RoomHate (5 page)

“What do you mean? I have to get home! I have blood all over my pants.”

“No one can see it with my jacket wrapped around you.”

“I still don’t feel comfortable.”

“I really don’t want to go back home tonight, Patch. I know where we can go…where we won’t know anyone. It’s some place I go by myself sometimes. Come on.”

Justin led me down the sidewalks of Providence. After about ten minutes, we turned a corner and approached a small red building. I looked up at the illuminated sign.

“This is a movie theater?”

“Yup. They show the kind of movies that nobody knows about or that people don’t talk about. The best part? They don’t even care how old you are here.”

“Are they bad movies?”

“No. Not like those naked kind of movies, the ones I told you my dad watches. No. These ones are like foreign with subtitles and stuff.”

Justin bought two tickets and a popcorn for us to share. The theater smelled musty and was practically empty, which was perfect considering I didn’t want to see anyone tonight. Even though the seats were sticky, this was just what I needed.

The movie was a French film with subtitles, called L’Amour Vrai. The cinematography was mesmerizing, and the plot was more serious than the comedies we normally watched. But it was perfect. Perfect not only because of what was on the big screen but because of who was next to me. I lay my head on Justin’s shoulder and thanked God for a friend who always knew exactly what I needed. There was also a twinge of something unidentifiable running through me, a gnawing feeling that would eventually identify itself over time and reach its pinnacle shortly before I ran away from it all.

That wasn’t the last independent film Justin and I would watch together at the little red theater. That place became our secret hangout over the next couple of years. Indie movies became our thing. Going there wasn’t about being seen at the big cinema or running into people from school. It was a place where we could both escape from reality without being watched, a place where we could be together and get lost in a different world at the same time.

The following afternoon, I listened from my window as Justin sat on Nana’s stoop, playing a new song I’d never heard him perform before. It sounded like I Touch Myself by the Divinyls, but he’d changed it to I Stab Myself.

Gotta love that kid.

A couple of weeks passed, and things hadn’t gotten any better between Justin and me. Rather than taunt me, he’d resigned himself to just ignoring me altogether.

The house had four bedrooms. Since I’d turned one of them into an exercise room, Justin used the other one as an office during the day. His muffled voice could often be heard from behind the door as he made work calls. Apparently, the company he worked for sold business solutions software.

Jade and I were working almost every night at Sandy’s as well as the occasional afternoon. One day in particular, we were on break when we overheard the restaurant owner, Salvatore, complaining that the band who performed most nights had suddenly quit. Sandy’s was probably the most popular spot on the entire island for live music. That’s what it was known for even more than the food. So, this didn’t bode well for business.

Jade’s voice was low. “I wonder if Justin would be interested in playing here.”

I’d been feeling kind of sick as it was this afternoon, but the mere mention of his name made my stomach feel even more unsettled.

“You think he would want to perform in a place like this?”

“Well, he’s used to bigger venues, but it’s not like he’s doing anything else. He took the summer off, but I get the feeling he actually regrets it. He’s been in a horrible mood since we got here. I think he’s itching to play again. It might do him some good to get back in the game for a bit on a smaller scale. It’s not like there would be any pressure. No one knows him out here.”

The thought of getting to see Justin perform gave me goosebumps. On one hand, it would be amazing. On the other, I knew it would be painful for me to have to endure him here at night. His actually agreeing to it probably wouldn’t pan out, so I vowed not to obsess over it unless it became a reality.

“I’m gonna talk to Salvatore,” Jade said.

I tried to change the subject. “Do you think you and Justin will get married?” Not sure why I asked that question. I’d been curious as to how serious they were, and it just came out.

Jade hesitated. “I don’t know. I really love him. I hope so if we can work out our differences.”

“Differences? Like what?”

She took a sip of her water then frowned. “Well, Justin doesn’t want kids.”

“What? He told you that?”

“Yeah. He says he feels it’s irresponsible to bring children into the world unless you can be one-hundred percent sure of your capabilities as a parent. He says he doesn’t feel that his own parents should have ever had children, and he just doesn’t think it’s for him.”

“Really…”

“Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want kids anytime soon. My career comes first right now, but someday I would like to have them. So, if he definitely doesn’t want kids, then that could be a problem.”

“He’ll probably change his mind as he gets older. He’s still so young.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. It’s really bad. He won’t even have sex with me without a condom, even though I’m on the pill and we’re monogamous. He refuses to take even the slightest chance because he’s so fearful. He’s super paranoid.”

Trying to block out the images of them having sex, I simply said, “Wow.”

It made me really sad that Justin felt that way because of his parents. They were constantly working and never paid enough attention to him when we were kids. His mother was always away on business trips. That was part of why Nana was so important to him. Truthfully, my mother shouldn’t have had a child either. But her poor parenting didn’t stop me from wanting to have a child of my own someday.

Jade took a closer look at my face. “Are you feeling alright?”

I think the stress of my reunion with Justin was finally catching up with me. My nerves were shot, and it was all making me sick.

“Actually, I’ve been feeling ill all day. My stomach is upset, and I have a headache.”

“Why don’t you go home early? I’ll cover your shift and let Janine know what’s up.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll owe you then.”

“Believe me, there will come a time that I get called back to New York, and you’ll make due on that.”

“Okay,” I said, getting up and unfastening the black smock tied around my back.

The entire walk home, despite my vowing not to think about it, my thoughts once again turned to Justin and the fact that Jade was going to try to get him the gig at Sandy’s. It had been years since I’d heard his singing voice. I wondered what it sounded like now that it was deeper and with years of practice.

Justin’s older black Range Rover was parked outside of the house. He was expecting Jade and I to both be at work. I had to pass through the kitchen to get upstairs to my room and hoped I didn’t have to run into him without Jade here as a buffer.

Relief washed over me as I entered the empty kitchen. I grabbed a water bottle and some Advil for my headache and tiptoed up the stairs so that Justin didn’t notice me home.

The sound of heavy breathing coming from his bedroom stopped me in my tracks at the top of the stairwell. I could hear sheets rustling. My heart beat faster. He didn’t think anyone would be home.

Oh my God.

He must have a girl in there.

Shit.

How could he do that to Jade?

I had to pass his room to get to mine anyway. Thank goodness Nana had this hallway carpeted. Covering my chest with my hand, I crept slowly toward his door which was cracked open. I closed my eyes briefly to prepare myself for what I might witness when I peeked inside.

Nothing could have prepared me for the reality behind that door.

There was no girl.

Justin’s eyes were tightly shut as he lay back on the bed—alone. His jeans were undone, halfway down his legs. His left hand was firmly wrapped around his enormous cock as he pressed down on his balls with his other hand.

Holy mother of…

Swallowing the saliva building in my mouth, I watched the movement of his hand as he stroked himself hard in a twisting motion. He’d gotten himself so aroused that you could hear the slick sound of the wetness as he pumped into his palm.

I knew that watching him was absolutely wrong. In fact, this was probably the lowest thing I’d ever done. But there was absolutely no way I could look away. No. Way. If this were going to be the reason I went to hell, then so be it. I’d never witnessed something so intense, never imagined that he could be deriving so much pleasure alone.

I wanted to see how this ended.

I
needed
to see how it ended.

Justin’s mouth was agape, the tip of his tongue slowly sliding back and forth across his bottom lip as if it were seeking out the taste of something or someone.

I wanted it to be me.

My own body was shaking, my clit throbbing. The ache to be with him, to join him was immense. So enraptured in every move he made, I was no longer thinking about whether my watching him was right or wrong.

Hypnotized.

He was fisting the sheets with one hand now while fucking his palm faster. With every movement, my muscles clenched tighter. I was wet, bewildered at my mind’s complete surrender to my body.

The low and deep groans of pleasure that came out of his mouth were making it that much worse. I knew wholeheartedly that this—watching him pleasure himself—was the single biggest turn on I had ever experienced. Getting off was normally such work for me. I needed my vibrator and porn and even then, sometimes it was impossible to relax enough to really make myself come. Right now, I had to cross my legs to control the need building between them.

As he licked over his bottom lip again, my own tongue tingled as I imagined what his wet mouth would feel like against my own lips. As he pumped into his hand, I imagined that it was me wrapped around his cock. I had never wanted anyone as badly as I wanted him in that moment.

His dark golden hair was matted and messy as the back of his head pressed against the headboard. The clank of his belt buckle became more pronounced as he thrust his hips, his fist working harder to keep up. The intensity of his self-pleasure left me in total awe.

His breathing became even more ragged as his eyes rolled back. I swallowed hard and watched, mesmerized as streams of cum shot out from his large crown like a fountain. The grunts of pleasure escaping him as he orgasmed were just about the sexiest sounds I’d ever heard come out of a man’s mouth.

My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest. Watching this whole thing unfold had made me totally lose sense of reality. I felt like I’d been experiencing every movement, every feeling right along with him, except I wasn’t allowed to come. It was as if I’d seriously lost my mind in the process. That was the only thing that could possibly explain why my body decided to betray me, letting out an involuntary sigh….
moan
? I wasn’t sure and couldn’t even tell you what it was except to say whatever sound I made caused Justin to jump back. His head whipped toward me, and his shocked eyes met mine for a brief second before I ran back down the stairs.

Humiliated.

Mortified.

My heart felt like it was in my mouth. Escaping out the front door and down to the water, I continued to run aimlessly on the sand. At one point, about a mile down the beach, it became necessary to stop and catch my breath, even though I wanted to keep running. I’d gotten so wrapped up in Justin that I’d forgotten how sick I was this afternoon. It was all hitting me again as I stumbled over to the shoreline and vomited into the ocean.

I collapsed into the sand and must have sat there for over an hour. The sun was starting to go down, and the tide was coming in. It felt like everything was closing in on me. I knew I couldn’t avoid going home forever.

What if he told Jade what I’d done?

That I was watching him.

Oh God.

He was going to crucify me for this.

What excuse could I possibly give him that would explain why I was hiding behind his door, watching him ejaculate like it was a Fourth of July fireworks performance?

I decided that I needed to get home before Jade did. Maybe I could convince him not to say anything. Brushing the sand off my thighs, I made my way back over to the house.

My heart nearly stopped upon finding Justin standing in the kitchen, drinking out of a half-gallon of orange juice. I stood silently behind him and watched as he put the container back.

Justin turned around and finally noticed me standing there. His hair was wet, making it appear brown instead of blond. He must have taken a shower to wash away the awkwardness of our encounter. Looking painfully handsome in a brown distressed t-shirt that fit his chest like a glove, he just stared me down.