Rockstar Romance: Julian (Contemporary New Adult Bad Boy Rock Star Romance) (Hard Rock Star Series Book 3) (40 page)

****

Seth’s cabin was beautiful, and he told her to make herself at home, indicating that nothing was off-limits while he was away. She was welcome to explore the rooms, his book and DVD collection, cook anything she wanted in his well-stocked and fully modern kitchen, or even go for a walk as long as she remained on his property. It was all very generous, and of course she was happy to be with him and glad to be protected from the Brotherhood, but she still felt like a bird in a cage. Perhaps a gilded cage, but a cage all the same. She knew that she wasn’t his prisoner, and yet, she was his captive, willing though she may be.

Sera had nothing to distract her from her thoughts of Aiza. At least when she had the task of packing and cleaning the house, she had something to focus on. Also, her time was running low. She had a life, a job, and a house to get back to. A friend of hers was watering the plants and feeding the fish, but she couldn’t remain on vacation indefinitely. Despite her restlessness and sadness, she found she wasn’t actually looking forward to going home.  She placed her calls and delayed her return home for another week, giving herself two more weeks with Seth.

Her days might have been boring, but her nights were full of passion. It was like Seth couldn’t get enough of her, and she certainly hadn’t had her fill of him. Every touch ignited her senses, every kiss made her hungry for a thousand more. When she lost herself in his arms, it was hard to remember that the rest of the world existed. Hard to remember there was anything but the sense of satisfaction and safety and pleasure that he gave her.

Stephanie arrived on the seventh day of her stay at the cabin, bringing a much needed break to the monotony of her time there. She also brought two big sandwiches, beer, and an update on their hunt for Aiza’s killer.

“You must be going crazy here all by yourself,” Stephanie said, cracking open a can. She held it out but snatched it back as Sera reached for it.

“What?”

Stephanie studied her with a frown. “Your scent is...off.”

“Off?” Sera flushed to scarlet. “Um, what do you mean by that? I
did
shower this morning—”

“No, nothing like that. It’s just...not the same.”

Stephanie slowly handed the beer over, but Sera had lost her taste for it. She’d lost her appetite, too.  “Not the same as what? The night we met?” When Stephanie didn’t answer, Sera pressed. “What do you think it is?”

“It’s probably too early to tell but…”

“But what?”

“I think you might be pregnant.”

Sera blinked at her. Then blinked again. Pregnant? It was possible. She certainly hadn’t insisted on protection every time they had sex. But pregnant? Now was not a good time to have a child. Maybe in a year or two. If she and Seth were still together, she would love to have a baby with him. But now? She didn’t even know how she felt about him and she definitely didn’t know what he felt for her. What if he didn’t want to spend his life tied to her?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to freak you out,” Stephanie said. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I could be wrong.”

“Do you...do you really think you could be wrong?”

Stephanie shook her head, still wearing a solemn frown. “Here. Eat your sandwich.”

“Thanks,” Sera muttered, though she still didn’t have an appetite. She didn’t taste it. Barely felt herself chewing it.
Pregnant
. She would take a test to confirm it, but deep down inside she knew the truth. She knew Stephanie was probably right. Sera took another bite of her sandwich because it was something to do, and Stephanie mirrored her. They chewed in silence, both caught up in their own thoughts.

“How am I going to tell Seth?” Sera finally asked.

“If it makes you feel better, you don’t have to tell him.”

“He’ll be able to smell it?”

“He will,” Stephanie confirmed. “If he hasn’t already.”

Sera shook her head. “I’ve only known him for two weeks.”

“Maybe that’s all you need if it’s the right person.”

“You think I’m the right person for Seth?” Sera would never admit it out loud, but she did want Stephanie’s approval, if only because she was so important in Seth’s life.

Stephanie took her time to answer, chewing another bite of her sandwich and taking a deep drink before saying, “Yes.”

“Care to expand on that? You don’t even know me. How could you know I’m the right person for him?”

“You’re right, I don’t know you at all. But I know
him
. We grew up together. We’ve led the pack together for the past ten years. He’s never been like this with anybody.”

“Like what?” Sera asked.

“We lead the pack together because we took over when we were very young. Only eighteen. Since then, his only concern has been the pack. Taking care of his wolves. He’s never dated anybody. He might have had some one-night stands, but nobody who stuck around long enough for breakfast. And you...he’s moved you into his house.”

“Well, the Wolf Brotherhood did try to kill us.”

“Honey, don’t take this the wrong way, but you have your own home and he has his own problems. He could have sent you home and walked away from the whole situation. Instead, he’s brought your problems right into the middle of his life.”

“Do you think it’s too early for a test?” Sera asked.

“It might be, but I can pick one up at the drug store and you could take it anyway. I’ll look for one that can give the earliest results.”

“Where is he? He was gone this morning when I woke up.”

“He’s with Chen and a few other pack mates. Chen has been having a difficult time adjusting and there are some...concerns.”

Sera had the feeling that she wasn’t supposed to pry into Chen’s issues or what those concerns might be. That was still pack business, and she wasn’t part of the pack. For the first time in her life, it struck her that she wasn’t a part of any pack or community. Her family was distant—so distant that they only spent a single day together in the wake of a tragic death. And her work was just that—work. She didn’t socialize after hours and didn’t care to make any connections with her co-workers. Her favorite pastimes were all solitary activities—reading, crafting, or taking long, quiet walks through her city’s parks. She’d been alone for so long, it never occurred to her that there was any other way to be.

Now she had the opportunity to be a part of
something
. Her child would be born into a family. She’d already had a small taste of what that life would be like. Stephanie didn’t even know her, and yet she’d been willing to search for leads and provide any other support she could. Seth had come back for her, and as Stephanie pointed out, made her problems his problems. Lightening her burden by sharing the load. A part of her was curious, excited by this sudden change of expectations.

And another part of her wanted to get away as quickly as she could.

Deep down inside, she knew the truth and feared that truth would become evident to everybody sooner or later. She had no business being in a pack. She didn’t know the proper behavior of a pack mate, didn’t know the dynamics of a healthy, functioning family. She wasn’t even a wolf. Stephanie had been kind to her, but would the rest of his pack accept her?

“Hey.” Stephanie put her hand on Sera’s arm, dragging her attention back to the present. “Are you okay?”

“I...I don’t know. There’s so much to think about.”

“I’ll go get the test.” Stephanie stood and gathered her purse. “Is there anything else you need?”

“Thank you, no. I don’t think so. Nothing else I can think of right now, anyway.”

Stephanie gave her arm a friendly squeeze and gathered up her purse. She promised to return soon, and then she was gone, leaving Sera alone with her own thoughts. For the first time in days, those thoughts weren’t full of Aiza. But her sister hovered right on the periphery, a ghostly reminder that Sera would never have the pleasure of introducing her baby to his or her aunt.

My baby
, Sera thought, her hand going to her soft stomach. Soon it would grow and swell, and she would feel the life they created. Would it be a wolf? Sera didn’t know how that worked, but Seth probably would. What if her baby
was
a wolf? How would she raise it? How would she know what to do?

Her stomach growled then, so loud that it sounded like she might have a wolf in there after all. She still didn’t have much of an appetite, but a different instinct guided her now. She didn’t just need the energy for herself any longer; she needed it for her baby, so she could nurture its body, its organs, its tiny hands and feet.  She scarfed down the giant sandwich, feeling a little better, a little stronger, with each bite.

Forty-five minutes after Stephanie left, she returned with the test in hand and an apology. “I’m sorry it took so long. Something came up. I got a phone call.” She handed the test over and added, “I’ve already called Seth.”

“Called Seth? About what? The test?” The thought of him coming home now when she didn’t even know the answer yet, much less what the hell she was going to say, nearly tipped her right over into panic.

“No. That phone call I got? That was from Amelia.”

“Who?”

“The chick who said she’d meet you in the park to talk, but you guys never actually made it.”

Sera nodded. “Oh right. What’s going on? What did she say?”

“It sounds like Dwight has gone to ground and she has the address for his safe house,” Stephanie said.

“How did she get that? Is she a reliable source?”

“Let’s just say that he’s a man of particular tastes and she is a good source.” Stephanie guided Sera towards the bathroom. “Seth will be here soon.”

Sera nodded. She definitely wanted to get this question answered. The sooner she could discuss it with Seth, the better. They needed to be on the same page as soon as possible. The stakes were too high to be left with any ambiguity. If he didn’t want this baby, if he didn’t want
her
, she would have to know so she could make her plans. She didn’t even know where to begin.

Feeling herself begin to panic again, she took a deep breath and marched into the bathroom. One thing at a time. That was all she could do. Focus on one thing at a time and everything would be fine.

****

It was the strange, the difference between thinking you know something and
actually knowing
something. The heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach moved to her throat, tightening her vocal cords and holding her jaw closed. The more she wanted to say something, the more difficult it became to find the words. A part of her thought she could wait it out. Surely Seth would notice the difference in her scent, sooner or later. Surely he would be forced to comment on that change. Eventually.

She was distracted and quiet during their meal, and so was he. The reality of the pregnancy crashed through her head like a hurricane, and she didn’t quite register Seth’s withdrawal. They watched a movie together after dinner, a quiet, normal activity, with her tucked safely in his arms. For the first time since Stephanie’s visit, her raw nerves were soothed and she almost felt at peace.

They didn’t make love, but he held her close in the dark. She listened to the steady rhythm of his breathing, tracking time with every exhale. She couldn’t tell if he was sleeping or if he was still lost in his own thoughts, still consumed by his pack. She would ask him, but she still had the sense that his pack and his life were none of her business, though
her
life and her family seemed to be very much their shared business.

Her business was his business.
He’s brought your problems right into the middle of his life.
That’s what Stephanie had said. And this wasn’t her problem alone; the baby was his, too.

For the first time, she felt her throat muscles relax and finally the words came. “I’m pregnant.”

His hand moved immediately, as if by instinct, to her stomach and his arm tightened around her. “I know.”

He held her so tightly she felt the press of his heartbeat against her back. Only then did she realize how tensely she was holding herself and she exhaled, forcing herself to unclench her muscles. In response, he held her closer, and she exhaled again, willing the stress to flow away.

“That’s better,” he murmured, his mouth close to her ear. The warmth of his breath made her shiver with pleasure, and more knots released from her stressed muscles. “Just keep breathing.”

“I’m scared,” she whispered.

“I know. But you don’t have to be. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

“We barely know each other.” She couldn’t speak above a whisper. She felt breathless.

“I know you’re the one I want. I know I’ll do anything necessary to keep you safe. And I know you don’t have to make any decisions right now. Right now all you have to do is let me hold you and get some sleep.”

Tears stung the corners of her eyes, but she wasn’t sad. She was relieved. The pain that had at her tense and afraid finally snapped free, allowing her to take a deep, completely unhindered breath.

“Stephanie said she had information about Dwight Lance...I haven’t been able to think straight all day.”

“She told me what she knew.”

“Is there any good news?” Sera asked.

“I think we should talk after you rest.”

“I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t know,” Sera countered, though her eyes stung and her head felt heavy.

“We think we have a location. The safe house where he’s hiding low. I need to check it out.”

“What if it’s a trap?”

“That’s why I’m going to check it out before we do anything.”

For the first time, Sera thought about the implications of that. She’d been interested in answers, an explanation, something that could give her a sense of closure, or at least of understanding. But now she realized she couldn’t just walk up to the man and demand an explanation. It was far more likely he’d rip her throat out before she could get a single word out.

“Once you check it out, what are we going to do?” Sera asked.

“We’ll save that discussion for later. You said you wanted to know what I know, and I told you.” He kissed her temple. “Now go to sleep.”

She closed her eyes and felt the last of her tension melt away as she drifted into sleep.