Rock Me All Night (12 page)

Turning her body more fully into his, she wrapped her leg over his hip. He'd wanted to make love to her one last time in a way he wouldn't have to see her face or her eyes, but he realized that Lauren had different plans.

She, too, sensed this was their last time, and he felt in her the need to leave her mark on him. Didn't she realize she'd already marked his soul?

She pushed him onto his back, kneeling by his side. She leaned over him, teasing his flat nipples with her tongue and teeth. She played her fingers down his body, stroking over his ribs, tracing the line of hair that ran down his center.

Every inch of his body was sensitized to her touch. He was rock-hard and wanted to be inside her now. Enough teasing. He grabbed her by her waist and lifted her over him.

She sat up and he could feel the creamy warmth of her center on his hard-on. She straddled him, rubbed her breasts against his chest and then reached
between them to take his erection, leading him to her entrance.

She impaled herself on him slowly, sinking back on her heels. She stopped once she was fully seated. “Did you watch me take you, Jack?”

He realized he had.

“You're mine.”

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her torso down to his, and rolled them over. It was an awkward move, but he managed to stay inside her body until she was beneath him. He held her hips and thrust into her body.

“No,” he said, his own voice heavy with arousal and another emotion only he knew was fear.
“You are mine.”

He watched her eyes widen, and she held tight to his shoulders, her fingernails sinking into his back as he rode her harder and deeper than he had the night before, taking them both more quickly to the pinnacle.

She shuddered in his arms, and a second later he spilled himself inside her. As quickly as the storm had built between them, it ebbed, leaving Jack feeling weak.

He lowered his head, pillowing himself on her sweet breasts while she stroked his back.

Her body still contracted around him and her hips thrust upward every few seconds. The moment was almost sweet. The only thing missing were those few words that he needed to say.

She held him so tenderly. No other woman ever had just offered him the comfort of her body. The ease of her soul and that quiet understanding of his faults.

She was offering him whatever peace he needed to finally say the words she needed to hear. But it wasn't enough for him.

As the silence lengthened, he realized she felt their absence, as well. Her fingers stopped moving on his back and she pushed at his shoulders.

“I need to get ready for work.”

Jack rolled over and let her go, feeling more of a bastard in this moment than in any other. But he couldn't change a lifetime worth of behavior in such a short amount of time. His entire life had taught him that love at first sight never lasted. No matter what his lonely soul cried for, Jack Montrose knew better than to believe in the love that Lauren had for him.

Because if he did and she left him, he'd be even lonelier than he had been before he met her.

“G
ood morning, listeners. This is Lauren B. and Ray King telling you there are only two days left to sign up for the Mile of Men competition,” Lauren said.

“That's right, listeners, it's not too late to participate and find a date for Valentine's Day,” Ray said.

Lauren was too tired this morning. Her heart was heavy and she knew that Jack was to blame. She had no idea what to do to get through to him. What was her problem when it came to men? The thing was, with Jack she knew she'd found the kind of man who'd be perfect for a happily-ever-after scenario if he'd just let himself be happy.

“Lauren?”

“Sorry, Ray. I'm distracted this morning, listeners. Having a little trouble with the entire dating scene.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Ray asked, waggling his eyebrows at her. “What do you say, listeners? Are you ready to help Lauren out this morning?”

For a minute she didn't want to. She knew how Jack felt about being in the spotlight but felt confident that no one really knew who she was dating, save Ty. She didn't know if this was a good idea. Jack wasn't like all the other men she'd dated.

But it was too late and Lauren knew better than to try to get out of this on the air. She'd talk to Ray later and warn him to not jump into these sorts of situations in the future.

“Yes, I think I do. Here's the situation. The guy can't commit. I think he'd be happy to leave things the way they are right now but I…I feel like he's the one. So what do I do?”

The call lines lit up. Ray talked them into a commercial break while Didi and Rodney screened the callers. Rodney flashed her a message on her computer screen.
Jack, line three—not happy.

Lauren picked up the line. “Jack?”

“What are you doing? You can't talk about our problems—”

“No one knows they're our problems. They don't even know your name. Trust me, Jack. You're perfectly safe in your penthouse office, with your rotating cars and your ever-changing world.”

He cursed under his breath. She heard the static and knew he was on his cell phone. It was only seven-thirty, and she knew he normally didn't leave his house until eight o'clock to get to work.

“This isn't about you anymore,” she said softly. She wished it was. But keeping it private hadn't worked for her. It never did. Why did she keep trying to find love when she knew…

What did she know?

“Hell yes, it is about you and I. And I can understand why you're doing it,” he said.

She heard the pain in his voice and wanted to comfort him. A big part of her wanted to bury her own feelings and not rock the boat. Yet another deeper part of her understood that with Jack that would be the end of her. He was the man of her dreams, and if he wasn't going to be there for the long haul, she needed to get out now.

“Why?” she asked.

“You're just like me when it comes to intimacy.”

That hurt. But then, the truth always did. She knew that Jack was striking back, cleverly pointing out that he wasn't the only one who bore the blame for their problem. “No I'm not. I told you how I feel.”

“Touché. But talking about your problems on the air with faceless listeners—that's not a real connection, Lauren.”

“I wanted to talk to you,” she said. And she'd tried, but he'd hurried her out the door this morning.

“I'm sorry.”

There was pain in his voice and it went straight to her heart. “I don't need you to say something you don't feel. I just need to know…that you're not pushing me away.”

“Back in five seconds, Lauren.”

“I have to work. Can you hold?”

“Dammit. Yes.”

She typed a message to Rodney telling him to leave Jack's call on three, and then they were back on the air.

“I had the same problem with a guy I dated for six months. He was everything I wanted in a man, but when that time was up he…he ended things. Told me his life worked in cycles and the one that featured the two of us was ending.”

The words and actions sounded so familiar. “What was his name?”

“Jack.”

Lauren couldn't listen anymore. Didn't want to hear what she'd known in her heart. He wasn't her dream man. He was every woman's dream man, going through the motions of creating a perfect little relationship. And that was how he existed. He filled his life with these pockets of time. These picture-perfect relationships that never lasted.

“What happened? Did you find love later?”

“Yes. It wasn't that kind of perfect fairy-tale version of love and life together, but I'm content now.”

They took two more callers, and luckily neither of
them had been involved with Jack. But Lauren wasn't paying attention anymore. Was she expecting something that was unrealistic with Jack?

They went to another commercial break. The light on three was still flashing so she pressed the button. “Are you still there?”

“Yes. I know what you're thinking.”

“I doubt that.”

“Dammit, Lauren, you mean more to me than any other woman ever has. Can't that be enough?”

She started to say yes, but she thought about the woman caller who'd found happiness without the trimmings. She thought about the people who went on her mother's show who struggled to find contentment in the real world.

She thought about her sister-in-law who said marriage isn't about romance and flowers but about finding someone you can tolerate day in and day out. And her dreams slowly died. For real this time. She knew that she was chasing after something with Jack that wasn't going to happen.

“Sure, Jack. That can be enough. Enough for how long—five and a half more months?”

“Dammit, Lauren—”

“Yes, dammit, Jack.” She disconnected the call. She knew that Jack had touched her soul. That finding this kind of love and the connection that was between them was once in a lifetime, and it broke her heart that he didn't recognize that, as well.

 

Lauren wasn't answering his calls, and Jack had endured a lecture from his secretary on his bad mood. He didn't care. He knew he'd lost Lauren and he was trying to come to terms with it but he wasn't ready to let her go.

Leaving her after six months would have been a struggle because he knew he loved her. But he refused to let himself be vulnerable like that. Every time his mom had fallen in love, a few weeks later her man would leave.

Jack's dad's relationships had been little better. But he didn't know how to change things.

Ty called just after seven o'clock and invited Jack to join his weekly poker match. The last thing Jack wanted to do was be around other people, but Ty was adamant. So twenty minutes later he found himself sitting in Ty's poker room, smoking a cigar and hitting the scotch a little too heavily.

Ty's best friend, Bert, was there, as well as the new morning DJ, Ray King. Bert and Ty had been friends since the third grade, so he was like a little brother to Jack. But the DJ was a stranger, and Jack knew he was going to have to temper his mood.

But he didn't want to. He'd spent most of his life pretending he wasn't wild like Diamond Dave, pretending he was sleek and sophisticated, a
GQ
kind of guy, when he knew he was just a crazy stuntman like his dad who lived life best at ninety miles an hour.

Finally Jack understood why his dad never slowed down. You didn't see the roadkill at ninety miles an hour. People that you hurt blended into the past, and the new road was there ahead, beckoning with its sweet promise of… What the hell did it promise? He wasn't sure anymore. But he knew it was a promise bathed in acceptance and without the kind of pain he felt right now.

Ray eyed him speculatively.

“You okay,
compare?
”

“Yeah.”

“It's not too late to sign up for the Mile of Men.”

“Forget it. I don't do those kinds of publicity stunts,” Jack said, realizing he was looking for a fight. Probably not a good idea at his brother's house. With one of his brother's employees.

Jack kept to himself after that, downing glass after glass of scotch and pretending that he was fooling Ty and the others into believing he was okay.

“Go easy on the liquor, Jack,” Ty said.

“Leave me alone, little brother, unless you want to take this discussion outside.” He was just drunk enough to know that fighting with Ty wasn't what he really wanted to do. A few more glasses and it wouldn't matter, but right now it still did. Jack lowered his glass to the table and concentrated instead on his cards.

“Oh, ho. I think Ty can take you in this condition,” Bert said.

Maybe. But Jack felt mean deep inside and he
knew he wouldn't fight fair. Wouldn't remember that Ty was his brother and didn't deserve the fight Jack wanted.

“Women problems,
compare?
” Ray asked.

“Yes. But I already heard it discussed on your show this morning.”

“So you're the one?” Ray asked.

Jack reached for his glass and emptied it in one long swallow. He shrugged at Ray. The older man had a shrewd glance that made Jack feel as if Ray knew what he was hiding. Understood that Jack wasn't ready to let go of Lauren but also felt he had no real right to hold on to her.

“Damn, Jack. Your woman talked about you on the air?” Bert took a sip of his Corona, leaning back in his chair.

“Don't push, Bert. I'm looking for a fight.”

“Hell, we can all see that,” Ty said. “Help me out in the kitchen, Jack.”

Since he was losing anyway, Jack threw his cards on the table, grabbed the bottle of scotch and followed Ty into his kitchen.

“What the hell is going on?” Ty asked.

“None of your business,” Jack said.

“Oh, but it is. I gave Lauren your number. I feel responsible.”

“Don't, Ty. I'm the older one. I take care of our problems.”

“I don't think you can anymore, Jack. What's
wrong? Lauren's not like the other women you've dated. She's real. You know what I mean? Real in a way that our lives never have been.”

“You think I don't know that? Hell, that's why I'm backing off. What do I know about making a relationship last?”

“I don't know, bro. But I do know that you've been different since Lauren came into your life. I think…hell, who am I to give advice. But I really think that if you can let go of the past, you could be happy with her.”

Jack said nothing. But he heard the truth in Ty's words. And a part of him wanted to believe it. “Remember the Fourth when I was eight and you were five? Remember how perfect everything was that day? Dad jumped—what?—eight cars. Mom made cookies that didn't burn. And you and I, we were kings at that festival. Remember?”

“Yeah,” Ty said.

Jack leaned against the countertop, remembering how perfect everything had been. Their family had seemed like…he couldn't explain it, but everything had been just right. For the first time there had been no fighting between his parents.

And Jack had believed the way only an eight-year-old could that things were okay. That his family was going to be one of the families that others envied.

“Then two damned days later it all fell apart,” Jack said more to himself than to Ty.

“But with Lauren it'll be different.”

Jack heard the hope in his brother's voice and knew it was one he foolishly shared.

“I can't take a chance on being wrong, Ty. I don't want to hurt her like that.”

Jack pushed past his brother and walked outside in the bracing chilly air of February. But he didn't feel it. He'd already hardened his heart and wrapped it in ice. Nothing could compare to the iciness he felt now that he was alone again.

 

The door opened behind Jack and he glanced over to see Ray. Jack remembered the first day he'd met the older man. It was the same day he'd met Lauren. He barely remembered anything that he'd said to her that day. But the sound of her voice still echoed in his mind. How it had stroked down his spine and kindled a longing to get to know all her secrets.

“Wanna talk about your problems?” Ray asked. He took a puff on his cigar and crossed his arms over his rounded belly. Ray looked like a gangster, a Tony Soprano kind of guy, and just the thought of confessing to him made Jack want to laugh.

“No. I'm not a touchy-feely kind of guy when it comes to my emotions.”

Ray shrugged and leaned forward, bracing his hands on the railing, looking out into the night as if
he were searching for some kind of answer in the sky. “Me either. But women sure are.”

“You got problems?” Jack asked.
Thank God.
He was tired of feeling like the only man who was dealing with weighty issues. What was weighty? He was in love with a woman and afraid to take a chance that his emotions might be real. Afraid to risk himself for her. And he knew that was the real heart of his problems.

“Not really. But I got this broad that keeps making me wish things were different, ya know?”

“Yeah, I do.”

Ray leaned against the railing, the stub of the cigar between his teeth, watching Jack with a shrewd gaze. Jack wished he hadn't had that last glass of scotch. Things were a little hazy, and he wasn't going to be able to drive home.

Maybe he'd call Lauren and ask her to come pick him up. The hell of it was, he knew she would do it. That despite the fact that he'd acted like an ass earlier, she'd come and get him. But he knew it was the same thing she'd do for any of her friends.

“Just go to her and talk to her. Women understand that kind of thing.”

Jack thought he was hearing things, then realized that Ray had spoken. He shook his head. This had been a mistake. He was going to call Carl and then go home to sleep off the liquor, and in the morning he was booking himself on the first flight to some
where warm. He wasn't coming home until after Valentine's Day. After he'd forgotten about Lauren. After she'd had a chance to move on.