Ropin' Trouble (Cowboys of Nirvana Book 2) (18 page)

“Ben—“

He shook his head and stepped toward the door. His shoulders were tight—his jaw tighter. He dragged his hat low on his forehead, shielding his eyes, but she could feel the invisible lasers penetrating each layer of her skin straight into her bones. “Cara, I don’t think this has anything to do with not trusting me. I think for the first time in a long time you found someone you could trust, and that scares the hell out of you. This is an excuse to push me away so you don’t have to admit to your feelings. I understand because I’ve been there…not too long ago in fact. I pushed everyone away.  I’m just sorry that your wall is back up.”

He left.

And the tears came.

His words scrambled confusion and hurt in her mind, leaving her exhausted.

Reasoning came to her—one by grueling one. Ben had been right. Why would he lie? He didn’t promise her anything, didn’t put himself on a pedestal to get her into bed. In fact, she’d practically thrown herself at him in his cabin. He’d only been kind to her. Not a manipulative kindness she knew from James, but the real kind—the kind that counts. James would never have thought of her feet and ankles and what shoes she wore. She’d been stung by a bee before, and he’d told her she better go put some cream on it…and that was the early years of their relationship. James was self-centered. Ben cared for people.

If Cara would have stood up to James he would have made her pay with cruelty. She stood up to Ben and she hurt him.

Two different men. Worlds apart. And she had to stop comparing Ben to James.

Sitting on the bed, she buried her face in her palms. What had she done? She’d lashed out at the wrong person. Her dam broke and she found her voice…at the wrong time. Finding her voice had meant losing her rationality and she’d wounded Ben. Being hurt in her past didn’t give Cara the right to hurt another, especially someone she cared for.

And yes, she cared for Ben. She loved him and he had no clue.

Prickles of sensation jetted down her back.

It was true, and she knew now more than ever.

She’d pushed him away. Seeing Sofie in his cabin had been a window, and exit sign, for her.

And here she’d let him walk away.

Grabbing her clothes she’d dropped on the floor, she hurried and put them on. In the fastest time she’d ever managed, she was dressed, boots on and started for the door. She didn’t even take into consideration that she smelled of skunk and her hair hung in damp locks around her face. She guessed this wasn’t the time for vanity.

But she couldn’t walk that far again. Her legs were already cramping.

Going back to the phone on the wall, she dialed the extension for Sofie’s office. When she picked up, Cara asked, “Can you do me a favor?”

Sofie picked Cara up and drove her to Ben’s cabin. He wasn’t there.

“I bet he’s in the staff kitchen,” Sofie said.

“Mind driving me there?” Cara nibbled her bottom lip.

“Not at all. I always did like moments like these in the movies.” Sofie winked.

“I’m not sure what you mean?”

“Yes, I bet you do.” And she was quiet the short drive to the staff kitchen.

By the time she’d reached the lodge, she was rushed with one thing on her mind—making things right. She didn’t think far enough ahead that there could be other staff with him, so when she barged into the building, running, she came to a dead halt, sliding several feet on the waxed floor. Utensils clattered to plates and mouths fell open. Six sets of eyes were on her and only one pair she knew—Dade. They were as surprised to see her as much as she was to see all of them.

“I-I’m sorry to intrude. But-But I need to see Ben.”

“He didn’t warn you about the skunk population, did he?” One of the men said.

“You’re free to join us, if you’d like,” another chimed in. “We’re all used to the stink.”

“As nice as the offer is, I think it’s best I just speak to Ben.” She didn’t see him among the small crowd so she moved toward the door.

“Cara?”

She twisted on her boot heel. Ben stood at the door to the kitchen, his plate in hand and a bewildered expression on his face. “I wanted to speak with you.” She clasped her hands tightly together as her nerves got the best of her.

Ben set his place on a side table and strolled to her. “Let’s move outside, shall we?” He took her by the elbow and they stepped into the bright sun. He led her to the picnic table shaded by a large tree.

She sat down beside him and some of her anxiety faded. “I’m sorry I came here. I know it’s not appropriate, but I couldn’t wait a second longer to tell you that I’m sorry.” Her bottom lip trembled and she scraped it with her teeth.

****

Ben stared in shock. Not only were Cara’s cheeks flushed, but her lips were full and kissable, her hair wild about her cheeks. Her nipples were hard and he could see the outline through the thin, white shirt. He guessed she’d been in a hurry, pulled on her clothes, forgetting a bra in her haste. The thought brought him a smile. She never ceased to amaze him.

“I was just grabbing lunch.”

“Do you want me to speak to you later?” She started to move and he laid his hand on her knee.

“No, Cara. I won’t starve. And thank you for the apology.” Yet he wasn’t sure he was completely ready to overlook what she’d said.  His gut still ached and his pride was hurt.

“I want to make it up to you. How can I?” Hope bombarded her pale eyes.

“You really don’t have to. You’ve apologized.”

“Come to the treehouse later.”

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t want to come?” She chewed at the corner of her mouth and her eyes were filled with moisture.

“Yes, I want to, but I don’t want you to feel obligated.” He was only making things worse, he realized.

“It’s not obligation. I want to see you.” She laid her hand on his thigh and the material of his jeans didn’t protect his skin from the scorching heat.

“Okay.” He couldn’t have turned her down if he’d tried—and that’s what made her dangerous. She had a grip on his heart and if he wasn’t careful he’d lose it to her—if he hadn’t already.

What the hell was he doing? Something about her, in her eyes, had snagged him the moment he saw her and wasn’t releasing him any time soon. The hold had grown stronger and more obvious. The more he got of her, the more he wanted.

He wanted to tell her everything. About his sister’s death and even his thoughts of leaving Nirvana. Ben had gotten word that afternoon that Chase had wanted to speak to him.  Ben believed he was going to get his ass chewed out, maybe even fired, for his relationship with Cara. Would Chase understand that Ben cared for her? He couldn’t stay at Nirvana, especially now that he realized what he was missing.

And those were his thoughts when he stood in the shower that evening, allowing the hot spray to pulsate on his tense shoulders, hoping the tightness would ease.

He’d been edgy since Cara had walked away that afternoon and left him puddling in his confused thoughts.

Ben leaned his hands on the cold ceramic wall and inhaled sharply. Adrenaline spiked his blood and he thought he could run a mile in under six minutes. His nerves were whacked and his heart was in trouble—big trouble.  Rolling his neck from side-to-side, he rubbed the muscles until they finally eased.

Never before had he felt this way—revved up and ready for whatever life had to send his way. 

He wanted Cara to understand him better, to get him. He hoped she’d see that working at Nirvana was only a layer of who he was. He had a feeling she would understand him better than anyone. Since his sister’s death he hadn’t allowed anyone close enough to see the real, true Ben. Sure, he talked to several of the fellas, but never about his life back home. Would they believe he was a church-going, God-fearing, cream of the crop boy?

He smiled. They’d laugh.

Dipping his head under the stream, steam surrounded him and the water felt good. But he had somewhere to be and a pretty lady waiting on him.

Turning off the knobs, he stepped out and grabbed a towel. Rubbing his hair first, making a quick path down his damp body, he didn’t care if he missed several spots.

Strolling over to his dresser, he started to pull out a pair of worn jeans, but he pushed them back inside the drawer. Instead, he reached for the dark denims, a pair he hadn’t worn but a few times. He even chose his best shirt, a long-sleeved button down with pearl buttons. He didn’t get dressed up often and by all means, he wasn’t fancy, but for him this was dressy.

Hearing his phone beep from the nightstand, he pulled on the jeans and shirt then went to check the notifications. He had three missed texts from his dad.

Your mom and I are wondering how you’re doing. Please call.

Ben exhaled slowly. He hadn’t talked to either of his parents for at least three months. When he did call he was overwhelmed with guilt, not because they made him feel that way, but because it had become a part of his character. He had a feeling if his mom and dad would be truthful, they’d blame him too for the death of their teen daughter.

He gritted his teeth, sucking back a tirade of emotion. It had been his fault. She was only fourteen. She shouldn’t have been riding alone. If only…

If he could propel himself back in a time machine, he would. Hell, he’d give his own life for his sister’s. At times, it felt like she wasn’t the only one who’d lost her life. Ben hadn’t done much living since he’d found her.

Tears came to his eyes and one fell to his cheek. He swiped it away.

Happiness had eluded him. But lately, he’d felt joy—all because of a petite brunette who had no clue how wonderful she was, or how beautiful.

Ben realized that the crew thought he was getting too close. When he’d walked back into the dining lodge that afternoon, all eyes had been on him, some giving him that tell-tale look. They had rules among them. Don’t get close to the lodgers. To keep a steel wall up at all times, even against the beautiful, sweet ones.

There had been beautiful lodgers before, no doubt. Women who’d thrown themselves uninhibitedly at him and he hadn’t felt any emotion scratching the surface, except for the itch in his jeans.

But Cara batted her eyes and he was on all fours, wagging his tail and waiting for a bone.

The men also pointed something out to him that here lately, he’d stopped calling the lodgers ‘heartbreaks’. Yeah, and once he’d thought about it, he knew it was true.  Not that he, or any of them, had meant anything disrespectful to the visitors. Ben just didn’t like referring to Cara as a heartbreak. It contained a lot of insinuation that the visitors were broken, and Cara wasn’t broken. Only hurt and scared. Sure, some of the women passing through Nirvana were broken. Like Sicily, for instance. She was shattered inside and took her misery out on anyone and everyone. She didn’t want to get better, and she certainly wanted to control men. Ben guessed it was her way of not getting hurt again. He understood, but he also found it sad.

He didn’t find Cara sad. He found her pleasingly strong and courageous. Whatever her scars were, he had a feeling she’d survived a lot. More than she was willing to confess. At least not yet. Tonight he hoped they could talk about the past—and maybe the future. He’d come to realize, probably even before Cara, that his heart wasn’t in Nirvana any longer. He planned to give Chase his resignation. Ben didn’t have the bounce in his step like he did before…at least he didn’t until recently when Cara came to the ranch.

He started to ignore the message, but instead picked up his phone and typed…

Heading out the door. Hope all is well.

He knew it wasn’t what his dad wanted to hear, but for now it would suffice.

Tonight he needed to concentrate on Cara. He was anxious to see her.

Chapter Eleven

“I don’t think you should come in.” Cara stood at the door, peeking through the three-inch gap. Ben stood on the other side with a wide grin.

“Let me get this straight. You don’t want me to come in because you still smell like skunk?”

“Yes.”

“But I don’t care, Cara.” He shook his head and rubbed his chin.

“But I do,” she whined, not caring how she sounded. She’d tried taking two more showers and used tomato juice she’d found in the cabinet. Nothing worked.

“If you’ll let me come in, I’ll help. I know the secret remedy for skunk spray.” He then shot her a smile that targeted all resistance.

“I already tried tomatoes and juice.”

“That stuff doesn’t work. I know the real cure.”

Maybe there was hope after all. She pushed the door wider and he came in. “I hope you can.” He passed her and left his scent behind—soap and leather, a lethal combination. The man was dreamy.

“Don’t start doubting me again.” He winked and he gave his trademark cocky grin. He had a big ego, but his big heart counterbalanced it. “Let me rummage through your supplies and see what we have.”

While he was bent under her cabinet, she watched, shamelessly. She’d never seen him in the dark jeans before and they fit his butt like a wrapper on candy. She wanted to swat his behind, but placed her hand in her lap instead. There would be no hanky panky until the smell was gone from her skin.