Roxanne's Story (Book 1): Survival in the Zombie Apocalypse (31 page)

Brandon did not like the idea of staying anchored but since Martha was the second person who knew the lake and had warned him against it he grudgingly agreed to wait until rain. “Shouldn’t be long,” Martha said as she slowly ran the razor up Brandon’s neck. “Should have rain by tomorrow night.”

They had shared dinner together and Martha had already shaved Lucky who was lying back on the bench with his hands behind his head looking at the stars. They had split the supplies up 50/50 with Martha protesting that she did not need as much. But they convinced her that if she should go upstream to Joe that she should take an offering. Lucky had stopped listening to the conversation and was thinking of Roxanne. The shave had made him feel so clean and fresh and it reminded him of their nights together in the cabin and how they would keep a bucket of water handy to rinse off. He turned his head to look at her and she laughed at something that Martha said. Mutt was sitting by her side and she was petting him absentmindedly as she listened to Martha’s stories.

To look at her now you would see a woman who was enjoying herself, but Lucky knew better. He saw how her eyes would dart past Martha to look at the shoreline, always searching for potential danger. Now that they were gaining weight and their health was returning he knew that her mind had cleared and that the near rape was starting to haunt her at night. When they were on the road they were too depleted to think of anything other than finding food to stay alive, or how to stay away from more gangs or how to avoid more zombies. Often one of them would collapse and the other two would stumble to help them up, almost too weak themselves to be of much use. Her mind had gone far, far away and he knew that she was just concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other.

But where was she now, Lucky wondered. He had seen her cry in Brandon’s arms but he didn’t think that had been enough to rid her of the fear that had lurked in her since the gang they had encountered. He thought it had probably eased a little and that the bottle of booze she took to bed with her at night also helped. But the booze would be gone tonight and he wondered if he should be there to share the last of it with her and find out just how much she hated him, because he was sure that she did.

Roxanne must have felt his eyes on her because she turned to look at him. The smile left her face and perhaps it was the light, but her eyes appeared to grow very dark as if something evil had quickly passed over them. He felt a chill in his bones and sat up to break the stare.

Brandon sat up and looked in the mirror that Martha handed him, “This is wonderful,” he said. “I feel like a new man. Roxanne, do you want to get your hair cut like you had it at The Park?” he asked.

She shook her head, “No, this is fine.”

“But,” Brandon began, “I remember it as…”

“No!” She shouted and stood up. Mutt whimpered and backed up a few steps while everyone fell silent. She felt the awkwardness and said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. If you’ll excuse me I have some things to attend to.” Mutt stared at Roxanne as she walked off and then looked back at Martha, then Brandon, then Lucky as if waiting for someone to go after her. Finally Mutt got up and left to follow Roxanne to her room.

“I shouldn’t have brought that up about The Park,” Brandon said. He looked up at Martha, “we lost a lot of people there.”

“We don’t know that,” Lucky said. “We don’t know about Morgan, Caleb, Sally and Gene. They could have been delayed and missed us.”

Brandon shook his head, “Sorry Lucky I don’t believe that. Only reason they wouldn’t show up is if the Ze’s were at the bottom of the front entrance too. They would not have left us behind.”

“Why don’t I draw you a map of the creek,” Martha said. “Any old paper bags or stationary designed for tourists on Jenny around here? Maybe the Captains log?”

As Brandon and Martha kept busy planning Jenny’s trip Lucky decided to check on Roxanne. He found her sitting on the edge of her bunk, elbows on her knees and a bottle of booze dangling from her hands. Mutt saw him in the doorway and sat up, as he did when they first found Jenny and Roxanne had claimed this bunk.

Lucky put his hands in his pockets and leaned against the door frame. “Mind if I share the last of the booze with you?” he asked.

Roxanne turned the bottle sideways and glanced at it as if she was calculating whether there was enough to share. Without changing her posture she turned to look at him with a penetrating look. “What do you want Lucky?” she asked in a weary voice. He could tell by the tone that she really did not want him there, did not want anyone there. That she had been lost in her own thoughts and they hadn’t been pleasant ones.

He took his hands out of his pockets and crossed his arms but did not venture further into the room. “If it rains according to Martha’s predictions we will have only tonight and tomorrow night before pulling up anchor. Neither she nor Joe thinks that we will make it downstream in one piece without Jenny breaking up. If we should become separated I would not like for things to be left unsaid between us. I would like to talk to you before we drift further apart.”

Roxanne sat up and took a drink, “Drift apart? How ironic, funny really since we could be thrown into the creek.” She shook her head, “Not tonight, Lucky. We have a guest and Martha will be put into the room behind you,” she nodded to the room across the hall. “Whatever you want to talk about, it would only be interrupted when Brandon and Martha come in. However,” she got up and handed him the bottle, “You can have the rest of the booze. I never could drink anyway.”

Lucky took the bottle and was suddenly overwhelmed by the closeness of her body. She had washed her hair with the shampoo that they found and he had forgotten how beautiful she could smell. He realized that his heart was starting to beat faster and that he had been holding his breath. He reached up to touch her face but Roxanne stepped back. Mutt saw the movement and stood up but did not growl.

At that moment Brandon stepped into the hall, “Let me show you to your room, Martha”. With their eyes still locked onto each other, Lucky stepped back from the door and Roxanne softly closed it.

That night Roxanne heard a soft knock at her door. She was sleeping in her t-shirt and panties having grown so tired of sleeping fully dressed while on the road. It felt good to have the safety of Jenny to be able to sleep half-dressed again. She quickly sat up and retrieved the revolver from under her pillow and approached the door. “Roxanne, its Martha” a soft voice said. Roxanne hid the gun behind her back and opened the door a crack. “I’m sorry to bother you but it’s so cold and I wondered if you had an extra blanket.”

“Oh, of course,” Roxanne opened the door and stepped back. “I’m afraid we have been negligent in making you comfortable.” She reached to the upper bunk and pulled down a blanket. “I was hoping we would find some leather jackets in one of the homes because the nights are getting so cold.” She handed the blanket to Martha who wrapped it around her shoulders.

“I’m afraid I can’t help you there,” Martha said. “We had coats when we arrived but Bill was wearing his when he died and my granddaughter was wearing hers when she disappeared.” She looked at the floor. “I’m sure that Katie and David are dead.” She looked up, “Do you mind if I sit and talk for a while, Roxanne? It’s been so long since I have spoken to other people and I can’t sleep with all the excitement of today.”

Roxanne took her blanket off the bed and went to the end of the hall to get a chair while Martha sat down on her bunk. Mutt came over and lay across Martha’s feet to keep them warm. Roxanne pulled her knees up to her chest and put the blanket around her when she noticed Mutt’s reaction. “I’m afraid I may have lost Mutt to you Martha,” she said sadly. “I would hate to see him go, but he’s been good to me and deserves to be happy. I can’t say that I’ve provided for him very well while he was busy saving my life.”

Martha could see tears starting to develop in Roxanne’s eyes. “I think you and I are alike in some ways, Roxanne. This is a horrible, horrible situation for a woman to be in and we have been put to the maximum test. Neither of us is as brave on the inside as what we show to people on the outside. Yes, I have the ability to row to Joe’s but would be doubting myself the whole way and scared to death. But that’s not the persona I showed to you, Lucky and Brandon. Yes, I can take care of myself at the cottage but I will be in fearful agony the whole time. However, only you and I need to know this about ourselves. We were both brought up thinking that it was our duty to take care of others, but as others made the decisions and we watched them fall by their mistakes we knew we had to step up and take control. But we’re faking it, you and I, Roxanne.”

Roxanne started laughing at Martha’s remark, trying to keep it soft so as not to wake the men. But Lucky had not been able to sleep either and could hear their conversation next door. Although she and Martha were speaking softly Lucky always left his door open, feeling boxed in at the end of such a narrow hall.

“Looking at you I would say that you have lived two different lives in this new world of ours,” Martha said.

“Only two?” Roxanne asked.

Martha nodded, “My family didn’t leave the city because of zombies Roxanne, we left because of what we saw happening between our neighbors and friends, or raiders who came into the neighborhood. People who we had shared picnics with were suddenly killing each other for food, for weapons, out of panic and fear. Children were being captured and traded for food, used as bargaining tools.” She looked away and then back again. “In the beginning we stand by our principals, our convictions, our morals, but in the end we all become animals hunting for food and everything we lived by is lost along the way.”

Roxanne was sitting with her knees drawn up to her chest and had a blanket wrapped around her. She found Martha’s voice soothing and put her head down on her knees. “That was last winter when I saw the deterioration of society,” Martha continued. “I can’t imagine what it’s like now, but you three……you’ve been out in it while I was hunkered down at the cottage. I think the three of you could be a very dangerous force, could be predators, could be your own gang and possibly have already been there.”

Roxanne looked up at that and wondered where Martha was taking this conversation. “That’s one life I think you’ve lived. No, don’t look away Roxanne, I didn’t mean to embarrass you. Just bear with me because I have seen the struggle in your eyes that only another woman would recognize.”

“A team that is strong together can also fall together if one person becomes weak. Weakness can be infectious and that’s your greatest fear of what could happen. That’s where the second life you have lived in the ZA comes in because you have also been a victim of predators and possibly by your own group too.” Roxanne was stunned that Martha could see any of this and wondered if Brandon had told her too much about their journey. “So there you were as part of a gang preying on people and going against every ‘good’ thing that was in your heart, but you end up being a victim at the hands of others and at the same time you’re reaching deep into your mind and body trying to find just one more ounce of strength to pull up and cover the weakness that you don’t want the men to see. In the end, you are still trying to protect them, not yourself. And now you don’t know who you are because you left all your convictions behind and on top of that you realize that neither of them would take a bullet for you as you would have for them.”

Martha shook her head. “You have several paths in front of you Roxanne and I cannot help you in choosing the right one. We cannot expect people to be as loyal and faithful to us as we are to them. Not in this world, not now. We both put on this persona of toughness, but what we really want is for someone to put their arms around us and tell us it will be alright, even if it is a lie.”

By this time Roxanne had tears streaming down her cheeks. She got up and came over to Martha to kneel down before her and put her head on Martha’s lap.

Lucky had heard the whole conversation and could tell that the women were softly sobbing together. He turned his back against the wall in a feeble attempt to drown them out but could feel the wetness of his own tears on his pillow.

The next morning they already had a slight misting of rain. Roxanne opened the last can of spam and fried it up, serving it with stale crackers and a jar of applesauce. Martha was going over the map that she drew once more with Brandon. “You heed me now, Brandon,” she was saying. “When you get to that railroad track overpass, you anchor there and wait until the next morning. You have three hairpin turns on this creek and will have completed one of them by then. It’s best to be rested before tackling the other two.”