Rock and Roll Country (Jesse's Girl #1) (3 page)

“Mommy! Mommy, get up. I made you breakfast,” the sweetest voice in the world calls through my haze.

Squinting to relieve my dry sockets, I pry my eyes open and sit up. Standing next to my bed is the brown skinned, curly brown haired, blue eyed boy who gives my entire mediocre existence meaning. Smiling at him, I take the soggy, three-parts milk; one-part cereal bowl of Apple Jacks from his hands. Nervous eyes fixated on me, I lift my spoon and take a bite.

“Mmm...delicious!” I set the bowl on the nightstand, and pull him up in my lap. “Did you have some for yourself as well?”

“Yep. I even cleaned my mess.”

“You did?” I ask, dreading the state of my kitchen, but too moved by the pride he’s showing in himself to let it get in my way.

“Uh huh. And, I packed my bag to stay the night with Pops and Granny.”

“Hmm...” I yawn. “Who told you, you were going to do that?”

“Aunt Kita,” he beams.

“Did she? Well, we’ll have to see. Mommy thought we might spend the night together here, maybe even take a trip to the zoo tomorrow. Tony said we could use his pass.”

Lost in thought, he looks at the wall for several minutes. “I have an idea!”

Laughing at his enthusiasm, I ask, “What’s that?”

“Tonight I’ll stay with Granny and Pops. Tomorrow you can pick me up. Then we can go to the zoo. It all works!”

“My genius boy,” I reply, tousling his hair, “but we’ll have to ask Granny and Pops first. And, I’ll have to pick you up early, because I have to work tomorrow night. So, you’ll have to go to bed on time. No staying up all night playing video games.”

“I can still play a little bit of video games, though, right?” 

I chuckle. “A little, but nothing past seven o’clock. Okay?”

“Pleasure doing business with you, ma’am,” he answers, seriously, extending his hand out to mine.

I shake his hand and pull him in for a squeeze. Tickling his ribcage, I whisper, “I love you, Bean.”

“I love you too, Mommy,” he says, sweetly. “Now, eat your breakfast before it gets cold.” He hops off my lap, and dashes to the door.

“Cereal’s supposed to be cold,” I call behind him, grabbing the bowl and slipping my feet into the house shoes I keep by the bed. If I can’t start my day with a decent meal, I can at least start it with a cheaply made pot of coffee. 

The knocking pulling me out of a web of tangled dreams in which Cressida faded into Sophie, and Sophie turned into a burning pit of fire waiting to consume me, I wake with a start. Rubbing my eyes, I glance at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand. Twelve o’clock.
Shit.
If I don’t get my ass in gear, I’ll be late for our two o’clock sound check. Running a rough hand through my hair, I force myself from the bed.

“Get your arse up,” Tag yells. “We’ve got things to do today.”

“I know, I know,” I yell, heading for the door. “Maybe if someone would’ve kept the noise to a minimum last night, I could’ve gotten a few decent hours in.”

“You’re a rock star, Jesse,” he says, as I open the door. “Embrace it. I know I am.”

Standing in the open doorway with nothing but my underwear on, I stare at Tag and the woman who waited our table last night. “Aren’t you a sight for hungover eyes?” She taunts, taking me in with hungry eyes that make me feel even more exposed than I am. 

Leaving the door open, I step back into the room and toss on my jeans from last night. “What are you doing here, Tag?”

“Get dressed, we’re going to a barbecue,” he says, helping himself to a bag full of peanuts from the mini bar.

“Don’t you have your own room to charge that crap too?” I ask.

“You make more money than I do,” he shrugs. “Anyway, like I said. Get dressed. Lacey’s taking us to an exclusive backyard party.”

“We have sound check in a few hours, and I haven’t even showered.”

“You can shower in your dressing room. Trust me. You don’t want to miss this.”

“What’s so special about some bloody family barbecue?”

Like a mad man, he turns to his new found groupie and hands her his room key. “Why don’t you go get your purse? We need a minute.” Waiting till she leaves the room, he launches on me. “Do you want the waitress or not?”

Befuddled, I ask, “Waitress? You mean Sophie?”

“You remember her name, and you haven’t shagged? You’ve got it bad, mate. Okay, so here’s the deal. Lacey’s roommate and the waitress are apparently close. The roommate’s parents are having a barbecue, and the waitress is going to be there.”

Images of Cressida’s face slowly fading to Sophie’s burning fresh in my mind, I flop back onto the bed. “I’m okay. You guys go on without me.”

“What are you talking about? This is your chance to bag and tag her. Show up, be your charming self, get in there, and move on. Last chance, mate. If you don’t take it now you’ll regret it.”

Exhaling, I run my hands over my face. He’s right. If I want to get Sophie out of my mind, I have to get her in my bed. “Okay, give me ten minutes to grab a quick wash and find some clothes.”

“Ten minutes. That’s all you get. We have to make this quick if we don’t want a delayed sound check.”

“Okay there, Country,” Markita asks setting a wine cooler in front of me.

“Fine. Just exhausted.”

“Don’t tell me my nephew woke up early after all the work that went in to keeping him up late.”

Laughing, I open the cooler and take a small sip. “Seven-thirty as usual. He wouldn’t be Marcus if he wasn’t a morning person.”

“True story. He gets that from TJ, you know. He used to drag me out of bed every morning at six o’clock. ‘The early bird, Kita. Be the early bird.’” She sighs and takes a seat next to me. “It’s still surreal.”

“Yeah,” I sigh. Blinking back my tears, I peel a piece of chipped paint from the ancient picnic table. “It’s been six years to the day.”

“And, yet, it still feels like yesterday. How are you really holding up? I saw the bills, Country. If you need help, we’ll all pitch in with something. It’s the right thing. You didn’t ask TJ to leave you alone in all this.”

Chest constrained, I think of the way TJ died. The real way, not the bullshit police report. I picture his big, brown eyes as he realized he was going over the bridge; envision the struggle as the mighty Mississippi engulfed him. TJ would’ve never gotten in that car without checking things. If there was a problem, he would’ve known. He wanted to be a father more than anything, to pass the legacy of love his dad had given him down to Marcus. There’s no way he would’ve taken a risk in losing any of that.

Blotting my tears on my t-shirt, I look over at her. “I can’t take your money, Kita. Everyone at this barbecue is struggling just as much as I am.”

It’s the hard truth, and we both know it. The James’ don’t have much of anything to their name. Marcus’ grandparents own the house we’re all gathered at to celebrate TJ’s life, and the car parked under the carport. Other than that, they don’t have any real assets.

It’s a far cry from the world I come from in which the Westbrooks’ either own it, or know the person who does. The James’ have one thing we never had though, and that’s love. Looking around the lawn, I examine all the smiling faces and laughing relatives. My heart filling three sizes more, I whisper a thanks to TJ for making me a part of this wonderful family.

“Mommy,” Marcus calls, running at full force to get to me. “Pops and Unc are going to my daddy’s grave. Can I go too?”

I turn my attention to Earl, TJ’s father, who’s slowly making his way toward us. Earl’s been disabled ever since he fell off the riverboat he used to work on. The near drowning experience caused a stroke, which left his face slack on one side. Balancing himself with his cane, he gives me a lopsided smile and slurs, “You’re raising a good man here, Sophie. TJ would be proud.”

“Thanks, Pops,” I answer, standing to hug him. “Here, why don’t you take my seat?”

“Oh, that’s alright,” he replies. “Me and the boys were gonna sneak off and pay a visit to the man of the hour. You don’t mind, do ya?”

“Hmm, well that depends. Has Unc been drinking?” I turn toward Earl’s brother, carefully examining him for any signs of intoxication.

“Relax, Sophie,” he chuckles. “I haven’t had a drop. Knew the old man would want to see his baby boy, today of all days. Figured I’d save it for when we got back.”

Still apprehensive, I glance back down at Marcus. He is TJ in the flesh, everything but the eyes which plead up at me in desperation. “Okay,” I cave. “The cemetery and straight back.”

Relieved to have his way, Marcus lunges at me. “I love you, mommy. Don’t leave till I get back. K?”

“I won’t, Bean. I promise.”

Watching them go, I hike my sweaty leg over the picnic bench again and take another sip of my cooler.

“You’re gonna have to be more drunk than that if I’m gonna stand a chance at beating you in bones, ya know,” Markita teases.

“You and I both know I could be completely sober and you’d still destroy me in Dominoes. Besides, I have to drive home. One’s my limit, so I’m going to savor it. I don’t want to risk anything, especially not today.”

“Have you been up to see him?” She questions, finishing off her Hard Lemonade.

“Not yet. I was planning on going with Marcus in the morning, and finishing our day out at the zoo. A little happy to help with the sad. Now, that he’s going with your dad, I’ll probably just go later. Once there’s less chance of being interrupted by other well-meaning mourners.”

Truth be told, Pops taking Marcus to visit TJ’s grave is probably a blessing in disguise. We’ve been going every year since I had him. The past two years Marcus has asked the same questions.
Why did my daddy die? Can I see him someday? Did he love me?
And, every year, I do my best to explain the difficult truths of this cold world to my brilliantly innocent son. This year I don’t think I have it in me.

With everything that’s gone on, with all the ups, downs, and in between, I just need peace. I need my time to grieve, to hate my father for taking him from us. Time to lash out and be mad at the world, to forget that I’m twenty-one and my entire life has been derailed. That’s what I need. With Marcus safe at his grandparents’ house, tonight that’s what I’ll have. Tomorrow, I’ll dust myself off and take my son to the zoo like none of it ever happened. Reminding myself where I am, I blink the tears back from my eyes.

Warmly staring back at me, Markita says, “It’s okay to miss him, you know.”

“I know.” Nursing my drink, I smile back at her. “Truth be told, it’s not even just about him. It’s just everything. Maybe I’m about to get my period or something. I don’t know why I’m so damned emotional lately.”

“Or maybe you just need to get laid. Lacey told me you passed up a piece of prime rib last night. What happened there?”

“Same thing that always happens.” I shrug. “I have Marcus to think about. I can’t just run around boning every man that offers.”

She laughs. “Not every man, no, but some of them at least. You wouldn’t be the first single mom to do it.”

“Yeah, and if I ended up pregnant where would I be? Raising Marcus is hard enough. I can’t imagine being responsible for two, not without someone to divide the responsibility with at least.”

She laughs. “Is that really what you’re worried about? You’re not going to get knocked up by every guy who fucks you, Country. Listen, I know you were a kid when everything went down with TJ. Frankly, it was his responsibility to handle that situation. He was twenty-two. He should’ve made sure you were ready for it. Neither of us can do anything about that now though. My point, is that you can’t let one mistake when you were a teenager affect your ability to have fun for the rest of your life. Marcus is perfect. That’s because of you. You take your pill religiously, even though I don’t think you’ve had sex in the last five years. Not since that one guy you dated anyway. I think you’ve earned enough saint points, Country. It’s time to get back on the horse.”

“Oh yeah? And say I did choose to get back on the saddle. I don’t exactly see any stallions running about.”

“How about that one?” She asks, tipping her head toward the gate.

Following her gaze, I find myself staring at the lean, muscular build of the guy from the bar last night.