Room at the Top (11 page)

Alarmed, Austin slid his hand into Jay’s, squeezing it in a warning. “Jay, no. It’s okay. I was… I got what I needed as much as you.”

“You got to see Jay marked up,” Liam pointed out. “That’s what you told me you liked.”

That aspect of it hadn’t occurred to Austin, but it made Jay’s flash of temper fade visibly. He gave Liam an apologetic look, then turned to kiss Austin, pausing before their lips met.

“Can I do this? Kiss Austin, I mean? Is it all over?”

“It’s not over until you leave. But yes, since you thought to ask, you may.” Liam sounded close to indulgent, his voice a mellow rumble.

The kiss made Austin’s world click into focus again. Jay’s mouth was eager against his, but the desperation that’d been eating away at them like dripped acid was gone. Neither of them had come, but that didn’t seem to matter. A session with Patrick had nearly always ended with them climaxing; Austin wasn’t sure how Liam would feel about that.

“I’d like to discuss what happened and clear up any questions you have. I find it useful. Take a moment to compose yourselves and get dressed, then join me in the family room.” Liam straightened and walked over to the door. “Please don’t keep me waiting.”

When the door had closed behind him, Jay gave Austin a rueful look. “Does that mean what I think it does?”

Austin rolled his eyes. “What do
you
think?”

“We’d better get dressed, then.” It was probably a sign of how good Jay was feeling now that he was willing to get up and pull on his clothes rather than lounge. Austin felt a twinge of regret as Jay’s boxers covered his ass—under other circumstances he’d have asked Jay to stay naked for at least an hour, and by the time they went home, the worst of the redness would have faded.

“I want to hold you,” Austin blurted, and Jay turned immediately and wrapped him in a hug.

“Me too. As soon as we get home, okay? We’ll climb into bed and stay there till morning.”

Liam was waiting patiently, the bottle of water beside him empty, when Jay and Austin went into the family room. “I think,” he said as they sat down, “that considering this was our first session together, it would be a good idea to go over how we feel it went while it’s still fresh in our minds. I don’t expect a detailed examination. I know you’re probably not up for that.”

“I think it was good,” Austin said. “Not just good, really good. I’m wiped out, in a good way.”

“I see vocabulary isn’t your strong suit after a scene.” Liam’s lips quirked. “No, no, it’s fine.”

“That’s what being wiped out does,” Jay said, defending Austin even though it wasn’t actually necessary. “He’s just like usual after, but I’m not sure I understand why.”

“I am, and I’m not sure either.” Austin wanted to explain it. “It was like…I was there, watching, and then I blinked and everything was different. Like my perception changed.”

Liam nodded. “That hadn’t happened before?”

“Well sure, it did, but not like this. This was intense, maybe because there wasn’t a physical element to it. I wasn’t the one getting spanked.”

“Yeah.” There was confusion in Jay’s voice. “You weren’t.” He gave Liam a questioning look, frowning at him. Austin knew Jay like this, on the trail of an answer to something that puzzled him. “Why did you
do
that? Okay, make that not do it?”

“I didn’t mind,” Austin said quickly. Liam made a sound, an incredulous snort, and Austin amended his words. “I don’t mind
now
. At first, when I was in the corner watching, I hated it. I was so disappointed that I wasn’t going to get what I’d expected. Disappointed? God, that’s not strong enough.”

Jay made a choked sound, turning to hug him. “Now I feel like I took something from you,” he said, his voice muffled against Austin’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I should’ve—”

The snap of Liam’s fingers brought Jay’s head up, and Austin, his body responding to the small, definite sound as if it’d been a command, sat straighter, his gaze going to Liam.

“If you’re quite finished,” Liam said. It was all he said, but it was enough to bring the blood to Austin’s face in a blush he could feel heat his cheeks. “I think I told you that the session wasn’t over until you left. I think I also told you I wanted to discuss what happened in what we can call the hand-on part of it, if you like. Discuss. Not weep and wail over each other. Everything that happened to you in that room went the way it did because
I
wanted it to happen like that. Me. Not either of you, so stop feeling guilty.”

He got up from his chair and walked over to the couch—standing over them, staring down. There would’ve been room for him to sit down between them, and part of Austin wished he would, that Liam would put his arms around them, gather them in, let them all touch and breathe together, enjoying the afterglow. The discussion was a good idea, he guessed, and it was a world away from Niall’s selfish plans for fucking them. And—like Liam’s expensive, bare, colorless house—it felt a little cold. He reminded himself they’d told Liam they didn’t want anything like that from him, and that Liam was straight and probably not comfortable with hugging them.

“It’s early days, I know, but you have to trust me, even when it feels that I’m being unfair. Being a dom doesn’t give me godlike powers, but in that room, let’s pretend it does and believe you’ll each get exactly what you need. I don’t play favorites, and I’ll never leave either of you wanting, needing. I’ve felt like that myself too often to want to inflict it on others. It doesn’t mean that I won’t sometimes indulge myself and play with you a little. This is for me as well as you, you know. There were three of us in there wanting something, not two.”

Liam sounded exasperated but his expression softened a moment later, and he sat on the coffee table across from them. It was solid wood and it didn’t even creak, but the informality of it made him seem less inflexible to Austin.

“Okay, you can stop looking so crushed. I’m actually very impressed with you both, and from my perspective, you were everything I was hoping you’d be. Responsive, a challenge, interesting… The session was very short, I know—”

Austin sneaked a look at a clock on the mantelpiece above what looked like a real fireplace, though it was spotless, unused. God, it was barely nine. They’d been in the house an hour. It felt like forever since they’d walked in the door.

“I didn’t want to throw too much at you this first time.” Liam grinned at them, seeming relaxed, satisfied—looking, Austin realized with a stab of surprise, the way they probably did. “I had fun.”

Austin found himself smiling too, even though he was confused about how to have this conversation and what its limits were. “I’m glad. Is it okay to say that?”

“Yes, it’s fine.” Liam straightened his shoulders, like he was trying to stretch without appearing to. Austin wondered if his hand and arm were sore, and if there were any part of him that would regret tonight. He suspected the answer was no. “I’d like the two of you to go home and have a quiet evening. I won’t always suggest how you should spend your time when you aren’t here under my care, but on this occasion, consider it a very strong suggestion.”

“We will,” Austin promised. “I think it’s pretty safe to say we’re both looking forward to an early bedtime.” Which might or might not include sex, but that part was better left unsaid, considering.

“Good. In that case, let’s get you home.” Liam stood and moved off toward the front of the house, and the two of them rose hastily and followed. “And I’d like you to think about anything you might want to try next week. I’ll expect you here at the same night and time unless I hear otherwise.”

“Okay. Right, good.” Austin was surprised how quickly they were outside and in the car, not because he felt Liam had rushed them but because it felt like he was moving through thick syrup.

They were both silent on the drive home until they were two blocks from the house, at which point Austin asked Jay, “Should I stop at the convenience store? Do you need anything?”

Jay shook his head. “No, I’m good. I bought some new arnica gel earlier in the week. You know, just in case.”

Austin could feel the strain in his thighs as they made their way up the steep staircase to their apartment. He’d probably feel it for the next two or three days. They started to shed their clothes as soon as they were in the bedroom. A clatter as something hit the floor caught their attention, and Jay bent to pick up the bubble pack that the pill Austin had taken earlier had been in.

“I’ve got that,” Austin said and took it from Jay’s hand, hoping they wouldn’t have to talk about it.

Jay snatched it back and studied it. “Valium? What the hell?”

“I was nervous, okay? Liam’s…he’s not Patrick, and after what we went through…”

“I went through it too, but I wasn’t stupid enough to do a scene after I’d taken something like this.”

It was so rare for Jay to get angry with him, beyond the usual spats a couple had, that Austin felt thrown off balance. “It didn’t affect me, not in a bad way.”

“Yeah? Suppose you’d gotten what I did? He spanks
hard
, even when it’s just his hand. You might not have known when it was too much until it was too late. And you should’ve told Liam. You’re
supposed
to tell a dom something like that.”

“If I had, he wouldn’t have gone through with it!”

“Good.” Jay flung himself into bed, a wild flurry of arms and legs, his reddened ass showing for a moment before the covers were drawn up and all Austin had to look at was a hunched shape and the back of Jay’s head. “Because I’m still not happy with the way it all went down. As far as I’m concerned, the only person who got what they wanted tonight was him.”

“You loved it,” Austin said flatly. He wasn’t going to let Jay work himself up into blaming Liam for anything.

There was a moment when he didn’t think Jay would answer. Jay argued by retreating into himself—his Cone of Silence, as Austin privately dubbed it. It was hell when that happened, and Austin, used to his family, where disagreements were loud but short-lived, had never worked out how to deal with it.

The covers were thrown back, and Jay turned, wincing as his ass touched the mattress. “I did,” he admitted in a small voice, “but are you sure you did, Austin? Really sure? He didn’t touch you, not the way he did me.”

Austin put his fingertips on his chin, remembering Liam’s grip. He shuddered, rubbing at the goose bumps on his arms, then sat down on the bed, close enough that he could smooth Jay’s hair back off his face. “He still involved me. It felt like I was getting spanked with you.” Slowly, working it out as he said it, he continued, “Putting me in the corner, just because he wanted something to look at when he was dealing with you, the way he posed me… God, it was a fucking rush, Jay. It was about him, not me, not even you, and I-I know it’s not how it was with Patrick, because he always made sure he did stuff
we
wanted, but I liked it that way.”

“I don’t get it,” Jay said.

“I don’t either.” Austin sighed and slid beneath the covers. “I wish I did. But, well, it worked, so maybe I don’t need to understand it.”

“You hate not understanding stuff,” Jay pointed out.

Austin rolled onto his side and kissed Jay. He’d meant it to be a quick press of lips. That ended up feeling too casual, so he moved in for a second, slower one and Jay responded in kind.

“Don’t do that again, okay?” Jay searched his eyes earnestly. “The Valium.”

“I won’t.” Austin wasn’t sure he was telling the complete truth, but there were times it was hard to do that even with Jay. “It was a small dose anyway, just to take the edge off.”

“I don’t care how small a dose it was. You can’t do it.” Jay hesitated, then added, “I’ll tell Liam if you do.”

That
was enough to widen Austin’s eyes. Some threats were a lot more motivating than others, and the thought of how Liam might react to that bit of information was squirm inducing. “Okay. I won’t.”

“Promise?”

Put on the spot, Austin hesitated for long enough that any assurance he gave was going to be suspect.

Jay sighed. “Never mind.”

“I promise,” Austin said, unable to deal with the disappointment in Jay’s voice. “Never before a session, ever. I probably wouldn’t do it anyway. The past few weeks have just been hard.”

“Might be easier now we’ve found someone who knows what he’s doing,” Jay said and wriggled against him with a soft whimper. “My ass is fucking killing me.”

He made it sound like something that definitely belonged in the plus column.

Austin drew his hand down Jay’s back and placed it on skin that still felt appreciably warmer. “Hot enough to fry an egg,” he agreed.

“Felt so good,” Jay whispered, nuzzling Austin’s neck. His cock was rigid, the head jabbing into Austin’s stomach, insistent, impatient. “Hated getting dressed. Wanted to suck you. Or have you fuck me right there in the chair.”

“He knew that,” Austin said drily. “It’s why he told us to hurry.”

“He was hard too,” Jay pointed out. “Did you notice?”

Yes
. “I guess.” Austin slipped his hand down to his erection and lined it up with Jay’s, the two of them beginning to rock against each other, finding a slow, casual rhythm. It wouldn’t be long before they were rutting against each other, fingernails scoring skin, biting and kissing and panting out their own version of pillow talk, sweet and dirty, but for now this felt good. “Maybe he’s jerking off now, thinking about us.”

“Straight.” Jay seemed to like the idea, though, if the sharp bite Austin’s shoulder got was any indication. “Doesn’t like our cocks, just our asses.”

“I don’t think that necessarily rules him out of being—”

“You know what I mean.” Jay licked Austin’s earlobe wetly, lavishly. “He looked at you, naked, your dick all hard, and he didn’t touch you. Straight or insane. No other choices.
I
wanted to touch you, Austin. Told him what I wanted, remember?”

“My cock in your throat, choking you.” Austin rubbed his knuckles over Jay’s ass hard enough to get a grateful, adoring grunt of pain from Jay. “Bad Jay. Nearly made me break position and go to you.”

“You can do it now, if you like.” Jay arched against him, shameless, hungry. “Please, Austin. Let me suck you. Fuck my mouth. Use it. Use me. God,
please
—”