Romancing the Rogue (217 page)

My breath stopped as anticipation filled me. Never had I even thought of a man touching me there before, and that it was to be Grayson filled me with a sense of rightness.

“Please, please, please,” I begged him softly, to stop or to continue I did not know.

He laughed again, that particular little chuckle he only used with me, before whispering in my ear, “Please what, sweetheart? Touch you? Don’t worry, I will. I’m going to.”

“Grayson?” I knew what to expect, I had been raised on a farm, after all. But I had never seen a full-grown man naked. I began to twist even more. He
shushed
me again, running a gentle fingertip over my lips before leaning down to kiss me.

He pulled his head back slightly, ran his lips over my forehead, my brows, dropping back down against my lips before whispering, “It’s all right, sweetheart. I won’t hurt you
¯
you know that, right?”

I nodded, unable to form a vocal response, the feel of his body against mine the only thing I could think about. His body felt so hot, flaming, against me and I wanted to get closer. I arched into him, lifting my hips up off the straw, aligning our bodies even more perfectly together. He moaned then, and I lifted even higher, liking that I could elicit such a response from him.

Soon his hands were everywhere, stroking, touching, and nothing else mattered to me
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not the straw poking me, not the darkness of the barn, not even the possible repercussions of what we were doing¯the only thing that mattered to me was Grayson.

Soon, though, his caresses became more fervent, more intent. He moved even closer and I began to tense, certain that it was going to hurt. Grayson was a tall man, broad of shoulder and chest, so wouldn’t the rest of him be large as well?

He whispered to me again, stroked the damp hair off my forehead, kissed my brow. He pulled his hips back slightly, putting more room between us until I calmed somewhat. He took my hand and placed it on his chest. I fingered the tiny sprigs of hair for a moment, toying with the texture. He covered my hand again and led it downward into another patch of hair. Then I was touching him there and it was both hard and soft, smooth. He kept murmuring to me, telling me it would be fine and not to worry, that he would never hurt me.

It burned a little and I tensed. He paused then ran a soothing hand down my thigh, whispering to me that he’d stop if I wanted him to.

I didn’t want him to, but I didn’t know that it was going to hurt. I told him this and he smiled before kissing me once again.

“It only hurts the first time. And only for a moment.”

His words were true. He stayed there for a moment and I began to relax. Once he felt my body soften he began to move slowly.

As he moved he continued to kiss me, and I kissed him back
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trying to explain to him how I felt about him with my body instead of lukewarm words. But as his pace began to increase I began to think of nothing at all, instead all I could do was focus on what he was doing to me and how it made me feel, until it was over and it was all I could do just to breathe.

He wrapped me into his arms, held me against his chest and I lay there for several minutes listening as his heartbeat evened out. I could smell us on his skin and it thrilled me, awed me. I had almost dozed when he moved to sit up.

“Come, we must get back.” His words were low but I had no trouble hearing him.

I made a face, not wanting to leave this haven. “Can’t we wait a few more minutes? There is no hurry, is there?”

“Your father will be looking for you soon. Dinner was over well over an hour before I found you. Do you really want him to find us here like this before I have an opportunity to speak to him?” He sorted my clothing and handed it to me.

I brushed the straw off and dressed as quickly as I could in the darkness. “Grayson?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Are you sorry this happened?” My body was sore, a constant reminder of what I had let him do
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not that I would ever forget this night.

“No, Olivia, I’m not sorry. I could never be sorry for this.”

Grayson held my hand as we walked up the path to Mr. Lofton’s house. I felt so different beside him, sure that nothing else that happened to me would change how I felt about this man beside me
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or about myself.

With Grayson I was a mature, responsible woman who had taken control of her life, not a scared child depending upon her father and family to keep her safe and protected. Whatever came now, I could stand on my own. With or without the man by my side, though I hoped he would always be at my side.

I followed him up the steps and into the house, standing behind him in the doorway to the parlor. My father sat in the room talking with our host, the twins, and Matthew. Rachel sat near the fire, staring into its flickering glow. They all looked up as Grayson stepped into the room, pulling me with him.

My father rose to his feet and I was all at once conscious of the straw still clinging to me, to the disarray that was my hair. My father frowned, stepping ever closer and I raised my chin defiantly.

What we had to say to my father was merely a courtesy. I had turned twenty-one this week, an occasion that was forgotten with the funeral and all. I was an adult and my father could not legally affect my future. My decisions were mine, and mine alone to make.

“Papa,” I acknowledged his presence, but did not move from Grayson’s side.

“Sir.” Grayson nodded to my father, pulling me even closer to him, drawing my father’s attention to our clasped hands. I vaguely heard Mr. Lofton suggesting to his sons and Rachel that they should take whatever it was they were doing into the kitchen. We paused a moment while they did that. Mr. Lofton nodded to Grayson as he passed and I wondered briefly if it was a gesture of approval, respect. Hopefully my father would feel the same way.

“What can I do for you, Mr. Manning?” My father’s tone was even and I couldn’t judge what he was thinking.

“It’s Sgt. Manning, sir.” Grayson told him proudly, raising his chin almost imperceptibly. I watched his face a moment then looked at my father to judge his reaction.
Sgt. Grayson Manning
¯I liked it. It sounded strong and secure and fit the man beside me so well. “Until three
weeks ago I was an assistant surgeon with the Army of Tennessee.”

“You a Southerner?” My father’s voice began to rise and I instinctively cringed, fear freezing my spine.

Grayson felt my movement and looked at me, momentarily ignoring my father, and smiled reassuringly. For a moment he focused solely on me, concerned for my welfare and I managed to breathe, regaining control of my fears. This was just my father, after all, a man who had never struck any of his children.

I nodded at Grayson then looked back at my father, judging his temper again. He was looking at me, an almost sadness in his gaze, and I had to look away. Had I disappointed him? Did he think me
disloyal
?

“Yes. I fought to defend my home, my state. I’m proud of that, sir.” He spoke so firmly, so unashamed, and I found myself admiring him even more. I prayed my father could see the truth of the man beside me, the truth that I saw.

“There’s nothing wrong with that ideal, I suppose.” My father stated quietly. I looked at him, wondering at his reaction. Grayson was the enemy he had fought against, yet here he stood before me, calmly accepting him? “So why are you here with my daughter now? If you were fighting for the state of Tennessee? Shouldn’t you be back on your way home?”

“Yes, sir. That is where I am headed.” Grayson looked at me as he spoke, then looked at my father once again. I drew closer to him, knowing what was about to come. “I’m taking Olivia there with me.”

“Excuse me?” My father’s brow rose and I waited for him to say something else
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anything. What was Grayson thinking, just throwing the words out there like that? Couldn’t he have told my father in a much more subtle manner? I did not want to hurt my father.

“Your daughter has consented to make a life with me in Tennessee. We will be leaving at the end of the week for my home near Glasgow.”

“Oh you will? And if I say differently, son?”

I drew in my breath sharply, pulling both men’s attention to me once again. “I’m going with him, Papa. You can’t stop me. But I don’t want you to be angry with me. It’s what I want.”

“And if I am displeased, daughter?” His expression was so sad, it nearly broke my heart. I didn’t want to disappoint him, I really didn’t. But I couldn’t imagine a day without Grayson, and I wanted to make him understand that.

“Then I will hope you forgive me with time.” I looked at him, resolute and firm, hoping he would understand. “Please don’t make me choose, Papa.”

“And if I do?” my father asked me, and I began to fear he would. “Would you stand firm in your decision?”

“Yes, sir.” I told him, nodding vigorously. “I want to be with him. I’ll miss you, and Rachel and Amelia, but I’m going to Tennessee. Don’t be mad, Papa. Please. He’s a good man, I know he’s a southerner but he’s a good man. He’s done so much for me and Amelia and you must respect that.”

“Calm yourself, daughter.” His voice was stern and I began to shake. “There’s no need for this.”

“With all due respect, sir, we are merely informing you of our plans because once we get settled we would like for you to send Amelia to us. She’s very much like Olivia’s child, and it wouldn’t be best for either of them to be separated.” Grayson’s hand rose to cover my lower back, a supporting gesture I knew my father had not missed.

“S
o if I’m to understand correctly¯you’re taking my eldest daughter to live in the damned south and you want me to eventually send my younger daughter to you?” My father turned away a moment, and I tensed, but he merely sank down into the chair nearest the f
ire.

I stared down at my father for a moment, more uncertain than I had ever been. Grayson tugged on my hand, pulling me down on the sofa beside him. I sank into the cushion, all the while clinging tightly to Grayson’s hand.

“In the simplest terms, sir, that is exactly what I am saying. I have land in Tennessee, land that has been in my family for three generations and if that venture ever fails I have become a surgeon of some skill. I can provide for your daughter, of that I am certain. And there will always be room in our home for Amelia. I can understand you wanting to keep your daughters close, but Olivia has been making her own decisions for well on four years now and you owe her the courtesy and respect of not interfering with those choices.”

“Sounds like you have everything planned then, young man. And seem to have taken my wishes into account very little. I’m not sure what to think of that.”

“Well, sir. While I understand why you sent your daughters away from war, you rather forfeited the right to protect Olivia and decide for her what is to become of her, wouldn’t you agree? Now you must also realize that it isn’t you that will be forced to live with your decisions, but Olivia who must bear the consequences. I think she is more than capable of making the best choices for herself
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regardless of your wishes. I am asking you not to stand in the way of her happiness; can you do that, sir? Isn’t that all a father could want for his child?”

“Come to me in twenty years when you’ve experienced a child making her decision regardless of your wishes, then ask me what a father could want.” My father stared at Grayson and Grayson stared right back, wordless messages passing between the two men. I could see that, knew they were taking each other’s measure. My father sighed, then turned to me. “So there is really nothing left for me to say, is there? You’ve determined that Tennessee is the right place for you?”

“Yes, Papa. Grayson is the right place for me.” I lowered my head demurely, not wanting to see the sadness in his eyes.

“I’ve missed you, daughter, more than you can know. And now I am to lose you again. Not exactly fair, now is it?” He chuckled then, a small sound that nearly broke my heart. This was the first man I had ever loved, and it hurt me to see him so saddened by my actions.

“No, Papa. I’ll miss you, I will. You have to know I will,” I began to cry then and both men sat forward. My father wrapped a strong hand around my upper arm, the other raising to catch the tears as they fell. Grayson slipped his arm behind my back, letting it rest alongside my hip. He leaned his head against mine and I rested against his shoulder, still partially in my father’s embrace.

“I know, child. I’ll miss you, too. But be happy, girl. Promise me?” He lifted my chin up and I gazed at him through my tears.
“Finding happiness is something that is rare, and it can be all too fleeting, as Rachel has learned. Take what you are given and make the best of it¯that is all you can do. Be strong, be brave, and always care for one another. That is all the advice I can
give
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that is all the advice your grandfather gave me when I married your mother. That is all any of us can do. Remember, be courageous, for life’s journey is hard and long
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and all you are given. This man is a fine man, and he cares for you deeply. That
is
all a father can ask for a daughter
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and I am proud of you for making the decision to be with him, to follow your heart.”

“Thank you, Papa.” I turned from him then, his words more than I had expected, hoped for, and buried my head in Grayson’s chest.
I breathed deeply, smelling that warm spicy scent that was only him and knew that whatever the journey ahead brought¯I was finally ready.