Rock Notes (Book One of the Heartbeat Series) (23 page)

T
he entire world is busy although Christmas comes the same time every year. Why do people get crazy this time of year? They get stressed and panic like they have a deadline they cannot make and yet it is the same date on the calendar year after year. Well, the past few weeks had been crazy. I was drilled by my girlfriends over and over to make certain everything was alright with me. They were worried that I was upset or depressed because of the holidays. They figured that was the reason I drank so much at the show that night. It took some convincing but I assured them I was fine.

Cecile and Kent have hit it off so well. He was actually planning on staying at Rand’s this week to hang out and spend time with her and then leave just before Christmas Day to head upstate to his family. He was coming back though for the big New Year’s party at Rand’s.

I found Jillian and Raeford together at her home. He even answered the phone when I called her. The good news I found out is that Raeford was staying here through Christmas and into the New Year, and I think at Jillian’s the entire time. He told me this when I got him on her phone and she didn’t deny any of it. I heard from him that Isaac and Ron were staying until later in the week. We all planned to meet at the rehearsal studio for some drinks and see each other on Thursday afternoon. We could hang out for a bit together, toast to the holiday and then everyone could go on to where they have to travel with a few days to spare. Rand and Maxwell had been busy with each other and I received a few messages and calls from Rand but most were that he was thinking of me and looking forward to the holiday season. He also told me to come by Thursday to the studio for a get together with everyone. I still felt bad for getting drunk and sick at the 2
nd
Street Coffee Café after their show and the message he got that evening on his phone that I read, I had a weird sinking feeling about all that.

I had to push this all aside in my mind since now I have to begin to dodge the holiday rush, and meet with all the mean shoppers to select the few presents that I had to purchase. I wrote myself a list of what I had to buy. First stop was back to a shop in New Hope. I enjoyed returning to the shops there and I had seen some jewelry that surely Jillian and Cecile would like. While I was in the Artisan jewelry shop, I noticed the window display had a man’s cuff with a cross on it and it was similar to the one Rand bought me for my birthday. I asked the jeweler to let me see it. As I touched the cross on the leather strap, a shiver ran through me. The jeweler asked me if I was okay, as I drifted off in thoughts of Rand looking at this piece. I shook my head to him that I was fine, and I knew I was more than fine, for here I was feeling the holiday spirit and new found joy in my heart. I knew this was going to be a wonderful holiday season. My shopping travels then took me to the longest line at the liquor store in search of the perfect port wine for Thomas, as he often enjoyed a glass of port after a fine meal.

I had spent almost an entire day shopping and my feet were tired, but I got it done. As I carried my bundles into my house, I had messages showing on my answering machine. The first was from Thomas saying he wanted to tell me he really was looking forward to Sunday and seeing me for Christmas Brunch. Although I hadn’t given him an answer, I know from his voice he was hopeful. The next was Cecile saying that she was invited by Kent to their little party on Thursday and she was screaming in excitement about it. Finally, Jillian wanted to get away from the whole crazy shopping to have some alone gym time with me in the morning. That was fine, I sent her a message I would meet her there. I thought I might fess up to her about reading that message and the other ones I saw that day at my house.

Contently, I was sitting wrapping my gifts and really taking the time to make them look extra special. I loved putting in the extra effort to make them stand out and look really festive. I got up and made myself a cup of pumpkin spice coffee. It only becomes available certain times of the year and since the autumn season had just passed I could still enjoy it.

As I stirred my cup, I drifted to thinking about where I would be heading on Sunday, Christmas day. Last year was a mess for me; I was lonely and saddened that my marriage was erased in a divorce document, even though Thomas and I had filed for the divorce many months prior it took some time to be final. I wasn’t looking forward to holidays or any other day of the week at that point. Although Jillian had warmly invited me to join her and her brother, I declined.

This year, what a difference time has made. Thomas and I are friends, but he wants more. With Rand, I found something I feel so wonderful about with him, but then this could all be one sided. I was hoping for happily ever after. I didn’t do any holiday shopping last season and I was so enjoying this year and the holiday spirit I was feeling. I hadn’t felt this way since I was younger and my mother and father were together. My mother let me help her with all the trimmings and making the cookies, which was so much fun. As I reminisced, I decided to make some cookies and I pulled out an old recipe from my kitchen drawer. It was for my mother’s special Christmas cookies. It was nothing more than chocolate chips, but she said they were special, that Santa loved them. I guess they were my father’s favorite.

I began to locate all the items needed. I first found the flour, brown sugar, eggs, and vanilla. I left some butter on the counter to soften. As I was reaching down to lift my mixer to the countertop my phone sounded. It was from Rand –

Madison, I’m thinking about you looking forward to seeing you Thursday. My holiday decorators have done great work with the barn and my home. You’ll see for yourself it looks like Longwood Gardens during the holiday. Hey, is everything alright between us? I haven’t had a moment to see you lately and talk with you and I felt a distance with us lately. Miss you.

Rand’s reference of Longwood Gardens brought a smile to my face. When I was a child we went there and it was filled with lush gardens, dancing fountains, and opulent architecture. During the winter holiday season they display brilliant light shows of holiday colors and brightly lit holiday trees. It is a true winter wonderland of lights. As soon as night fell the lights illuminated to present a beautiful sight to behold during the holiday season. Since I didn’t want him to know I felt upset by the texts he had received from “G”, I didn’t call him to talk to him directly. I wanted to sound upbeat. I sent him a reply –

We’re good, and I’m so in the holiday mood. I was just remembering all the sparkling lights from the gardens when I was a child. I’m now busy baking cookies and looking forward to seeing this holiday wonderland on Thursday. I finished all my shopping and wrapping and so tomorrow I’m catching up with Jillian at the gym in the morning and will need that as I will probably eat most of this cookie batter. Miss you too.

I think he was waiting to reply as his fingers sent me a response so quickly –

My we are smart, extremely beautiful, a talented writer, a health enthusiast and now a baker. Madison there’s so much I don’t know about you, but you better save me a few or I will have to nibble on your ear and proceed downward if there aren’t any cookies left for me. See you soon.

Rand, if you mean what you say, I will throw all the batter in the trash. Only kidding, I will make plenty and have them for us all. Let me get baking, the ovens beeping that it is ready.

Madison you have me hot already. You have no clue what you do to me and now there is this added sweetness I crave from you. The end of this week cannot come soon enough.

My baking turned into a many hour event. What started with getting a cup of coffee earlier in the day had me refilling it as I made dozens of cookies. When I was finally finished in the kitchen it looked like a cyclone hit that swirled flour everywhere. After cleaning the entire room and packaging the cookies I was tired from standing there for so long. I took a long hot bath and turned in early. Before I hit my pillow I sent Rand a message –

House smells yummy like hot baked cookies. The warmth had me thinking of you, Goodnight.

I never got a reply from him. I slept.

Jillian was up and ready to hit the gym and we had a great workout and, yes, our jaws were tired too from talking. We had so much to catch up on. When she said Raeford’s name it was like she was off into the puffy clouds. It was so wonderful to see my friend this way. She actually left him at her place to come meet me for a bit. Those two seemed further along in a dating relationship than Rand and I, and that made me think that Rand and I weren’t really progressing and this is what it would be. I waited until she caught me up on all her juicy items of Raeford, how he kisses her, how he touches her and she sounded so captivated by him. I was so happy for her, but then I wanted to share the uncertainties I was feeling about Rand of late.

I asked Jillian, “Should I feel horrible for reading a text that Rand received? I actually read it when it came over his phone when they played at the 2
nd
Street Coffee Café.”

“Madison tell me what it said.”

“Well, first that message is why I kept drinking so much that night.”

“So what did it say, tell me?”

“It was obviously from a girl who is looking forward to seeing and being with him over the holidays. She signed with only her initial. The next day she emailed him again while he was taking care of me. Usually whenever someone texts him or calls he tells me in passing who it was. He never said anything about this one.”

Jillian stared at me, “I really like Rand with you, I think you should ask him when or if it happens again.” I wanted to ask him but I didn’t want him to think I was crazy, jealous, or insecure.

“Jillian, my dilemma is where am I going on Christmas?”

“It’s about time that you think with your heart and not your head. Follow that on Christmas day.”

“Hopefully, I will figure it out by then.”

“Madison, when I first met Raeford I never thought I would really begin to feel what I do now for him, but I opened myself up and let him into my heart. You need to let love in again.”

I was silent a moment thinking that I had completely given my heart once so long ago and had it torn apart. I think she knew what I was thinking because she said, “Oh no you don’t! Don’t you even go backwards when you’ve come so far. Let’s just look forward to Thursday and enjoying the holidays wherever we end up.”

We did just that as Rand’s Thursday afternoon gathering began. I got there slightly after everyone else had come and Rand appeared in the doorway of the barn as if he had been waiting for my arrival. With plenty of cookies in tow, I brought them in and he helped me as I made a tin for each of the guys, including Rand. Before we entered the barn he licked my ear playfully, he was in a great mood. I got to hug Kent and Raeford as soon as I came inside. It was so nice to see my gal pals there as well. Cecile looked like a holiday ornament, all dressed in a sparkled sweater and Kent wasn’t too far from her, always looking at her. Jillian and Raeford were already holding hands.

Rand announced that he had food and drinks set up in the loft above and for everyone to go ahead up there. Isaac and Ron were already started on the drinks up there. Rand had moved over to me and placed his hand on my lower back, after putting the cookies in a pile near the tree by the stage. We were the last two that stood down below as everyone went up the steps.

I was taking in all the decorations, they were definitely professionally done. It looked so classic Christmas, with beautifully hung balsam fir greens and berry sprigs. It smelled awesome. There were three holiday trees all decorated. A large tree stood at the entrance of the barn that blocked the view to the loft as it was so tall and full, filling the entrance way nicely. There was one down near their rehearsal stage, and a very large one up on the loft near
The Wall.
Behind that one up above was something with a large drape covering it. There were giant ornaments hanging down from the ceiling on beautiful velvet ribbons. The ornaments were musical notes. On every tree there were musical ornaments of glass, metals, and carved woods. It was so impressive.

I turned to him to comment on how festive this looked but he wrapped his arms around me from behind and I couldn’t turn. He then pulled me into him tightly just so that we were along side the one tall tree, he nuzzled into my neck. I loved that he did this so I had picked an off the shoulder sweater in encouragement to go with my short holiday skirt with boots. With his lips resting on my shoulder, chills traveled through me. I felt his hands release my waist only to slide down to my thighs and with us just out of the sight line of the guests he took his hands up under my skirt. It was quite arousing to be there with all these people and yet have Rand’s tender fingers traveling over me.

I inhaled and held my breath. He turned me back toward him and kept his hands under my skirt and leaned in for a kiss. He pulled my hips just enough toward him that I could feel his growing excitement. Our kiss lasted for sometime as I had missed him so much more than I wanted anyone to know and it appeared by his romantic gestures only minutes after I arrived that he had been missing me as well. He was so playful with his kisses and licked my lips and then looked up.