Rival Demons (17 page)

Jackson shook his head in frustration and turned
away. "That's not true," he said. "I've seen you in the marketplace
plenty of times."

"Yeah, with all my new friends," I said, my tone
biting. "Do you have any idea how lonely it is for me here? Or do
you even care?"

"I didn't bring you here to make friends," he
said. "I brought you here to save your life. Did you know that
right now there's a hunter stalking the entrance where we came in?
She's there, just waiting for you."

I felt like I'd had the breath knocked out of
me. "One of the Order's hunters? How did she know where to find
me?"

Jackson ran a hand through his hair. "I don't
know," he said. "She had to have tracked you somehow, which doesn't
make sense to me when you've barely even been casting any magic
down here at all."

I froze, my body tense. "Magic?" I shook my
head. "I thought you said this place was shielded from the surface.
That they couldn't track me all the way down here."

"Normally that's true," he said. "But that's
never really been tested with a witch's magic. I mean, we're
usually thinking more about demon-only magic. It doesn't matter
though, you haven't been casting that much, have you?"

I didn't know what to say. I hated to lie to
him, but to tell him the truth would be admitting that I'd been
watching the soldiers.

"Harper?" He took a step toward me. "Have
you?"

I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. This
was going to be painful.

"Oh my god," he said. He walked around in a
circle, his hands balling into fists. "You've been casting? A lot?
Tell me now."

"First of all, let me say that I had no idea I
could be tracked," I said in my defense. "You never told me that
was even a possibility."

"Tell me," he demanded.

"Okay, yes, I've been casting," I said. "A
lot."

I explained about the practicing in my room.

Jackson paced the room in front of me. "Still,"
he said. "I wouldn't think that would be enough. I mean, I would
have thought it would take something more to get through the
barrier. Something stronger, like all-out use of your power."

I fidgeted. "There's something else," I said.
"And I know you're going to be angry, but you have to understand, I
couldn't just sit down here and do nothing. I wanted to learn to be
more powerful."

"What did you do?"

I knew I had to say it quickly, like ripping off
a bandaid.

"I used my invisibility to follow the soldiers
into the training rooms," I confessed. "I went every day for
several weeks, sometimes staying overnight after they left to
practice."

The shock on Jackson's face was complete and
terrifying. He took a step backward, then collapsed into one of the
chairs around the table. "How could I have missed this?" he asked
himself. "I should have been paying more attention. I never
thought... how did you even pull that off?"

When he looked up at me, I saw a mixture of
anger and wonder.

He genuinely hadn't thought I was capable of
something like this on my own. Didn't he know me at all?

"You don't think I'm strong enough to make any
real difference, do you?" I asked, so angry with him for always
believing I was weak. "Did you really expect me to just sit around
down here like a little puppy dog? I don't want to be down here
forever, no matter what you might think. I plan to go back and
fight someday."

Jackson stood, taking several quick steps in my
direction. "Why are you always so bullheaded and stubborn? Why
can't you just be patient for once? You have no idea what the Order
is capable of."

The anger in his tone felt like a slap across
the face. I had no idea? How could he even say that after all I'd
seen and been through? I pushed back the sting of tears. "You want
to know why I can't be patient?" I asked. "What about the fact that
I've got an entire army of witches looking for me? Witches who, by
the way, want to kill me. Or what about the fact that every day we
sit here on our asses, more and more demons are forced into an
eternity of slavery?"

"You think I don't know all that?" he said. "But
what do you want me to do about it Harper? I have been trying to
find a way to fight back for a hundred years. You think we can just
change the world in two weeks? It doesn't work like that."

"No?" I said, lifting my chin. "Well how does it
work?"

Jackson didn't answer. He stared at me, his
chest moving up and down with each heavy breath.

"You don't have a clue how it works," I said. I
was in his face now, part of me wanting to punch him and part of me
wanting to kiss him. "Just how far have you really gotten in one
hundred years? Have you fought anyone? Defeated anyone? Changed one
single thing?"

I saw the hurt in his face. His upper lip
twitched slightly and the muscles in his cheeks pulsed as he ground
his teeth together. I know I was pulling some low blows, but wasn't
I right? How long were we all going to sit back doing nothing?

"What do you propose we do then, oh mighty
sixteen-year-old Harper?"

"I'm seventeen now," I mumbled. I didn't have
some brilliant plan to offer either, I just wanted us to start
looking for better answers.

"Oh excuse me, seventeen," he said, clapping his
hands together. "I'm sure that extra year has provided you with the
wisdom of the ages, right? So what's your big plan to save my
brother and the entire shadow demon race? Do you think we should
just all go over there and just start fighting?"

"At least that would be something," I said.

"It would be mass carnage," he said. "For both
sides probably. Is that really what you want?"

"No," I said, my voice softening. He couldn't
really think that was what I wanted. "Of course not. But I want to
do something. I'm so sick and tired of always being kept in the
dark with you. Why can't you just talk to me? It's like you don't
believe I'm strong enough to hear the truth. You don't think I'll
have anything to contribute to the conversation. You don't think I
can help. You just take it all on your own shoulders, thinking you
can protect everyone, but you know what? That's bullshit."

"That's not the way I feel at all," he said,
sadness darkening his eyes.

"How would I know?" I said. "It's not like you
talk to me about how you're feeling. Since we got to the shadow
world, it's been nothing but secrets between you and Lea."

"All I've ever done is try to protect you,
Harper," he said. "That's all that matters to me."

"That's not true," I said.

"Yes it is."

"So you're saying there isn't some small part of
you that thinks I'm incapable of doing anything important to
help?"

He paused and I felt the seconds tick away like
a bomb in my gut. When he finally lifted his eyes to mine, I knew I
had gotten it right. Even after everything we'd been through. Even
after I'd saved him from the Others and fought back against the
crows. He still didn't think I was powerful enough to make a
difference. To him, I was just a weak young witch who needed to be
sheltered and protected.

And wasn't I?

Hadn't I almost died at the hands of the Order?
If Jackson and the others hadn't come for me, I would have died
that day in the ritual room. No doubt about it.

I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. They
streamed down my face like a waterfall.

Jackson reached for me, but I stepped away,
holding my hands up.

"Harper-"

"Don't," I said. I wiped at the tears on my
face. "I know you don't understand why I came here or why I keep
breaking your rules, but you have to know that I am just not the
kind of person who can sit back and wait while everything falls
apart. I want to at least try to make a difference. If you wanted
me to give up, you should have just let me die."

My words hung between us like a thick cloud.

"You don't understand anything," he said.
"You're seeing it all wrong."

"Then how should I see it?" I asked softly.

Jackson stared at me, his eyes telling me he had
something he wanted to say, but something seemed to hold him back.
The moment passed and he turned away.

"Why this room?" he asked. "What were you hoping
to find here that was worth risking so much?"

I sniffed. "I heard that at least one of the
hunters caught along the way had some spellbooks in her cave," I
said. "I thought maybe, if they were old enough books, they might
hold some of the Order's secrets."

He shook his head. "You're still determined to
find a spell that will release Aerden?"

"Aren't you?" I asked.

"I've seen the books you're talking about," he
said. "But there's nothing new in them. Nothing we haven't seen
before."

My heart fell and the tears threatened to come
again. I suddenly felt so incredibly tired and defeated. "Why
didn't you at least tell me about it?"

He met my eyes and I could see in his expression
that he understood the pain in my heart.

"Just because you don't want anyone to know
about what we had together, doesn't mean you had to completely cut
me out of your life," I said. "That was your choice."

His face grew tight and I noticed his hand
trembling slightly. "I have my reasons," he said.

I nodded. "Yeah, you always do."

Jackson held up his hand and turned back toward
the doors. "This conversation is going nowhere," he said. When he
got to the door, he turned back. "Come on, I'm taking you back to
your room. And promise me you'll never do something like this
again."

For a moment, I stood my ground, not wanting to
leave. I didn't feel like this was really over. There was still so
much more I wanted to say.

I took one long look around at all of the
unreadable books, wondering where the answers were if not here.
Then, I gave in and followed Jackson silently back to my room, the
distance between us greater than ever.

Emotions scattered through me in all
directions.

I was angry at Jackson for not being open with
me from the start about what he knew and what he'd been working on.
I was ashamed for getting caught doing something I was never
supposed to do. Disappointed didn't even begin to describe how I
felt about the fact that none of the hunter's spellbooks contained
the spell I was looking for. And now, on top of everything, there
was a hunter stalking the portal entrance.

I flopped down on my bed and let all those
conflicting emotions roll through me like a wave. Or a tsunami
really.

Where did I even go from here?

Jackson had made me promise I wouldn't go back
to the training grounds. I knew I couldn't risk going back into the
library. Besides, what good would that do if the books I needed
didn't even exist? I had come to a wall. A barrier so thick, I
could see no way around it.

And as far as Jackson was concerned, I knew
there was so much still unsaid between us. He was hiding something
from me, I could tell. Why could he never just be open with me? Why
couldn't he just tell me everything and trust that I was ready to
hear it? He said I didn't understand his reasons, but how was I
supposed to understand when he wouldn't just talk to me?

Would things between us ever change?

I sat up and leaned my back against the wall,
trying to make sense of everything that had happened since we got
to this world. When I killed the tiger twin, I swear I hadn't done
it on purpose. Yes, I wanted to hurt her for what she'd done to
Mary Anne, but I don't know where that dark power came from. It was
as if I'd stepped out of my own body and some other force had taken
control.

Then, during my practices here, sometimes I felt
a shimmer of that power creeping in. A darkness, shadowy and
elusive. It scared me.

But there was no denying the power that came
from me in those moments. It was strong and all-consuming. If I
could learn to understand it and use it, maybe I could accomplish
amazing things as a witch. Maybe I would have a chance to defeat
the Order.

I closed my eyes. The Order.

Jackson said a hunter had followed my power
here. I imagined her lurking above the ring of black roses,
desperate to find a way inside. Jackson assured me that there was
absolutely no way for the hunter to get inside without being let in
by someone on the council, so there was nothing to fear. Still, had
I put everyone's lives at risk by practicing my magic? What if the
hunter somehow did find a way inside? How many would die because of
me?

My problems circled me like vultures, waiting
for me to give up for good so they could pounce on the flesh of my
spirit. But I would never give up. I would keep searching for a new
plan, a new way, a new possibility.

I would never give up.

There was a part of me that hoped Jackson would
be around a lot more after our last conversation. He managed to
come into the suite more often to check up on me, but he rarely
stayed to talk. A couple of times I heard him come in and ask Mary
Anne if I was in my room. When she said yes, I expected him to come
knock on the door, but instead, he just left.

I spent a lot of time in my room those next few
days, trying to come up with anything I could work on or set my
mind to. With the library as a dead end and the training completely
off-limits due to the hunter's presence, I was out of good
ideas.

I tried to just relax and hang out with Mary
Anne and Essex, but my mind was always wandering off. I knew I
wasn't being the best of company, but they didn't seem to mind too
much.

The three of us were sitting by the coffee table
in the main room playing a type of card game Essex wanted to teach
us when someone knocked. My stomach flipped. I could feel Jackson's
presence on the other side of the door. He must have come to check
up on me. I straightened and stayed put, not bothering to go open
the door. He always knocked first, but he had a crystal key to the
suite and could get in on his own.