Rock the Boat (28 page)

She clutches her brush against her chest, her reflection starting at me in the mirror. “You do?”

“Yes, I’m here to give this bottle to you—to completely surrender. That’s if you’ll accept my past and agree to be part of my future.”

“I accepted your past as soon as you told me the truth, Easton. You never had to choose between me or Shay. You can keep everything you shared with her. I’ll never question any of it.”

“She was everything, but so are you.”

“She
is
everything,” she corrects.

“Just like you
are
,” I add. She smiles, shyly, as she does when I compliment her. Lark’s anything but arrogant. In fact, I don’t even think she realizes how great she is. Probably because it’s been awhile since someone reminded her.

“Easton, there are no rules when it comes to love. Each is the most unique all-consuming experience you can have. What works for one couple, could be the demise of another. All I’ve ever wanted from you is honesty.”

“I’ve been honest with you, Lark. I’ve never opened up to anyone about Shay the way I have with you. You make it easy—you make me want to get it out. Because you appreciate it.”

“If that’s all I ever do for you, then I’ll be content. Because you finding happiness again means more to me than my own.”

She says the right things, yet they somehow feel all wrong. It’s like she’s talking about us like we’re already over. “What aren’t you telling me?” The second I see her first tear fall, I know my instincts are right. She’s not trying to hash out a future with me. She’s trying to say goodbye before I do. “Talk to me, gorgeous.”

She sniffles, taking a minute to catch her breath. “I’ve rehearsed what I wanted to say to you a million times in my head, yet none of it sounds right.”

“Then, don’t say it. Say something else. Tell me what you want no matter how it sounds.”

“I want to stay on this ship forever and never go back to the real world. I want to keep you all to myself and never worry about work or money or anything other than where this ship will take us. But that’s a fantasy world that isn’t real. I’m scared none of this will be real once we go our separate ways—and I can’t forget what we shared.”

“I don’t want you to forget. I want you to come with me. There’s no telling where the band will take me, but I want you on that journey because you brought me back to life this week. Without realizing it, you helped me make the choice to start over. I’m done hiding, Lark.”

“And I’m so thankful to hear you say that—I am. My whole life is back in Delaware. That’s where I’m headed once this ship docks tomorrow morning—in the opposite direction of New York City.”

“I don’t have to go back to the City.”

She shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter what city you go to, you won’t be there long regardless of where it is. Your life will be on the road—seeing the world. This is your chance to get your band back on the map. To get your songs back on the charts. You said it yourself, you’re ready. You
deserve
this, Easton. I’m not going to come between you and your music—ever. I wouldn’t do that to your band.”

“I didn’t pick the band over you, Lark. I want you both.”

“I’m not asking you to choose. It was never about choosing.”

“If it’s not about picking one over the other, then what exactly are you saying?”

Her tears fall harder when she says, “I’m saying goodbye.”

I surprise myself when the words tumble from my lips. I wasn’t expecting to say goodbye to Easton today, but the more I think about life beyond the ship, I can’t see how it can work. Now that I know about Shay, he’s been through so much, it wouldn’t be fair for me to hold him back, or to demand he put me first. His music is his life. That’s where his heart will always be, even if he says he wants me, too.

All I want for him is to leave tomorrow morning and start living again. He took each contract at sea because he was running away from reality. As much as I want to be part of his world, it’s not where I belong. Not yet, anyway.

“Say something,” I beg him. He’s still sitting on the edge of the bed in front of me, both shocked and speechless. He’s so still, so rigid, I expect him to blow up at any second.

“This is because of Grant, isn’t it? You’re punishing me for his mistakes.”

“What?”

“You heard me. You think that if he could cheat on you when you lived in the same town, surely I’ll do the same thing on the road—and you’ll never know.”

I may not have experience living on a tour bus or traveling to new cities every day, but I’ve worked with enough big name clients to have seen my fair share of cheating men—relationships so scandalous, it took me weeks to clear it up in the media. The lengths they would go through with their money to protect their secrets was disgusting. I don’t want that life—even if Easton is the guy I want.

“You don’t want to say goodbye, Lark. I see it in your eyes.”

“It doesn’t matter what I want Easton. This is how is has to be. The next year of your life is going to be a whirlwind of press, tours, performances, and recording. I may not understand one hundred percent of the music business, but a relationship with me won’t be a priority—and I’m okay with that. That’s why I’m backing away on my own.”

I can tell he doesn’t agree with me. Especially when he crosses his arms over his chest and narrows his eyes. He’s going to fight me every step of the way on this. “Am I allowed to decide how I spend my time? Or do you have it all mapped out for me already? I would make time for you, Lark.”

“Maybe you would, maybe you wouldn’t. But I don’t want you to feel obligated with me. That will only suck the life right out of you. So, maybe I am making the choice for you.”

“Then I won’t do it. I’ll stay on the ship and take another contract.”

“That’s not what you want for the band. Plus, it does nothing to help your argument of being with me. If anything, it only makes it worse.”

“Exactly. I’m glad we finally agree on something.”

I move out of his grasp, wishing this wasn’t so hard. “We can still be friends, Easton. I’ll always be your friend.”

“That’s enough for you?”

I twist the cap off a bottle of water, desperately needing a drink to soothe the rawness that’s inching up my throat. “Nothing will ever be enough when it comes to you. This is me giving you an out so you can get your dream back. That’s what I want for you more than anything. You’ve suffered enough. You’ve lost enough. Go get it back, Easton.”

“And say I do that—I get it all back. Will you be waiting for me? Or is this really it?”

I want to tell him I’ll wait as long it takes for him to come back to me, but that would be putting pressure on him, too. He needs to go into this new chapter with a fresh start—with nothing holding him back. I don’t want him to pass up opportunities because he told me he would come back for me. It would only break my heart more if he didn’t.

I set my water down, tightening the cap, before sitting next to him. “I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow any more than I can predict what will happen a year or two from now. There’s no timeline for my heart, Easton.”

He nods his head, saying nothing. He gets up, holds the bottle of whiskey in his hands, and stares at the label. “Pretty sure I’m going to need this back.”

Just seeing the alcohol in his hands make me want to take back every single word I said to him. Imagining him drowning himself to the point of oblivion again, scares me. He can’t become that person again. “Please, don’t.”

“Some things never change, Lark. I’m learning that the hard way.” He moves closer, reaching for my face and nestling his fingers in my hair at the nape of my neck. “You’ve managed to heal me and tear me apart in the same week. That’s got to be some kind of record.”

“Easton, please. I’m not trying to hurt you. Maybe you can’t see it now, but this is to help you. This isn’t me trying to be selfish.”

“Let me finish,” he says, softly. “You’re making a mistake, but I think you already know that. All I want is for you to be happy. Whether it’s with me or someone else, I want that for you.”

“I want the same for you.”

He leans closer, shutting me up with his mouth. His kiss isn’t punishing. It isn’t consuming the way so many of his kisses have been this week. It’s simply one final joining of our lips. It’s our final goodbye.

When he pulls away, his sparkling eyes are dull, his expression void of all emotion. A lifeless mask has replaced every single feature I’ve grown to love this week. “Bye baby,” he whispers before turning and walking away from me.

He pauses when his hand reaches the door knob and I want to yell at him to stop—that I’ll do whatever it takes to make us work. Only I let him walk through the door, collapsing under the weight of my sadness and guilt once he’s gone. By protecting my heart, I’ve managed to crush his.

I haven’t had a panic attack in years, but the thought of never seeing him again makes my chest so tight, I have to sit on the couch, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth over and over until it no longer feels like I’m being squeezed by a vice.

It wasn’t like I was expecting a grand gesture from him, especially after I told him we were done. All of a sudden, I want him to come barreling into my room begging me to follow him to the ends of the Earth. I would go.

Noelle slips through the door, eyeing me cautiously. “You look like shit. What’s wrong?”

The second I look her in the eyes, she knows what I’ve done. I was too scared to face my fears, so I let it all go. “I’m ready to go home.”

She wraps her arms around me, letting me fall apart in her arms. “I didn’t bring you here to get a broken heart.” Only I would go on a vacation and end up more miserable than the day I left.

“Did you have your talk with Lane?”

She nods her head. “We’re going to try the long distance thing and see each other when we can. I’m not sure it’ll work, mostly because whenever I hear his voice, I want to jump him, but that’s what technology is for, right?”

“You’re such a slut,” I joke, as I wipe my tears away with the hem of my shirt.

“I wear the title proudly.”

Only Noelle would be able to make long distance sound simple—so straightforward and easy. Just take what you can get and make the most of it. I admire her for having so much faith in him, and maybe I could do the same if the circumstances were different. “You’re a good person. Thank you for giving me this week.”

“You’re thanking me?”

“Yeah, I am. At least now I know I’m capable of starting over. Even if it’s going to take someone pretty incredible to take Easton’s place.”

“If you’re capable, and you’ve found what you’re looking for, why let go of Easton?”

Nothing I could say would justify my actions—not to Noelle. She’s a hopeless romantic who would do just about anything to make a relationship work. I don’t expect her to understand why Easton would be such a risky choice for my heart right now. “It’s just the way it has to be. I’ve come a long way since Grant, but I’m not perfect. I probably never will be.”

“He doesn’t need perfect, Lark. He just needs you.”

I need him, too.
Easton may have become a part of my past, but we’ll always have our week in paradise. Nobody can take that from us.