ROMAN (Lane Brothers Book 5) (82 page)

I can do this, no I have to do this, I think, watching my mama’s face flush before draining of colour, her shoulders drooping tiredly. So that’s the way the wind blows huh?

There are a few things I should say about dad. He’s a great father and never hesitated to go to bat for any of us while we were growing up. The man spent as much time with us as humanly possible while still running a company and keeping my mama in check, heck, he came to every one of my meets and recitals till I quit that stuff the year I realized my chubby ass in a leotard was the reason for all the covert laughing from my ‘friends’.

My dad is great, he just doesn’t understand that every one of his kids have plans for their lives that don’t necessarily coincide with his. In short dad is the kind of father who uses guilt and then the threat of being disowned to keep his cubs in line.

I’ve never wanted to disappoint him, hence my miserable existence since I left high school and took up the path he had plotted for me, but since this is my life and I’m already knee deep in the proverbial poo thanks to my foolishness and Devon’s super sperm, I have to do at least one thing for myself, even if it means he’ll kick me to the curb and break my heart.

“In his office, but…please do this another day. He just got through having words with Grey about Logan and then Jet called and-”

“Mama, I need to talk to him. And you. So get your skinny butt in there with me please.”

She takes my tone well, though I know she can see my shame as we make our way to the office and I knock once, pushing the door open with a swallow of bile that threatens to have me heaving before the words can spill free.

“Beck? What you doing here girl?”

Everything. Nothing. Maybe stealing myself to get my heart ripped out, but I have to do it and be a grown up for once instead of allowing my family to coddle me while I live out an existence I never wanted. Devon was right all those weeks ago; I have to let go and it has to start here, with dad and his too high expectations.

“I need to talk to you and mama about…about what’s going on with my life.” I say softly, sitting at the edge of the seat in front of his desk.

“Grey already called me about you quitting that job with Abi. Don’t worry sugar I’ll call Judge Flynn and get you in there while you’re-”

“No.”

Oh hell.

“I don’t want a job at JudgeFlynn’s and I don’t want-”

“He’s the best judge in the state and he’s got a list a mile long of interns waiting-”

“I don’t want a job at his offices because I’m quitting law dad!” I yell, wringing my hands when his jaw drops and he focuses on me, really focuses.

“Come again.”

Oh glory be, this is not how I wanted things to be but if I’m honest it’s exactly how I suspected they would be. Logan hadn’t fared any better so how could I imagine-

“Bullshit! You spent six years of your life working toward this goal. You’ve always wanted-”

“No dad, you wanted this not me. I just didn’t have the guts to tell you before now.” I whisper, feeling tears coat my eyes when he takes a deep breath and his face closes, the mask firmly in place.

It’s strange and so totally heart-breaking when he looks down his nose at me and gives me the very same stare he’d given Lo, the same stare that says he no longer considers me part of his fold unless I buckle under and conform.

“Reconsider Rebecca, please or I will be forced to-”

“Measure your words old man or you will never see her again.”

Gasping I twist my head and see Devon leaning casually against the door frame, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. To anyone who doesn’t know him he looks relaxed and bored but I see the fire banked in those eyes and I know that if not for the presence of my mama and me Devon would revert to the ruthless shark Grey has called him on many an occasion.

“Look here boy, who do you think you are coming in her and telling me how to speak to my girl?”

“That’s just the thing ain’t it mate? She isn’t yours anymore, she’s mine and I won’t have you upsetting her.” He drawls softly, ambling over to run a hand through my hair, stopping to clasp my nape and lend me some of his strength.

“Yours? Not fucking hardly! My daughter knows better than to shack up with an English social climber like you. What? You think I don’t know how you used my boy to get your hands in a few pies this side of the ocean? I know everything that happens with my children and I know exactly how the two of you have been conducting business all these years.”

Oookay.

“You come from nothing, just like your parents and you think-”

“He doesn’t think dad, he knows.” I say, standing to my feet with a strength born of pure rage and disgust.

My dad is not this asshole he’s trying to be and we all know it. Something is most definitely up with him, something I need to know but for right now I have to let it go and do what I came here to do. And I need to make one thing very clear.

Not just to him but Devon as well because though he’s keeping things together nicely I can see the hurt lurking in his eyes at dad’s words.

“I’ve been with Devon for months now dad. We’re in love. We’re…going to have a bay.” I say, swallowing loudly when I feel him tense beneath the hand I lay on his chest. “I’d really like for you to be a part of our lives but if you can’t accept what I want, if you can’t accept him and his family, I’m sorry.” I say, my voice trembling at the end. “They’re my family.”

I don’t cry when he looks at me with disappointment. I don’t cry when Devon takes my hand and leads me out of the house and to his car. I don’t cry when mama stops at the door and watches us leave without a word.

“Imp.”

“Not now. Please.” I beg, staring sightlessly out of the window as the view rushes by, my heart breaking a little more with every mile. “Something’s up with them, something iffy and I need to know what it is before I let my hurt feelings take over and I say some things that I can’t take back. Call Grey.”

Dev

I feel helpless and I hate the feeling, something I swore to myself I would never feel after identifying my parents’ bodies and watching them lowered into the ground.

I’ve spent the last years raising three men and building myself and my business into something more than formidable but this, this is not something I know how to fix.

It’s been bloody weeks since the day imp told her father to screw off, well, not in so many words but that was the gist since she’s effectively chosen me and mine over her own kin and she still isn’t talking.

That’s why I feel so helpless and adrift. The bloody beautiful rascal had not only stood up to her father, a man she looked up to, but she’d claimed me and mine and drawn a definite line in the sand where her family is concerned.

I don’t quite know what to do with that since I feel as if the only thing to trump her declaration would be one of my own. One that I cannot honestly make right now because while I adore imp I don’t think I love her love her. Not yet.

I can’t risk my heart that way, not until she’s baring my name and my ring and is so tied to me she won’t be able to move. I’ve fast come to realize that a baby does not a guarantee make and that I have no hold on her past the deal we made two months ago.

What if I swear myself to her and she up and leaves because she wants more than a family filled with sweaty men with even dirtier mouths and a love of sports?

That’s a risk I cannot take. Cowardly but true, I need her to commit before I can let go of the uncertainty I feel and give her what she deserves.

“Bleeding hell! Oh bleeding fucking hell!” I hear from the kitchen table, looking up from the stew I’m making for dinner to see Davy spring back from the table, his face white with shock.

The laptop he’d been eyeballing is slammed shut with a resounding thump and he backs away from it with a look of terror that would be frightening if not for the comical horror I see lining his face.

“You watched that shite?”

“Yeah.”

I stir the stew and keep my grin in place though truth be told I feel a bit green myself just remembering. That’s why I’d downloaded it to all three laptops and ordered Davy, Ry and Garret to watch the thing ‘in case’ anything happened and we needed to be knowledgeable in an emergency.

It’s terrible but I refuse to be the only male in this house walking around with those images plaguing my mind. As they say, misery loves company.

The added bonus might be that maybe now Davy and the lads will learn to keep their dicks in their trousers and think twice about forgoing protection.

I know I feel that way just looking at my poor imp and I’ve already let that bloody ship sail and am currently navigating it out to the deep oceans.

“But, but how do they survive that shite? Did you see how big…” he retches once and swallows, going even paler. “And no human being should survive that much blood loss.”

I nod, stirring the stew rhythmically and steadfastly ignoring the memory of that bleeding video imp had forced on me. Bloody cruel female that one.

She hardly speaks to me but this she has no trouble with?

“Oh Christ. Oh bleeding fecking no! I am never-”

“Tupping a lass without a condom. Not ever. Never. Not-”

“We get the picture lad, believe you me, we get it.” I say, choking on a laugh when Ry and Garett both fall into a chair and eye me through pale faces and thin lips.

“You did that to our hun and now.”

“She’s going to have her lady parts ravaged because.”

“You’re a bleeding animal with no self-control!”

All three. Traitors.

Though to be fair they are right. In a little under four months my little imp is going to be subjected to child birth, the very same gory ordeal we’ve all seen in that birthing video she shoved my way with a snarled ‘get a good look at what your dick’s doing to me’.

I haven’t so much as touched her since she stomped out of the car until very recently when she’d started snuggling into me in front of the TV and falling asleep on my lap. No sex though, but I’ve come to realize that I’ll take a good snuggle with her any day over a quick tumble and-I have to stop thinking about rolling around with imp or I’ll embarrass myself and be walking around hard for the rest of the night.

“Where is imp anyway?” Davy asks, pushing his laptop away with a shudder.

“She wants to lunch with Lila and then they’re supposed to be shopping for…” I don’t repeat the vile things she’d said about maternity wear but shudder a little when I finish. “Jeans with elastic waist bands.”

It doesn’t bug me that her jeans have elastic waists but what does make my balls shrivel are the scathing threats she’d thrown my way before stomping out of the door and huffing her way to Lila’s Mercedes.

She’s gone mental since her bump started expanding and no amount of compliments from me or the lads, not to mention my growing obsession with touching her and or, but mostly and, seeing her naked, will convince the chit that she’s one sexy waddling mama.

“Bleeding Christ, I’m not sticking around for that tirade, thanks much. Remember when her AC/DC t-shirt wouldn’t fit? You lads want to go check out that new film in town?”

“Wait! No, don’t you bloody cowards leave me alone with her!” I yell, rolling my eyes when they scramble up and out, slamming the door a second later.

Imp’s been…aggressive lately and to tell the truth as much as I adore the woman even I’m getting small balls from shrinking away when she goes on a hormonal rampage.

Yesterday she’d gone mental about Davy eating the last pickles and tuna. Long story short, never let the grocery cupboard go unstocked when a crazy, cravings driven pregnant female is in the house.

It’s like coating yourself in honey and prostrating yourself before a raging grizzly bear. The chances of getting out alive are slim and I have the blistered ears to prove it.

Finishing off the stew, I set the temperature low just as the front door slams shut and a stomping whirlwind comes storming in, her arms loaded down with enough gear to cover the table.

“What’s that smell? Did you cook? Good Lord please tell me it’s ready. Remind me never to go shopping with Lila again; the woman is diabolical when it comes to spending money. Do you want some? Here, I’ll fix you a plate. Mama called today and said my dad wants to see us but I told her I have to talk to you about it and then Grey called and said him and Logan want to see us and then-”

“Slow down woman! One thing at a time, the most important being where you stashed imp and is she okay?” I mutter, manoeuvring her to a seat and getting down plates and glasses.

By the time I’m seated and ready to dig in she’s gone quiet and dreamy and is looking at me with an expression my nuts want to jump at but don’t quite trust.

“Hey Dev?”

“Yes imp?” I ask around a mouthful of savoury stew and fresh bread.

“Are you still angry at me for what I said to dad?”

The question throws me for a loop and I choke on my food, wheezing through a cough that is definitely the result of a carrot lodging in my lung.

“What…are you talking about imp?” I wheeze again, gulping down a mouthful of water as she stairs up at me, her eyes shining and so vulnerable I have to struggle not to grab her to my chest and squeeze the life out of her.

“Well, I kinda figured you must be real pissed about me saying all those things to dad since you almost crushed my fingers and haven’t said very much to me in like two months. And I totally get how me saying that we’re like in love would make you uncomfortable, but there’s no way any of them would have let this go unless I lied a little and then-”

She pauses to take a much needed breath and I hold up a hand feeling every ounce of joy that her words had brought drain away.

“First off I am not, and have never been, upset with you about the things you said imp. I liked hearing that you chose me and the lads over your own family. I liked the way you took up for me even though you don’t want me. I guess I’ve just been trying to give you time and I feel guilty about your losing your parents because of me.”

And now I feel like shit because you feel nothing for me and for a second there I’d been so elated. While I haven’t allowed myself to think much about what she’d said to her father I’ve secretly been carrying a hope torch that her words had held some truth.

Bloody fool.

“Really? That’s great! Er, and you’re wrong you know.” She says, ducking her head with a blush. “I do want you, especially now with the nympho hormones raging through my poor body, but the point is, I think we need to start communicating about what we’re doing here because it’s getting really hard for me to keep things friendly when you walk around the house in shorts and nothing else and all that man skin on display.”

I choke on my spit and stifle a laugh when she rolls her eyes to the ceiling and shakes her head in some silent divine communication before looking me dead in the eye and pursing her lips.

“I think if we can’t go for a loving, committed relationship, we should be friends with benefits.”

Oh how my patience has paid off.

“Let me get this straight, you want to use me for sex because your pregnancy is causing a…lust that you’re finding hard to contain?” I ask, keeping my face straight though what I really want to do is laugh before ripping her clothes off and showing her what I’ve been saving for months.

Her cheeks colour becomingly and she ducks her head again, toying with her food.

“Well yeah. I spoke to Dill-”

At the mention of the wankers name I drop the casual attitude and do what I’ve waited months to do. I sweep her up and into my arms and take her mouth, cutting off whatever she’s about to say.

I don’t need to know one bloody damned thing right now but for the knowledge that my woman is in need and it’s something that she’s finally going to let me take care of.

She would run to that tosser when she’s in need? By the time I’m done she’ll taste feel and breathe only me. Only ever me.