Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead (4 page)

GUIL
: Evens.

The
PLAYER
nods and tosses the coin
.

GUIL
: Heads.

It is. He picks it up
.

Again.

GUIL
spins coin
.

PLAYER
: Heads.

It is
.
PLAYER
picks up coin. He has two coins again. He spins one
.

GUIL
: Heads.

It is
.
GUIL
picks it up. Then tosses it immediately
.

PLAYER
(fractional hesitation):
Tails.

But it's heads
,
GUIL
picks it up
.
PLAYER
tosses down his last coin by way of paying up, and turns away
,
GUIL
doesn't pick it up; he puts his foot on it
.

GUIL
: Heads.

PLAYER
: No!

Pause. The
TRAGEDIANS
are against this
.

(Apologetically.)
They don't like the odds.

GUIL
(lifts his foot, squats; picks up the coin still squatting; looks up):
You were right—heads.
(Spins it, slaps his hand on it, on the floor.)
Heads I win.

PLAYER: NO.

GUIL
(uncovers coin):
Right again.
(Repeat.)
Heads I win.

PLAYER: NO.

GUIL
(uncovers coin):
And right again.
(Repeat.)
Heads I win.

PLAYER:
NO!

He turns away, the
TRAGEDIANS
with him
.
GUIL
stands up, comes close
.

GUIL
: Would you believe it?
(Stands back, relaxes, smiles.)
Bet me the year of my birth doubled is an odd number.

PLAYER:
Your
birth !

GUIL
: If you don't trust me don't bet with me.

PLAYER
: Would you trust
me?

GUIL:
Bet
me then.

PLAYER
: My birth?

GUIL
: Odd numbers you win.

PLAYER
: You're on

The
TRAGEDIANS
have come forward, wide awake
.

GUIL
: Good. Year of your birth. Double it. Even numbers I win. odd numbers I lose.

Silence. An awful sigh as the
TRAGEDIANS
realize that any number doubled is even. Then a terrible row as they object. Then a terrible silence
.

PLAYER
: We have no money.

GUIL
turns to him
.

GUIL
: Ah. Then what
have
you got?

The
PLAYER
silently brings
ALFRED
forward
,
GUIL
regards
ALFRED
sadly
.

Was it for this?

PLAYER
: It's the best we've got.

GUIL
(looking up and around):
Then the times are bad indeed.

The
PLAYER
starts to speak, protestation, but
GUIL
turns on him viciously
.

The very
air
stinks.

The
PLAYER
moves back
,
GUIL
moves down to the footlights and turns
.

Come here, Alfred.

ALFRED
moves down and stands, frightened and small
.

(Gently.)
Do you lose often?

ALFRED:
Yes, sir.

GUIL
: Then what could you have left to lose?

ALFRED
: Nothing, sir.

Pause
,
GUIL
regards him
.

GUIL
: Do you like being . . . an actor?

ALFRED
: No, sir.

GUIL
looks around, at the audience
.

GUIL: YOU
and
I
, Alfred—we could create a dramatic precedent here.

And
ALFRED
,
who has been near tears, starts to sniffle
.

Come, come, Alfred, this is no way to fill the theatres of Europe.

The
PLAYER
has moved down, to remonstrate with
ALFRED, GUIL
cuts him off again
.

(Viciously.)
Do you know any good plays?

PLAYER
: Plays?

ROS
(coming forward, faltering shyly)
: Exhibitions. . . .

GUIL: I
thought you said you were actors.

PLAYER
(dawning): Oh
. Oh well, we
are
. We are. But there hasn't been much call

GUIL
: You lost. Well then—one of the Greeks, perhaps? You're familiar with the tragedies of antiquity, are you? The great homicidal classics? Matri, patri, fratri, sorrori, uxori and it goes without saying——

ROS
: Saucy——

GUIL
: —Suicidal—hm? Maidens aspiring to godheads——

ROS
: And vice versa——

GUIL
: Your kind of thing, is it?

PLAYER
: Well, no, I can't say it is, really. We're more of the blood, love and rhetoric school.

GUIL
: Well,
1'll
leave the choice to you, if there is anything to choose between them.

PLAYER
: They're hardly divisible, sir—well, I can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and I can do you blood and rhetoric without the love, and I can do you all three concurrent or consecutive, but I can't do you love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory—they're all blood, you see.

GUIL: IS
that what people want?

PLAYER
: It's what we do.
(Small pause. He turns away.)

GUIL
touches
ALFRED
on the shoulder
.

GUIL
(wry, gentle):
Thank you; we'll let you know.

The
PLAYER
has moved upstage
.
ALFRED
follows
.

PLAYER
(to
TRAGEDIANS
): Thirty-eight!

ROS
(moving across, fascinated and hopeful): Position?

PLAYER
: Sir?

ROS
: One of your—tableaux?

PLAYER
: No, sir.

ROS
: Oh.

PLAYER
(to the
TRAGEDIANS
,
now departing with their cart, already taking various props off it)
: Entrances there and there
(indicating upstage)
.

The
PLAYER
has not moved his position for his last four lines. He does not move now
.
GUIL
waits
.

GUIL
: Well. . . aren't you going to change into your costume?

PLAYER
: I never change out of it, sir.

GUIL
: Always in character.

PLAYER
: That's it.

Pause
.

GUIL
: Aren't you going to—come
on!

PLAYER
: I
am
on.

GUIL
: But if you
are
on, you can't
come
on.
Can
you?

PLAYER
: I
start
on.

GUIL
: But it hasn't
started
. Go on. Well look out for you.

PLAYER
: I'll give you a wave.

He does not move. His immobility is now pointed, and getting awkward. Pause
.
ROS
walks up to him till they are face to face
.

ROS
: Excuse me.

Pause. The
PLAYER
lifts
his
downstage
foot It
was
covering
GUIL'S
coin
,
ROS
puts his foot on the coin. Smiles
.

Thank you.

The
PLAYER
turns and goes
,
ROS
has bens for the coin
.

GUIL
(moving out):
Come on.

ROS:
I say—that was lucky.

GUIL
(turning):
What?

ROS
: It was tails.

He tosses the coin to
GUIL
who catches it. Simultaneously— a lighting change sufficient to alter the exterior mood into interior, but nothing violent
.

And
OPHELIA
runs on in some alarm, holding up her skirts-followed by
HAMLET.

OPHELIA
has been sewing and she holds the garment. They are both mute
,
HAMLET
,
with his doublet all unbraced, no hat upon his head, his stockings fouled, ungartered and down-gyved to his ankle, pale as his shirt, his knees knocking each other . . . and with a look so piteous, he takes her by the wrist and holds her hard, then he goes to the length of his arm, and with his other hand over his brow, falls to such perusal of her face as he would draw it. . . . At last, with a little shaking of his arm, and thrice his head waving up and down, he raises a sigh so piteous and profound that it does seem to shatter all his bulk and end his being. That done he lets her go, and with his head over his shoulder turned, he goes out backwards without taking his eyes off her . . . she runs off in the opposite direction
.

ROS
and
GUIL
have frozen
,
GUIL
unfreezes first. He jumps at
ROS.

GUIL
: Come on!

But a flourish—enter
CLAUDIUS
and
GERTRUDE
,
attended
.

CLAUDIUS
: Welcome, dear Rosencrantz . . .
(he raises a hand at
GUIL
while
ROS
bows
—GUIL
bows late and hurriedly
) . . . and Guildenstern.

He raises a hand at
ROS
while
GUIL
bows to him
—ROS
is still straightening up from his previous bow and halfway up he bows down again. With his head down, he twists to look at
GUIL
,
who is on the way up
.

Moreover that we did much long to see you,
The need we have to use you did provoke
Our hasty sending.

ROS
and
GUIL
still adjusting their clothing for
CLAUDIUS
'
presence
.

Something have you heard
Of Hamlet's transformation, so call it,

Sith nor th'exterior nor the inward man
Resembles that it was. What it should be,
More than his father's death, that thus hath put him,
So much from th'understanding of himself,
I cannot dream of. I entreat you both
That, being of so young days brought up with him
And sith so neighboured to his youth and haviour
That you vouchsafe your rest here in our court
Some little time, so by your companies
To draw him on to pleasures, and to gather
So much as from occasion you may glean,
Whether aught to us unknown afflicts him thus,
That opened lies within our remedy.

GERTRUDE
: Good
(fractional suspense)
gentlemen . . .

They both bow
.

He hath much talked of you,
And sure I am, two men there is not living
To whom he more adheres. If it will please you
To show us so much gentry and goodwill
As to expand your time with us awhile
For the supply and profit of our hope,
Your visitation shall receive such thanks
As fits a king's remembrance.

ROS
: Both your majesties

Might, by the sovereign power you have of us,
Put your dread pleasures more into command
Than to entreaty.

GUIL
: But we both obey,

And here give up ourselves in the full bent
To lay our service freely at your feet,
To be commanded.

CLAUDIUS
: Thanks, Rosencrantz
(turning ‘o
ROS
who is caught unprepared, while
GUIL
bows)
and gentle Guildenstern
(turning to
GUIL
who is bent double)
.

GERTRUDE
(correcting):
Thanks Guildenstern
(turning to
ROS
,
who bows as
GUIL
checks upward movement to bow too— both bent double, squinting at each other)
. . . and gentle Rosencrantz
(turning to
GUIL
,
both straightening up—
GUIL
checks again and bows again)
.

And I beseech you instantly to visit
My too much changed son. Go, some of you,
And bring these gentlemen where Hamlet is.

Two
ATTENDANTS
exit backwards, indicating that
ROS
and
GUIL
should follow
.