Role Play (38 page)

It was all because of Sierra. Because she had reached out and grabbed
my hand and pulled me back to earth instead of letting me float in a misty unreality.

The MC came out to thank the pony girls
as they finished their last circuit of the gymnasium and trotted through the open double doors to the interior corridor with the fading of the music.

“And next up, we have Transcendence!” the MC boomed out.

I excused myself from the group I was talking to and picked up my search for Sierra. Lola came out wearing nothing but pink body paint and a tiny pink triangle over her crotch. I could see every dimple, every curve and every pucker on her nipples. She was swaying like she was excited by the watching eyes—a born exhibitionist lapping it up like a greedy girl.

She looked so much like Sierra, but was different in every way.
I couldn’t imagine Sierra strutting around naked on a stage, or making that come-on face to the men in the audience as she wiggled her hips. It was like a cartoon exaggeration of my sexy Sierra, and it was almost offensive.

So
I ignored the suspension performance, scanning the audience instead. Finally I found Sierra on the far side, partially hidden by a St. Andrews Cross. I was weaving through the crowd to get to her when I saw who she was with.

Liam. Everything
I wanted to be as
Victor
, Liam was. He was a successful businessman who was partners in a computer software company. Liam was always with the most beautiful, interesting women. I considered him to be a good technical top—bondage, caning, flogging—but Liam lacked the passion that I sought. I would rather get an emotional response while Liam focused on the physical. But the leashed sadist in each of us recognized it in the other.

Liam was talking to Sierra. They were very relaxed together, like they knew
one another, not like they had just met. They were half-turned to each other facing the stage, with their heads confidentially close.

I
screeched to a halt.

Liam absently stroked Sierra’s arm through the
dark filmy material that drifted and clung to her curves. It was exactly the subtle, hide-and-seek style of hers that I was drawn to.

As Transcendence perform
ed, I stayed back in the line of sight of Sierra and Liam. She seemed engrossed in their conversation, glancing up at the stage from time to time where Martin suspended Lola. Her arms were together straight overhead, with one knee bent up high and splayed out to one side. Next to him Spike suspended June who was painted white and brown, into the form of a leaping gazelle frozen in the webbing. It wasn’t until Lola pointed her hands down to show the backs—painted with a black triangle to form a beak with two black eyes—that I realized she was supposed to be a flamingo.

The delighted crowd clapped wildly and surged closer to see once the girls were fully suspended
. A line quickly formed at the steps so people could file by on stage and get a close-up view. But Liam and Sierra stayed in their nook, caught up in their conversation.

My
blood was boiling. I wanted to step in and force them apart—make Liam leave her alone. For good. The thought of Liam touching Sierra enraged me.

She belongs to me.

Chapter 36

Sierra

“I don’t think Victor likes you talking to me,” Liam told me.

I
followed his gaze, and there was Vic, a dark cloud on the horizon. “That’s his problem.”

I
had been doing my best to talk to Liam like a normal person, asking about his job and where he came from. The typical stuff that Vic had lied about.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude
,” Liam said.

“It’s over between us.”
I wanted to stop thinking about Vic, to make a clean break between us. His jealousy now, and my own jealousy over seeing him talking to Monica, didn’t matter anymore.

But
my heart told me there was more. He felt more for me. Or he wouldn’t have confessed when I told everyone about him.

Liam was still watching Vic. “
What happened between you two?”

I
took a deep breath. I hadn’t meant to confide any details. But I was so confused about why Vic still had a hold on me that I needed to talk to someone. Liam knew this world. Maybe he would be able to separate the man from the master. So I gave him the run-down of Vic’s lies and how he had played with me while keeping me at arm’s length.

“But our scenes were so powerful,”
I admitted blushing. “More intense than anything I’ve ever felt, if you know what I mean.”

“Was it your first time
submitting to someone?”

I
nodded.

“That happens to everyone. It’s a rush
when you first do power exchange. Sometimes people mistake that for love. You hear stories about people losing their heads when they first get into the scene. You have to know when to say no.”

“What if you don’t negotiate a way to say no?”
I asked, remembering my first scene with Vic. I wasn’t going to tell Liam about
that
.

“You can always say no. That’s the law. No matter what you agree to, you can stop it at any time.”

Unless you can’t say no because you’re frozen in fear.
So it wasn’t part of the kink game to take advantage of someone. That was the con man part.

“
You have to trust the other person will listen to you,” Liam continued. “And trust takes time. You don’t give it away. It has to be earned.”

I
remembered how Liam had respected my boundaries at the Labor Day party last week when I was vulnerable. A lesser man would have tried to take advantage of me, hanging around in hopes that I would drink too much or that he could finagle me into talking to him some more, maybe even getting into my bed. But Liam hadn’t treated me that way. He showed me that he respected me.

Vic was still lurking on the edges of
my periphery vision. I felt as if I couldn’t look away while he was there. “Isn’t there an art show around here?” I asked Liam.

“In the gallery through there,” he pointed. “Let’s check it out.”

We had to walk past Vic to leave the performance space. I managed to not look at him, nor did I turn around to see my sister on stage. If Lola wanted to paint herself like a dime-store flamingo and let people stare at her, then that was her choice.

The art show was in the converted cafeteria, with a much lower ceiling and worn industrial linoleum on the floor. Wooden room dividers had been set up to display the art
, interspersed with shelving units that held steampunk artifacts and hand-crafted leather whips.

At first
I kept looking for Vic to pop out from around a display, but he didn’t, and I began to relax. With Vic out of the way, it was easier to talk to Liam about the paintings. Some of them were dark and graphically sexual, while others were more lyrical and sensual. There was a whole series of vibrant space-scapes with beautiful women-animal aliens that made me gasp.

“I used to read the science fiction books in the school library,”
I said. “I read every book they had. The military sci-fi, the cyberpunk, all that. But I liked the ones with aliens the best.”

“I’m
more of a mystery reader,” Liam said with a smile. “Or a good thriller. I don’t get much of a chance unless I’m on a plane or at the beach hanging out.”

I
took one last look at the alien-women and moved on, marveling at the intricate steampunk devices with little gears and vials of powders. Goggles of various types and glasses with moveable lenses were laid on the shelves.

“People made all of this,”
I marveled.

“It’s good to be creative,” Liam agreed.

“Like my sister?” I had to ask.

He laughed. “Whatever floats your
boat. She seems to enjoy it. Was she always the center of attention?”

I
had to nod. “Whenever she could be. She’s a drama queen, always making a big thing out of nothing. My mom mostly cut and ran and left me to deal with her.”

“That sucks.” He watched
me carefully. “I heard you got into a fight with her at Festival.”

“Word does travel.” Would
I be forever haunted by that? “It was stupid. We yelled at each other like sisters do. That’s all.”

“Do you yell at each other a lot?”

“Only every time we see each other.”

Liam
let out a laugh, and I was glad I had come right out and admitted it. If he stuck around, he would find out the truth for himself.

If
he stuck around… I was enjoying myself. I had actually managed to forget about Vic for a few minutes. It was such a relief!

Just being normal with Liam, talking like people usually did, reminded
me of everything I hadn’t shared with Vic. This man who I had met only a few times knew more about me than Vic did. Despite the fact that I had been Vic’s lover this summer.

Cheated! Vic had cheated
me out of having a relationship with him because he wanted to play some kind of mind game. He wanted to use me instead of love me.

Here was
Liam, a handsome, sweet, smart man who was treating me like I was worth getting to know, like he wanted to be here with me. He was being honest about who he was and what his intentions were.

I
had been so manipulated by Vic that my head was screwed on wrong. That’s why I still kept thinking about his eyes—the way his eyes had pleaded with me to understand why he was so fucked up. Or when he said:
You belong to me.

I
put my hands to my head. “I think he really messed me up.”

“Victor?”

I nodded. “Maybe it is the kinky stuff. Maybe it’s the lies…”

“Maybe it’s new romantic energy. There’s always a burst of passion in the beginning, when you don’t know anything about each other.
So anything is possible.”

“
Wow, that might be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”

He laughed, so easy and comfortable. “I’m not the originator of that idea. It’s commonly known in the scene. There are a lot of
polyamorous people who have more than one relationship. They know that a new person can turn someone head over heels for a while until everything settles down.”

I
stared at him open-mouthed. “Is that what you do? Have lots of girlfriends?”

Liam reached out and gave
my chin a tweak. “I’ve done it. But I also do couple love.”

“Are you seeing anyone now?”
I had to ask.

Now his eyes were more inviting. “Not seriously. Would you like to go out with me, Sierra?”

I realized I had led him to this point. Or rather, he had waited for me to be open to the idea before he asked me out. It was super-suave. How was I supposed to say no?

“I’m sorry, I’m
not in any state to date anyone right now,” I blurted out. I wasn’t sure why I was turning down this amazing guy, except how could I go out to dinner with one man while my heart ached for another?

“You’re still hung up on Vic. Even after what he did to you.” Liam wasn’t asking, he was telling.

So I admitted, “Like I’m addicted to a drug that I know is bad for me.”

Liam considered
me. “I can help you with that. Detox you.”

“What an idea
! How would you do that?”

“I can have a scene with
you, show you how it feels with someone else. You’ll see that a lot of the rush you’re feeling is the power exchange. That’s why so many people are bisexual in the scene, the power role is more important than gender.”

“You’ve played with men?”
I asked, startled. I would have taken Liam for as straight as they came.

“I’m
heteroflexible. I’m also an educator. I’ve done scenes with different people, teaching them skills or showing them what it feels like.”

I
was already shaking my head. “No way am I going home with you. I don’t care if it’s the cure for cancer. I know how dangerous this stuff can be.”

“Well,
you’re right. But I hope you’re not speaking from personal experience.”

“I made a bad choice but I lucked out and didn’t have to pay for it
,” I admitted.

Liam looked angry for the first time. It actually gave
me a thrill to see that he could be shaken from his placid good-natured poise. Over his concern for me. “Nobody deserves to be taken advantage of. Do you want to talk about it?”

I
shook my head, feeling uncomfortable. I still felt like a fool for trusting a perfect stranger. I was sure Liam would think so, too, no matter how nice he was being right now. And I wanted him to keep on being nice to me. It was soothing to my battered spirit.