Ropin' Trouble (Cowboys of Nirvana Book 2) (10 page)

Cara reeled from the havoc her body had succumbed to in Ben’s arms.

Once her jeans were in place, she turned to him. He still sat on the blanket and his erection continued to salute the sky. She steadied her focus on his face, not allowing her gaze to wander although she wanted to stare at his package. He was a beautiful man, nothing like James who couldn’t get a hard on no matter how much fondling she did to coax him alive.  And the look in Ben’s eyes, a mixture of desire and yearning, only made her chest tighten more.

Never had she thought it possible to have a man look at her with such need, and to have an erection that proved he wanted her. As much as she wanted him, needed him, she couldn’t follow through—couldn’t allow herself to move so fast. To get closer to him, she needed to trust him.

“Well, Cara, talk to me,” he pleaded.

“I really don’t want to talk about it—now or ever,” she said, her chin tilted and her arms folded over her waist.

He pushed his hand through his hair and stood up. He was a perfect specimen with a body of rippled muscle, smooth chest, and olive skin. His flat nipples were erect and a shade darker than his skin. She wondered how he was tanned everywhere. A man like Ben wouldn’t go to a salon and lay in a bed to get color, not like James had. Her curiosity for the male body had grown by leaps and bounds since she’d met Ben, and yet she was scared to take that one step that would relieve the sexual tension that pricked painfully at the apex of her thighs.

There was a silver lining. Her intimate parts weren’t broken. They still throbbed and her panties were moist. Her lack of juices between her legs had only been with James. She’d believed she was suffering from early menopause when she’d been as dry as a board when he’d tried entering her.

But with Ben she had all of the signs of sexual bodily functions. 

He slipped into his jeans and adjusted his erection behind the zipper. She inwardly sighed in disappointment. Pulling on his boots, his shirt—and bye-bye gorgeous view. Guilt plagued her. “I don’t want you to be angry with me.”

He brought his chin up, his expression warm as compassion filled his pale eyes. “Angry? Sweetheart, why the hell would I be angry? I’m the one at fault here. I knew you weren’t ready. I pushed you too fast. I didn’t mean to let things get out of hand. That’s not what this about. I swear. I let the boundary slip. It won’t happen again.”

The sorrow in his voice made tears come to Cara’s eyes. “That’s not true. I wanted it, I did. More than you could possibly know, but I couldn’t…I just couldn’t. I can’t explain why.”

“Whatever has hurt you, Cara, I hope you can find a way to move past it. You are a beautiful, kind woman who deserves to be loved. You are sensual, with so much to give.”

She attempted to control the tears welling in her eyes, but they rushed down her cheeks. “I’m broken and that’s so sad.”

“Oh, baby.” He rushed to her side, picked her up in his arms and nuzzled his face in her hair. “Shh. No reason to cry, darlin’. You’re not broken.” He whispered in her ear. Her tears wetted his shirt.

“What do you call it then? A lost cause? Worse, a prude?”

“Cara, you’re anything but a lost cause and certainly not a prude. You’re hot as hell and a poison I can’t seem to get out of my blood. Something in your past has brainwashed you, has a hold on you tighter than a harness.“ He sat down on the blanket, tugging her into his lap.

“I’m one of those fish that should be thrown back into the water because they’re not even worth catching.” She sniffed loudly. All of Sofie’s rules went out the door in one fell swoop. She couldn’t even manage following the goals she’d placed on herself.

“Why do you always do that?”

“Do what?” she murmured against his shoulder.

“Put yourself down.“ She could hear the strong beats of his heart.

“I didn’t know I did.” She lifted her chin and looked up at him. “Yes, I guess I do know, but it’s a habit. I’m supposed to be working on building self-confidence. I guess I’m rushing myself too fast and I’m failing all around.”

“Well, it’s definitely one that we’ll have to break. I don’t want to hear such bullshit come out of your mouth, sweetheart. It’s time you realize just how wonderful you are.” He lifted her hand and kissed her lightly on the fingers, licked each knuckle and kissed again.

“Years of therapy have proven that it’s a long haul that I’m not sure I’m up for,” she admitted.

“I think we must make the change for the better, not someone else change it for us. You have to want it bad and be determined to move forward. You should surround yourself with lots of positivity and eventually you’ll start believing the truth again.” He played with the heart ring on her third finger and she found it soothing.

She laid her free hand against his shoulder. “You’re basically telling me I’ve wasted thousands of dollars going to therapy.”

He chuckled. “No, that’s not what I’m telling you. Therapy is good. But it’s possible you chose to stay protected for so long because it’s safer than stepping out of the bubble. Let’s face it, whether you’re ready to or not, you’ve already built enough trust that you came here, with people you don’t know. That’s a huge step, if you ask me.”

She swallowed back another round of sobs. What he said made a lot of sense. Staying inside of her bubble meant no one could get close enough to hurt her. It was much safer to believe that no one wanted to be near her than allowing someone in. “This is the closest I’ve allowed myself to anyone in a very long time.”

“Then Nirvana is working. You’re changing, but it can’t happen overnight.”

“True, but you help me see the rainbow at the end of the tunnel. Before, it was only darkness.”

He swallowed. “I do declare, you’re starting to trust me.” One corner of his mouth lifted. “What do you do for a living back home?”

“I own a little shop, carrying vintage clothing and jewelry. It was the only thing I had for myself for so long.”

“That’s great. I bet that took a lot of guts to open a business.” He laid her hand into her lap, covering it with his own.

“If it wasn’t for my shop, I think I’d move far away from Coal Springs.”

“Every town needs a vintage shop. Don’t allow geography to imprison you.”

She played with a string on his collar. “How about you, Ben? Do you ever dream of finding something else?”

“I’m already living in paradise. Where else is there? Let’s get out of this field before you get stung again and I’ll be forced to suck another stinger from your body. I think a second time would be my undoing.” He smiled and her heart warmed.

“Okay.” She reluctantly climbed from his lap, standing, and feeling a little dizzy. Her knees were wobbly but he was quickly beside her, wrapping his arm around her waist. “I guess I’m twirling from what we shared.”

“Sweetheart, so am I—so am I.”

Together they walked to the golf cart. He helped her in and they drove in silence to her treehouse.  He told her he had chores to do and she watched him leave with a new sadness that made her chest ache. She’d miss him and hated seeing him go. A part of her wanted to ask if she could go with him, but she had a feeling he wanted to be alone.

She needed to be alone too, to think about what had almost happened between her and Ben.

A cool shower would help.

She grabbed a towel, a change of clothes and headed through the back door. She glanced from one end of the yard to the other, craning her neck to make sure she was alone. After being here for twenty-four hours she hadn’t seen any other guests. She undressed and turned on the water. She stepped under the spray and sighed languorously. It didn’t take long for her to forget she was showering in the open.

After standing under the stream until her muscles were mush, she shut off the knob, dried off and dressed. 

Back upstairs, she rummaged through the pantry, found herself some soup and microwaved it. She took the bowl out to the patio and sat in the lounger, eating in silence. However, her mind was anything but quiet. Along came this man, Ben, who shed some light on her emotions. Made her think happiness was within reach.

She had been holding too close to her sorrow, not by choice, but because it was all she’d known for many years.

Everyone was telling her the same thing. Sofie told Cara the same as what she’d heard from Deirdre. It was time Cara learned her body again, what made it tick. What felt good—feel confident in her womanly curves and needs. Part of living each day was embracing good feelings.

She’d learned so much in one hour with Sofie. Common things that Cara just didn’t think about before.

Finishing her soup, she washed the bowl, dried it and placed it back in the cabinet.

Removing her clothes, she climbed into the satin sheets. They felt heavenly against her body. She imagined Ben lying next to her, admiring her with his beautiful eyes that seemed to penetrate her brink of sanity.

She touched her inner thigh, slowly gliding the tips of her fingers along the line until she reached her creamy slit, still warm and moist from thoughts of Ben’s touch. Smoothing her finger along the seam, she dipped her fingers inside of the dewy lips and found her most sensitive spot. She swirled the pad of her finger around the nub until it swelled and tingled. She envisioned Ben’s fingers touching her, his callused hand rubbing her delicate curves. Her body grew wetter and the prickles spread upward into the pit of her stomach. She gyrated her hips to the heated pulses.

In all of the times she’d attempted to please herself, she’d never gotten this far and had stopped out of frustration. She continued in urgency to bring her body toward release.

Ben’s clean scent remained in her memory and she breathed in. She liked his smell, his touch…she liked everything about him. He could have been inside of her now. His thick erection, big and hard. What would it feel like to have him slide into her body deep, connecting them? Her muscles quivered and spasms erupted, and she spread her legs wider, her lips separated, giving her fingers better access to the wet slit that ached for a man.

Slipping one finger into the ripples of tight muscle, she moaned and arched her back. Her knuckles dampened with her juices. Her body stiffened and warmth oozed from the tips of her toes, slowly crawling upward into her inner thighs and shooting sparks where she touched.  With one finger rubbing her clit and another dipping in and out of her channel, she succumbed to scorching pleasure. Wrapped in passion, she called out Ben’s name as she drifted along the ultimate high of release.

Chapter Seven

Ben sat alone in the staff kitchen, surrounded in the shadows of the night and thoughts of Cara.

He was spinning from earlier events. He’d wanted her bad. And the feelings in his body had outranked the logic in his brain. He was still as hard as a tree branch just remembering how soft she was, how warm and inviting. He rolled his tongue along his lips. She’d tasted like cotton candy and kissed like a naughty vixen. Her fire had burned into his soul.

Ben pushed his chair back and the legs scraped the floor. He stretched out his legs, hoping to ease the strain behind his zipper.

He deserved the turmoil—every single bit of it. This was why he kept his dick in his pants when it came to heartbreaks.

No, that wasn’t accurate. He’d never wanted to cross the line with any other woman like he’d wanted to today. No one, no matter how beautiful or seductive, had enticed him to his wits’ end as Cara had. She made him want things he’d never known—never thought he could find—until she swept in and turned his world into a chaotic mess.

And after they’d been so close—so damn close that he could taste her on every cell of his body—he’d slammed into a wall, face first.

His every protective instinct had sparked when she’d asked if he was angry because she couldn’t follow through. Did she think he was an asshole?

As a teen, Ben had been close to the edge with a girl or two who’d simply taken him to the brink to turn him down. They liked the power of the tease, but he’d never been angry with any woman who didn’t want to take things further.  Cara was far from being a tease.

Someone in her past had hypnotized her into believing she wasn’t pretty enough. Sexual enough. Good enough. He clasped his hands into tight fists. He’d like to meet up with the bastard that had hurt her, but he’d already guessed it was her husband who lay dead in a cold grave.

A woman like Cara deserved the best. She should be treated like a queen.

As much as he’d wanted to pleasure her with his tongue and his cock, he wouldn’t want to have her doing anything unless she was completely and utterly ready.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose and let his hand drop with a thud onto the table, sending his fork popping up and landing with a piercing
ding.

Although she’d talked very little about her husband, Ben didn’t need to hear her confessions to realize it wasn’t a prized relationship. Cara had low self-esteem. Didn’t she realize how beautiful, how desirable she was?

“You look like shit, man.”

Ben looked up as Maverick came into the room.  He pulled out a chair across from Ben and straddled it. “Gee, thanks.” Ben rubbed his jaw. He guessed he needed a shower and shave. Probably a few winks wouldn’t hurt either. The last time he looked, it was after eleven P.M.