. I rush forward and she stands to greet me. I throw my arms around her neck. I’ve felt lost without her. I always thought it was me keeping her on the straight and narrow, but I seem to have been careening off the rails since she left. Her hair smells of cocoa butter, her favourite shampoo. She wraps her arms tight around me and hugs me like only the kindred soul that she is to me, can.

“George tells me that you’ve been keeping things interesting while I’ve been away.” She mumbles into my shoulder.

I pull away from her and flash George a sharp look. He holds his hands up. “Babe, it’s true. I feel like I’m watching a soap, a dirty three way kind of soap.” He wiggles his eyebrows.

“No George, in your gross mind, three ways may be happening, but in reality, definitely not.” I move forward and sit on the edge of the opposite side of the corner sofa.

“So you’re not sleeping with both Alex and Hugo?” Lilly asks.

“No! You know I’m not!” I snap.

She smirks at George. “Told you. You owe me twenty quid sucker.”

“So now you’re betting on my love life?” I ask, although I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s exactly the kind of thing they would do.

“Um, I bet that you would never cheat.”

“Hey.” George interrupts. “She wouldn’t be cheating, she’s not with either of them.”

Lilly rolls her eyes. “Fine. She wouldn’t sleep with two guys at the same time.”

“Hugo and Alex at the same time, so fucking hot.” He says quietly.

“George!” We both yell at the same time.

“Jeez! Don’t shoot a guy for speaking the truth.” He grumbles.

“You are sleeping with one of them though right?” She asks. I haven’t spoken to Lilly since our conversation a couple of weeks ago. She’s managed to send me the odd email, but apparently her and Theo have been moving around, and flitting between Berlin, Rome and Paris.

“Yes. Alex. I told you, I wouldn’t sleep with Hugo.”

“Except last night.” George scoffs. “Well played by the way.” He adds, sipping his wine.

“No, not last night.” I say the words, but I know Lilly will see straight through it. Why am I lying to them? Maybe I’m a passive liar now?

“Please.” George acts insulted. “I know just fucked when I see it. You don’t come in the next morning wearing his shirt and an expression like that, unless he had you screaming his name. Plus, you hang out with him way more than you hang with Alex…or me…hell, even Lilly.” Lilly’s eyebrows shoot up. I try hard not to let my mortification show on my face, because screaming his name is exactly what I was doing last night. Shit. “Oh yeah.” George says in response to Lilly’s shocked expression. “Her and Hugo are tight. Don’t tell me that boy isn’t putting in that ground work for no good reason.”

“I am not fucking Hugo.” I growl. “And Hugo doesn’t do ground work. He fucks and he moves on, and if they won’t fuck him, then he just finds another one that will.”

Lilly leans forward, propping her elbows on her knees, and gripping her hands together in front of her face. “So what’s the deal with him then? And where does Alex fit in? I need filling in. Tell me all that I have missed.”

“Seriously guys, third degree much?”

“Hey, I have had a month of boring business meetings and only Theo for company. I like him and all, but seriously, a month! Even the hottest guy can get boring after a month of their sole company.” She complains. “And you forget, I know you. You’re lying, and I want to know why.” Yeah, she takes no shit.

“Fine. I will tell you, but no judging!” I point at her and then George.

He holds his hands up. “Hey, no judging here!”

“Okay. Alex. Sex, hot sex, and…well, he kind of said this afternoon that he wanted to make things official.” Lilly squeals before I can finish. She’s bouncing up and down on the sofa with a huge grin on her face. She may well be Alex’s biggest fan. “Hugo is…my friend.”

Lilly waves her hand dismissively. “Hugo is Hugo. He’s everyone’s friend, until he realises he can’t get in their pants.”

My eyes flick to Georges and I spot a flash of sympathy. “It’s not like that.” He says, shaking his head. “He…cares about her. It’s weird. I can’t explain it.”