River's Edge (18 page)

S
he’s coming!” Sadie’s cry shook the walls of Hanover House the next day. “Mama’s getting out tomorrow, and she’s agreed to come here!” She bounced down the stairs and into the kitchen, and she grabbed Caleb off the floor. “Caleb Seth Caruso, your mommy’s coming home!”

Morgan felt the staggering relief taking hold of her, but even as it did, a profound sadness followed. “Are you sure she’s coming here?”

“Yes. She called collect and said that they’re releasing her tomorrow! I can’t believe it,” she squealed. “I’ll have my whole family back together. This is the new beginning that Mom needs.”

It was the new beginning Sadie needed, too. Maybe there would be healing for her in Sheila’s release, but Morgan couldn’t imagine it being best for Caleb.

Or for her.

As soon as she was able to get away without Sadie wondering why, she slipped out and drove to Blair’s house. She needed for her sister to pray with her.

B
lair saw the pain on her sister’s face the moment she let her in. “Oh, no. Sheila refused to come?”

“No, she’s coming tomorrow.” Tears hung in Morgan’s eyes, ready to shatter. “I know I should be happy, but I’m scared, Blair.”

Blair was struck by the frantic expression on Morgan’s face, the smear of mascara under her eyes as if she’d cried on the way over, the nervous way she kept wiping her hands on her jeans and sliding them into her pockets.

“Sit down,” Blair said.

Morgan pulled out a chair at Blair’s kitchen table and dropped into it. Blair wished she had some cookies to offer her, like their mother would have done. If not cookies, then wisdom. But she didn’t have much of that, either.

Morgan was the wise one, the more mature Christian, the one who cast her cares before the Lord and left them there. Morgan had prayed so often for Blair, but it was only recently that she had been able to ask for prayer in return. Blair was glad that pattern had been broken.

“What specifically do you want me to pray, Morgan?”

“That I’ll love her.” Morgan wiped the smear of mascara under her eyes. “That I’ll be a bigger person. I’m so disappointed in myself, Blair. I should want what’s best for Caleb, not myself. If I can give Caleb back his mother and teach her how to parent him, then I’d be glorifying God. But I have these selfish thoughts.”

“How does Jonathan feel?”

Morgan shook her head. “He’s worried, too. But I’m Caleb’s primary caretaker. I do everything for him. How can I turn it all over to her?”

“Morgan, that’s a natural response. You need to stop beating yourself up.”

“Do I? Or am I just an ungrateful wimp?”

“No, Sis. You have a tender mother’s heart that’s just about broken in two. One side for your miscarried baby, and the other side for Caleb.

Morgan lost it then, and Blair pulled her into her arms and held her for a long time. She needed to pray. A fierce sense of responsibility gripped her, and she started to pray aloud. She felt the Holy Spirit directing her thoughts and words, administering a healing balm over her sister’s heart.

When they’d finished praying, Blair let her sister go. “Sis, you rescued Caleb and Sadie from pure evil. You’ve loved them and given them things that they’ve never had before. Even if the day comes when Sheila takes them away, I know you would do it all over again.”

“Of course I would.”

“It’s going to be all right. You’re just like Mama. You give and give, and every time it glorifies God. Sometimes it’s going to hurt. Break your heart, even. But you’ll keep doing it, because that’s the way you are.”

Morgan reached for her again, and they wept together until there were no more tears.

L
ater that day, Morgan lay on the bed, curled up next to Jonathan.

“It’s gonna be okay, baby,” he said. “I know it is. We’ll make it work. God is looking out for Caleb. He’s going to take care of him.”

“But I want to take care of him.”

“You will. Sheila will need your help. She’ll be grateful for it.”

Morgan wondered if that was true. The woman she’d seen in jail a few days ago didn’t seem grateful or even willing to let Morgan help.

“You know, we need to talk about where we’re going to put her.”

“I was thinking Mrs. Hern’s room, since she’s gone to the nursing home.”

“Or Gus’s room.”

They hadn’t had the chance to really consider Gus’s request. “I guess we need to talk about that, don’t we?”

“Yeah,” Jonathan said. “I’ve been praying about him and Karen a lot.”

“So have I. What do you think?”

Jonathan sat up and leaned back against the post at the foot of the bed. “Ordinarily, I would say that it’s way too soon for Karen, that she needs to finish our program, that she doesn’t need to take on the responsibility of being a wife.”

“But this isn’t an ordinary situation.”

“No, it isn’t. Karen has the baby, and Emory needs a father.”

“Gus would love to be his daddy,” Morgan said. “He’s been around since he was born. I have no doubt in my mind that Gus is ready to handle the responsibility of a family. If they stay here, then Karen can finish the program, and we can help her with her parenting skills and give her a solid foundation to overcome her addictions once and for all.”

“Besides,” Jonathan said, “I hated to see Gus leave. He’s like family.”

Morgan smiled. “Then we’re going to give them our blessing?”

Jonathan sighed. “Are we crazy?”

“I don’t think so. I mean, I’ve been thinking that maybe this was all part of God’s provision for Karen and Emory. Maybe he brought her here so that she’d meet Gus. Emory’s father is a violent, abusive drug dealer who had no intention of marrying her, and even if he did, he’d put Emory in danger. Maybe God was taking care of her by making Gus fall in love with her.”

Jonathan reached across the bed and kissed her. “As if we didn’t have enough to do, now we’ve got a wedding to plan.”

“Let’s go tell them!”

They hurried downstairs and found Gus and Karen sitting on the sun porch with Emory.

“You guys don’t have time for lounging around when you have so much to do,” Jonathan said.

Gus got up. “You need help with something, mon?”

“You bet I do,” Jonathan said. “I need help figuring out where we’re going to have your wedding.”

Karen screamed and shot out of her seat, and they all threw themselves into joyful hugs.

T
he Tuesday issue of the
Observer
was even more sensational than the one the week before. McCormick had brought it to Cade in his office, and Cade had lost his appetite for breakfast. He scanned it now as his coffee slowly got cold. It was packed full of articles about Ben and Lisa’s life together, about the journey their infertility had taken them on, about the rumored affair…

Vince Barr had more pictures of Lisa’s wet, dead body in her car, pictures of her parents at the funeral, an article about Rani’s outburst last week, and a lengthy interview with Lisa’s best friend, in which she accused Ben of the murder again.

He chronicled the searches of Ben’s home, car, boat, and business, complete with interviews with each of his employees, defending his character and denying that he’d ever had another woman.

He even profiled Ben’s opponents in the election, with questions about whether Jonathan or Sam might have had anything to do with the murder.

He was thorough, imaginative, and left no stone unturned.

Too bad one of those big networks who kept interviewing him about the case didn’t just hire him so he could turn to the scandals of politicians and athletic stars—and get off Cade’s back. Cade knew Barr wasn’t about to let the case go until he’d milked it for everything it was worth.

When Cade finished scouring the tabloid, he turned to Blair’s new issue, which had also come out today. She’d handled things tastefully and accurately, in contrast to Vince’s fiction, though she hadn’t sold nearly as many copies.

It wasn’t fair, but it would be all right. Blair would build her circulation, and eventually she would give even the Tampa paper a run for its money. He knew her potential. She could do anything she set her mind to.

B
lair perused the
Observer,
gritting her teeth at the things Vince Barr had reported. The man had gall.

She set the paper down and looked around at her cluttered office. She’d been up most of the night trying to get the paper out. She was exhausted. She didn’t know how much longer she could keep up this pace, and for all the work, she still put out a less-than-stellar little paper that few took seriously.

She’d been thinking about hiring a night staff—maybe two or three people to handle the printing—since she’d bought the paper. But ever since Carson Graham had made the prediction about her buying the South Farm Insurance Building, her imagination had been running wild. What if she really could expand that much, start putting the paper out every day, and grow her circulation to all of Georgia rather than just the island? She was good enough. Her investigative skills, coupled with her research and writing skills, could catapult her to the top echelon of the media in no time…

Not that she was listening to Carson. She knew better than that. The idea had already been in her mind somewhere, dormant. A dream planted by God. Carson simply awakened it.

Inspired by the vision, she decided to drive over to that vacant building, just to see. She crossed the island and found the building, which had been vacated when the insurance company had moved to bigger facilities in Savannah. A “For Sale” sign sat on the front lawn. Rani and Lisa’s real estate company had listed the property.

There was no way she could afford it, but it had been on the market for a long time. Maybe they would consider some sort of lease.

But even that would be out of her budget, wouldn’t it?

Her heart began to pound, and her mind began to calculate. She had spent every penny she had in savings to buy the paper. It had been a good investment, but she had nothing left. Still…there might be a way if God was in this…

But that was the question, wasn’t it? Was this a seed planted by God, or was it something else entirely?

She drove back home, muscles drawn tight by the anxiety of dreaming too big, the stress of wanting more than was in reach. It wasn’t like her to be greedy, to take shortcuts to success. If she had to go into deep debt to expand, if she had to scheme against her own accounting, if she had to take such tremendous risks when she’d barely gotten the paper off the ground—then she was pretty sure this wasn’t of God.

Until she was sure it was, she would put the plans on the back burner. But keeping herself from thinking about them might not be all that easy. Her Pandora’s box of dreams was open now. She didn’t know if it was possible to close it again.

M
organ rose Saturday morning while it was still dark and went downstairs to gather herself before Caleb got up. Karen was already up, sitting out on the sun porch nursing Emory.

Morgan put a pot of coffee on, then stepped out to join her. “Good morning. You’re up early.”

Karen smiled up at her. “Emory woke me up. If I can get him to sleep till five I’m happy. Besides, I’m so excited about the wedding, and there’s so much to do. I couldn’t hardly sleep anyway.”

Morgan hugged her. “You sure you can get it all together that quick? A week from Saturday is awfully soon.”

“I’d do it today if I could. I can’t believe how the good Lord has blessed me.”

When the couple had chosen to have it so soon and asked to have it at Hanover House, Morgan and Jonathan pointed out that it was impossible to do much in preparation. The debate was this Saturday; the election Tuesday.
But Gus and Karen didn’t want any flowers other than the ones already planted in the front garden. Melba Jefferson, a dear friend of the family, got the news and immediately volunteered to make Karen’s wedding dress. They wanted it simple and sweet.

Church members offered to help with the food, the music, and the chairs on the front lawn, and Jonathan would conduct the ceremony. Morgan just hoped it wouldn’t rain.

“So are you getting ready to go get Sadie’s mama?”

“I am.” Morgan sat down next to her. “It’s a three-hour drive, so I hope to get off early. Jonathan’s staying behind to do some campaigning.”

“You want me to keep Caleb for you?”

Morgan thought about that for a moment. “I’m trying to decide whether to take him with us or not.”

“It’s a long trip. Three hours, one way.”

“I know, but when I put myself in Sheila’s place, I think how anxious she must be to spend time with him. She’ll want to hold him the minute she’s free. She could sit by him in the backseat and bond with him. I think he’ll be okay if we make frequent stops.”

“That’s sweet of you to think of her, Morgan. I know this is hard for you.”

Morgan hated being so transparent. “I want her to be happy here. I want to give her every opportunity to be what her children need her to be.”

“That’s what you gave me,” Karen said. “A chance to start over, get my life right. And watching you mother Caleb has taught me how to be a mama to Emory.”

Ironic, Morgan thought. Here she was, not even a mother herself, modeling motherhood to the mothers who would live in the house. That heaviness fell over her heart again. “Well, I guess I’d better get Sadie up, and I need to go through the clothes we’ve had donated. Sheila may not have anything to wear.”

“Guaranteed she’s not the same size she was when she went in. I was two sizes bigger when I got out.”

That had been the problem with virtually all of the women who came here from jail. They’d spent whatever money they’d
earned working in jail on candy bars and junk food at the commissary. It helped anesthetize the grief, boredom, and loneliness. She went to the closet where they kept the donated clothing and picked out a couple of outfits in different sizes close to what Sheila probably wore. She was still slim, but she’d been nothing but skin and bones when she’d been arrested.

Help me to think of her today, Lord. Not me.

If she could focus on her, maybe she would get through the day without falling apart.

S
heila was waiting in the holding room in the prison when Morgan, Sadie, and Caleb went in. She still wore her brown prison jumpsuit, dingy white socks, and the fluorescent orange flip-flops that were issued to all the inmates.

Sadie carried Caleb in, and the moment she saw her mother she let out a joyful yell. Sheila bolted out of her chair and threw her arms around them.

Morgan stood back, holding the clothes over her arm. Sheila took Caleb and covered his face with kisses.

It was as it should be.

“He’s so big. Look at him. He’s grown up. He’s not a baby anymore.”

The child stared up at his mother, as if he didn’t quite know how to react. Morgan prayed he wouldn’t cry.

“His hair has a curl. I didn’t know he had curly hair.”

“I sent you pictures, Mom,” Sadie said. “Don’t you remember seeing the curl?”

“It’s not the same.” She ruffled his hair and kissed him again. He smiled—miraculously…beautifully. “Look at you, smiling at your mama. Oh, you’re so different in person, Caleb! Do you even remember me?”

Of course he didn’t, Morgan thought. He’d only been a few months old when she’d been arrested.

She stepped up then. “Sheila, we’re so glad you’re coming home with us.”

Sheila looked as if she could have floated out the door. “Well, I’m ready to get out of this place, only they won’t let me go in the state-issued jumpsuit.”

“I brought you some clothes. I wasn’t sure of the size, but one of these should work.”

Sheila took one of the pairs of jeans with her free hand and held it up to her. “You people are unbelievable, you know that? I’m just blown away.”

“Go change, Mom,” Sadie said. “I can’t wait to get you out of here.”

Reluctantly Sheila handed Caleb back to Sadie and, giddy with excitement, disappeared into a bathroom.

When she’d finished dressing and signed all of her paperwork, they left the depressing building. Morgan unlocked the car and opened the door to the backseat. “I thought you’d want to sit next to his car seat. Here, I’ll put him in.”

“I can do it. I remember how to put a kid into a car seat.”

Morgan didn’t like hearing Caleb referred to as a kid, but she knew loving parents did it all the time. She got into the driver’s seat as all three Carusos lined up in the back.

They had scarcely gotten to the highway back to Savannah, when Caleb started to cry. Morgan listened helplessly as both Sadie and Sheila tried to calm him.

She glanced into the rearview mirror. “Maybe we should pull over. He might need to be changed. We need lunch, anyway.”

“I can change him,” Sheila said quickly, and before Morgan could stop her, she had unclipped his car seat and pulled him out. “He just wants his mama, don’t you, Caleb?”

Alarms went off in Morgan’s head. “He really needs to be in the car seat, Sheila. It’s dangerous to have him out of it. It’s also against the law.”

“Well, what are they gonna do, put me back in jail for holding my own baby?”

Morgan swallowed and decided to pull over at the next exit.

Caleb didn’t like the new arrangement, so he cried louder, kicking and bucking to get out of her lap. He was just about to
break free when Morgan pulled into a McDonald’s. “We can eat and let him play for a little while. He’ll probably be ready for a nap by the time we get back into the car.”

She could see the frustration on Sheila’s face, and she told herself to have compassion. Sheila was trying, after all, even if her methods were a little wrong.

C
aleb got sleepy after lunch and fussed until Morgan finally took him. He laid his head down on Morgan’s shoulder and began to suck his thumb. She saw the disappointment on Sheila’s face, so she tried to distract her. “I’ll go change him. If you guys need anything, there’s a big convenience store next door.” She pulled out a twenty dollar bill and handed it to Sheila. “I’m going to pull the car over there and get some gas.”

Sheila’s face changed, and mother and daughter hurried across to the store, like best girlfriends on a shopping spree. It had been over a year since Sheila had been in a store. She would probably head straight for the Cokes, as the residents often did. Then she’d get some mascara, if they sold it, maybe some lip gloss. Things that made her feel human again.

Morgan tried to get her bearings. She changed Caleb and hooked him back into his car seat. “Go to sleep, sweetie,” she said, kissing his forehead. “You’re being such a good boy.”

His eyelids began to close even as she got into the driver’s seat and pulled over to the gas pumps. She looked toward the door and saw Sadie coming out. Her face was pale, and she looked as if she might burst into tears.

“What is it, honey? Is everything okay?”

Sheila came out then. A lit cigarette hung from her mouth. She held a brand new pack in her hand.

Morgan glanced back at Sadie.

“I told her, but she wouldn’t listen. Morgan, please don’t get mad.”

Sadie got into the car. Morgan waited for Sheila to reach her. “Sheila, if you read the rules of the program at Hanover House, you know that smoking is forbidden.”

“Well, we’re not at the house yet. Don’t worry. I won’t smoke in the car.”

“I’d rather you didn’t smoke at all.”

Sheila huffed and took the cigarette out, exhaled a long stream of smoke. She looked poised to argue, but then seemed to think better of it. Dropping the cigarette, she stomped it out.

“I don’t want you bringing the pack home, Sheila.”

Sheila sighed. “Well, you paid for it. You want me to just toss it?”

“I’d appreciate that.”

Her face was tight as she dropped it ceremoniously into the trash can, then got back into the car.

“Thank you, Sheila.” Morgan took the nozzle out and put the gas cap back on.

Sheila didn’t answer. She just closed the door hard.

Morgan didn’t know why she felt like crying as she got back into the car. This happened almost every time they got a new resident. They were always happy and grateful to be accepted, but as soon as the rules and the reality sank in, they began to resent Morgan and Jonathan. Usually, if they could just stick it out for the first month or so, the resentment would eventually fade, and the real work could begin.

But she wanted it to be different with Sheila. Her children were watching.

Sheila seemed to be sulking as she sat next to her sleeping child. Her arms were crossed, and she stared out the window as Morgan pulled back onto the interstate. Sadie was just as quiet.

As she drove, Morgan realized they were walking a tightrope between strict adherence to the rules and the knowledge that Sheila could leave, taking Caleb if Sheila felt provoked. Morgan couldn’t let her love for the child temper her expectations. It wouldn’t help Sheila change her life. It wouldn’t do her any good
at all. Since the other tenants had to follow the rules, it wouldn’t be fair to bend them for Sheila.

If Morgan were still pregnant, everything would be different. Maybe it would be easier for her to let go. Or maybe not.

After a while, Sadie tried to get her mother’s mind off of her anger. “Mom, there was a murder a couple of weeks ago in Cape Refuge. I’ve been helping Blair cover it for the paper. This woman, Lisa, was found in her car at the bottom of the river…”

This woman, Lisa,
Morgan thought. Her friend, who had been barren. She wondered if this third treatment would have helped Lisa conceive, if she had been close to seeing her dreams come true.

Maybe they could still come true for her. In vitro was a drastic approach so soon in her infertility struggle. But maybe the doctor was right. Maybe they needed the big guns first. She didn’t want to wind up like Lisa, with an empty womb and an empty crib where Caleb used to be.

When she got home, she would tell Jonathan she wanted to try. Somehow, she would come up with the money. But Dr. Sims was right. She couldn’t put a price on having a family.

Whatever it cost, she would figure out how to get the money. Even if it meant mortgaging Hanover House.