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Authors: Penelope Douglas

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CHAPTER 18

MADOC

“C
ome on, let’s get this over with.” I waved Jared and Jax in to take the punch they wanted to hand out.

I’d just walked out of the locker room after showering and dressing post-game to find them waiting with Tate. I clutched the backpack I had slung over my shoulder and waited. In all honesty, I’d expected them sooner, like a month ago.

Tate walked up to me slowly, and I leaned down to pick her up in a hug.

Bad idea.

Her fist swung out and pounded me right in the arm, making me stumble backward.

“Damn it, Tate.” I winced, hearing Jax laughing in the background.

At least she avoided my nose this time.

“You’re a jerk,” she scolded. “Here we’re thinking you’re in bad shape, and you’re just fine! Playing soccer and partying. What’s the matter with you?”

Still wincing, I rubbed my arm and dropped my backpack. “Nothing. I know I’ve been out of touch, but you shouldn’t have worried. You’re just mad because you missed my hot ass, huh?”

She huffed, and I laughed a little. They cared. Enough to show up at my school and ambush me outside my soccer game. As pissed off as they looked, it made me happy that they’d come.

In truth, I’d known they would. And for some reason, I just couldn’t reach out myself. I didn’t want to hear about how much fun they were having at home this summer. I didn’t want to take the chance of hearing any gossip or news about my father’s divorce.

I missed my friends, and I knew I’d miss them more if I stayed in contact.

That’s how it had to be. Until now.

Jared stepped forward, and Tate placed a casual hand around his waist, bunching up his gray T-shirt.

“Damn right, we shouldn’t have worried, asshole,” he growled in a low voice. “Fallon was right.”

I straightened, my neck heating up. “What are you talking about?”

I hadn’t said her name out loud in months. I’d thought about her, though, even though I didn’t want to.

“She came with us today.” Tate looked too happy to deliver that blow but then tightened her lips. “But she split when it was obvious that you were fine.”

Wait, what?

“Why is she with you?” I shook my head, disbelieving.

“Because Tate and Fallon are roommates,” Jared chimed in, losing patience. “What’s the big deal?”

“What?” I blurted. “She lives with you?”

“Yeah.” Tate let out a bitter laugh. “You two don’t keep in touch much, do you?”

I nodded sarcastically, bending down to pick up my bag. “That’s awesome. She’s living with one of my best friends and hanging out with the other two.”

“Well, she’s been a better friend than you lately,” Jared gritted out. “I can’t believe we had to chase you down like this.”

“Yeah, we better get a good time out of this tonight,” Jax chimed in, shoving his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie.

I barely heard them, the anger pouring in and out of my lungs faster by the second.

I looked at Tate. “Where is Fallon?” I asked.

“She said she was going to walk around until we were ready to leave.” She took out her phone and began texting. “We thought we’d stay the night, but I have a race in Shelburne Falls tomorrow night, so we weren’t staying the whole weekend. But . . .” She looked up. “You seem happy as a clam without us here, so I guess we’ll head back tonight.”

No.

“You’re not leaving. I’ve been a jerk, and I can’t explain right now, but . . .” I nodded. “I want you guys here.”

Tate sighed, looking at her phone. “She’s at the Grotto.”

I blew out a huge-ass breath and tossed Jared my dad’s house key. “You remember where my dad’s house is at, right?” He’d tagged along one weekend when Tate was in France two years ago.

“You all go there,” I said, walking toward my car. “I’ll go get Fallon.”

•   •   •

The Grotto was a landmark at Notre Dame and a reproduction of a French shrine where the Virgin Mary appeared to Saint Bernadette in the 1800s. For believers and nonbelievers, it was a beautiful spot on campus where people went to pray, meditate, think, or just be quiet for a while.

I couldn’t claim to be churchgoing guy, but even I lit candles there before games and tests.

Just in case.

It’s also where my father proposed to my mother more than twenty years ago. And look how that turned out.

I didn’t know what I would say to Fallon, and I wasn’t even sure what I wanted from this. Did I want her to leave?
No.
Should I want her to leave?
Yes.

She deserved every fucking cold shoulder in the world. What nerve she had showing up here. Blackmailing my father; nearly throwing Jared’s mom under the bus; and jerking me up, down, and all around for her own pleasure.

Sure, I’d spun out for a few weeks after getting to South Bend, but then I’d zoned in on soccer and my friends. I was fine.

And yeah, I’d gone AWOL on my best friends. And sure, I’d barely laughed since being here, but I was still handsome like nobody’s business.

That worked for me.

Walking through the clean-cut lawns, veering down sidewalks under the canopy of nearly bare trees, I spotted the Grotto tucked back into a rock wall.

And Fallon was there.

Not sitting and sulking like I thought she’d be. Or wanted her to be.

No, she was standing in front of the shrine, hands in her back pockets, staring at the sea of candles flickering in the light wind. The Virgin Mary sat perched in her cove above to the right, and I shook my head, smiling at the irony.

People came here to pray. A few individuals were kneeling before the fence separating them from the shrine right now.

I couldn’t yell at her here. Damn.

Sitting down on the bench behind her, I threw my arms over the back and waited for her to turn around.

Her light brown hair blew across her shoulders, and her small hands cupped her ass in her jeans pockets. I closed my damn mouth and swallowed.

“You know,” she started, turning her face to the side, “it’s inappropriate for you to stare at my ass here.”

The couple praying looked over at her and then to me and back down to their hands.

Yeah, pray for us.

“But it’s the only nice thing about you, little sister.”

The couple’s gasp made me want to laugh, and they got up, the woman glaring at me as they walked off. I tightened my jaw, not wanting to admit that this was the first time I’d genuinely laughed in a while.

Fallon’s back straightened, and she turned around slowly, her patient eyes marking me, but I nudged my way in before she got started.

“So what did you think?” I asked. “That I was slowly circling the drain of despair without you?”

She hooded her eyes, embarrassment warming her cheeks. “I shouldn’t have come. Tate was sure you were snorting coke off a hooker’s ass on a daily basis. She bullied me.”

She’d be the expert. I laughed to myself, but then I tensed up.

She talked about Tate like they were friends. Like they had a whole relationship, and I wasn’t aware of it.

Hell, I wasn’t. I dropped the ball, and Fallon picked up what I had let go.

Fallon watched me, and I realized she wasn’t wearing her glasses. She usually wore them in public and only took them off in the bedroom. They were just reading glasses, so she didn’t need them all of the time, but it was like a fashion statement or something.

Now, they were gone. Her eyes were unshielded, and she was beautiful. Always beautiful. Just different now.

“Why would I be off the rails?” I challenged as she approached me. “I’m very happy. Great team, interesting classes, a good girl to spend my nights with . . .”

That was sort of the truth. I loved playing for the team. My classes sucked, though. I was bored as hell, not sure what I was doing half the time, and I didn’t have a girlfriend. I didn’t want one. Friends with benefits was the arrangement Ashtyn and I had. She was a freshman, same as me, and played tennis for the school.

“Yeah, you have it good, Madoc. I’m glad.” She nodded. “Really, I am.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Believe it or not.” She came to sit down beside me, still keeping a distance. “I do want to see you happy.”

I stared at her mouth and the glint of silver I saw from her tongue. She’d put her tongue ring back in.

The muscles on the inside of my leg twitched because I wanted to touch her. I wanted to feel her tongue. I wanted to feel the ball on it dragging across my skin.

Fuck.

I looked away before responding. “Well, I am. Things are easy here. No bullshit, no drama.”

“Good,” she replied instantly. “I’m sorry they worried.”

Signal the end of the conversation. The mood was dead, and I was angrier than a motherfucker. I was pissed off and elated at the same time.

There was shit we weren’t saying, and fights we weren’t having. She thought she could nip this in the bud with a tidy little bow and walk away, but I wasn’t done.

Who the fuck was Fallon, anyway?

I wanted to come at her. Again and again until she came undone. I wanted her screaming and crying. I wanted to chip away this tough little act until she was red with anger and sobbing miserably.

I wanted her broken.

And then I wanted her shivering and grabbing for me in need.

I stood up and stretched my arms out behind me.

“So I offered everyone my dad’s house for the night. There are some bars to hit with the team, and I want to spend some time with Jared, Tate, and Jax—”

“Well, have fun,” she cut me off.

My stomach knotted. “You’re not staying?”

“No, we brought two cars. I’ll take Tate’s back tonight. I was just waiting to see what everyone else was doing before I headed out.”

I rubbed my jaw, trying to figure out how to keep her here without looking like I wanted her here.

“So stubborn,” I mumbled.

Her eyes shot up to mine. “What do you mean?”

Yeah, what did I mean?

I dug my keys out of my pocket and spoke without looking at her.

“Good-bye, Fallon.” My tone was curt.

Walking past her, I picked my cell out of my other pocket and dialed Jax.

“What?” he answered.

“Pull the plug on Tate’s throttle body,” I ordered.

“Why?”

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to tell everyone where you disappear to on your long nights out.” My threat wasn’t empty. I probably should’ve told Jared when I’d found out last spring.

“I knew I shouldn’t have told you,” he grumbled.

I sneered. Although he couldn’t see it, he could hear it. “You didn’t. You showed me. And now I have those nightmares to contend
with. I think I need to talk to someone about it,” I hinted. “I think I need talk to a lot of people.”

“All right!” he hissed. “Damn! It’s not like Tate’s not going to figure out how to fix it in two seconds anyway.”

“Well, you just make sure she doesn’t look under the hood then.”

CHAPTER 19

FALLON

A
t St. Joe’s, I read Dante’s
Inferno
. He stated that the seventh circle of hell was reserved for the violent. The inner ring of the circle housed the violent against God, the middle ring housed the suicides, and the outer ring was for the violent against people and property.

That was my ring.

Because I not only wanted to have a little tantrum with a baseball bat and this stupid karaoke machine, but I was going to fuck someone up as well.

After discovering that Tate’s car was out of commission until we could get to an open auto body shop tomorrow, I’d resigned myself to having to stay in South Bend for the night.

And to make matters worse, Tate and Jax seemed to be on a mission to make sure I followed them all out to a bar.

Madoc didn’t want me along. He’d joked that I’d fit in better at one of the community college parties.

So . . . I flipped him off, went upstairs to my room, and shredded
the shit out of the back of my DC skating T-shirt and applied a hell of a lot more makeup than I’d wanted.

To hell with him.
He didn’t think I’d fit in.

Baby, I always fit in
.

My jeans were tight, my T-shirt showed off my back with the twenty or so slits running across it, and my hair and makeup broadcasted that I was damn well looking for a good time.

Tate thought I looked good, too. She had me do the same thing to her T-shirt, and then Jared hauled her upstairs to change. They didn’t come back for half an hour, and Tate was still wearing the same shirt.

“Hey, you go to school here?” a guy shouted in my ear while I waited at the bar. I cringed and looked over at him, doing a double-take.

His espresso-colored hair was a little longer around the ears and fell on his forehead, and his blue eyes popped underneath his dark eyebrows. He was cute. Really cute.

He was dressed pretty casually—dark-wash jeans and some kind of beer T-shirt—but he wasn’t hard on the eyes. And he definitely was dressed better than Madoc, who looked like an Abercrombie ad. This guy wasn’t as built—he was lean, but toned—but he had a wide eye-catching smile.

“No,” I shouted back over the music. “I go to Northwestern. You?”

“Yeah, I’m a senior here. What brings you to Notre Dame?”

“Visiting,” I answered, handing the bartender a few bucks and taking my Coke. “You?”

“Bud,” he ordered to the bartender and then looked at me. “Environmental Engineering.”

Cute, engineer, and orders no-frills beer. Definitely my type. Not that I drank Budweiser or any alcohol very much. I could’ve if I’d wanted to. They weren’t carding at the bar, since IDs were checked at
the door and Madoc had worked his magic to get us in, but I still opted to stay sober.

“Very cool.” I fist-bumped him and smiled. “Well, I’m heading back to my friends. Have a good night.”

He nodded, looking like he wanted to say something, but stayed at the bar to wait for his drink.

Heading through the dense cluster of people waiting to place their orders, I made my way back to the two tables we had put together near the wall of windows and sat back down.

I noticed the extra body at our table right away. A girl was sitting next to Madoc, and my eyes narrowed at his hand on her leg.

Her long dark hair hung in big curls down over her breasts, and she had tanned, toned arms that looked great in a loose green tank top that showed off the black lace bra underneath. She was definitely dressed in a slutty-sexy way, yet it was completely expensive and stylish.

Whereas I just probably looked slutty.

She was drinking Amstel Light.
Of course.

Madoc glanced at me for a split second but then turned his attention to Jared, who sat at my side. “So how are you liking ROTC?” he asked.

“It’s good,” Jared spoke up. “I have to go to two separate campuses for all of my classes, but it’s keeping me out of trouble.”

Tate, leaning into him on his other side, patted his leg. “Yep. Say it, baby. ‘Tate, your dad was right.’”

Jared jabbed her in the ribs, and she started giggling, pushing him away. “Stop.”

“You know you’re going to be apart? Like a lot.” Madoc’s tone was far from friendly, and his expression was stern. “And his sexy ass is going to be in the jungle or on a ship for six months out of the year away from you. You okay with that?” he spoke to Tate.

What the hell?
Why was he raining on their parade? I had never been a fan of Jared’s, but he’d damn well earned my trust over the past couple of months. He and Tate were doing great.

Tate sobered, evening out her smile. “Of course.” She nodded. “I’ll miss him, but I trust him.” And then she smirked at Jared. “You won’t touch any of those guys, will you?”

“Not unless he gets really horny,” Jax joked.

“I’ll get you a vibrator, Tate,” Madoc offered. “Or I could just come over. You know, to check on you when he’s away.”

A splinter of jealousy dug into my heart, but then I saw Jared flip him off out of the corner of my eye. I guess it was pretty regular practice for Madoc to joke like that.

“Yeah, thanks,” Tate mumbled. “I’ll take the vibrator, I think.”

I set my drink down and looked behind me to the side at the newest idiot entertaining the crowd with bad disco karaoke.

Oh, wait. All disco was bad. Why was it that everyone who sings either goes for disco or country?

I should get up there and . . . nope.
Never mind
. I blinked away that idiot thought and turned back to the table.

And found Madoc staring at me. He still had his hand on the girl’s leg, but he’d stopped rubbing. I couldn’t tell if he was drunk or not. Usually he didn’t sport such serious expressions, but he hadn’t been up to the bar more than once.

The girl to his right had been chatting with Jax, but I wasn’t even sure if Madoc had introduced her. I hadn’t gotten a name, but that must have been the girl he was talking about spending his nights with.

Within seconds, though, she turned back to Madoc and whispered something in his ear.

I slouched a little lower in my seat, avoiding his eyes.

“Hey, Madoc. How’s it going?” A chair appeared at my other
side, and I looked up to see the guy from the bar sitting down next to me.

He gave a half-smile, holding eye contact for a little longer than me.

Madoc’s voice was slow and deep. “Aidan,” he greeted. Only it didn’t sound like a greeting. More like a threat.

“Tell me everything you can about this pretty girl.” Aidan spoke to Madoc but motioned to me.

Really?

I rolled my eyes and straightened up. “Madoc doesn’t know me. Not really.” I offered my hand to Aidan.

“Aidan, Fallon. Fallon, Aidan.” Madoc introduced us, ignoring my insult.

He shook my hand, and I smiled back, still not interested but not wanting Madoc to see that, either.

“Glad to officially meet you,” Aidan said, his blue eyes piercing.

“Her mother likes young guys,” Madoc chimed in again. “And her father kills people for a living.”

I closed my eyes and exhaled a hot breath through my nose.

What a dick.

My lips twisted up at Madoc’s exaggerated information.

Okay, not really exaggerated. My mother liked young guys, but my father didn’t set out to kill anyone. If you crossed him, you knew what to expect.

But still . . .

Aidan breathed out a laugh. “Nice.”

He obviously thought Madoc was joking.

“Fallon’s also pretty easy,” Madoc said in a husky voice. I glared at him, fire burning my eyes, while Aidan cleared his throat.

I’m going to kill him!

“Easy on the eyes, that is,” he specified.

I stood up, grabbing one of the unemptied shot glasses on the table. “Oh, Madoc. You didn’t tell him the best part. I can sing.”

And I downed the shot, not realizing it was tequila until it hit my throat. Slamming the glass down on the table, I spun around and dived into the dance crowd, waiting until I was out of sight before I coughed out the burn from the noxious shit I just drank.

“You wanna sing?” the burly rocker dude who ran the karaoke show asked as I stepped up to the side of the stage.

“Yeah. Do you have Ashlee Simpson’s ‘La La’?” I swallowed the taste of the liquor over and over again but couldn’t get rid of it on my tongue. One nice thing though was that I already felt it coursing through my limbs and giving me delicious chills all over my body.

“Sure.” The guy nodded without looking at me as he worked the machine. “Step on up.”

Doing as he said, I lifted my chin, took the mic with one hand, and stuck the other in the back pocket of my jeans. Whistles erupted around the room, and I turned to the table where my friends and enemy sat, seeing Jared and Tate turned around in their seats, smiling. Jax watched me, too, even though he had a waitress desperately trying to get his attention by bending down at his side to talk to him. I could see her cleavage from here.

Aidan had stayed at the table but stood up for a better view, and Madoc . . . well, Madoc was the red-hot blood in my veins. His fucking mouth was plastered on the girl next to him, eyes closed, and I may as well not even have existed.

I ground my teeth together and tensed the muscles in my legs, staying pissed. I saw Tate look between Madoc and me and then stand up as the music started.

“Here you go!” rocker dude shouted.

I bounced the heel of my right foot up and down, finding rhythm with the fast-paced pop tune. Closing my eyes, I smiled, relishing in
the thrill of getting lost. Bending my knees, I shimmied my body lower and back on up, bobbing my head in time to the music.

“You can dress me up in diamonds,” I sang, unable to contain the delicious fire racing through my body. Letting the lyrics pour out of me, I didn’t even need to look at the monitors. Too many times growing up I’d belted out the words to this song.

My voice low and chin tipped down as I sang the words, playing the crowd with my eyes, I looked over and smiled in surprise, seeing Tate jumping up on the stage with another microphone.

She pumped her fist in the air as we both shouted, “Ya make me wanna la la!”

The whole crowd of guys and girls went wild, jumping up and down and singing with us as I laughed and sang at the same time.

I completely lost sight of our table once the crowd got going, which was probably a good thing. I wasn’t so angry anymore, and I was thankful Tate got up there with me. It felt good to have someone on my side.

And even though I couldn’t see Madoc, I hoped he was watching. If his eyes were on me, then his lips weren’t on her.

“I see everything I want for as long as I can have it.”

He seemed so different now compared to the man who had spoken those words to me in June.

His cold demeanor was distant and silent, and I wasn’t sure if I came up here to prove something or to draw him out.

“La la la, la la la,” Tate and I kept singing, ending the song.

I bowed my head and then threw it back, swinging all of my hair out of my face. Tate hooked an arm around my neck and whispered, “He didn’t take his eyes off of you the whole time.”

My heart started pounding harder, and I wasn’t sure if it was that or the crowd’s cheers that were vibrating through my arms and legs.

I knew she was talking about Madoc, but I acted dumb anyway. “Aidan?” I asked.

She smirked at me knowingly. “No, you idiot. You know who I’m talking about.”

I refused to look over at the table, so I led the way off stage and wiped my fingers across my damp forehead.

Aidan emerged from the crowd on the dance floor and placed a hand on my hip. I stiffened as he leaned in to speak in my ear. “That was great! You’re a good singer.”

I offered a small smile and looked up when the surrounding speakers began playing regular music. The DJ announced a break, and couples wrapped their arms around each other and started dancing to the slow song.

“Would you like to dance?” Aidan shouted in my ear.

I looked around for Tate, who seemed to have disappeared, and I couldn’t see anything through the crowd. I decided this was a good way out, though. Not that there was anything wrong with Aidan, but I was done for the night.

“Sure,” I shouted back. “One before I head out.”

He grabbed my hand and led me into the middle of the mix, turning around to wrap his hands around my waist. He pulled me in, and I held his shoulders as we swayed to Green Day’s “21 Guns.”

“How do you know Madoc?” I asked.

“We’re on the team together.” His thumb was rubbing strokes on my back. “Although, he’s on the fast track. He’ll probably be captain next year,” he said, not looking particularly pleased.

Captain by sophomore year?

“He’s that good?” I asked. I’d never seen Madoc play soccer.

“No, he’s just that connected,” he shot back. “Madoc doesn’t have to earn a whole lot on his own.”

My hard eyes fell, and I was a little pissed.

I could say Madoc was an entitled little prince with the hard path of life freshly paved for him, but for some reason, I felt the need to defend him.

I’d been there when he’d quit piano and started studying cars instead. He worked hard, read a lot, and tinkered for hours to learn his way around a garage. Madoc put in the muscle when he cared and pushed things away when he didn’t.

His name may have gotten him on the team, but he wouldn’t play if he didn’t want to. And he wouldn’t play if he didn’t know he was an asset.

Aidan’s fingers were slipping in and out of the rips in my shirt, caressing my skin as he pressed himself into me more closely.

“I should probably get go—” I started to tell him good-bye but suddenly felt like I was backed up against a wall.

Aidan looked directly behind me.

“Take a hike, Aidan.” I blinked, hearing Madoc’s voice as he came around to the side.

Turning around, I looked up at him and noticed his blue eyes shooting bullets at Aidan.

Oh, no.
This was a zero to sixty moment with Madoc, but we had skipped the zero part.

Aidan took his hands off my waist. “Hey, man—”

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