Rome: A Marked Men Novel (22 page)

wanted from a partner was honesty, and it didn’t get more honest than this.

“I don’t ever want anyone to see me like that, Cora. It rips me apart to live that shit over and over again,

and nothing, not even really great things, like you and me, makes it stop. It’s embarrassing to be that

exposed to someone else. I’m so sorry I didn’t handle it the right way.”

“Rome.” I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say, but I didn’t get the chance to anyway because he grabbed

me by my upper arms and pulled me up on my toes so that we were eye to eye.

“Please, Cora.” His voice was husky and so sad. “You are so much better for me than a bottle of vodka

every night. I can’t be perfect for you, but I can be someone you rely on, someone you want to keep

around even though it isn’t always going to be easy.”

I put my hands on his broad shoulders and barked out a laugh. I laughed so hard I had to rest my

forehead against his throat to catch my breath. I could feel his confusion in the way he tensed up and set me

back down. I pulled away from him and crossed my arms over my chest. He would never know how much

those simple words meant to me.

“I’m pregnant.”

His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and his mouth sagged open in a way that would have been

comical had the situation not been so serious.

“I took an over-the-counter test last night, and it was as positive as positive could get.”

“You … I … we …” He trailed off and looked like he might pass out. “For real?”

“For real.”

“Are you okay?” His gaze swept over me from head to toe like he was looking for some sign of change

in me already.

“I’m fine. Look, I know this is a lot to take in. I don’t expect anything from you, but if you’re looking

for a really good reason to pull it together, I think you have one now.”

“What do you mean you don’t expect anything from me?”

I sighed. “Look, Rome, we hung out for less than a month. We were never really friends, then we

became lovers and now soon-to-be parents. That’s a lot for anybody to try and handle. I care about you and

I really do think you’re an amazing guy, but I’m not going to risk this baby or my heart on someone that

isn’t all in with me. I’ve been there and done that and seriously I wish I could give the T-shirt back.”

“Give me a chance, Half-Pint, I’m all in.”

I could see it there, dazzling and bright in the blue that was as sharp as a razor blade. He believed it,

wanted it, I just didn’t know that I could trust him to follow through on it and not leave me hanging again.

“The drinking …”

He shook his head. “Done. I’m all over it. It doesn’t do me any good and Brite won’t let me hang at the

bar if I’m loaded. He’s been in and out over the last few weeks and finally told me that if I didn’t get my act

together, I was done. I was already feeling like I let you down. I couldn’t stand the idea of disappointing

him on top of that, which is why I finally called his friend for help.” He made a face that resembled a

grimace of pain. “There’s a good chance I’m gonna be struggling with the aftereffects of PTSD for a long

time. I’m not going to wake up tomorrow and be all shiny, polished, and perfect, but I can get better. The

difference is I didn’t really have the motivation to head in that direction until I lost it and couldn’t face you.

I don’t want you to be part of my nightmares, Cora, but I’m selfish enough to ask you to want to be.”

He was saying all the right things, he was putting more of himself on the line for me than Jimmy ever

had, and I was selfish enough to want to believe that what he was saying was real. I didn’t really want to let

him go just yet, but I had to make sure he understood the rules moving forward.

“Nightmares are just bad dreams. If you want me to be part of your dreams, there isn’t a better place I

could think to be. Rome, I’m more than willing to stick this out with you, but this baby is bigger than both

of us. You can’t just walk away when you’re freaked out or because something from the past is standing

between us. You have to let me in, you have to stick around so we can work through it together. I’m not

flawless either, Captain No-Fun, but I kinda think together we might get close to something spectacular, if

we want it bad enough.”

I squealed in surprise when he picked me up and crushed me to his chest. I didn’t think I was ever

going to get tired of the solid way he felt pressed against me. He pressed a hard kiss to my mouth, and I put

my hands on either side of his face to hold him there. I missed him, missed this, but I didn’t have any

delusion that this was the last of the bumps in the road we were probably going to have to face if we

managed to stay together. It took a special kind of man to stick around when the reality of fatherhood was

looking him right in the eye. We didn’t know each other well enough to know if this was going to be it for

us, but he affected me enough, moved me in ways I was continually surprised by, that I liked to think with

some work he very well could be my new dream, that he could indeed fit what my new idea of perfect

might be.

When he set me back on my feet, I laughed a little and moved my hands from his face to his shoulders.

“We might need to slow things down between us a little bit. We’re going to be moving full steam ahead,

and while there is no question that we are sexually compatible, we should probably figure out if we can

stand to be around each other for the long haul.”

He dropped his head so that his forehead was resting against mine. “All right.”

I tapped him on the chin with my index finger. “And you need to make nice with Rule. Family is

important and he’s going to be this kid’s uncle. Plus Shaw is going to drive everyone nuts trying to fix

things if you can’t patch it all up on your own. Same goes for your folks.” I would never squander family

away, and he was just going to have to reconcile that fact if this was going to work.

He pulled back and bit the tip of my finger, which made me scowl up at him.

“Repentance is my new middle name. Rule and I are both afflicted with the Archer stubborn streak and

I can’t really be mad at him for wanting to protect you. He’s right: I did do the same thing to him over

Shaw. The only difference is I don’t have the reputation of the Mile-High Lothario to warrant it. I’ll work it

all out, I swear this matters to me. More than anything I can remember since I started looking out for the

twins.”

I finally wrapped my arms around his lean waist and gave him the hug I had been dying to give him

since I saw him standing in the shop.

Of course, as soon as I walked back in the shop, the boys jumped all over me. Rule was still all fired up

and pissed off, Nash was acting like a concerned big brother even though he was younger than me, and

Rowdy was just watching it all with a maniacal grin that made me want to hurt his pretty face. There were

only about ten minutes until we opened, so I dragged all three of them into the back room and faced off

with them. Telling them to back off and mind their own wasn’t going to cut it, so I laid it out for them in

terms even stubborn, hardheaded, but well-meaning boys could understand.

I told them I was having Rome’s baby and I didn’t want to hear a single word about it because it was

still so early and things were so tenuous. I thought Rule was going to go through the roof until I smacked

him with the back of my hand in the gut and told him to calm down. Nash looked like he was in shock, and

Rowdy was the only one to press a tiny kiss to the top of my head and tell me congratulations. I explained

that what I was or was not doing with Rome had nothing to do with them and that everybody better play

nice because the big picture was that I was having a kid and everybody I loved and cared about was going

to be a part of his or her life, whether they liked it or not. Rule and I had a pretty lengthy stare-down, but

really it was cute, and at his center he was a big ol’ pile of mush, so eventually he caved and scooped me up

in a rib-breaking hug.

He told me he was still going to whup Rome’s ass if he didn’t start acting right toward me and I

informed him that he was going to have to get in line. Nash was harder to crack. He just kept looking at me,

then down at my stomach, then back up to my face, and shaking his head slowly from side to side. I just

waited him out. Nash was a softy; he was more rational than the other guys, but his own upbringing had left

some nasty scars and I don’t think he was really comfortable with any human smaller than a bread box.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and gave me a one-armed hug that was so tight it almost hurt.

“Don’t get me wrong, Rome is a cool dude. I’ve always looked up to him, but lately he hasn’t been

acting like any guy that’s going to be a dad should act.”

“I just found out yesterday.”

“But you knew before that, didn’t you?”

“Maybe.”

“Just be careful. I love ya both and don’t want to have to pick between either one of you.”

“Stop. We wouldn’t do that.”

Nash smiled a sad smile that looked so out of place on that handsome face and under that ring in his

nose. “That’s what every parent says.”

He walked away leaving me speechless. Rowdy slid up next to me and hooked my arm through his.

“You’re gonna be a great mom. Everything else will fall into place and everybody else can get over their

own shit.”

I grunted and rested my head on his shoulder. “Thanks.”

“What about the guy? He the right one to do this with?”

“I think so.” And I really did. He might make me work a little bit for it, but I really did think he was

worth the effort. I was so happy to hear that he had taken steps on his own to seek out some help for the

nightmares chasing him from his time in the military. I could chase the shadows with him, as long as he

was willing to let me bring the light in.

“He hasn’t let me get upright since we started this thing.” I wiggled my eyebrows up and down

suggestively, which made him laugh. “Literally and figuratively.”

“Sideways it is.” Rowdy reached down and patted my still-flat tummy. “This is going to be so fun to

watch.”

I snorted at him and elbowed him in the side. The fact was, I could do sideways. I could do the

unexpected. What I couldn’t do was heartbroken and shattered, so big brother better be on board with that

or there was no telling what I was going to do. Heck, I would even be able to blame it on hormones.

CHAPTER 10

Rome

Taking it slow sucked. Don’t get me wrong, I was pretty sure I was falling in love with Cora. I had

spent the last two weeks trying to drink her out of my head and feeling like a royal asshole for ditching her

without a word. It was another pussy move in a list that seemed to be growing by leaps and bounds. I was

embarrassed by the fact I couldn’t pull it together, ashamed she had seen me so broken and open. I had

known going in that she was leery about all the dips and valleys in my personality, but having her bear

witness to my own personal hell was just too much for my ego and already battered pride to take, so I ran.

It was cowardly and it was weak, but I didn’t think I could handle her looking at me like I was someone to

pity, someone that needed to be fixed. So I buried my head in a bottle of vodka and tried to drink it all

away. My reasons for avoiding her didn’t hold any more water than my reasons for avoiding my folks, a

fact that I couldn’t ignore or drink away.

It became apparent the very next day that not talking to her, not being able to touch her, to hold her,

hurt way worse than my pride did. She was under my skin, buried far enough down that I realized if I had

to get help in order to be someone she could be with, then that was my only option and it was time to stop

running and just do it. I was so glad she was willing to give me another shot. I needed her, and now with

the baby, messed up or not, I was pretty sure she needed me, too. I was willing to do whatever it took to

make this thing between us work, even if that meant all the sexual attraction and potent heat that had drawn

us together initially had to be banked. There was nothing quite like being put in the friend zone by your

pregnant girlfriend.

I spent the entire month of September keeping my hands in my pockets and my dick in my pants. I

went with Cora to the doctor, which was exciting and terrifying at the same time. We went to dinner, hung

out like a normal couple that was just starting to date, and I even entertained the idea of making peace with

my folks like I had tentatively done with Shaw, because I knew it would make her happy and I was sick of

running scared. I was tired of trying to guess what others’ expectations of me were and had to get my head

around the idea that my expectations of myself were enough. The idea of bridging that gap did make her