Rogues & Rascals in Goose Pimple Junction (Goose Pimple Junction Mysteries Book 4) (10 page)

“Can’t you ban him from coming into the store or something?”

“What for? Outsmarting me? I do that and he’ll make me the laughingstock of the town. Plus his high muckety-muck father would raise Cain. I don’t need that. It might be bad for business.” Lou pushed on her thighs and got to her feet. “Let’s go kill him with kindness.”

She looked around the store, but when Jimmy Dean was nowhere in sight, she went up to Ima Jean and Charlotte. “Where’d the little criminal go?”

“He left,” Charlotte said. “And he never did put that book back.”

“Are you sure he took a book?”

“Oh yeah, he made sure we saw him.”

“It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature,” Ima Jean said.

“No, it certainly is not, Ima Jean. And Jimmy Dean’s gonna find out it’s not nice to fool me either. You know what that boy needs? He needs to be whipped like cornbread batter.”

“Mama!”

“Well he does. The child acts like he doesn’t have any raising, and maybe he doesn’t. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with him.”

Butterbean piped up from the front window. “Here she comes! Here she comes!”

Louetta tapped her watch. “Would you look at the time. We’re gonna have to put Jimmy Dean on the shelf for the time being. Is everything ready? It’s party time.”

“Move over, bacon! Here comes something leaner,” Ima Jean said.

Wynona had walked all over town. She’d managed to talk to very few people, although it was hard because the townsfolk were the friendliest she’d ever run across. It wasn’t until she noticed droves of people going into the bookstore that she remembered the party she was supposed to attend with that police officer.
What was his name again? Officer Beanblossom? Oh good grief.

At the very moment that she had the instinct to hightail it out of the vicinity, a hand touched her shoulder from behind. She whirled around, grabbing the arm, preparing to attack. Then she realized it was the officer.

“You’re right on time, Trixie.” His smile lit up his face, but pain registered briefly as he pulled his arm from her grasp. “Ooh, you have some grip there, sugar.”

“Oh, uh . . . sorry.” She flashed a shy smile, pushed up her glasses, and stared at the ground. “Actually, I can’t stay.” As she backed away from him, she couldn’t help but see the hurt flash across his face. And this time it wasn’t from physical pain.

“You’ve gotta stay. I’ve told all my buddies I’m bringing the prettiest woman in town to the party. You can’t make a liar out of me.”

Wynona retreated another two steps, shaking her head no, but Hank easily caught up with her.

“Don’t be shy, ‘lil lady. Everyone will love you.” He took her by the elbow and thrust her toward the bookstore door.

“No . . . uh . . . I . . . ” She felt herself being propelled along and knew she really didn’t have a choice. She could make a scene and be more conspicuous, or she could go along and play dumb and boring and hope to go mostly unnoticed. Still, she had to try one more time. “I really didn’t have a chance to dress for a party. Maybe I should go to the hotel and change before I go inside.”

“No, you should come inside with me right now. You look beautiful.”

“But—”

“Come with me, Miss Trixie.” He gave her a wink and led her through the door.

Mama always said . . . If it were easy, everybody would be doing it.

T
he whole town didn’t come to the party for Tess, but at least half the town did. The bookstore was packed.

As they entered the store, Wynona felt the gaze of the crowd on her and inwardly cringed. She kept her sunglasses on and her head down.

A low rumble swept across the room as word of Hank and a new woman spread like kudzu on a hill. A big group by the door made an effort not to stare.

Caledonia was the first to offer Southern hospitality to the new woman. Johnny turned and included them.

“Officer Beanblossom, I didn’t know you had a date for tonight. Hi, darlin’. I’m Caledonia Culpepper.” She stuck her hand out and the woman shook it. “I’m so sorry, but I didn’t catch your name.”

“Trixie.” She offered a weak smile.

They all exchanged hellos, and then Paprika joined them.

“Trixie, Hank, I’d like y’all to meet my good friend, Paprika.”

Caledonia leaned in and whispered to Hank, “If it doesn’t work out with this one, you give my Spice Girl here a chance.” She patted his arm.

“I told Mama we’d have so many people in here we wouldn’t have room to swing a cat.” Martha Maye stood under her husband Johnny’s arm, smiling and surveying the bookstore.

“Not to take away anything from Tess, and I’m sure that’s why most people are here, but honestly, honey, word got out that y’all were cooking. That’s why they flocked here in droves.”

“What are you two lovebirds doing next weekend?” Jack put his arm around Martha Maye.

“Watch it now, Jackson. She’s a married woman,” Johnny joked.

“And a happily married one at that.” Jack slapped Johnny on the back.

Martha Maye beamed.

“We’ll talk to y’all later.” Caledonia and Paprika moved on.

Johnny said to Hank, “I hate to talk shop at a social function, but right before I left the station, I got a fax about a murder over in Atlanta. It looks like a professional job.”

“Got a description of the perp?”

Wynona shifted her weight from foot to foot and pretended to survey the room.

“No description. Fax said the vic was tortured something awful.”

Wynona excused herself. Hank called after her telling her not to run off.
That’s exactly what I’m going to do
. As she walked away, she heard him say, “Thanks, Chief. Your shoptalk chased my date away.”

She tried to weave in and out of people, hoping to stay under Hank’s radar until she could find the door. As she passed the food table where Caledonia and Paprika were, Caledonia grabbed her arm and said, “Trixie, I love your dress.”

Caledonia had on a coral and mint flowered dress, cinched at her small waist with a coral belt. Her headband was also coral as were her sandals. Trixie wore a loose-fitting multi-colored bohemian style dress that had a small pattern at the top and larger patterns from the waist down. The two women’s styles were widely different.

“Why thank you, Caledonia. How lovely of you to say. My mama used to say good looks won’t put food on the table, but she also said to always look your best; it’s just plain politeness.”

Caledonia laughed. “You have a smart mama. Have you been to Miss Penny’s shop yet?”

“No, not yet.” She tried to inch away, but the woman wouldn’t stop talking to her.

“Well, I’d love to show it to you. Maybe we could go sometime.”

“Oh, I don’t know how long . . . ” Wynona was astonished how Caledonia worked it so that before she could stop it, they’d set a date for eleven o’clock tomorrow morning.

Caledonia invited Paprika to join them. She begged off, explaining she’d have to work.

Just then, Penny and her husband walked up. “Speak of the devil,” Caledonia said, then realized how it sounded and quickly added, “We were just talking about your dress shop.”

“How lovely.” Penny’s tone was ice. “Caledonia, you . . .”

Before she could finish her sentence, Paprika blurted out, “Well I’ll be dipped in bacon fat.” Everyone stared at her. “That’s uncanny. Not only do Cal and Penny resemble each other, their husbands dress the same way from head to foot.”

Philetus was across the room, but when he saw all the eyes in that little group aimed at him, he walked over. Like Penny’s husband, Oren, he was wearing a white Polo shirt. Their starched shorts were different colors, but very similar in style, and they both were sockless with penny loafers holding shiny new pennies in the middle of the shoes.

“You’re right, Paprika. That is unreal. Y’all aren’t related, are you?” Martha Maye asked, joining them.

“No. Not even close,” Penny huffed. She pulled on her husband’s hand and led him quickly away.

Caledonia turned to her friend. “Spice Girl, how could you? You know how much I despise being compared to Bad Penny.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Paprika slapped her palms against her cheeks. “It’s just with all y’all standing there, and then Penny’s husband, Oren, being nearly identically dressed like Phil, it just came out. I really am sorry.”

“Okay.” Caledonia nodded. “I just don’t see why people think we look alike.”

“I guess it’s more your build and coloring. If it makes you feel any better, you’re way,
way
prettier than Penny.”

“And don’t forget younger.” Caledonia gave a curt smile.

Hank soon found Trixie and stuck to her like flypaper, not letting her out of his sight for the rest of the night despite her protestations. “I really should get going now,” she kept telling him. He just smiled and introduced her to somebody else.

By nine o’clock, the crowd had cleared out—along with most of the food—and only Tess’s closest friends were left in the store. And Wynona.

Louetta took Tess by the elbow and sat her down in the comfy chair by the fireplace—the one that was used for author readings. Tess looked to Jack to see if he knew what was going on, but he just shrugged, giving her a fortifying grin. Everyone stopped talking and gathered around when Louetta clapped her hands together.

“Tessie didn’t know what she was getting herself into when she moved south. Lord knows, not all Southerners talk like we do, and us natives don’t think much about it, but I know Tess had some culture shock when she came here. Now that she’s been in town for a year, I think she’s probably pretty proficient in Southern speak, in particular
Goose Pimple speak
, ‘cause like I said, we are not your normal Southerners. Lawzee, somebody ought to write a book about us.” She inclined her head toward Jack and said, “Jackson, we’ll talk later.” Everyone laughed. “But I digress. Now, Tess has to pass the test before I can give her the PPP Award.”