Road Tripping (15 page)

Well, screw
that. She wasn’t going to let him get killed or kidnapped. She silently
followed him back around to the front of the garage and saw him standing beside
the office door, evidently listening to a conversation inside.

She stayed
where she was, deciding it was better for him not to notice that she hadn’t
obeyed his instructions. Besides, she didn’t want to make a commotion and have
the bad guys find them. She could make sure Ethan was okay from right here.

After a few
minutes, Ethan abruptly turned on his heel and hurried back through the busy
garage. Apparently, the conversation inside the office was coming to an end.

She saw his jaw
clench when he saw where she was waiting for him. Grabbing her by the upper
arm, he yanked her with him back to where they had been hiding before. “I told
you to wait here,” he said through his teeth.

“This is a
prime example of bulldozing. Do you hear yourself?”

“I wish
you
would hear me.” He leaned toward her, pressed her against the wall. “You're
going to get yourself killed. I told you to stay here for a reason.”

“I don’t care
what the reason was. I’m not a child to be ordered around, and I wasn’t about
to stay here while you went marching off into danger.”

“I wasn’t in
danger,” he insisted hoarsely. “But you put us both at risk.”

Ashley was now
almost sputtering in rage. “This isn’t some old western, where the hero goes
riding off to save the day while the helpless female stays behind. I’m in this
too, and I’m not going to let you risk your life while I wait passively and
watch.” She reached up to grab him by the shirtfront. “That’s not how it’s
going to work between us. Not now. Now ever. I’ll never accept that attitude.
You might as well get used to it now.”

For a moment,
she thought he might shake her. But then something altered in his face, in his
body. He went almost limp, let go of her, put one hand up to cover his eyes
momentarily.

Ashley removed
her hands from his shirt and watched him anxiously, having no idea what to
expect.

She certainly
didn’t expect what happened. He turned from her and took a few steps away.
“They’ve gone by now. Let’s just forget it.”

“What?”

“It’s not worth
arguing over.” He kept walking back to the garage, so she followed him.

“Ethan, it
is
worth arguing over. It’s kind of a big deal.”

He shrugged.
Sat down in one of the chairs to wait for their truck to be finished. “Then you
can argue all you want. I’m done.”

Ashley studied
him intently. There was no more passion, fire, anger, or feeling left in his
eyes or expression. He looked blank, shuttered, and withdrawn.

She had no idea
what had happened. What had caused him to so completely shut down. One minute
they had been having a passionate fight and the next they were like strangers.

She sat in the
chair beside him, waited silently, and tried to control her emotions as much as
he had.

***

It was five o’clock in the
afternoon before they were back at the place where they had blown their tire
that morning. The afternoon trip had been quiet and awkward. Ethan hadn’t
seemed to have recovered from whatever was bothering him.

Eventually, Ashley
had to break the silence in any way she could. So she figured she might as well
get something over with, something she’d been wanting to say for a couple of
days.

“I wanted to
apologize,” she began. This was going to be harder than she thought, especially
with the way Ethan was acting.

He turned and
looked at her in confusion.

“I wanted to
apologize for what I said two days ago.” Absolutely no reaction from Ethan. “In
Indianapolis, I mean, what I said about...trying to give you a hint not to...not
to be interested in me. When I said I could never have feelings for someone
like
you
.”

“Oh,” he said
vaguely, still staring at her strangely.

She swallowed
hard. “I didn’t mean it. I was just mad and wanted you to leave me alone.”

There was a
long stretch of silence. Then Ethan asked, “What part of it did you not mean?”

“I didn’t mean
any of it. I never thought you were interested in me—I just said that to be
spiteful. And I definitely didn’t mean the part where I made cruel implications
about ‘someone like you’.”

He didn’t say
anything in response.

“Ethan,” she
said, turning again to scan his face. “I really am sorry. Surely you know I
don’t think you're unworthy of anyone’s interest or affection. Haven’t I made
that clear by now?” She wanted to say more. Say that she was in fact interested
in him. More than interested in him. But she couldn’t quite get the words out.
Not yet, anyway.

“You’ve made it
clear. And I appreciate your faith in me,” he said, his voice a little bit
gentler. But he had turned away, was looking out the window in the opposite
direction. “I’m glad you didn’t mean what you said.”

She had
apologized, and apparently her apology was accepted, but things didn’t feel any
less tense or awkward between them.

Ashley had no
idea how everything had just fallen apart.

But she was
tired of living in this torturous limbo of emotions. It was time to clear the
confusion up. So she took a deep breath and made herself say, “Ethan, do you
think we could talk about some things?”

He glanced back
over at her. “What things?”

She was in it
now—no turning back. “I mean, can we talk about whatever it is that’s going on
between us?”

Her words hung
in the air for way too long. It was like some kind of cruel punishment for sins
long forgotten.

Finally, Ethan
glanced away again and said, “I’d rather not.”

She had never
realized her heart could hurt quite this much. Her cheeks blazed in
humiliation, pain shot through her chest, and her eyes started to burn. But she
was committed now, so she said hoarsely, “If we get this out in the open, it
might make things easier between us. We can’t go on indefinitely pretending
that everything is the same as it was.”

She could hear Ethan
inhaling and exhaling—he seemed to be trying to control uneven breaths. She was
too scared to even look at him now.

Then Ethan
spoke at last. “I’d rather not talk about it because I don’t want you to be
hurt. I never meant to lead you on. Can’t we just leave it at that?”

Ashley was
literally choking—on her dismay, grief, and mortification—and she had to slow
the truck down so she didn’t run it off the road. Tears burned in her eyes, but
she managed to keep them from falling by tilting up her chin.

She didn’t know
what she’d expected when they would finally get around to talking about things,
but it certainly wasn’t this.

But she had
known all along that Ethan wasn’t interested in her. And she’d also known that
he wasn’t the man she wanted, needed, and was looking for to complete her nice,
clean, safe life.

All he had done
was confirm it. It wasn’t like her world had fallen apart. It just felt like
that at the moment. She’d feel better tomorrow morning. Or a week from now. A
month from now. Her heart wouldn’t be broken forever.

This was what
she got for trying to be honest and mature about the situation. Far wiser to
just continue being hostile and stubborn...and safe.

***

They stopped at a very cheap
motel a couple of hours later. They had a thirty-minute argument about stopping
at all. Ashley thought they should keep driving for at least a few hours more and,
if they stopped for the night, they shouldn’t waste their remaining cash on a
motel.

But Ethan had
insisted, and since he was driving at that point, she really hadn’t had much of
a choice.

So they ended
up in another dingy motel room together. In another bed together.

When they got
into the bed, Ashley automatically scooted over so she could snuggle up against
him like she’d done for the four nights before.

But everything
was different now. Ethan pulled away from her. Rolled over to his edge of the
bed, showing her only his back.

Ashley
swallowed over the lump in her throat. None of this made any sense.

So she lay in
the dark and tried to sort everything out.

Things had
changed only after they’d seen the bad guys in the garage.

They’d gotten
into a fight. And then she’d said…

Ashley gasped
and darted her eyes to Ethan’s tense back in the bed beside her. It all made
sense. Made terrible, horrible sense.

And she knew
what was going on. She knew why Ethan had gotten cold and withdrawn at the garage,
why he had insisted on getting a motel room, and why he hadn’t let her cuddle
up beside him.

She might even
know why he had dismissed her so cruelly when she’d wanted to discuss their
relationship earlier.

Of course, this
was what he would do. She should have expected it a long time ago. It was just
like him. He might be a bulldozer, but he was also a martyr.

He was going to
get up sometime in the middle of the night, after she had fallen asleep. Then
he was going to walk out the door, leaving her alone in the motel room. Take
the truck and drive the rest of the way to Sioux Falls by himself. Go off and
face whatever danger, violence, or death was waiting for him. By himself.
Without her.

Ethan was going
to leave her behind.

Ashley forced
the panic down and thought of what she needed to do. Then she deepened her
breathing. Relaxed her body. Pretended to drift off to sleep.

She was
absolutely crazy about Ethan, and no one else had ever infuriated her more.

She made
herself stay awake until the end of the seventh day.

the
outskirts of Des Moines, Iowa

It was two o’clock in the
morning before Ethan made his move.

Ashley had been
pretending to sleep for hours, going over the situation in her mind. But there
was no good in confronting him unless she caught him in the act, so she waited
and waited and waited until she finally heard him get out of the bed in the
dark.

She didn’t move
yet—just kept breathing deeply and evenly. She heard him rustling around and
assumed he was putting on his shirt. Then she listened as he picked something
up and walked into the bathroom. He shut the door quietly behind him.

It was a few
minutes before he left the bathroom again. She let him walk back through the
room, put something down on the table, and start opening the door.

Then Ashley
popped out of the bed like a Jack-in-the-Box. “I knew it! I knew you were going
to leave me behind!”

She heard Ethan
grunt in surprise and shut the door again. She fumbled next to the bed until
she was able to turn on a light.

Ethan was fully
dressed, staring at her in shock and annoyance. “Damn it, Ashley. You almost
gave me a heart attack.”

“I gave
you
a heart attack?  I’ve been waiting since we went to bed. I’m surprised I
haven’t had a stroke from the hours I've been holding myself back.”

Ethan tightened
his lips and moved like he would actually walk out the door.

“Don’t you
dare,” Ashley gritted out through clenched teeth. “Or I swear I’ll tackle you
to the ground.”

He shook his
head and sighed. “You’ll be better off if you just let me go.”

“Screw that. I
can’t believe you were just going to leave me here. By myself in the middle of
nowhere. With bad guys who might happen to find me. How could I possibly be
better off by myself?”

Ethan was still
standing stiffly by the door. “All you would have had to do was call your parents
or the police. You would have been fine. The cops around here wouldn’t be in
Jones’s pocket, so you could trust them.”

Ashley glanced
at the table and noticed a folded piece of paper and a thin pile of cash. “And I
suppose you left me all of the cash too. What were you planning to do? Wash
dishes at a local diner for a meal? Sing a little ditty on the street and hope
someone throws some change in your direction?”

Ethan twisted
his lips, but it wasn’t really a smile. “I have the credit card. I can be in
Sioux Falls by noon, and then I won’t have to worry about my lack of cash.”
There was something strange on his face.

She immediately
understood what it was. “Because you’ll be dead!” she cried, feeling her hands
start to shake. “You think they’ll find you, take you to Buster, and kill you
before you talk to that guy. I’m not going to let you slink off to your death
by yourself.”

“The only other
option is for us both to slink off to our deaths.” Ethan raised a hand to his
eyes. “I thought at first you’d be safer if you stayed with me, but I think I
was wrong. Now that we’re out of the county, you’ll be safer away from me. The
most dangerous place in the world for you is by my side.”

“Well, in the
case,” Ashley gasped irrationally, “I’m not leaving your side.”

Ethan did smile
then, but it was sad and a little bit lonely. “I’m not taking you with me, Ashley.
I’ll not be responsible for putting you in any more danger.”

“It’s not your
decision to make. I’m not a damsel in distress for the gallant hero to save and
then leave conveniently in the castle while he goes off to slay some more
dragons. I decide what happens to me. I’ll go where I want to go. And there is
nothing you can do to stop me.” She stood a few inches away from him, breathing
heavily and trying not to wring his neck.

He raised his
eyebrows slightly. “I can think of a few ways of stopping you. I’m a good bit
stronger than you.”

 “You’ll have
to lock me in the bathroom or tie me up to keep me from going with you,” she said,
even more frustrated by his lack of reaction. She reached out to grab his shirt
in her urgency. “But even then, I’ll get loose eventually, and then I’ll come
after you. We’re in this together. We agreed on that from the very beginning. I
don’t care that you were the one who got us into this mess. It’s not just your
game anymore. I’m in it, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“It’s not only
a matter of your not being able to help. You’ll end up doing more harm than
good. You mean well, but you’re inexperienced, over-anxious, and thoughtless.
The fact is you’re getting in my way.”

Ashley let go
of his shirt and tried to shake him. But Ethan grabbed her wrist firmly before
she could. She tried to free her hand, but he held on to it. Then he claimed
her other wrist as well so that he was in complete control of her body.

There were
tears in her eyes, but they were from frustration and anger rather than pain.
“Stop it, Ethan,” she said, a touch of helplessness edging her voice. “Stop
being this ridiculous martyr. Stop lying to me and trying to make me angry
enough to let you leave. It’s not going to work. I’ve been furious with you
every day for the last week, and I’m still not letting you go off without me.”

Ethan released
her abruptly. He turned his body away. “I can’t do it, Ashley.” His voice was
low now, but no longer controlled. “I can’t keep on doing this, knowing that
I'm responsible for putting you in danger. I can’t live with the fact that I
might get you killed.”

Ashley reached
over and turned him so that he was looking at her again. She reached up and
took his face in her hands. “Now you know how I feel. You can understand why I
refuse to sit here and let you get yourself killed by yourself.” She met his
eyes and saw something change in his expression. She didn’t need to hear any
response to know that she had finally won. He was going to let her come with
him. “Admit it, Ethan,” she added, her tone growing softer. “I have helped you
this last week. You wouldn’t have gotten this far without me.”

He closed his
eyes for a few seconds. But when he opened them again, he was smiling. “All
right. I admit it. You’ve helped me. I’d be absolutely nowhere without you. But
I’m living in constant terror—afraid that you'll get hurt.”

She smiled back
at him. “That’s the price you pay for not living in isolation.”

“I give up,” he
said resignedly. “You can come. But if you get yourself killed, I’ll never
forgive you.”

Ashley tsked
her tongue on her front teeth and shook her head at him. “Using silly clichés
now? Have you descended to that?”

Ethan scowled
at her. “Hold your tongue, woman. I’m already terrified enough.”

She finally
felt her heartbeat slow down. “So we’re okay? You aren’t going to try to run
away again without me?”

“I wasn’t
running away. I was making a valiant, selfless attempt to save your life.”

“Seriously.”

“Fine, I won’t
try to leave you behind again. I only hope we both won’t later regret it.” He
put his hand over the one she had resting on his arm. “Thank you, Ashley.”

She grinned at
him. “You’re welcome. Now, can we please go back to bed? Neither of us has
gotten any sleep so far, and we might actually be able to make it to Sioux
Falls tomorrow if we don’t fall asleep at the wheel.”

She went to the
bathroom, and when she came out Ethan had taken off his shoes, socks, and shirt
again. She got into bed as he went into the bathroom, but then she thought of
something. So she climbed back out and walked over to the table where Ethan had
put the note and the rest of the cash.

Ashley had
picked up the note, unfolded it, and read the first few words when a hand came
out of nowhere to snatch it away from her. She squealed and whirled around to
see Ethan glaring at her.

She smacked him
lightly on the chest. “Don’t scare me like that. I just wanted to see what you
wrote.” She reached out again for the piece of paper.

“It doesn’t
matter now,” he said, holding her off from him. “You’re coming with me, so it
is irrelevant. I just explained the situation.”

“Then let me
see it.” She tried to stretch her arm around to where he was holding the note.

Ethan pushed
her off of him, gently but firmly. Then ripped the note up into about twelve
pieces, crumpled them into a ball, and threw them in the trashcan. “I told you
it was irrelevant.”

Ashley made a
throaty noise of annoyance, but made no more moves toward the note. She got
back into the bed and turned off the light. Ethan joined her almost
immediately.

By now, having
grown completely shameless, Ashley scooted over until she was lying against
him. She sighed with relief when he moved his arms around her in a way that was
now very familiar.

She wondered,
if she brought up the undefined thing between them once more, whether Ethan
would now have a different response. She thought maybe he would. Not that he
was ready to commit to a long-term relationship, but she suspected he would at
least be willing to talk about their feelings so they could figure things out.

But after her
thwarted attempt the day before—and his words that had broken her heart—she
wasn’t quite brave enough to start that conversation again.

Instead, she
tried something else. “Ethan?” she said softly into the dark room.

“Hmm,” he
murmured, the husky hum vibrating his chest.

“Why did you
blow up your boat?”

“What the hell
made you think of that?”

“I don’t know.
I just did.”

“It was full of
Jones’s moonshine. If he was going to come after me, then I didn’t want him to
have it. Or the boat to transport it in.”

“Oh. It was a
nice boat.”

“I’d rather
have my old dilapidated boat and not be trapped in that horrible net.”

“You could have
gotten a lot of girls with that boat.”

“I don’t want a
lot of girls.”

She couldn’t
help but smile at his grumpy tone and at the very sweet sentiment.

“And if they just
want me for my boat, then I definitely don’t want them,” he added.

“Well, in all
honesty, they might want you for more than your boat. You’re quite
good-looking, you know.”

Ethan snorted at
this, but it felt like he was smiling too.

Lifting her
head to peer in the direction of his face, she admitted, “I think so, anyway.
And, believe it or not, I like you. A lot.”

He leaned up
and planted a light kiss on her temple. She felt a little gooey and marveled at
his aim in the dark. “I like you a little bit too.”

With a silly,
blissful sigh, she lowered her head again and snuggled up against his warm
body. “That is, I like you when you aren’t smug and bossy and stubborn and
trying to be a martyr.”

She both heard
and felt him chuckle. “That doesn’t leave much space for actually liking me.”

Brazenly, she
rubbed his chest with her palm, loving the feel of his firm flesh beneath her
skin. “I'm usually able to squeeze a little bit of liking you into every few
hours...but only on your good days. Sometimes you are just so horrible and
infuriating that I can only like you for about two minutes per day.”

He laughed
again and tightened his arms around her.

“Are you going
to actually go to sleep tonight?” she inquired after a few minutes of silence.

“I don’t know.”

“I wish you
would. You’ll be no good against the bad guys if you don’t get any sleep.”

“I’ll try. But
I’m not going to promise anything.”

It was the best
Ashley could hope for. She could at least trust him not to try to leave her
behind again. So she settled in beside him, closed her eyes, and tried to
relax.

The last thing
she remembered before she drifted off to sleep was Ethan’s breathing getting
slower and his arms still holding her close.

He did actually
go to sleep. Ashley knew it for sure.

Because when
she finally woke up, it was after eleven o’clock in the morning. The sun was
blazing in through the cracks between the curtains, and Ethan was still sound
asleep beneath her.

She wriggled a
little, and Ethan unconsciously pulled her in closer. With a little more
squirming, she managed to lift her head up and look down at his sleeping face.

He looked
relaxed, peaceful and gorgeous. Ashley gazed at him in silence for a few
minutes. Eventually, she felt her body start to respond to his tranquil
appearance and to the feel of his body against her so she decided it was time
for her to get up.

Before she got
to the bathroom, she reached into the trashcan and pulled out the pieces of the
crumpled note Ethan had thrown away several hours before.

She didn’t try
to put it together at the moment, for fear of Ethan waking up and catching her.
She just slipped the crinkled remnants into her bag.

***

It was past noon before they
left the motel. Ashley had only one free moment to decipher the note—when Ethan
was in the shower. But instead she used the spare minutes to go and get two
large cups of coffee.

Overall, she
concluded it was a better use of her time.

She could feel
the crumpled pieces of Ethan’s note like a presence inside her bag, and she was
worried as they got ready to leave that Ethan would glance in the trashcan and
notice that the paper was gone.

But he didn’t,
and as soon as they got back into the stolen truck and Ethan hotwired it one
more time, she breathed a covert sigh of relief.

The note was
hers—Ethan had written it to her—and she’d be damned before she let it go
without a fight.

They hadn’t spoken
much during the drive, and Ashley was fully focused on thinking about Ethan.
That is, until she started to feel a very familiar discomfort between her legs.

She shouldn’t
have drunk so much coffee that morning.