Rude Bitches Make Me Tired: Slightly Profane and Entirely Logical Answers to Modern Etiquette Dilemmas (22 page)

Celia Rivenbark
Wilmington, North Carolina

Also by Celia Rivenbark

You Don’t Sweat Much for a Fat Girl

You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in the Morning

Belle Weather

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier

Bless Your Heart, Tramp

Praise for
You Don’t Sweat Much for a Fat Girl

“Rivenbark’s as rebellious, irreverent, and comical as ever.”

—
Publishers Weekly

“A rip-roaring read … What makes Rivenbark’s writing so entertaining is that it’s a lot like seeing a stand-up comedy act; she does an uncanny job of keeping the flow of comedy fresh.”

—
Book Reporter

“Opening a book by Celia is like going to a great party—at the end of the night, your sides hurt, your mascara’s ruined, and you realize you haven’t eaten anything for almost an hour. She’s
that
good. My biggest hope is that when I find myself riding the bus to hell, I’ll look over and Celia will be sitting right next to me.”

—Laurie Notaro, author of
The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club

Praise for
You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in the Morning

“Whether readers are from the South Side of Baw-ston or living just south of the Mississippi, Rivenbark’s genuine Southern recipes and true Southern charm are sure to appeal to everyone.”

—
Encore Archives

“Many of her descriptions are not only LOL funny, they also demand reading aloud to whoever happens to be nearby.”

—
Myrtle Beach Sun-News

“Rivenbark is more than funny, she’s Carolina funny.”

—
The Charlotte Observer

Praise for
Belle Weather

“Readers will laugh out loud over her commentary on status mothers and all the odd obsessions of modern life.”

—
Booklist

“Think Dave Barry with a female point of view.…”

—
USA Today

Praise for
Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

“This is a hilarious read, perhaps best enjoyed while eating Krispy Kreme doughnuts with a few girlfriends.”

—
Publishers Weekly

“She kills in the ‘Kids’ and ‘Southern-Style Silliness’ sections, putting the fear of Mickey into anyone planning a trip to Disney World (character breakfasts must be scheduled ninety days in advance) and extolling the entertainment value of obituaries (‘If there’s a nickname in quotes, say Red Eye, Tip Top, or simply, Zeke, then my entire day is made’).”

—
Entertainment Weekly

Praise for
We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier

“Will give you a case of the giggles.”

—
NY Daily News

“Warm, witty, and wise, rather like reading dispatches from a friend who uses e-mail but still writes letters, in ink, on good paper.”

—
St. Petersburg Times

Praise for
Bless Your Heart, Tramp

“Bright, witty, and warm … stories that make a desperate gift-giver weep glad tears of relief … A pleasing blend of spice, humor, and memories.”

—
St. Petersburg Times

“Celia Rivenbark has the goods and then some. She makes you laugh out loud dozens of times. Anyone who has the moxie to toss off a piece titled ‘Fake Dog Testicles’ will tread into the wildest stretches of comedic terrain.”

—
The State
(Columbia, S.C.)

about the author

C
ELIA
R
IVENBARK
is the author of
You Don’t Sweat Much for a Fat Girl; Belle Weather; Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank; We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier; Bless Your Heart, Tramp;
and
You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in the Morning.
She lives in Wilmington, North Carolina. Visit her at
www.celiarivenbark.com
.

RUDE BITCHES MAKE ME TIRED
. Copyright © 2013 by Celia Rivenbark. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

www.stmartins.com

Cover photograph by Kendall McMinimy/Getty Images

The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request

ISBN 978-1-250-02923-2 (trade paperback)

ISBN 978-1-250-03841-8 (e-book)

e-ISBN 9781250038418

First Edition: October 2013